Lesya was awake, I felt it. She woke up multiple times in the night, but the sedatives that came with the nanites kept me too in between the realms of consciousness and sleep, that I could only want to help her but not actually do the same.

The urge to hold her was strong but not strong enough in that state.

It has always been like this since I met her...on the night I guarded the herd. She fell from the sky like a meteorite. I was afraid and awed in equal measure.

I had to wake up, but I couldn't, and I never felt so useless.

I think I dreamt of her.

That night, when I saw the arc of smoke and fire fall from the sky, I almost ran away. But curiosity got the better of me, and maybe it was better that it did. She was laying on the sand, her clothes smoldering, her runner in scraps. I had to pull her from the dunes and into the village that night.

The settlement only had radio. We didn't even have electricity. In those times, the North African States were in constant flux, and we, the people of the ruins, found a small piece of dessert unengaged in the civil war.

Lesya was without a name until the I named her. Lesya after the white-haired queen. We were afraid for days, of course. Where did she come from? Who was she? Was she Onus? In her deep and long sleep, everyone agreed to be kind and submissive, just in case.

She was too young to be in the military and she had the features of an Onus, so we, in our small hope, wished she was a White Raven - a savior. Little did we know she was only a runaway princess who'd just lost all her family. And little did I know that soon I would lose all of mine.

"LY!" She yelled, shaking me awake.

When my eyes opened, I felt the heat coming from her fake windows, it was no longer early.

"Hmm?" I said, my head groggy. "What time is it? I should be on duty..."

"Oh, it's ten, and no, I got all of you off for the day." She told me. "Let the rest of the Guard do their jobs for once. Pentagon shall have a vacation!"

"But I've been going off duty a lot already-"

"I'm the empress and I command that you be off duty!"

"Oh." I said, feeling like my tongue like a dead mass in my mouth. I sat up, and the whole world spun for a while around me. "So, what shall we do today?"

"I already chose the crown jewels and the dresses I should wear for the coronation. Aside from going to the temple this Friday, I have nothing to do." Lesya said, running to her closet.

Through the agape door I saw her pulling a suitcase out and stuffing every article of clothing in reach into it. "Lesya...?"

"Yes?"

"Are you running away again?"

"You know it just came to me this morning."

"What?"

"I need a vacation."

I didn't hear that right, right? "What?"

"Just for a day!" She defended. "These are my last few days of freedom."

"But you're already empress... the coronation is just a formality."

She slammed the suitcase shut. "Ilyaas Malak, I was blackmailed, I found out I had a hand in a genocide, I endangered the only suitor I liked, and I saw that my brother was deleted from every piece of footage from the day he died!" She screamed a sigh. "I need a vacation!"

"You reviewed the footage?"

"Yes, I couldn't sleep."

"Oh." I said. I still didn't understand why she wanted to see her brother... nothing would change the fact that he was dead. "Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why'd you want to see him die?"

"I-" She stuttered, diverting her eyes from me. "I didn't get to say goodbye. I just... this is a big change in my life, and I never wanted the throne... because I never wanted him to die."

"I'm sorry." It was insensitive, but my brain didn't know the difference at the time.

"It's fine. I guess I just missed him." She shrugged, denying her hurt. "I'll be sitting on his throne... It feels wrong. I have nothing left of him, not really."

We were the same in that regard, though. I had no photographs or videos of my family. I only had their names and birthdays... all of which were tattooed on the balls of my feet to remind myself they were the only reasons I kept standing.

I only had the memories of their faces, and slight echoes of their voices. Day by day those voices disappeared slightly, and I wasn't sure if what I remembered was actually the right sound or simply a creation of my imagination in a fruitless attempt at immortalizing them.

Each day I tried to remember them, but I knew that even then as I flew away from the dust and rubble of the destroyed village hours from their death, their memory was already fading.

I sighed.

"Where are you going, Lesya?"

"You mean, where are we going?" She emerged from the door of her closet, lugging her suitcase and sitting on it. "Monaco."

But we never go to Monaco. "Are you sure?"

She nodded, her eyes trying to hide her sorrow. "I inherited it when Abbu died. Might as well make use of it."

"Lesya, you can't just go on a vacation." I said, knowing that going to Monaco wasn't a good idea. The last time I planned a trip to surprise her there, it blew up in my face.

