For the birds born in cages, may you be free

This book is dedicated to my readers in the Philippines, in the US, Australia, India, Nigeria, Czech Republic, Austria, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Malaysia and UAE. Stay safe please, and thank you for waiting six years for this.

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It's a scary place, my head. When the snow is a stark white and the only sound, I can hear is my breath, I forget about the passage of time and every memory feels like the present.

God, I don't want to remember.

One. The ice was cold and powdery against my boots. Two. My parka was warm and soft on the inside. Three. The tank of oxygen was smooth. I sighed against the incoming panic. I'm going to be okay.

If I was naked, no one would be able to find me here.

Somewhere a thousand feet under my feet, snow was falling. But here, on the highest peak of the continent, it was a white Eden. Being at the top of the world also meant being alone. But it was a welcomed loneliness, a happy solitude.

There was always a part of me who wanted out, who wanted to just walk away from the life I didn't ask for... but that person was buried deep under duty and honor and trust. Now that those three things were gone, decisions became clearer.

Kindness always only favors the second party, but I've decided to make myself a priority.

I cut all connections to the life I left, literally. I even found the transponder they so delicately nestled on my nape and cut it out yesterday before changing locations. The cut still stung, but the cold air sort of numbed it, at least.

Taking account of my discomfort... The muscle pain from turning my head that way for an hour throbbed even now. The air was making my nose stuffy, my limbs were threatening to go dark and fall off, but I was fine. Freedom has a price.

I'd take a year in this cold than another day in that House.

"Better alone." I watched the frost form in my breath.

I knew where to go and how to get there. In a few days I would be in the Islands, drinking their coconut wine and dancing to the sound of my own heartbeat. Right now, though, I needed to find Jazzy and figure out how I could parachute down to an island with a tiger.

I set her out to hunt and she gladly went down slope to eat some deer, probably. The problem with finding her was her white coat. She was within half a mile of me, if the tracker was accurate, but all I could see from there was white snow and black rocks.

It would have been best if I took my runner downhill instead of walking, but I needed to keep it high enough so as not to be detected by the army bases and the radar they use to track lower- level runners. Imagine being the best pilot of your flight and being detected. What would General Hori say?

Well General Hori wouldn't say anything because she's dead.

"JAZZY! JAZZY JAZZY! JAZZY!" I screamed. The cabin was seven kilometers up, and I had a limited source of oxygen. And although the snow-capped mountains away from the crowds of the capital was a welcomed change, I would still like to be alive to leave it.

We needed to go back up and regroup. I also needed to eat, and she could eat some jerky if she didn't get any from below. I would then maybe steal a pod from the base and parachute down to the Islanders tomorrow.

I shook the thought out of my head.

Not a good idea. Good ideas only came on full stomachs.

"Jazzy! Come on, I'm hungry too." The last thing I ate was a failed attempt at a poached egg that I had to fish out of vinegary water. I just wanted to go back to the cabin to make some soup out of the powder I stole from the House. Since the snow was starting to form in the air again, I wasn't sure how I would survive the climb up.

There was still no sign of Jaz. I let her out at lunch time, it's already been two hours.

2:10 PM. I groaned. She was moving on the tracker, so she wasn't dead but if she wasn't close already then in a few minutes I'd be dead.

Off to my right I heard a roar, echoing with the sound of bounding footsteps. Before long, the form of a huge albino tiger ran to me with some icy blood on her maw. She looked terrifying, but she was a house cat at heart. "Deer?"

She shook her head.

"Bear?"

A grunt.

Himalayan brown bears were everywhere now, no doubt she got some good meat. Although I would have liked for her to eat something that wasn't alive, at least she wasn't endangering a species.

"You got some food on your um..." I gestured around my face. She looked confused. Her white and dark brown fur was stained with red, and she seemed to be cleaning her mouth with her tongue. "Never mind. Mind giving me a ride up?"

Jazzy had to crouch down on her belly for me to get on her back. Standing on all fours, she stood at about four feet, so I couldn't reach even if I wanted to. Her back was more rounded than a horse's, so I had to grab some of her dense fur to keep myself from falling off. Once upon a time I tried to give her a saddle. Afterwards though, it was probably in worse shape than the bear she ate.

The sun started to set behind me, and the minutes passed by as I calculated. The more we ascended, the harder it was to breathe. It took some getting used to- the altitude, the discomfort, the dwindling number of supplies.

