16

"Babae si Cid?"

Natanaw ko si Nick na napa-takip sa kaniyang bibig. "Kaya pala ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko kapag kasama si Cid! Akala ko bading lang ako pero..."

"Tama ka na," Saway ni Ace kay Nick.

Ang kaninang puno ng kalokohan nilang tono ay bigla na lamang napalitan ng senseridad. Their jaws dropped open in shock, and nearly all of them expressed disbelief at what they discovered.

They already know I'm a girl. Fuck.

I was about to stand up but Sage immediately ran to me and helped me. Inalalayan niya ako at pinaupo sa sementadong upuan, malayo sa lugar kung saan nandoon nabasag ang bote ng soju na iniinom ko.

"Alam mong babae si Cid?" Jes asked Xion.

Xion laughed, nervously. "I don't know what you are talking about,"

"I'll tell your mom if you don't tell the truth."

"And I'm telling you the truth," Xion is still in his character. "He just came home from a cosplay party..."

Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong mapapala ni Xion kapag pilit niyang pinagsiksikan ang isang bagay na halata namang kasinungalingan. It's as if his teammates will believe him about hiding my true identification.

Non-sense lang ang pinagsasabi niya. Nag-sasayang lang siya ng laway.

"Babae nga ako," I confessed. And I know it's over now. Hindi ko na kailangan magpanggap pa na lalaki ako. Hindi ko na kailangan pang itago ang totoong ako. But I'm confused...

What will happen next?

After that night, walang kumausap sa'kin ni isa. A few of them attempted to speak with me and have a Q&A session, but I declined and opted to keep quiet.

"Okay na 'yong paa mo?" Sage knocked on my room three times, and I let him in. Tiningnan niya ang paa ko kaya mabilis akong tumango.

After that night, they treated me very differently. Ang dating agresibong pakikitungo nila sa'kin ay napalitan ng may pag-iingat. And... rather than going straight into my room without asking permission, they are now knocking before entering.

Naninibago ako sa pinapakita nila sa'kin. Hindi ako sanay. It's weird for me because they are used to treating me like a man. and not as a princess.

"Okay na ako," Sagot ko kay Sage.

Sage is the nurse here at the camp. Lahat ng injured ay siya ang gumagamot. Because he's a nurse. Hindi pa naman nurse. Because he is still studying, a nursing student. And I'm pretty sure he will be a good nurse in the future.

"Lunch na raw sabi ni Jes,"

Mabilis akong umiling. "Kayo na lang muna. Busog pa ako-"

"Wala sa mood si Xion," He scrunches his nose. "Magagalit 'yon... may sasabihin pa naman siya."

I groaned. Gusto ko pa sanang pumalag kaso baka lalo lamang kumirot ang paa ko. Sinundan ko pababa si Sage at unang hakbang ko pa lamang palabas ng silid ko ay gusto ko nang takpan at punitin ang tainga ko.

"Wala pang linggo no'ng nalaman kong nagpapanggap siyang lalaki,"

Jes clicked his tongue and I saw him with his arms crossed. "Kahit na. Dapat sinabi mo pa rin sa'kin..."

Mariin akong napapikit.

So they are talking about me, huh. Sabagay, ang laking isyu nang nagawa ko para hindi maging hot topic para sa kanila. I understand them.

"It doesn't matter at all," Xion stopped, rolling his eyes. Jes arched his brow. "Kapag sinabi ko ba, may magagawa ba? May pagbabago ba? Magiging totoo bang lalaki si Cid? Hindi 'di ba? wala."

Nanliit ang mga mata ko sa nakikita. I can see the dark in Xion's eyes again!

"Oh? Ano namang plano mo?" Ace asked Xion.

I didn't bother to look at them and went straight to the dining area. Umupo ako nang tahimik kung saan nakatalikod kay Xion at nakaharap sa mga lalaking naghihintay din sa isasagot ni Xion.

Mariin na napalunok nang pasadahan ng tingin ang mga lalaking nasa harapan.

Tahimik. Hindi magulo. Hindi nagpapansinan. At animo'y may galit sa isa't isa. Walang nagbabardagulan. Walang nag-aagawan ng pagkain. Walang nagtatawanan. Walang nagsisigawan.

Hindi ako sanay.

"Nakabukas yung pinto..." Aniya na lahat kami ay naiwang nagtataka. I took a glance at him. He's standing with his head up, chin out and his one palm is gripping his other hand behind the back.

Hindi ko maiwasang mapaisip dahil sa postura na pinapakita niya. He seems very confident... hindi niya nga yata napansin ang pagbaba ko.

"She can finally leave now."

"Huh?!"

My jaw dropped, just as their hearts did.

Napangiwi naman ako. Ilang buwan na ang lumipas simula nung huli akong nakarinig nang pagpapaalis sa'kin. And as far as I know, this is the second time Xion told me to leave.

