Chapter 8 ― Avoiding

After we get back from sightseeing and shopping we’re all together again. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t great either. All the time my mind was busy thinking of Alex and Zayn. I know he fancies her and they have so many things in common. At first sight you can totally see Zayn and Alex together, she fits so much more with him. He is more her style, he likes the same geeky things and I have no idea what she is talking about sometimes. I feel like I’m in a massive disadvantage and I’m scared he may use this day in his favour. Alex and I didn’t get to spend time completely alone yesterday, just a few minutes at night but then she left. And I’m really, really scared I did something stupid. Maybe that dream feels so real because I actually kissed her somehow while we were sleeping. Maybe that’s the reason why she is avoiding me, because come on! It’s more than obvious she is avoiding me and using Zayn as a kind of shield from me.

I try talking to her, asking her how she is feeling or something like that but she barely replies to me. She doesn’t meet my eyes and if I stand next to her she finds an excuse to walk away. What if I said something stupid while I was sleeping? Maybe I confessed what I feel for her and she got freaked out and that’s why she’s putting distance between us. Or maybe I did something totally inappropriate and she is plain mad at me.

Oh shit!

I’m actually freaking out in my mind and that’s why when they call us to sound-check I can’t be at ease. I have to go back because she is alone in the dressing room and this is my chance. So I burst inside, determined to know what’s going on. I need to apologise if I did something wrong. I don’t want her to be mad at me.

“Why are you avoiding me?” I ask and I know she is shocked I’m there.

“I’m–I’m not avoiding you,” she replies but that’s a big fat lie. “What makes you think that?”

“Well, I don’t know, the fact that every time I tried to talk to you, you practically run away like I had some kind of disease!” I cry out, getting really frustrated with the whole situation.

“It’s not that,” she whispers avoiding my eyes for a few seconds. She looks so conflicted but I don’t understand. What’s going on? Why can’t she tell me? “It’s just—” she starts but leaves the sentence hanging and I’m about to pull out my hair.

“Just what? Did I do something last night? That’s why you left and went to sleep alone. Whatever I did, I’m sorry, Alex. I was sleeping and I—” I mumble, tripping over my own words, trying to reach her so I can make her understand that I didn’t mean to offend her in any way. I was sleeping!

“You did nothing,” she says with a little smile but she only confuses me more.

“Then what?” I ask, desperation clear in my voice. Why can’t she just tell me what’s wrong?

“Nothing. Seriously, Niall, you can’t expect me to act normal these days. I won’t be completely rational nor I will understand myself. You thought women were complicated? Ha, you had to meet me on my period!” She jokes trying to lighten the mood but I don’t buy it, I can’t believe it’s only because of that.

I know women change when they have their period, some more than others and I’ve never seen Alex like this before, but she is only avoiding me today and yesterday she was so different. I can’t believe this is nothing, I refuse to believe it’s that. I know there has to be something else she doesn’t want to tell me.

She sees I’m not convinced with her answer so she smiles at me and takes my hand and when she does, I feel shivers going down my spine. “In a couple of days everything’s gonna be the same. You’ll see,” she promises and I close my eyes for a second, trying to calm down as I wrap her hands in mine.

“I believe you, but please, don’t ignore me like this again. I don’t like it.” I look at her intently because I hate it when she ignores me, I hate that she doesn’t want to talk to me nor even meet my eyes. I hate it so much and I can’t take it.

Something changes in her eyes before she hugs me and I pull her even closer as if like that I could just ease everything between us now.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers and I just closer my eyes. I still don’t understand what’s happening here.

“NIALL!” We hear and that’s the cue to break the embrace and when I look at her she is smiling at me. “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!” I recognise the voice, it’s Jimmy, one of our sound crew and he sounds pissed. I’m in troubles.

“Go, go, go before you get into more trouble!” She urges me and I run, leaving her alone there again.

