After escaping the expanse of the House by dodging cameras, using Marjorie's handprint, and doing backfists to the temples of the guards that tried to rat on me, I was finally outside the mercury dome and in the main streets of the Capital.

This was fairly easy, since I've done it before in a multitude of ways. One, just simply walking out in a maid's outfit with dark hair, a tan and a rainbow of eye colors. Next, getting a hacker to change the footage everywhere I had to go. Or simply this; what I was doing right now.

I had to circle around the dome to see the eastern road. The city, like our flag was shaped like a compass, with eight-lane roads crossing the expanse from east to west and north to south, going around in the main rotunda that surrounded the House.

Aside from the usual modes of transport, like low-runners and flyers, there was a series of trams within the city that ran in concentric circles, five circles to be exact. And then there were four which just ran from the house up to each garden in each cardinal direction.

I needed to board one soon. It would be leaving at 7:45, and the garden show would start at half-past eight. Surely, the garden was full of people by now, all wearing the same color as me as a sign of celebration. Marjorie had made a good choice with that.

But I had to hurry. I exited from the South Gate due to some complication with a red-headed guard who refused to lie unconscious until the fifth punch, and so I had to run the expanse of the curve under three minutes with a minute or two to spare for boarding, which honestly seemed impossible.

The city thrummed with the life and sound so absent from the House. Inside there, the sound was muted, the colors, a little less bright. But here, with the two million people all going about their night, the horns, the muttering, the music, the lights... it made me feel alive. With every heartbeat, my foot kicked off from the concrete, breathing in the jasmine and the cherry blossoms, taking in every piece of stimuli.

The tram was boarding as I rounded the curve from the House's walls, sweating inside my hoodie, but not panting as I'd expected. The light bounced off the glass, and the people, dressed in varying shades of red, waited in line to board.

Compared to the trams before the Four-hour war, ours didn't have separate cars. That's why I pondered for a few seconds if they should still even be called trams. It was just a silver two-hundred-meter rod with comfortable chairs and handrails at the top. There was still a conductor, though, even if we didn't need one.

There was still a conductor, and two maintenance crew who were tasked to keep the thing clean. Most countries got rid of those, saying the tech could keep the whole thing running. They were right, of course, but when tech started replacing the people who needed salaries the most, Eurasia didn't let it. Farming was assisted, not replaced, so was construction, utilities maintenance, medicine, etc. Our electrical resources, our patents, wildlife, and world class citizens made the money... and we didn't need to be thrifty.

I sighed as I took the small escalator into the tram. Upapa was indifferent to me at best, but he sure did love his people, maybe even as much as I did.

I took my seat nearest the door. It was cold, and the maintenance crew usually sat near there with a soggy mop, but I didn't mind. The hood was over my head, covering me from most sides, so I tipped my head forward, casting a shadow over my face.

I sighed, the darkness claiming me again. Shit.

And there it was. I felt it coming like I did all the nights before I spent alone. As the movements of my body stopped, my mind went into high gear... and I started hating myself again.

Then the doubt settled in like an unwelcomed blanket around my shoulders. How do I measure up to the perfect king I knew so well as my abuser? Did I even want to? This thing I longed for, this thing I grew to hate, this thing that I now possess... how is it that dreams only came true the moment they became nightmares?

I mean... I was ready. First, I was ready to act like a lady, marry whoever needed to be folded into the family. As the circumstances changed, I readied myself to be queen. I read, I schooled myself religiously, I attended every political rally, every session of parliament... and I didn't like it, but I kept on going because that's what Eurasia needed. Despite the multiple safe houses I made, the escape plans I drew up... I still loved the continent enough not to leave. I still did.

Then when it became obvious that my grandfather was willing to do anything to keep that throne from me, I didn't rebel. I accepted, adapted, and reacted by enlisting, getting discharged, and then preventing the fund transfers which would have kept me from being conscripted again, because me being in the sky and protecting the crown, was what Eurasia needed. Then I was discharged again, and I got accepted to college, and I was willing to go to college... maybe serve the military from an administrative standpoint seeing as they didn't want me as a pilot anymore... I still loved the continent enough not to leave. I wish I didn't.

I took a breath in. I didn't realize I stopped.

One. The seat is stainless steel.

