Travis

Footprints fade like echoes, Gone like the mist...

A journey's end, a whispered twist.

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It started out as any typical day.
Nothing new, just the same dreary monotonous schedule.

I woke up, freshened up. I took my dog, a 3-month-old Samoyed, on a walk.

I had my breakfast in the cafeteria of my university. The University Of California.
I returned the books I had borrowed from the library the previous week.

"Do you have 'the theory of everything' by Stephen Hawkings?", I inquired, looking at the librarian.
Our Librarian, Mr. Kier, was an unobtrusive person. He reminded me of my grandfather, a man of few words, always ready with a warm smile and a book in his hands. He looked up from the blue hardcover in his hand, his oval reading glasses resting on his nose. He nodded and gestured towards a section of the library. "That section is physics."
I walked over to the physics section and borrowed the book.

I attended my first class and headed to the tech club room. My friends Timothy, Fred and Gwen, the only members apart from me, were busy coding and chatting. Needless to say, the tech club wasn't much popular among the students.

"Hey, Travis!", greeted Timothy.

I smiled and waved in response. I settled in my corner of the room, and continued to work on my newest creation. "Sprout"- a mini robot to help people with gardening. Watering plants from time to time as per the temperature and humidity, detecting salinity and protecting them from snails.

I was starting to get lost in work when suddenly in the midst of their conversation Timothy spoke aloud; "It's a shame this club isn't popular. I mean, look at all this stuff! Creating new applications, innovations. We might as well make the world a better place!
But the truth is the truth. We're just a bunch of nerds. Nobody wants to hang out with nerds. Which makes us...", his expression saddened, "outcasts".

I stopped and took a sharp breath.

My heart sank by the mention of that word. Outcast.

Not that I cared much about being an outcast. It was a life I had accepted long ago, it had stopped bothering me.
But the thing was... I wasn't an outcast anymore.
All because of Claire. The girl I fell in love with, two years ago.

The girl I lost, two years ago.

She had given me a new life. New friends, joys I had never even hoped for... Until she was taken from me. Remembering her was easy, but missing her was a constant heartache that never stopped.

Ever since that dreadful car accident, which I tried really hard not to think about; it brought back the horrifying images. Claire's body lying in a coffin... cold, lifeless...

I shuddered.

"Travis? Bud?", Tim called out.

"I-I need to go", I trailed off.

Coming back to this place itself had felt like a nightmare. The gardens, the halls, even my own lab was a constant reminder of her memories.
Even the people... The friends I had made because of her. For the whole year they seemed to have nothing else to talk about except the accident. I didn't blame them... I had no right to. Especially after I avoided them and pushed them all away for all of two whole years.

Isolation had seemed the only escape from her memories. My only sanctuary.

I had hoped... uselessly, that by trying to forget everything, I could get things back to the way they were- maybe it wouldn't hurt as much then. But nothing could ever be the same. I could never be same.

At that moment, while I heard the word... 'outcast', I realized it was a prison. I felt suffocated and knew no way to escape it.
I had tried relentlessly to move on... To have my friends back. But it had been foolish of me to expect anything more. I had already damaged things beyond repair. I had given up.

It tormented me.

Her memories haunted me and stung like an open wound, gnawing at my heart.

I stopped at the university's garden and sat beneath a tree. The cold wind stirred the rustling dried leaves around me. It was an eerie sense of Deja vu... I felt it last year too. Our last autumn together, at the time, I had never realized it would be the last one. We were so happy. It all felt like a distant dream now. Unreachable. Impossible. Or it was the reality... the beautiful, perfect reality and now I was cursed to live in a constant nightmare. And just like that, the cold, lonely September returned every year and her thoughts plagued my mind more than ever. Her smile, the dimples on her cheeks, her obsidian eyes. My heart ached a little more than it already did.

A drop of tear slid down my cheek. I removed my glasses and buried my face in my knees. I felt my chest heaving with heavy sobs. I felt trapped in every way...choked. Nowhere to go, nowhere to escape. I never really realized what it meant to hurt so deeply, until I lost her. I shook my head.

"I know I can't have you back...but at least... stop-stop coming in my mind... ", I pleaded, hopelessly, yet again.

"I've become so alone without you, Claire... I wish there was someone I could share my feelings with..."

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Song:- Gone Too Soon - Daughtry