But she subjected me to the full intensity of her tyrian eyes, pleading. "I need to stay sane."

Maybe one last day of happiness before she had to become the rock of the empire.

At times like then I had to convince myself that Lesya wasn't unreliable, in fact she has always been the most reliable person when it came to her word, but emotionally, she was the manifestation of a rollercoaster. Yesterday was down, she needed to go up.

It was good, though. She needed to face her past to face her future. Her choice to go there voluntarily might have been a good sign.

"So, we're going to Monaco, then."

"I need to jump of a cliff! Monaco!" She said, as the maid's entrance opened. Before I could object to that, a woman came in.

"Your imperial highness!" The woman yelped. Immediately, she averted her eyes, probably thinking she was invading something far more intimate. "I am so sorry! I did not know that you were here! I thought you were still at the vault! I was not informed-"

"Ah! Marjorie! You're off duty too!" Lesya declared, going back into her closet to pack my clothes.

"Your imperia-"

"You are going to Monaco with me." Lesya decided. She was off the rails today, wasn't she? "You told Tino I liked green carnations, and that made my day."

"Lesya?" I looked at her, confused, concerned. "We should bring Tino too."

She simply smiled at me while I wondered if her attempt at sanity was futile.

After dropping by my building after I insisted on not going to Monaco in the small collection of sweatpants Lesya packed for me, I, the maid I didn't know, Jazzy, and Lesya were on a runner manned by none other than the empress.

The guards of the Prince's Palace in Monte Carlo were already notified that we were coming, and we had a two-runner escort as well. At least, today, Lesya was careful. I was at the co-pilot seat, seeing her focused on her controls. Jazzy was right out behind us, unbothered, while the maid was turning pale possibly because of the height or because of her.

"Lesya." I said.

"Hmm?"

I sighed. "About yesterday-"

"Theo is in the hospital, Reed was not my fault, and endangering Tino was my fault, but I'm never letting it happen again." Lesya said in rapid succession. I did that when I was in mourning, convincing myself I was fine. She was doing it too. The videos did it, probably. She was back to square one. The cut was open.

"I meant about your brother." I said. "May I review the tapes? Maybe you missed something?"

She shook her head. "I deleted my copy. He wasn't there."

"Maybe Raza has another copy-"

"Ly, please." She took her eyes off her controls to look at me, already annoyed. "Not here."

"Promise me you'll tell me." She was hiding something from me. I had my pinky out for the oath. She took it with her own, and kissed my hand, making me wonder how she manages to diffuse any objection from me just by doing that.

×+×

We landed at the grounds behind the Princes' Palace where I heard there was once a grove of trees. Now, next to the pool behind a catholic church wedged between an assortment of buildings, was a two-story house, hidden from the outside by the remaining trees, surrounded by a field of red carnations.

Jazzy dove into them immediately.

Aside from the modern-looking house, the place had an aged beauty to it. The palace, itself, looked as if a collection of architects from different periods of time decided to make their own fortress. Each building seemed to be connected, but each one looked different.

Lesya caught my eye, looking at the assortment, unperplexed by the lack of uniformity so apparent in the House. "The Grimaldis who ruled for about seven-hundred years... didn't have that much land, and there were always wars. They tended to make wings and towers instead of new castles." She whispered, as I draped my arm over her, walking towards the smaller house, content at being alive for the moment.

"What happened to them?" I asked, I didn't manage to look it up the last time. Were they killed in the war? Did they die of the fallout? Did they escape? Otherwise, a treasure like this held for hundreds of years would never leave a family.

She smiled. "I'm a Grimaldi. They were folded into the family..."

How did it feel to have roots traced hundreds of years? I only ever knew the names of my great grandparents, anything before that was murky, forgotten. "How many families were folded into yours?"

"Hard to tell." She shrugged, the doors opening upon recognition of her. "Bourbons, Grimaldis, Gates, Windsors, Potanins, Mittals, Yans, Mas, Al-Kadis..."

Upon eating sandwiches for lunch, we went up to the balcony overlooking the pool, and the thousands of red carnations stretching around the whole area.

It was very different for me, seeing all that beauty. I was used to the glimmering glass and steel of the city, or the manufactured aging of the estates the crown owned, but here, in the Prince's Palace... it was all real. People lived here, generations grew up here, and the Grimaldis lived through the empress I served.