Syempre, imposibleng hindi madurog ang puso ko niyan.

I get annoyed and... hurt when someone tells me to leave. Dahil simula nung bata ako, hindi ko na mabilang sa daliri ko kung ilang beses ipinaramdam ni Papa sa'kin na ayaw niya sa'kin. Na ayaw niya ang presensya ko sa paligid niya.

Kaya lang... hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi nagiging malamig ang puso ko at balewalain ang lahat nang naririnig... kahit na... sanay na sanay na ako.

I smiled bitterly. Sinubukan kong lumunok ng ilang beses upang matanggal ang bara sa lalamunan. Ngunit habang sinusubukan ko ito nang sinusubukan, mas lalo lamang lumalaki ang bara rito.

Fuck. I hate feeling unwanted. I hate it! Putangina!

My mind is screaming with anguish and rage, but as soon as I looked up, the screaming stopped. Muli akong napalunok nang mag-tama ang tingin namin nila Sage at Jethro. They were looking at me as if they were cheering up my whole existence.

"Eh next week na finals natin, Captain," Malamig ang tono nang magsalita si Bulkan.

"Oo nga," Jethro agreed. "Mahihirapan tayo mag-hanap ng kapalit ni Cid-"

Xion cut him off. "Nand'yan si Sage,"

"Not me," Sage shrugged. "Board exam ko no'n, bro."

"Ikaw, Jethro?"

Umiling si Jethro sa suhestiyon ni Xion. "Pass, Captain. Wala akong tiwala sa sarili ko na mapapanalo ko 'yan."

Xion's sigh reached me from nearby. "Si Nick?"

"Ay, ayo'ko, Captain. Alam kong para kay Cid lang 'yong position na 'yon bukod kay Polca." Nick pouted as he chewed the food inside his mouth.

"Eh 'di t'saka siya umalis pagkatapos ng finals-"

I interrupted what Xion said. "No thanks, aalis na ako pagkatapos kong kumain."

Xion's face showed shock when he heard my voice. Mabilis na nagtama ang mga mata namin na ikinadahilan upang mapangiwi ako. Siguro, ngayon niya lang napagtanto na kanina pa ako nandito.

Their faces look shocked while the others are dismayed. Alam kong may gusto silang sabihin ngunit hindi nila magawa dahil takot silang pangunahan si Xion.

"Bakit?" Tanong ko pa ulit, kinukwestiyon ang ekspresyon na sinukli nilang lahat sa'kin. Boses ko ang nangibabaw dahil sa biglaang pagtahimik nilang lahat.

"Right... You can't stay here any longer," He tried not to stutter.

I saw his angry eyes drop to my plate out of the corner of my eye. Narinig ko ang buntong-hininga niya. He shut his eyes and opened it again while sighing. Pinag-krus niya ang dalawang braso at naglakad palapit sa direkyon ko.

"You can't eat that,"

Inalis niya ang plato ng ulam sa harapan ko at pinanood ko siyang buksan ang lata ng tuna. I was about to speak when he spoke.

"May tamarind 'yan... allergic ka r'yan 'di ba?" His voice softened.

Hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon ko. His sudden, lightning-fast change in mood caught me off guard. Baliw ba 'to?

Ben turned around with a playful smirk on his face. Pinaglaruan niya ang kutsarang hawak at may ibinulong kay Ace.

"Down bad, Captain!" Ben shouted. Sinundan naman ng hiyaw na asar ni Ace.

I felt Xion glance at me. He swallowed and blinked a few times, tapping his fingers. Bumaling siya sa dalawang lalaking binabato siya ng asar at binato ang piraso ng lata sa dalawa.

Xion looked at me, "Don't be d-delusional... Peace offering 'yan para sa pag-alis mo." Then he went upstairs.

Naiwan kaming nakatingala at ilang minuto ang makalipas nang sumunod na umalis si Bulkan kasama sina Jethro at Nick. They seem to be in a bad mood.

"Aalis ka talaga?" Tanong ni Ace sa'kin.

I went poker-faced. "I was told to leave..."

"Ako ang manager," Jes muttered. "You cannot leave this camp until your contract is over."

I sighed and looked at the Tuna inside my plate.

Ang gulo nila. They are giving me mixed signals. Hindi ko maintindihan kung sino ang susundin at ang papakinggan ko.

My mind said I should stay because of Cyren's surgery... But my high pride told my heart that I should go.

I let the days go by just wondering what should I choose, leave... or stay?

Ginugol naming lahat sa pag-e-ensayo ang natitirang araw bago ang finals. I can count on my fingers how many times Xion came to our practice and he only lasted an hour each time.