I took my small tank out of its holster and started breathing again but it was limited. Oxygen like below was a finite resource up here, much like most things, except a few wads of Eurasian currency that I would need to exchange soon when I crossed the sea.

I lay my head against Jazzy's nape as we neared the cabin, happy that I still had a chance to live another day. But suddenly, I felt a shift.

Jazzy started slowing, but instead of going into a trot, I could feel her tense up. My heart sank. Optimism was thrown out the window just by feeling her muscles contract underneath the ivory fur. Something was wrong.

There were two runners instead of one.

They found me.

Jazzy was frozen in place, awaiting instruction. My breaths started hastening, and it was not long before I realized my tank was almost out.

We were still half a kilometer off the cabin, and the fog was bad enough to shield us, but I saw it.

I got off of Jazzy's back and she positioned herself in front of me. I made the split-second decision to take off my parka and bury it in the snow. My body was in shock instantly, but my brain didn't acknowledge the cold except for where the air hit my bracelets and necklace and somehow my anklets.

Might as well use the God-given paleness to my advantage.

Jazzy signaled me to go back on her back and run downhill.

"We can't. Army base in five thousand feet." I whispered. "We can't stay here either, I'll run out of oxygen."

One glance at my watch told me I had only two minutes of oxygen left if I was frugal with it. It was 2:30 and I'd be dead by 2:32.

Inside of a vehicle, a runner or a jet, I never needed oxygen like the people who fainted. But in the openness of the Peak, I felt my lungs devoid of air. Luckily, before my brain started blacking out, I saw him.

Leaning at the porch of the cabin, with a violet parka embroidered with the seal of the King's Guard on his chest, and an 'L' that looked like an 'I' embroidered on his sleeve, stood Ly. Skin too bright to be in this weather, eyes like amber flames. Barely a year older than me, yet imposing despite the tank attached to his face, and the device he was having trouble with because of his gloves.

The fear faded. He wouldn't hurt me. He loved me too much.

I got back on Jaz, and she ran for the house. Right as he saw us coming, he shut the device off and ran to meet us, unfazed by the cold. Seeing my obvious struggle, he took off his parka and wrapped it around me, also giving me the oxygen tank. I hadn't noticed how close to dying I was until he did so. I usually forgot I was human.

"What are you doing here?" I asked through the tank.

Ly didn't hear.

We arrived at the porch, and I used my fingerprint to open the door. Once inside, the icicles in my hair instantly melted and the pressurized cabin gave me all the air I needed to breathe.

Ly half carried me to the sofa.

This cabin used to be a research outpost which was later abandoned after the establishment of the Continent, but since I started cultivating my runaway instinct, I'd been renovating it. It was six years old after my reno, with a fire pit, a makeshift bedroom, a kitchen, and a bathroom. It was one of the multiple bunkers I'd made for myself, and the third one I used since I ran.

A temporary home away from horrid home.

"Miss me too much?" I tested out a smile, but it felt like my face was frozen too.

He didn't reply.

Jazzy trotted in and went to the lit fire to warm herself. Ly led me to the couch and made me sit. He started taking off my boots and put a blanket around me. He pushed the couch close to the fire and looked at me to make sure I was warm enough. Ly adjusted the temperature and checked my kitchen for ingredients before he came back to me.

Ilyaas, to me, was like a guardian angel. My best friend, my confidante, the only person I was sure I loved. He always fussed when it came to me, but this was a bit too much.

That was when he kneeled.

That would mean one of two things, neither of which would be pleasant. He either wanted me to marry him to make me stay, which I knew I would gracefully decline unless he brought a ten-carat sapphire ring which I could pawn to buy the pod that would deliver me and Jazzy safely to the Pacific, or... something uniquely bad just happened to me.

"Ly-" I just reeled at both thoughts. One was much worse than the other, and I didn't see a ring box.

"Your majesty."

"It's highness, Ly."

His amber eyes looked at me with sorrow, he bit his lip and looked down again. Maybe he was just nervous or maybe it was wishful thinking.

My heart started racing, hands were sweaty despite the cold still seeping through the walls, all thought of escape... escaped. I thought it before he said it, and I detested it before I thought it. Three words came out of his mouth- the three words that ruined me.

"No. Not anymore."