The immenseness of time made me aware of my insignificance.

All the while, Lesya was there looking at me funny as Marjorie gawked at the garden and the view below. "Your imperial highness, is this the reason you like carnations?"

"Hmm? Yes." Lesya said, rising from her chair to accompany Marjorie at the balcony. "You can call me Liz."

"Yes, your imperial highness. I will call you Liz."

Lesya chuckled. She was radiant today, despite the dark circles under her eyes. I guess she always did.

"Well, I like carnations... just not red ones." She grew to hate red because it was always forced upon her. I wondered if it wasn't.

"Then why do they plant it?"

I stood from the daybed I was lounging in to join them, staring under the sun towards the field. "It's Monaco's national flower?" I asked. I researched Monaco a little, not enough though, a few years ago when I tried booking us a place for my off time.

Lesya nodded in agreement. "I like the green ones because no one likes them except for Oscar Wilde - I adore Wilde - and everyone says they're unnatural. Flowers shouldn't look like leaves apparently." She laughed at herself. "Princesses shouldn't look like Onus. They remind me of home."

I snorted. Sand reminded me of home.

"This is your home, you - Liz?" Marjorie asked, genuinely curious.

"It was... after things changed, I had to move to the House under my grandfather." Under. Not with. Lesya explained. She ran away from the House, met me, and never returned to her palace. Even I went back to Egypt eventually, but I never stayed. It reminded me too much of pain. I always thought that was why Lesya never came back, but she only had good memories here.

Well... it's always the good memories that make you cry in the end.

"Ah, so you moved too." Marjorie couldn't get her eyes off of the flowers. "I moved five years ago. Someday... I will take my family here, and they too will love carnations." She declared.

"From where were you?" Lesya asked, genuinely interested.

Marjorie took a big deep breath. "A very small and beautiful island, Liz."

"Then why'd you leave?" It was our dream to buy a villa next to the sea. To Lesya, if she lived on an island, she'd certainly not leave.

Marjorie looked at her feet, bashful. "For the same reason I wanted to stay." Marjorie sighed. "Unlike you and everyone in the house, I do not come from a wealthy family. In fact, I come from a very poor family." She paused to look at her empress. "Back in the islands, it's difficult to be paid well even if you work well, even if you go to college... so when I had the chance to be a DH in Eurasia, I took it."

"And you came to work for us. Thank you." Liza said with a smile and a small bow of her head. "I really appreciate your work. Your country's loss, I bet."

"Tell us when you want to come here, Marjorie. We'll make sure to give them a tour personally." I said, playing with Lesya's hair, staring at the tiger now gallivanting in the flowers, terrorizing every guard on duty.

Marjorie sighed. "It will be a while... ten years in the least."

"Why's that?" I asked, and then it dawned on me.

"I'm not Eurasian yet." She said. "I can't speak Hindi yet... Spanish, English and Chinese, yes but I need to speak Hindi too or French. One of the two. I also can't afford to sponsor them at the moment, but I can save much more now."

"Oh." Lesya said.

"I wanted to thank you, though, Liz." She smiled at us. "It would have been fifteen years if I didn't get promoted."

"I promoted you last Sunday..." Lesya started saying.

"You did! You see, non-Eurasians can't get promoted, and so I couldn't be promoted until I learned Hindi and I couldn't pay for classes because I had to pay rent... and you know, send money so that my baby could go to school, and to get my father medicine for his blood pressure..." She was beaming. "But then I got promoted!"

I felt Lesya tense up. One look at her and I was sure she was about to cry. "Oh." She said blinking profusely.

"Yes!" Marjorie lit up. "You know I spent all night to get you the purple clothes because I couldn't sleep! I was so happy! Yesterday, when my boy had his birthday, we could buy him his cake! His very first cake and he loved it!"

"How old is he?" I asked.

"Nine!" Marjorie said, pulling out an outdated comm from her pocket and showing it to Lesya. It was a boy who had her eyes and a cheeky smile, holding a cake with his name on it. Behind him was a small hut, a tarp that read 'Happy Birthday', and what looked to be the rest of his family, leaning in for the camera.

"He's adorable." I said, touching the small of Lesya's back, keeping her from the edge.