My life was a series of reactions. Even my first act as sovereign was a reaction. How was that good enough for Eurasia?

Two. The sweater was wool, not cashmere.

How was I good enough if I chose to run away?

I made all those plans, telling myself that I did have the option to leave. Now though... I didn't. I was trapped by that choice I made on that peak.

How was I good enough if I still wanted to choose to run away?

Three. The air was dry.

I sighed. Pushing my thoughts out like that breath.

"You think she'll be there?"

I turned to see two teenagers across from me, also wearing red. Miss Magenta and Miss Crimson.

"Who? Princess Liz?" Said Magenta.

It felt jarring. They were talking about me like I was a friend they made plans with.

"You mean Empress Lizaveta." Corrected Crimson.

"Right."

I had to look down and let the shadow of the hoodie come over my face. I should have worn contacts.

One of them was bouncing her knee up and down, looking anxious. "I don't think so. They don't attend the fireworks after funerals; none of them did."

"You paid attention in history?"

I heard one of them slap the other jokingly. "Nah... dad told me not to come if she was around."

"What?!"

Did they hate me that much? I didn't notice how much I cared until I felt that.

"Yeah... 'cause the Ravens killed the old king, why'd they keep her alive, then?"

My heart stopped. But the city was secure. I was safe. Everyone was safe.

"She massacred them... like... none of them are alive after that plague and the nukes..."

"I don't know..." She shrugged. "The Onus are all over Africa.... like what if they're all Ravens?"

"Stop with the theories, and if that was the case well... I didn't tell my parents we were gonna go to the garden. Just told them I was going to your floor." Said the girl with the bouncing knee.

"Chihaya!"

"What? I wanted to see the fireworks up front!"

"We have to leave the comms at the gate! What if they look for us?!"

"Calm down. We'll be back in an hour. You said she's not gonna be there anyway."

Oh... but she was.

"What if she killed him, though? And the Ravens are her like... friends?"

The other girl slapped her jokingly. "Can't you just be happy she's a teenage queen? We're being represented!"

"Teenage Onus-looking empress."

And so, they laughed.

I guess I needed to hear that.

I carried myself down the escalator when the tram stopped, hands in my pockets, spirits sinking deeper.

The orderly lines that led to the gadget detectors were short as everyone was working efficiently to store their comms and other gadgets on the boxes rolling away on the conveyor belts. I locked mine with my fingerprint and jogged into the gate of the East Garden.

The fence was the same as all the other gardens, a tall wall of glass two feet thick. The gardens were considered a wonder, as they were four ecosystems living in the same city. To the north there were cherry orchards and herbs from Russia arranged in between fretted fences and dotted with samovar seating areas. To the south, marigolds would bloom in synergy with the orange trees, and fountains upon fountains of water would cascade down into open pools of rectangular ponds with blooming lotuses in perfect symmetry. To the west was a pristine manicured garden of roses and hedges and mazes, reflecting pools making you wonder which direction the sky was, dotted with the most fragrant trees imported from Grasse.

And here...

The East Garden always had the subtle sound of wind chimes mixed with the gurgle of the fountains. There were terracotta pots blooming with all shades of flowers, and fire pits that dotted the walkways, illuminating and warming the chilly night.

The French gardens were my favorite, but I changed my mind that night.

I positioned myself at the usual spot, below an ever-blooming ylang-ylang tree, and waited. Ly was always on time. I was early about two minutes, so I just took in the view, wondering if anyone knew I was there.

"You know it's kind of vain to stand by the only tree that smells like you." I heard his cool baritone.

He was in very dark red. With a King's Guard's salary, which was higher than most ministers, he could afford luxuries. He looked like a luxury.

"It lacks a drop of bergamot." I remarked with a smile, holding out my hand for him. "You should hang with trees that smell like you too."

"Let's find a garden with bergamot and black currant then." He said.

"And a deer?" I remarked on his musk.

He laughed, taking my hand and pulling me towards the pyramid's inner walkway. "You look nice." I said looking down.

"Me? Really?" He was fishing for compliments, as usual. "I thought the red coat was a bit much."

Khakis, dark combat boots, a cream-colored turtleneck under a maroon double-breasted overcoat and a plaid scarf. To top it all off, a beautiful Egyptian face with amber eyes. "Your whole face is a bit much."

