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"Bakit ang tahimik mo?"

Mula sa pagtanaw sa labas ay bumaling ako kay Gab. Ngayon ko lang namalayang kanina pa pala siya nakikiramdam. I have been silent since we left Tita Julia's house. Naunang umalis sina Mommy at Kuya Terron. Sumunod din si Ralph nang nakatanggap ng tawag. Nagsuhestiyon si Tita Julia na doon na kami magpalipas ng gabi ngunit bago pa ako sumang-ayon ay mabilis ng nagdahilan si Gab na kailangan naming umuwi.

I couldn't tell why Gab suddenly wanted to go home. Before leaving the house this morning, we already agreed that we could just stay for a night kina Tita Julia. I'd rather him leave me with Tita Julia than be with him tonight. Pero nang maalala kong anniversary pala ng mag-asawa, I immediately cancelled the idea of staying there. I want them both to make the most out of the day without us spoiling the remaining hours. Now, I understood why everyone urgently left after dinner.

"Nothing." Prente akong sumandal at nilipat ang tingin sa harap.

Dahil nagmamaneho, saglit siyang bumaling sa akin bago kumawala ang malalim na hininga sa kanyang bibig.

"I thought you'd want to go home." He sighed again. "I think I was wrong."

Hindi ko siya kinibo. I just kept my eyes on the road, biting my tongue and clenching my fist. I feel the rage kicking in my system. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I couldn't voice it out because I feel that I'm not in the place to complain about us getting nowhere in this relationship.

I squeezed my eyes shut and filled my lungs with air before shifting my gaze outside.

I heard him sigh again.

Makalipas ang mahabang sandali, nakarinig ako ng tugtog. Pumainlanlang ang music ng Bee Gees mula sa car stereo. Siguro ay hindi na rin nito makayanan ang katahimikan sa loob.

Saglit akong bumaling sa kanya. He was biting his lower lip while leaning his elbow on the window and resting his head on his hand. Nakahawak ang isang kamay sa manibela at seryosong pinukol ang dalawang mata sa daan.

I went back staring outside the window. The music did help in breaking that barrier, whatever it is, between us. At least we're connected when we listen to something old. We're both old souls in this area.

I just hope we're more connected to something than music.

I realized we're taking a different route home. I'm trying my hardest not to kick off a conversation, but I am getting confused already.

I could see trees.

Then, more trees.

We're going uphill. Are we really going home? Saan na ba kami?

I could tell we're somewhere far from Makati now. Papunta kaming Antipolo, nakita ko sa mga signages na naraanan namin na doon nga punta namin.

But why couldn't he tell me where exactly we're going?

Fine. Hindi ko pala siya sinagot kanina sa huli niyang sinabi so he might still be thinking that I am still not in the mood for a conversation. Magmumukha nga naman talaga siyang engot kapag hindi ko siya tinugon sa muling sasabihin niya.

"Are you up for a walk in a hanging bridge?" untag nito sa akin. Papasok ang sasakyan sa isang gate at binagtas pa ang mas matirik na daan.

"Really? I want to rest, Gab. I did not come with you to just spend the night walking in some unknown place."

"Oh. I was wrong again."

Ano naman ba ang akala niya? Na gustong-gusto kong gumala ngayong pagod ako at wala sa huwesiyo. Plano kong matulog pagkarating sa bahay at parte na rin ng plano ko ang paglipat ng lahat ng gamit ko sa guest room. Bahala na siya sa iisipin niya.

I want my peace of mind back. Sleeping next to him was never a good idea. And to continue doing that despite knowing our real score would already be foolishness on my end.

Kung hindi pa siya nakakarealize no'n ay ako na ang gigising sa kanya sa katotohanan pagkauwi namin mismo ng bahay. We somehow went beyond what we just intended to do. What I thought would not happen at all happened. I did break my promise I made to myself, and it scares me everytime I think I'm the only one signing up for this game.

Sino pa bang niloloko ko? Heaven knows I am starting to fall in love with Gab. I didn't know when it started. For goodness' sake, can anyone really tell exactly the moment they start feeling something special towards someone?