Hindi siya nagsasalita at tahimik lamang sa isang gilid. Kung magsasalita man siya ay kakausapin niya ang ibang miyembro. But he doesn't talk to me. And It feels like I'm invisible because he just ignores me.

Pero ayos lang, hindi ko naman kailangan ng atensyon niya.

The days passed and today is the finals.

Mabilis na nag-bago ang nakalagay sa malaking screen na nakapwesto sa harapan at naglikha ito ng nakakasilaw na ilaw. It was KING versus NEW, KOP versus LOTS, and TVOT versus AGAPE. There are all of the pro-gaming teams' logos.

"We will draw in the order of A-B-A-B groups." The host stopped. "First of all, let's invite the two teams to come up and draw lots."

Malalim akong humugot ng hininga. Gosh, I'm very nervous.

Ito ang unang beses na tatayo ako sa entablado at pinapanood ng libo-libong tao. Knowing me, I don't have enough confidence in myself. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko kukuhanin ang lakas ng loob upang mawala ang kaba na nararamdaman ko at mahimasmasan kahit paano.

"Since AGAPE is the champion of the MNB, the first team to draw will be AGAPE. Let's invite the captain of AGAPE, Astre to the stage to draw lots."

Kaagad na gumuhit ang ngiti sa aking labi nang makita ang paglabas ni Astre mula sa kabilang pasilyo ng entablado. He's wearing their t-shirt, which has his name at the bottom and it says AGAPE on it.

I want to shout to show my support but I don't know how.

He stopped in front of the host and pulled out the piece of paper. He was smirking broadly, tila ba mapupunit na ang kaniyang mukha.

"Group B," The host stopped. "Now... Here is the captain of TVOT, Xion comes to the stage to draw lots, although the result is already settled, let's ask Xion to come up and draw lots for the procedure."

Sumulyap ako kay Xion at ang tanging nakita ko lamang sa kaniyang mukha ay ang pag-igting ng kaniyang panga. There was no reaction on his face. Even the four of us were silent, watching him get up and go out.

Xion retrieved the paper and swiftly showed it to the camera.

Bumuntong-hininga na lamang ako.

The draw ceremony was over fast, and the game began ten minutes later. Isa-isang pinakilala ang limang myembro ng AGAPE. They are all wearing black and violet team jackets. Ang ganda tingnan.

"Next, let's see their old rival, TVOT!"

Umalingawngaw ang sigawan ng lahat matapos banggitin ang pangalan ng grupo. I can see how the crowd went wild while waving the TVOT flag.

We were in the backstage, waiting for our name to be called.

"The tough top-solo, Ben," Ngumiti si Ben sa'kin nang magtama ang mga mata namin bago tuluyang humakbang palabas. "Looking at his muscular body. He's really tough to deal with!"

I bit my nail as I tapped my foot on the ground.

Hindi ako mapakali. At kung pwedeng mag-back out ay mag-baback out ako. But how?!

"The calm marksman, Ace," Mataas ang enerhiyang pakilala ng host sa lalaki. "His face is so pretty that even an assasin would be frightened."

Kasunod na tinawag si Mountain. "The gold medaled support, Mountain! It's very assuring to see him, huh!"

Mas lalo akong kinabahan nang mapagtantong kami na lamang ni Xion ang naiwan sa iisang silid. I turned to face him and saw that he was intently watching what was going on outside on TV.

Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang makaramdam ng inggit. His lack of nervousness makes me envious.

"Here comes the much anticipated, Cardassian!"

Naunang tinawag si Xion. Yes, Xion's user is Cardassian. Halos lahat ng nasa labas ng bansa, ayan ang tawag sa kaniya. Pero rito sa bansang kinagisnan niya, mas kilala siya bilang Xion.

I snorted when Xion stepped forward. Pinasadahan ko ang likod niya bago tuluyang binalik ang tingin sa screen upang tingnan kung ano ang nangyayari sa labas.

Xion stopped so I looked at him again.

Umangat ang kilay ko kasabay nang pag-pigil ko sa aking hininga dahil sa hindi malamang dahilan. I saw his jaw tense as he opened his mouth but eventually closed it again. He made another attempt to speak, but eventually he just took a deep breath and kept moving.

Pabagsak niyang sinara ang pinto dahilan upang mapairap ako.

When I finally focused on the screen, the door opened again.

It was Xion again.

"Ano?" Sinimulan ko ang pag-pansin sa kaniya. Even though we live under the same roof, It's been a week since we last talked.

I saw him clenched his fist. "Ano... umhh... may nakalimutan ako,"

Tumango na lamang ako at hindi na siya pinansin pa. He took something and a few seconds before stopping in front of me, causing me to frown.

Akmang magsasalita ako upang magtanong ngunit napahinto na lamang nang maunahan niya ako.

"G-Goodluck..." He then finally left the room.

^_______________^