He smiled. "I strive for excellence, your imperial highness."

"No... you strived to be noticed."

"By you." He smirked.

That would have made my heart flutter if I didn't know how to control my feelings. I had to remind myself that I would have to promise myself to a stranger to grant my empire the best chance of survival.

Love had nothing to do with the impending marriage, and I had nothing to do with love.

I slowed him down a little, keeping pace with the crowd around me. Most of them had food already- noodles and bugs on sticks. I should have eaten today, but each time I tried, my stomach would give out all its contents. Even the corned beef they made next to grilled bell peppers wasn't good enough. What a tragedy.

"What did you want to talk about?"

He sighed, pulling at his scarf. "Why'd you cut yourself?" I know he was gritting his teeth even though he hid it well.

"You know why." I shrugged. The cut was gone the moment he left but he didn't have to know that.

"Did it heal?"

"It's healing." I shuffled. "Like a normal person's would." The bandage I wrapped around it was useless, but he didn't see it through the hoodie.

"Hmm." I knew he was thinking of the invisible head wound.

"I had nanites in my blood." I lied. "I injected nanites into my body at the peak to avoid frostbite..."

"Nanites." Ly tested the word in his mouth. Nanites were hard to come by, but he probably thought I had the ability to acquire some.

"Yeah..." I nodded. "I didn't pee or anything when I got here that day so maybe they still circulated and helped the healing."

"Oh." He nodded to himself. I had a feeling he wasn't as scared of me as much as he was scared for me.

Ilyaas was getting stares from a few people. As he noticed that a group of girls was coming his way, he made a show of inching closer to me and wrapping an arm around me. "Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure." I said as we arrived on a bench closer to the pyramid and sat. His arm never left, and I never wanted it to. We shouldn't be disturbed, not when I had no contacts on.

"Have you ever seen this happen?" He gestured to the pyramid. I thought he was talking about the healing. Right when I wanted to tell him about Kaz, he changed the subject. He nudged me, waiting for an answer.

It was huge, but not nearly as huge as the house. Just like all the others it was made of limestone with lights crisscrossing it to make a compass rose when viewed from above. It was a way's away from us still, but at least from this distance, the sound of the fireworks wouldn't be as deafening. "Apparently um... the lanterns?" I pointed at the white ones hung on trees and chords. "They fly at eight thirty and rise up to twenty feet and then turn red and disappear. Then the pyramid opens like a flower and fireworks come from the center... and it lasts for ten minutes."

"The lanterns are flash paper?" Just like Ly to sweat the details.

"I think so. Less pollution."

"And the pyramids... do all of them open?" He always wants to know everything about everything.

The hoodie kept riding up my bum, so I pulled it down. "I don't know. I heard the New Indian one does on May eighth, and it looks like a white lotus when it does... but I'm always in Mumbai with you when that happens so I never get to see personally."

"You said apparently... so you've never..." He shook his head at me, leaning closer as another wave of people try to flawlessly redirect themselves elsewhere. Ly was a magnet like that.

"No." I took a deep breath, remembering the two consecutive days this happened before. "I only got two deaths in my lifetime: Abbu and Kaz. The Easterners... they move on quickly-"

"They see each day first, so I guess they have to."

I smiled at that ruefully. "I heard the fireworks from under my bed." The pictures in that box were my only companions, and I wanted to brand their faces into my skin so as to never forget them.

Ilyaas felt my reluctance to talk about it and loosened his grip on me. "How was parliament?"

I met them every day except the weekends in the past three weeks. Trade was good, more investments went to Africa after the terrorists were eliminated, and most of them were peddling their sons at me. They kept going on about a possible regency, telling me that I didn't need to get married. Maybe I could just name the prime minister as regent and enjoy my youth. They thought I was dumb. "The usual... they really like this New India guy. I think I remember him from the visits but I'm sure I met his elder brother more often."

"Well..." He pouted.

The bench was warm. It was probably heated. God knows why tonight was colder even when it was summer. "I know he's gay. So, I was thinking the Antarctica guy. They also like the Antarctican. Raza said he didn't look like you, but the ministers allude that he does." He was this fake-golden-skinned twenty-something. Apparently, he was quite charming, but he put me off. The first and last time I met him was when his mother got elected as chancellor of the west, and we attended the inauguration in Palmer. He smiled too much.