"He is! Gwapo!"

Lesya shifted from one leg to the other, swallowing, thinking. "I can sponsor them." She blurted.

"Your imperial highness?" Marjorie stood, mouth slightly agape.

"I'm empress..." Lesya said slowly. "My word is practically law..."

"Yes, Liz." I said, feeling like I knew where she was heading. "As long as you don't endanger the crown." I reminded her, knowing she was rash that day and that she might do something she shouldn't. But of course...

"Marjorie, I declare you Eurasian."

I didn't know why I was shocked. It was such a Lesya thing to do. She did it for me.

Marjorie didn't respond for the first thirty seconds. But then she said "Ha?!"

"I think she means you're a citizen now-" I interjected as she fell to the floor, kneeling in front of Lesya.

Lesya then slowly sunk with her and gave her a hug. I felt so awkward witnessing it all, and yet so happy to have seen it happen, to be a witness.

"You need to call your family, then?" Lesya asked.

"Is this for real?!" Marjorie kept saying.

"Go on, call them."

She immediately took out her comm and started dialing. Marjorie put the device up to her ear and whispered the good news.

I started pulling her up. "Let's give them some privacy."

She nodded, a smile so pure on her face.

Lesya was a loose cannon most of the time, she also had this disturbing thought that she was invincible which led to many self-destructive acts. She could only be either merciless or selfless, there was no in between. And I loved her for it.

×+×

Lesya and I drove out in a car so old it probably had its own great grandchildren before my great grandfather was born. Her hair was in a colorful silk scarf that blew away with the wind the moment she hit the accelerator. I, myself, was proudly in a loose white short-sleeved button-up and khaki shorts, thankful to not be in sweatpants.

It was nice seeing her out of purple for once, but just thinking about why she always covered every part of herself made me a little sick. It wasn't out of a surplus of modesty that she always used the most covering even with swimsuits. It was because of the scars littering her back.

Instinctively, I draped my arm over her seat to hide the white marks visible through the venetian lace of her kimono.

"Aren't you afraid the press will see?" I asked, rummaging through the backseat of the blue convertible for something to hide her in.

"I'm not afraid of them... not after yesterday."

"What if Tino sees?" I remarked.

That caught her off guard, but then she said, "Maybe that's for the best." We were met by a calm sea breeze to my right, and she slowed to a twenty. This road was only for foot traffic, but she was too lazy to walk today. "What you did for me yesterday... thanks."

"Theo had it coming." That arrogant ass's nose cracking against my fist was a memory I'd take to the death. I sighed, looking at the sea, with little white boats floating on docks, the color of its blue unlike anything I've seen my entire life. "Speaking of yesterday-"

"I didn't know what kept me from telling you before. I guess I was just scared about your reaction, or I don't know..." She sighed, as I braced myself for what she was about to say. "The videos... I think my brother is still alive."

I had to take my eyes off of the azure water to see if she was actually serious. But when I saw her expression it all sort of clicked. I felt cold. "That's why you're doing these stunts? You want him to take over?" I couldn't help but fidget. She was here, open for the press to do whatever they wanted, and yesterday, she got mobbed. She self-sabotaging. "He's gone."

She shrugged it off as if the knowledge was trivial. "His tomb was empty. I fell in."

The night her heart stopped.

"The cut on your head." I remembered. "When you lost your bracelets. Don't-"

"There's nothing you can say or do to make me stop looking for him, Ilyaas." She cut me off, just as I was about to go manic.

"I know." I said, knowing that if I heard my brothers were still alive, I'd look for them too. The worst part about it though was how she spoke of him, like he was the only solution... What she did for Marjorie earlier was something no one else cared to do, and yet she found it as a normal act, not as something worthy of emulation or recognition.

She had to be empress.

I decided to drop it. Lesya stole a look at me and said. "I just need your support. If I find him... and if I don't."

She stopped the car beside the ruins of what looked to be an imposing building a thousand years ago. From her parking spot, I could look out into the ocean through the broken windows of what was named the Institut Oceanographique as it was carved into the entrance.

A tall building at the edge of a cliff, it looked to me like how palaces were supposed to be in my head. If only it wasn't in a state of disrepair, it would have been magnificent.

"This is my jumping spot." She declared, tugging me inside through a few steps. "I used to go here with my brother when we were little."