I know things are not clear yet, there’s something she is not telling me, but I can’t exactly force her to tell me. I have to trust her that once these days pass she’ll be the same. I don’t want her to avoid me ever again. No, I can’t stand that.

I really hate her period. Probably as much as she hates her and not only because it makes her act like this —if what she tells me is true— but also because she suffers so much and I can’t stand that view. The next morning when we go to the girls’ room in the hotel after a great firs gig I feel my own heart breaking when I see Alex in so much pain. She has tears down her cheeks, her eyes are red and she curls into a foetal position, shaking, her skin so pale it scares me. I rush next to her, desperate to do something.

“Alex, you okay?” Well, what a clever question. Niall. Congratulations on being so fucking obvious!

“Kinda,” She replies. “Not feeling quite well yet.” I sit next to her and with desperate movements she throws herself to my arms. I receive her immediately, hugging her back, stroking her hair and trying to comfort her as much as I can.

“Do you need anything?” Zayn asks taking a seat at the other side, patting Alex’s back.

“Oh, poor Alex,” Harry adds approaching us, too. “But don’t worry, as today is my day, you’ll have everything you need and all the cuddles in this world,” She smiles at him but I feel how even that causes her pain.

I really, really hate she has to go through this and I wish I could stay with her the whole day, trying to make her feel better, but it’s Harry’s day —which is better than Zayn’s day, it doesn’t make me feel so threatened— and he will support Alex today. Still, I wish it was me.

“I will need more cuddles than ever,” she tells him and I close my eyes for a second. I want to give her all the cuddles she needs. Always. “Okay, but I don’t wanna move yet.” Alex adds next and I hug her tighter because I’m not ready to let her go just yet.

I know I fancy Alex but with every day we spend together, with every moment we live together my feelings grow stronger and stronger and I realise I’m actually falling for her, hard and fast and I don’t even wanna stop that. She is just special, I know it and I don’t mind if I have to wait for her because I know in my very soul she is worth it… I’m just afraid someone else can take her away from me. If not Zayn, maybe someone else, like that Ethan guy who calls her later this very day.

“Ethan!” She picks up so cheerfully and I feel kind of stabbed. “Oh, God, how I’ve missed you!” She listens to whatever he tells her and I can’t stop paying attention to her conversation. I know it’s rude and I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help it. “One Direction,” she says in a moment and a little smile plays on my lips. At least she is talking about us. “Everything’s fine. We’re having a great time and I can’t believe it either!” She waist again while he tells her another thing. “You can bet on that. Nothing will stop me from seeing you.” And again I feel that thing in my chest like being stabbed. She just sounds so happy to talk to him and I wonder who he is and why she reacts like this.

They keep talking for a while, just a normal conversation where she tells him how everything is okay and Belle and Phebs are doing fine, too. So this Ethan guys knows them, too. Seriously, who is this guy?

“Bye, Ethan. I love you,” Alex says and my heart stops at those words.

What if he is an old friend who has always loved her and they finally have the chance to be together? I feel panic at the idea so I have to ask her. “So, who was it?” I try to sound casually but my jealousy is so evident.

“My older brother, Ethan. Sorry, I just told Zayn about him,” She replies and I feel like a complete idiot. “He lives in Manchester and thanks to him I’m the geek you all know today. Right, Zayn?” My band mate gives a thumb-up to confirm what Alex’s said. “See? When we’re in Manchester, you have to meet him.”

“Ah, your brother,” I mumble, my cheeks feeling warmer out of sheer shame. I can’t believe how jealous I am, how insecure she makes me feel. “Sure, we have to meet him,” I add with a smile.

Thinking about it I really wanna meet her brother. It’s a way to get to know her better. I can’t wait.

-:-:-:-

Well, I hope you liked this chapter. Our little Niall is falling so hard. Writing UW has showed me how much he loves Alex. I am impressed myself.

Dedication to @ShayFriewood. I'm so happy my writing has helped your English.

Bel, xx

PS: Did you read the prologues for CME and TC? They are available already!