Ilyaas seemed to be deep in thought. After all, he was a boy, and this might've been making him uncomfortable, but he said "He's um... he's okay. The Islander one is clean, though."

"Which one? The northern nice one or the southern son of the dictator?"

"The dictator's son." He nodded. "The northern nice one will get eaten alive." Had to agree. His country was getting eaten alive too. He had this beaming smile and rosy cheeks and worked as a nurse despite being the first son. He studied medicine for god's sake! Only the kinder souls of humankind tried medicine. Most of us wanted to be tortured artists or tortured billionaires.

I thought about that for a moment. "It's funny how feminism has come so far but I still need a husband."

Ilyaas shrugged. "You're the only one now. If something happens to you... then who? Your poor excuses of cousins?"

"They have their own thrones to sit on." I remarked. Mishaal had one, Hirohito had one, Ivan had one, and of course every cousin on the western coast of Europe seemed to have one.

He reclined into the bench. "And they're entitled brats, and some of them are babies." I didn't know if he meant that figuratively or literally.

"Cute babies."

"They don't even have purple eyes."

"Mine barely are."

He stared at me. I stared back. "They're..."

"Pink." I opened them wide at him.

"No... they're almost there but darker. Purpler?" He pulled my hood over my face further. "And you did not wear contacts, do you know how dangerous that is."

I gave him a smile that didn't reach my eyes.

"Well, I guess no one is dangerous to you." He whispered.

"None if I'm in a runner." I had to admit, it was a great loss to the force to have me get discharged. There was no time for that now though. "And none when I'm with you."

And so, the night went on, we waited the few short minutes until the fireworks would start. Soon enough, a group of girls, late teens or early twenties got the courage to come over to Ly and ask for his contact. I was leaning back into the bench at this point, trying my hardest not to laugh.

"La 'afham al'iinjlizia." Ilyaas said to them in the most beautiful voice they probably heard in their entire lives, with his brows furrowed so delicately, so calculated.

"Uh... what?" The blond one asked, trying to get her translator to catch what he said again.

I leaned into him, and he wrapped an arm around me. This was a common occurrence, and a rehearsed move. "My husband doesn't understand English." My mouth tugged itself into a smile fit for a killer, with an accent to match his. "But I do."

They ran away. I enjoyed the small thrill of victory.

"Did they see your face?" He whispered.

I shook my head as I watched them turn right towards the pyramid, catching themselves whenever they stepped on some uneven rock. One of them plowed into a bonsai.

Something caught my eye there. There was a boy, probably my age. I only saw his face a mere second and he turned his head of dark curls. He recognized me, and yet he turned away, running towards the pyramid, and disappearing into it.

Should I have told Ly? Probably. But then the lanterns started to rise, and I found myself pulling him in the direction of the pyramid.

Slowly, each lantern floated up and up and up. The white seemed to dye itself into red, and in burst of light, one by one they disappeared. The music started swelling with each erhu and guzheng note. I should have realized I was running but I didn't notice how fast.

I was a mere ten feet from the pyramid when it started to open. Thirty-foot tall triangles bloomed outwards, the limestone changing from opaque to translucent, it's golden capstone becoming glass. The translucence gave way to transparency, and even as we were under its folds, we could see the sky as clearly as anyone else. You could hear the collective gasp of everyone around us.

"Hey look, Ly, it's prettier than you."

I felt his hand reach for mine. "I have to agree." He said as he popped in some ear plugs. Ever since we got shelled years ago, he wasn't one for loud noises.

Somehow, I felt someone watch me again. I looked for the source, I looked for that boy but saw nothing. "Lesya, what's wrong?"

"Nothing..." I found myself staring up at the glass into the sky.

The first whistle of a firework went past us, and into the sky it boomed and bloomed the brightest red, shifted into purple, and gold and went down like a willow's branches. The second one rose like a bouquet of flowers, swirling and swirling until it reached its peak, and showering us in light as it shook the sky in sound.

The third didn't get to the sky.

A light emanated from the center of the pyramid extending to the edge I was in. I didn't hear it, I felt it in my bones. Ilyaas stepped in between me and the light, but it was no good.