Chapter 21 ― Together

“Niall, put that guitar aside. We’re going out,” Louis demands but I don’t pay attention to the Doncaster boy. I’m drowning in my own misery and I don’t have plans of leaving this stage. This is all I have now and if I wanna be a drama queen, the world should allow me so. I need to mourn.

Alex hasn’t called me. She hasn’t answered my calls or my texts. She doesn’t wanna see me. For her it’s over and I’m dying here without her. I’m not exaggerating, I feel a hole in my chest that’s consuming me from inside. It’s like every part of my body misses her and I never thought someone could feel this way. I never thought I could feel like this. How can I go back to a life without Alex when I had her? When I know what it feels to be with her? I can’t, I simply can’t go back to that. But Alex doesn’t want me anymore, she’s determined that our story is over. And I’m trapped in Australia to do some promo and performances before we go back and she’s already in Uni and I don’t know what to do.

Instead, I’m just playing every single sad song I know and I can relate too. I’ve even worked on some songs for her that I think may end up in our second album. There’s one called Summer Love.

“NIALL!” Louis shouts, now taking the guitar from my hands. “Stop this. You need to cheer up. C’mon, you even look like a zombie in the interviews. You can’t be like this.”

“I can’t help it,” I reply turning to my side so I can’t face it, but he moves. Ugh! “Leave me alone, Louis.”

“No. We’re gonna go out. You’ll be fine. A couple of drinks will make you feel better, you’ll see.”

I roll my eyes. I don’t think alcohol will fill the hole in my chest. I look at him over my shoulder. “You won’t leave me alone if I don’t go, will you?” Louis shakes his head and I groan as leave the sofa in my room. “Fine, but don’t ask me to change or anything. I’m not going ‘cos I wanna go.”

Louis just smiles and drags me out of the room while I fight hard not to drag my feet. I try to look alive, but I don’t think I’m succeeding. The other lads join us as well and we all go to some bar. They keep saying that I’m better like this, that I don’t need Alex and that a couple of drinks will help me to forget her, but I don’t even have the energy to snap at them. How can I be better without her? That’s not possible.

Even though, I drink and drink and drink. I lose track of all the beers that the barman’s handed me and I don’t feel better. I feel worse with all the alcohol bubbling inside. I feel like I’m choking and I end up running outside the bar. The hole in my chest has a name and I have to scream it out loud.

“ALEX!” I shout to the whole town, not minding anyone or anything. “Aleeeeex!” People stare at me with fear and confusion, but they don’t understand. No one understands.

I need her to listen, to realise that this is a big mistake. But there’s no answer, I keep shouting her name but I hear nothing. The lads come after me and I beg them to leave me because I know that if I could only make her listen to me, I could change her mind. I keep shouting her name until I don’t know what else happens. I drank too much. The last thing I remember is Liam saying “this’s gone too far. We need to do something.”

+ + + + +

Back in England at least I don’t go shouting her name because I got drunk, but I don’t even try to call her again. The lads made me record a video of me singing for her, they told me I needed to let go of my emotions and that was a good way to do so. I’m not sure. I’m still at home, trying to figure out what to do.

What if I go to her Uni and wait for her? I’ll tell her that I won’t leave until she hears me out. Or what if I go to her house and wait outside until she doesn’t have another option but open the door? This can’t be the best thing if it makes me feel so miserable. I can’t even believe she is doing okay. She can’t feel fine when I feel dead inside.

I need to do something but I can’t make my body move. It’s like my body doesn’t reply to me. Then the doorbell rings and I’m about to pretend I’m not home because I don't wanna see the lads nagging me to do something to cheer me up. Unless they bring Alex here, I don’t wanna see them.

Nevertheless, I stand up and go to open the door just to have my heart racing when I see her there. She is the same, but she doesn’t look the same. She looks tired, she looks sad… she looks like I feel.

“Alex…” I whisper not quite believing she is here.

She smiles weakly at me as she replies, “Hi.”

“You’re here. But… how… why?” I ask. Saying I’m confused is an understatement.

“We need to talk. I have a few things to say,” Alex replies and my heart starts racing in my chest and I’m afraid she can hear it.

