Kevin.

I stood completely still, shell-shocked, in front of Adam and stared at him with wide eyes. For a few seconds, I had stopped breathing and only started to suck air back into my lungs when my heart started to beat again.

"You did what, no, who?" I breathed out, unable yet to raise my voice without getting the attention of Scavi, who were still standing in the corner of the room and for a short moment I remembered the offer Mr. Paul had made and considered saying yes.

"Tim and Austin, it's no big deal." Adam stood up from the bed, hurt in his eyes and his hands were lifted as if he wanted to surrender. "It was meaningless, against the wall and not the least bit romantic."

"So you're just humoring me?" The words escaped my mouth faster than I could regret thinking about them, but once they were out I needed to know his answer. He had said we would make the romantic stuff up later and although we have been rough and against a wall I thought it meant something to him. 

A heavy feeling set inside my chest, dragging me down while it felt like something wanted to break free and my throat didn't just feel funny, but actually had me gulping down whatever lump was forming in there. But it had no use and an irrational fear gripped my heart and numbed my mind until my body started to tremble.

"It meant nothing to you, did it?" I shouted just to clear my throat, desperate for some air, to get that feeling of my chest, but it didn't work and instead doubts mixed themselves to the fear. I could loose him right then and there, but I never had him in the first place, had I? "Nothing at all, but you were making fun of me!"

I could feel eyes on me, but to hell with it. Nobody in this room was important in that moment but Adam, whose dead eyes were glistening just a tad too wet for my liking. But I wanted to be selfish, wanted him all for myself.

"I would never make fun of you." It didn't feel like an apology, there was no anger or sadness mixed in his voice, but it sounded more like Adam was stating facts. His brilliant eyes drifted off to something behind me and my brain automatically made up a worst case scenario in which Foust and Brown stood behind me and were ready to take my precious Adam back. My heart sunk as I imagined how much better they would be able to please him and how careful, sickly loving, they might treat him.

"You know sometimes one of them is sick or in solitary confinement and then the other needs comfort. I'm a grown man," he started and his eyes wandered back to mine at the same time as the door clicked shut and for the shortest of moments, it felt like my chest was getting better, but then he kept on talking. "When it happened the first time with Tim it was nothing but an 'accident' and he told Austin about it as soon as they could speak to each other again and that was when everything kinda started."

There were no walls in close proximity to me, but I had never felt as trapped as in that moment. I loved Adam's voice with every fiber of my being, but just this once I couldn't bare it any longer. But I swallowed again and the imaginary lump in my throat just grew as my chest got heavier and heavier and although the rational part of my brain told me what was happening to me, I couldn't bring myself to cry no matter how hard I wanted to and my eyes felt salty but dry.

"And then Austin had me against the wall and 'punished' me while Tim was watching, a bit too kinky for me actually, but you know why that didn't mean anything? Because I never wanted it to have a meaning, it was just sex maybe a bit more often than you would think, but I never cared for it," Adam never stopped talking until he ran out of breath, but he seemed determined to tell me everything. "There was only one occasion, shortly before you arrived, that I looked at either of them during the act and that was when we were on the bed for the first and only time; Tim caressed my head and hugged me while Austin licked me open before he fucked me. No emotions were involved on my part."

"So what if we had gone the whole way? We had eye contact and kissed and -" My voice broke, it had already been wobbly with emotion, but I felt so helpless and betrayed that I didn't even notice the point at which I couldn't trust my own speech anymore and my mandible started to tremble.

But I was so childish, we hadn't even been together at that time, let alone talked about what happened and I already felt so possessive and betrayed that I hardly could avert a panic attack.

"We kissed," Adam repeated and casually invaded my personal space like an everyday thing. His hand came up to caress my cheek, but on instinct, I flinched away from him and it took him a few seconds and what seemed like a lot of courage to follow me. He gently cradled my face in his hands before he tilted his head and pressed his lips on mine one more time. 

It felt different than the last time we shared a deep kiss as if he wanted to tell me everything through his lips, but all of his gentleness broke something in me and I sobbed into the kiss. My hands clawed at his back, urging him closer to me and I really felt like I mattered to him. 

But he broke the kiss far too soon and instead engulfed me in a tight, maybe even loving hug. I let my head fall against his shoulder and let out a wheezing breath before I wrapped my arms around his slender waist. With my eyes closed I placed kisses along an imaginary line all over his neck and when I had found the perfect spot I marked him as mine. It was weird, really, but Adam didn't budge as I sunk my teeth in his flesh, and instead one of his hands came up to caress my head. Whatever instinct that was, it felt necessary, like I needed to be sure he was mine.

"Small steps... so that I can show you every day just how much I care about you," Adam whispered in my ear after I had let go of his shoulders and was instead soothing his irritated flesh with kisses.

However, that was also the way Nurse Maldonado and Mitch found us when they returned.

"I don't think, I'll be showering alone again for maybe the rest of my life," Mitch muttered with a forced chuckle and my first reaction was to draw Adam closer to me and never let him shower alone while I was still with him.  

°^°

Remember the OCs that are just there, because of the plot and want to help Kevin out? No? Well, they exist and you can read up on the offer in chapter 7 and 8. ;)

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