Chapter 10 ― Awkward

Four days past since the pillow fight thing. You’d think Alex and I got closer after we spent the whole afternoon together, watching movies and teasing each other, but let me tell you, it didn’t happen. On the contrary, she has only put distance between us. I have no fucking clue of why this is happening, worse than before. She doesn’t even try to hide it. If I’m there she ignores my presence or she just walks away. She is always with the girls, she is even avoiding Zayn, which makes me panic. What happened there? What if he told her about my feelings and she is just avoiding me because of that? But Zayn doesn’t even know what I feel! I’ve never told him. What if Zayn told her about his feelings and asked her to stay away from me?

By the fifth day I’m kind of freaking out already because I don’t understand and I hate that she ignores me. How can we have such an amazing day together and then she goes to avoid me like that? She told me once her period was over she was going to go back to normal, but she hasn’t! This is not normal, it can’t be. Why is she doing this?

I’m pathetic, I know. I notice that myself, thank you very much.

We’re on our way to Cardiff and Alex is playing solitary. Seriously? That game? It’s like she is screaming at my face ‘don’t even look at me’. Why on Earth is she doing this? It can’t be because I told everyone about her twitter and got her a few thousands of new followers that are spamming her. I refuse to believe she is that immature. No. She’s not like that, there must be another explanation.

Determined to know I approach her when Louis asks her to make something to eat.

“I want food, too!” I ask approaching from behind and I notice how she tenses up. Why? Seriously, what did I do? “Would you make something for me, too?” I add pretending I haven’t noticed how she is tensed and she refuses to meet my eyes.

“Sure,” she mumbles half-heartedly. God! She even moves away.

“Is there something wrong?” I demand, desperate. I grab her wrist and she pulls away immediately, as if my touch sickens her.

“Nope. Nothing at all. Everything’s perfect,” She replies moving even farther away.

I’m not stupid. I can be naïve sometimes and oblivious, but I’m not that stupid and I know she is lying. It’s written all over her face that she has a problem with me.

“Liar,” I accuse her surprising not only Alex but Louis, too; he is paying attention to all this interchange. “I know you and you’re avoiding me, Alex. Why? What did I do now?” I grab her wrist again, forcing her to meet my eyes but she can’t do it. “Tell me what’s happening, Alex. Please,” I beg because I can’t bear this. I rather know why she is avoiding me because trying to find the explanation myself is killing my brain cells.

“I swear, it’s nothing important. You don’t have to worry, Niall.” She promises and I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes. “Right, Zayn?” She says loudly and only then I notice Zayn is also there. “Niall is overreacting.”

“Alex,” he says, a whisper and I notice there’s something odd with him. He looks regretful, like he did something horrid and I feel in my chest that all this is his fault. Somehow Alex is avoiding me because of him, but I can’t understand why. What did Zayn do? “Yeah, Niall. You’re just overreacting,” he finally agrees but I know he is lying. I know him.

“See? Don’t worry.” She insists and I’m about to complain but then she steps forwards and kisses my cheek, startling me. Alex smiles at me sweetly and for a second I forget everything that’s happening, just lost in her smile and her green eyes, but then I remember. I know she’s hiding something, I know she is not telling me the truth.

I drop the topic because as much as I know Alex is lying to me, I also know that I can’t push her further than this. No matter how much I beg her to tell me the truth she won’t unless she feels comfortable enough to tell me. I have a bad feeling she will never tell me.

After Alex’s perfect fruit salad we arrive to Cardiff and we settle down before Paul tells us to go for Zayn because we need we need to go to the venue for sound-check. Suspiciously, Alex is also missing and I have a sick feeling in my guts. And I’m right for having this feeling because we find the Bradford boy and Alex together, hugging each other.

I think I know what happened… it makes complete sense! Zayn told her about his feelings and Alex corresponds them; but he also knows how much I fancy Alex so he asked her to put distance between us so she wouldn’t hurt me, and for the same reason they haven’t made public their relationship.

Alex and Zayn… I… no, that thought breaks my heart and it makes difficult to breathe. No, no, no!

“What are you doing here, guys?” Harry asks and Zayn leans back immediately when he hears us. Alex meets my eyes but I feel dead inside. She is with him… she doesn’t have feelings for me. “We were looking for you. Paul said we need to do sound-check, Zayn.” Zayn stands up and he looks frustrated. Of course, we just interrupted his moment with Alex.

What if we had walked in when they were kissing? I couldn’t take that.

Before Zayn leave she looks at Alex and asks, “Talk later?” She answers with just a nod and I feel sick.

Harry and Zayn leave but I can’t move, my chest aching so much because Alex and Zayn are… I just can’t even finish that thought.

“So, you and Zayn, uh?” I ask, feeling torn inside.

“What are you saying?” She asks me confused and I don’t know how to react to that.

“I’m just asking. You both seemed so intimate a while ago. You were hugging.” I can’t help it, jealousy is dripping off my voice.

“And? He’s my friend and I can hug him whenever I want. But for your information, we were just talking. Zayn needed my help and I was comforting him. But don’t worry, I won’t try anything on him, so your friend is safe,” She jokes but it’s not funny at all and her smiles only makes things worse.

Okay, so they are not together, but I know Zayn is trying to get Alex and he is getting closer to her than I am. What if he gets her? Maybe they are not together now, but what happens later?

“I’m not worried about him,” I say because what concerns me the most is losing her when I haven’t even had her yet.

“What do you mean?” She asks right when Harry reappears.

“Niall! C’mon! Paul is waiting to take us to the venue. Move your lazy arse!” He calls and I have to close my eyes to breathe deeply and calm myself.

“Aye, I’m coming!” I shout back before focusing on Alex again, hating what I’ll say. “I gotta go.” She only nods and so I turn on my heels and leave, hating Harry, hating Zayn, hating everything. Why can’t things be clear?

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Dedication to @DaddyDismineMariP because it means a lot to her.

Bel, xx