Chapter 19 ― Phoebe

I’ve learnt something and I feel like banging my head against the closest wall just because I was so dumb I didn’t realise it before. None of us did, but it was so evident from the beginning. I can’t believe we didn’t notice. Now I look at Phebs and it’s like her face is screaming her feelings at us.

Yeah, Phebs fancies Liam. And I don’t mean like a simply wee crush. No, she really, really fancies him.

Alex told us how much Phebs is hurting because Liam doesn’t feel the same way, because he has Danielle and now that Liam’s girlfriend is back, poor Phebs looks like she’s in agony. I feel terrible for her although I have nothing to do with this and it’s no one’s fault, but still, I wish I could do something. Phebs is such a sweet girl, so caring and nice; she would never do anything to hurt another person or to make them uncomfortable. She doesn’t even want Liam to know because she knows he would feel guilty and their friendship would be over.

Unrequited love sucks.

Seeing Phebs so sad and desperate to run away when Liam and Danielle are together makes me appreciate even more that Alex is with me, that she picked me… and it also makes me pity Zayn. I know he is doing his best to forget about Alex and he would never try to steal her from me, but I feel bad because I have what he wants but can’t have. Just like Phebs can’t have Liam.

I’ve never felt luckier than now, when I can see how horrible it would be to love Alex this way but not being with her because she loves someone else. I’ve never been more grateful for how things happened for the two of us. Thinking about losing her kills me inside; I can’t ever bear the thought. I know that I have to keep her close and never let her go. Never.

The next morning when I wake up I’m still thinking of Phebs and wondering if Alex is already awake. We only have one week of tour left and I know that once her classes start I’ll barely see her, so I wanna make the little time we have left count. That’s why I text her and once she texts me back, I go to her room right when Phebs is in the shower.

“Morning,” I tell her noticing how she is in her PJ, her hair all messy, her cheeks rosy and her eyes squinty, telling me she is still a bit sleepy. “You look lovely,” I add because it’s true, she looks adorable, although she rolls her eyes at my words.

“Liar, but I appreciate the gesture,” she says and I smile. “Come in. Phebs is in the shower and I’m waiting. How long have you been up?”

“A bit more than half an hour,” I answer, walking behind her and stepping forward to wrap my arms around her waist and hug her against my chest. “Why didn’t you tell us before about Phebs? We could’ve done something,” I ask her as we keep walking together.

“Like what? You can’t tell Liam about this and the only solution we could think of was not coming with you on tour,” she replies as we take seat on her bed. “Phebs decided she could handle all this awkwardness for us. I guess you should thank her that we are here with you. She’s stronger than she seems.”

I nod understanding perfectly what she means. It’s because of Phebs’ courage that the girls came with us, that Alex came and I could get closer to her. If Phebs had said no, nothing of this could’ve happened.

“Then I guess I owe her that we’re together now,” I say and I feel like I should hug Phebs in that moment and thank her for being so strong. I saw her eyes last night, the way she looked at Danielle and Liam and I could even feel her pain.

After a short little while, Phebs steps out of the bathroom, looking absolutely lovely. “Hi there,” she greets me and I nod, thinking that a girl so beautiful and lovely as Phebs needs someone who can love her unconditionally. It’s a shame that that person can’t be Liam, though. “Are all the others ready?”

“I dunno. I’m sure Zayn isn’t ready, he takes forever and nothing can wake him up,” I answer.

“You’re right,” she agrees with a smile. “Okay, Alex. You can use the bathroom now.”

Alex kisses me and takes her clothes to go to the bathroom, leaving Phebs and I alone in the room. She smiles politely as she moves around, but I step up and get closer to her. “Phebs,” I call and she looks at me. I still see the hurt look in her eyes and I feel so sorry, but she doesn’t stop smiling. Alex is right, Phebs is stronger than what people give her credit for. “Thank you,” I add and she looks confused. “For agreeing to come here with us.”

She looks taken aback and loses her smile for a couple of seconds, her eyes on the floor. “I’ve had loads of fun and I know Alex had to come. For you, you know?” She doesn’t meet my eyes but I can’t stop smiling, so grateful. “Right now it’s rather hard, but in a week it’s gonna be over and I’ll be fine.”

“You will,” I agree, stepping closer and opening my arms to ask her permission for a hug. Smiling, she steps into my arms. “Thank you so much, Phebs. You’re amazing.”

“Thank you,” she replies and for a couple of seconds no one says anything, but then she steps back. “Just make sure you make Alex happy. She has had only shitty boyfriends before.”

“I’ll do anything for her,” I say immediately because it’s the most honest truth.

“Good, because I honestly think you’re exactly what she needs to be happy and that’s all I want for my best friend.”

Phebs is incredibly amazing, the way she cares for Alex and the sacrifices she makes just so her best friend can be happy. I’m so glad they have each other. I know that if something goes wrong, you can trust Phebs to say and do the right thing, to make things better, even if that’s not easy.

+ + + + +

The last week on tour passes by so fast, it slips through my fingers like running water and I can’t do anything to stop it. Between gigs and other activities, the tour is over and we’re back home, which means Phebs and Alex are back at their house, with Belle. They won’t be around anymore. Alex won’t be a couple of rooms from me, I won’t be able to stay with her in my room until we’re both so sleepy we fall asleep hugging each other. She won’t be backstage, waiting for me after the gig is over. She won’t be with me, teasing me because Lou has to bleach my hair again.

The tour is over and I miss her already, so much. Knowing that we won’t be this close again, that she’ll be busy with Uni and I’ll be working on the new album, then promoting, then more tour… it just overwhelms me a bit.

But we still have a week before she goes back to classes and we have a break before leaving to Australia to do some promo and some minor gigs, so I plan on taking advantage of every second we can spend together, that’s why when she invites me to have dinner with them at her house, I practically run. I have to say, seeing Belle again is great, she is such a joyful person and her boyfriend is really cool. We have a great time and after we wash the dishes —and start a water war for which we end up soaking wet— we go to her room just to chill for a while. We change clothes, Alex lends me some of her brother’s, and then we’re watching videos on YouTube, laughing at all the silly things you can find there.

As we lie there, I realise how different things will be now that she won’t be around anymore. “It’s gonna be so weird not having you around all the time,” I tell her, feeling all nostalgic again.

“Yeah, but you’ll get used to it,” Alex replies turning around to meet my eyes.

“I know. And when your classes start everything is gonna be more complicated,” I add kind of dreading that moment.

Why can’t it be summer forever?

Alex tenses and I get worried because I see this topic makes her unease. “But we’re gonna make it work, right?” I say and she avoids my eyes. We haven’t really talked about this and now I realise we should’ve because it’s clearly that she is scared. “Alex?” I insist.

I put her macbook aside and take her waist to make her turn so we’re face to face this time. She looks terrified, a shadow darkening her eyes and I don’t like seeing her like this.

“What’s going on, Alex?” I inquire one more time. “Are you worried for what’s going to happen?” And when I say that I know I’m right because she tenses and her eyes show me concern and dread. She is scared but I believe we can make it, I know we’re gonna do it. I hug her tightly because she needs to believe that as well. “It’s gonna be okay, babe. You don’t have to worry. We’ll work it out,” I promise and she hugs me desperately.

I don’t know how but I know we’re gonna make it work, we’ll be fine, because I believe Alex and I belong together and something like this can’t tear us apart. I refuse to believe that.

-:-:-:-

Two chapters to go... are you ready? I hope so.

Dedication to @samharry for being a loyal reader all this time.

Bel, xx