The floor was made of a hard wood, polished before, maybe, but now with discernible water damage and mites. Looking up, windows were spread out with broken glass, letting the afternoon sun in. "What was this place?"

"A museum." Lesya said. "It survived the war but... after King Bhairon, my grandfather's grandfather, declared that all animals should be set free and only observed in their natural habitats, the institute moved."

"A pity." I said. "I'm sure it was beautiful."

"Still is." She remarked, running to one of the stairs up the ramp close to one of the broken windows. "And freedom shouldn't be pitied." She was silhouetted against the light, the shape of her shadow shrugging off her kimono, exposing the slightly raised skin of where the whip used to lash at her.

I had to run up the stairs. "Don't you think this is too high up?" The cliff was already way above the water, and we were on an elevated second floor. She still had her flip-flops on, kicking away dust and glass, clearing her war to the opened window. "Maybe we should jump from the first floor?"

She jumped. "BROKEN GLASS AND BROKEN BONES, BITCH!"

Two seconds later, a splash.

"Lesya!"

Her head bobbed out of the water. "Come on! It's not that high!"

It looked like a twenty-foot drop. So, feet first, then. Looking around at the base of the cliff, the only way to go up would be to climb the face.

I sighed. Too late to back out now.

I unbuttoned my shirt, knowing full well that the fear I was feeling would be gone after I broke the surface. My bare feet were on the ledge, my arms extending to both sides of the window, holding myself in place, in between a museum and plain air. I closed my eyes.

"Ly?" She asked. Her flip-flops were already floating away from her, and she didn't even notice.

One bend of the knee, and off I went into the air, my arms wrapped around myself as I dove into the Mediterranean screaming my lungs out to Lesya's laughter.

×+×

After jumping again for more than I could count and climbing back up again until our hands were raw, Lesya was on my back as I carried her through the broken glass and moldy floor of the museum seeing as we lost track of her flip-flops.

"I wish the city had cliffs." She whispered.

"The water would be freezing."

"Hmm..." She rested her head on the nook of my neck. "I'm sleepy."

"Water does that to people."

So, I plopped her in the passenger seat to take the wheel. I thought I could drive it, until I darned on me how ancient it was. We had to switch sides.

The drive back to the Prince's Palace was quick, but as we rounded the corner of the de Castro, the press found us. The sound of shouting was apparent even from the cathedral, but as we got closer to the entrance, it was a full attack.

"Shit." She whispered under her breath. When we got out earlier, we went through the stairs. We could go through the small tunnel now, though. "Ilyaas, hide under please."

"I'd rather not." The floor of the car wasn't big enough for me, and the pictures of me hiding would be impossible to live out.

"Are you ready for this?"

"Yes." I said, not really knowing what I agreed to.

Lesya revved the engine twice, honked a horn, and then we were flying. We crashed into the makeshift blockades, ran by cameras, and swatted the drones from the sky with towels. One look at her, and she was relishing every moment. The wind whipped against my hair, and despite my efforts to hide my glee, I was hooting as well.

Everyone blocking the entrance flew out of the way, too shocked at her speed to even flash a camera. This was truly her rollercoaster, her one last rebellious act. The old Lesya would have slowed, she would have looked down, she would have let them take pictures, but tonight, she was no one's object. She owned herself.

And although it frustrated me how she thought her crown would be the end of her liberty, I knew it would be the beginning of the empire's.

Once we cleared the tunnel, the guards blocked the entrance immediately, and we made a big victory lap around the yard. For all our efforts of hiding all those years before, we ended it in one glorious act. I was shocked to realize that I didn't mind.

Lesya jumped out of the car once she stopped the engine, and ran into the entrance into the courtyard, singing to herself, happy at her adrenaline. The guards were looking at me, some of them snickering to themselves as I struggled to open my side of the door to run after her. Stupid ancient car doors.

She was laying on the cobblestone, looking up at the stars slowly appearing in the sky, laughing to herself. "Come on." Lesya tapped the stones beside her for me to lay down. "Today's my best memory now."

"Hmm..." I said. "Today was great but my best memory..."

"What?"

I closed my eyes. "Don't judge me?" Visualizing that winter afternoon.

"Sure... kind of a let-down but yeah sure." She snickered.