I just know it just grew over time while we're together. Falling in love is an easy thing to do with someone like Gab. So, I'm well aware that my feelings could be tricky too.

May kinausap muna siya sandali sa entrance at mayamaya'y pumasok na kami sa mismong site.

Now I get it. We're in Cloud 9. I could see that slanted hanging bridge he was probably talking about that we'd take a walk-in, and that 360 Viewpoint.

We both went out after Gab parked the car. Nanatili pa rin akong tahimik nang lumapit siya sa akin at inaya akong pumasok doon sa hotel.

We should perhaps spend the night here and tomorrow, go back to how we used to be! Iyong back to the time we just got married. Oh no, no. Siguro iyong time na una kaming nagkita at malayong mahuhulog ako sa kanya.

The night seems quiet here. It feels cold too kaya kusang pinagkrus ko ang mga braso sa aking mga balikat nang humaplos ang mabining hangin sa balat ko. The sleeveless dress I'm wearing will not keep me from the cold. If I only knew we're coming here, I should have brought a jacket.

I could see people going in and out of the amenities they have here.

Sandaling lumingon si Gab at huminto sa paglalakad nang mapansin akong yakap-yakap ang sarili.

I halted too and put both hands at the side. I don't want him to think that I'm freezing cold. He locked his eyes on me for a moment before he walked again. I thought he'd ask me, but it didn't happen which I thanked him for. I couldn't wait to lie down and wake up to a new day.

I just followed him silently and acted like I'm invincible to cold. The cold never bothers him. Mala-Elsa! Palibhasa ay naka-coat ito kaya kahit paano ay may panangga sa lamig.

Gab went to the front desk. I sat on the lounge and watched him doing the inquiry. I crossed my arms again over my shoulders because it's even colder inside.

It took a long while before I got used to the cold temperature. Mas malamig sa labas dahil may kasamang hangin ngunit hindi pa rin maiwasang magtagisan ang mga ngipin ko kahit nandito na kami sa loob.

Napansin kong matagal na ang pag-uusap ni Gab at ng receptionist na kasalukuyang may pinapaliwanag sa kanya at saka may tiningnan sa monitor.

Pinalobo ko ang pisngi at unti-unting bumuga ng hangin sabay himas sa magkabila kong tuhod na patuloy sa pangangatog.

I took my phone out to check some messages. Message lang ni Mommy ang nakita ko informing me that she safely arrived home. Umalis din daw agad si Kuya Terron pagkatapos siyang ihatid.

Mariin kong pinikit ang mga mata nang maalala ang usapan namin ni Kuya.

I don't like to feel that I had influenced their decision for breaking up.

Did Cheryl change her mind? Didn't she like Dad like she thought she did? Nagbago ba ang lahat pagkatapos nilang magkita ni Gab and that few meetings they had without my knowledge? Did she realize it's actually Gab she really likes?

And Gab. Did he have realizations too? That he loves his childhood best friend all along? And he couldn't wait to marry her after we annulled our marriage?

Ugh. I want to poke my head so hard. I'm going crazy!

My eyes went to my phone when it beeped. I immediately opened the message.

Aldrin:

Hi, Tiff. How are you?

Bahagya akong nagulat. I could say it's a rare moment that he spared time to ask me how I am. Ang tagal din noong huli kaming nagkita. It was the time when he went to school to meet me.

I knotted my forehead as another message came in.

Aldrin:

Can I meet you tomorrow? I have something to tell you.

Napalabi ako habang nakatitig sa aking cellphone. How really important is it that he couldn't say it through call or text?

I composed my reply. Siguro ilang minuto din ang ginugol ko para makapag-isip ng pwedeng isasagot.

Me:

I'm fine, Aldrin. Anyway, thank you for asking. I won't be available tomorrow. Can we meet on other days instead?

It looked very important kaya pagbibigyan ko nalang.

Namalayan kong nakatingin pala sa akin si Gab. He was looking at me over his shoulder at hindi pa rin yata natatapos ang pinag-uusapan nila ng receptionist.

What could be the problem? Are there no available rooms? It would be great then. Uuwi nalang kami. But it means a long drive and I'll be stuck with him inside the car.