I nod frantically as I step aside and let her come in. I don’t know exactly what’s happening but she is here and for the first time in weeks I feel alive again, hope bubbling in my insides. I’ve missed her so much that I don’t even dare to touch her. What if this is not real? What if I fell asleep on the couch and I’m dreaming this?

 “So you need something? Water? I have some pizza left,” I offer her. That’s been my diet, lately. Pizza and pizza. I don’t feel like going out and I don’t feel like cooking.

Shaking her head no, she says: “I just need you to hear me out.” We’re face to face and I’m shaking, especially when I see her taking a deep breath. “I’m a coward. I was so afraid that I wasn’t going to be enough for you that I preferred to leave before you could find that out. I decided that breaking up with you was the best without even considering your opinion. I gave up on us without even trying and I–I–”

I’m breathing heavily as I hear her say those words. “Alex,” I whisper, trying to reach her but not moving. She is here, apologising?

She shakes her head before I can add something else. “Please, let me finish first. Just that.” I nod at her request. “I guess all I want to say is that— I’m sorry, Niall. For what I did to you, to us. I was so stupid. I’m stupid! And I know you’re probably really mad at me, but I needed to tell you that I still love you, I love you so much and these days without you have been the worst days of my life. I’m so, so, so sorry, Niall…” I hold my breath as I hear her, apologising, saying that it’s been as hard for her as it’s been for me. She is here to fix all this.

Her words bring life back to me, I start to feel how the hole in my chest disappears as the shock for all this leaves. Smiling, I take a step closer, my body finally responding to my commands. I take her face in my hands and wipe her tears away as I put our foreheads together.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers again but I can’t be mad at her for what she did. She was just afraid and I get it, love is a scary thing. But I don’t care about that, I only care that she is here.

“Shh,” is all I say before I kiss her, desperately, how I’ve been dying to kiss her since I walked out of her house. She holds on to me and kisses me back with the same intensity and I swear the world stops revolving and all that matters now is how I have her in my arms, how I hug her and pull her as close as I can and that’s still not enough.

We break the kiss and I feel whole again, I feel happy, I feel alive and I can’t stop smiling.

“I missed you so much,” I tell her, still brushing my lips against hers. “Every day felt so fucking long. I could only think of you and I just wanted to see you, to hold you in my arms like now.”

I kiss her again. That’s all what I wanna do for the rest of my life. To kiss her, to hold her.

“I could only think of ways to change your mind, to show you that you were wrong, that we could make this work,” I add because that was all I had in my mind. “You know I was about to go see you because I couldn’t take it anymore?” I ask her… I would’ve done it the moment my body decided to work properly. “Aye. I wasn’t gonna let you go that easily. I left you that day because I knew it was hard for you and I didn’t want to make things difficult, but I never accepted what you told me.”

“I love you,” she tells me before she stands on her tiptoes and kisses me again. “I don’t know how we’re gonna make this work, but I’ll try my best,” she promises and that’s all I need to hear.

“So will I. I’ll call you every day when we have to go out of the country with the lads, we’ll make the days together count. I’ll protect you from the paparazzi. Whatever you need, I just need you here with me,” I tell her because I can do anything just to be with her. If I have to take a plane every day, I will.

“I don’t care about the paps anymore,” she tells me and I’m surprised. “If that’s the price I have to pay to be with you, then I’ll pay it. I realised I care more about you than about my privacy. Plus, I’m not interesting enough for them; I’m just a lucky girl who fell in love with a popstar. No big deal, right?”

I chuckle before kissing her again. I can’t stop doing that because that’s all what I need in my life: Alex. As long as I have her with me I can do anything. I just need her. She makes me happy. She is perfect for me. She is not the princess that I was looking for; she is so much more. She is that special girl who walked into my life and put everything upside down. She is the unique girl who owns my heart and my soul and whom I’ll never let go. She is an unwonted girl and that’s way better than any princess out there. She is my Alex.

-:-:-:-

Aw, aren't they cute? So this is the final chapter, but there will be an epilogue. I'll post it when this chapter gets 1K votes. That should take a couple of days (:

Dedication to @MalenaInesOlguin. I wanna see that video. Proof!

Bel, xx

PS: The song of this chapter is, of course, Nothing by The Script. In case it wasn't obvious.