I opened them and chuckled. "Uh... my best memory was when I saw my first and only Onus."

She whipped her head at me, but stayed silent, her breath hitching.

"He was a wing. Had the white tattoo and everything." I said, seeing that Onus so clearly in my head, floating above the dunes and propelling himself up into the sky. "I think his name was Aren, and he was this White Raven-"

"Hey." She slapped me.

"In my country they're heroes, you know that." I shrugged, looking at the stars, imagining Aren flying over. It was the day I was sure magic existed in the world. What a whiplash it was to come to Eurasia and find that everything I valued was a crime. "Anyway, my best memory was when I saw him fly."

"They can fly?" Her voice was full of wonder, and I wished for her to have been there with me when it happened. She hated herself for looking like one, not knowing that it was what she hated in herself that made her beautiful. "Do all of them?"

"Some of them do, but I've only seen one Onus, so it's all stories." I said. "His hair was this... it glowed, you know? And his skin was black as charcoal..."

My skin was dark by the empire's standards but his was like night where mine teetered between coffee and tea. Imagine my surprise when I saw Lesya, a girl almost as white as clouds.

"Was he murderous?" Lesya asked. Of course, she'd think that, every Eurasian thought that; that was what their history said.

I shook my head. "No, he just asked us if there was any way we could evacuate. When we said no, he thanked us and left. Apparently, the North African military was coming our way, and since we were neutral, we would have been marked as sympathizers."

"What did he do?"

"I don't know." I said. "The military never came." I looked at her as she looked at the stars. "I'd never seen anything so beautiful." Until-

There was silence there, her eyes on mine. I tried breaking contact, but I was frozen in time. She held me with her gaze, and I was a willing prisoner. Shit.

It was the calm before the storm.

"Marry me." Lesya says, looking into my soul with her tyrian orbs.

"Oh, I thought your date with Tino went well." I joked, smiling at her despite the cold chill that I felt in her stare. My throat tightened, knowing there was no escaping the rain.

"I'm serious." She sat up; her brows furrowed.

She was perplexed at my deflection. Would she be more perplexed if I agreed? I would never know.

"What about Akihito? Tino? The rest of the pretty boys?" I stood up, my hands not knowing what to do, wondering why we took the turn for the worst. We were heading for a downpour.

She stood up too, grabbing my hand with two of her own, her eyes finding mine, pleading. "Akihito will never learn to love me once he knows the truth." Lesya said, remembering that day. "Tino... he's kind and precious and he deserves a good life. He won't get that with me. I almost got him killed!"

The way I pulled my hand from her and took a step away felt like walking through Tartarus. It hurt me way more than it hurt her, and I swore I'd never let her know. She was serious and so was I.

"Is this why? You want to keep him safe, so you want me instead? A bulletproof bodyguard?! Am I your easy way out?"

She reached for me again and I took another step back.

"Tino... he doesn't know me, that's why he thinks he likes me. You're the only one who's seen me and you're the only one who's left! You never left!" Lesya had tears in her eyes now. They were because of me.

"I can't say yes." Because you need to be empress.

"What are you talking about?" She stepped closer, and with each step, I matched her away. "When you asked me to find someone I couldn't live without, I didn't have to look for anyone because I already knew-"

I turned my back on her, I couldn't stand to see her tears. Her voice already told me she was crying. "There are things, Lesya, that I can't and won't tell you. And one of them is yes to that goddamned question."

"Why?!" She shifted to look at me, her hands on both sides of my face, wet from the tears she obviously just wiped away.

I took every piece of courage left in me, and put them into my words, hoping they would be capable of hiding my desires for just one more second. "I love you. But I am not in love with you." I said, knowing it was a lie, knowing she believed me. "You deserve more than that. You deserve more than an orphaned immigrant who only has everything he has because he has you."

"Are you seriously taking this route?!" She begs, her lips quivering in anger, desperateness. "You're not this insecure!"

I sighed, looking at my slippers, her bare feet. "Lizaveta."

And with that one word, she recoils. "You-" She took a shaky breath. Why did I say that?

It was like lightning hit her.

"Okay." She whispered.

"Lesya-" I whispered.

"I understand." She says, so cold.

Before I could grab her, her body was turning around, running away... her heart echoing the sound of my own, breaking.