Ayoko. I want to be alone tonight. And the last thing I needed is to allow myself to get close to him.

Nakontento ako sa panonood ng mga naglalabas-masok na guests. It looks like there's a wedding event dahil marami akong nakikitang mga nakasuot na gowns at tuxedo sa labas at 'yong iba ay pumasok ng hotel.

Binalik ko ang cellphone sa aking clutch bag at tumuwid ng upo. Binaling ko ang tingin kay Gab na ngayo'y tumatango sa kausap. Ngumiti ang receptionist matapos ibigay ang key card sa kanya.

Tumungo siya sa akin at mula sa kaniyang balikat ay nahagip ng tingin ko si Cheryl wearing a beige gown kagaya ng kasama niyang babae.

She's one of the bride's maids, I guess. May suot itong flower crown at bumagay iyon sa nakalugay na mahabang buhok. Naunang naglakad ang kasama niya at sumakay ng elevator. Siya naman ay nagpaiwan at tumayo sa gilid ng elevator at tila may hinihintay.

"Pasensiya na kung medyo natagalan. May inayos lang sanda-."

"Diba gusto mong maglakad sa hanging bridge?" I cut him off.

Tumayo ako. Ang mga mata ko'y matamang nakatanaw kay Cheryl.

Muli kong binaling ang tingin sa nakakunot-noong si Gab.

"Oo. Pero sabi mo pagod ka na kaya h'wag nalang." Humakbang ito at mas lalong lumapit sa akin."I can see that you feel you sleepy already. Tara at puntahan na natin ang room," sabi niya at bago pa niya tuluyang ipihit ang katawan at makita si Cheryl sa di kalayuan ay mabilis kong nahuli ang kamay niya.

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa kamay kong nakahawak sa kanya.

"Let's take a walk first. I don't feel sleepy anymore," alinlangang sambit ko matapos sumulyap sa kinaroroonan ni Cheryl. Kahit hindi na sa hanging bridge! Gusto ko lang lumabas at ilayo siya sa babae. She's still standing and roaming her eyes around like she was waiting for someone to come. She will see Gab in any minute if I don't take him away from here.

I don't understand why I am acting this way. Ang tanging alam ko ay dapat kong ilayo si Gab sa kanya ngayon. Mamaya ko nalang iisipin kung bakit ang tanga ko.

Bakit sa lahat ng lugar ay dito naisipan ni Gab na pumunta? Did he really plan all this so he could see Cheryl?

But it didn't make sense. Nandito ang babae dahil sa isang event.

But they could have agreed to meet here after wrapping up their prior engagements tonight. Walang imposible. May cellphone sila pareho kaya maaring nag-usap sila.

But I've never seen Gab opened his phone the entire day. Argh! I hate my mind for overthinking. And I hate my heart for feeling this way.

"Oh. We can do it tomorrow. The hanging bridge isn't going anywhere." I saw Cheryl looking at our direction. I'm not sure if she caught a sight of me dahil nagmamadali kong inakay palabas si Gab na nagpatianod naman. "Bukas nalang natin subukan. Gabi na. Let's go to your room first."

"I'm not going to sleep unless you take me to that highest point here!" sabi ko at tinuro ang 360 Viewpoint.

Kinausap ulit ni Gab ang receptionist na kasama ako. Nakita kong sumandal si Cheryl sa dingding pagkatapos sumagot ng tawag. It looks like she didn't notice us because she never glanced again.

Matapos iwan ang key card ay hinarap ulit ako ni Gab. Magkasalubong pa rin ang dalawang kilay. Inabot ko ang kamay niya nang mapansing nakatunghay na sa amin si Cheryl lalo na kay Gab.

May pagmamadaling hinila ko siya palabas ng hotel. Nagpatianod naman siya sa kabila ng pagtataka sa kinikilos ko.

"Ganoon ka pala ka -excited. Tapos kanina halos hindi mo ako pansinin," may pagmamaktol at pagtatampo sa boses nito.

"Kasalanan mo to dahil dinala mo ako rito," mariing sabi ko. "Wala bang ibang pwedeng daanan maliban sa hanging bridge na 'yan?"

"The only way to go up there is to walk on that bridge."