Sitting at the table in the canteen, we slowly eat the large bland bowls of porridge provided. Occasionally, as a treat, we get small pieces of dried fruit.

There are no treats today.

Once Daa made a comment about how a spoonful of sugar and a pinch of cinnamon would help the porridge go down easier. Dab had taken offence, to what I considered a harmless comment, and resorted to taking Daa's bowl and tipping the entire contents into his and eating the lot. Daa was upset, he loves food and he doesn't ever share his meals. An argument ensued, one which lasted for days, resulting in me and Mattan hiding out in my room in a bid to avoid the shared living space. Parent arguments are horrible and neither of us wanted to be dragged into it. I refuse to take sides.

These little comments are the only signs that they still miss parts of their old lives; when there was more choice, more freedom. I guess it's part of the reason they don't talk about life before they joined the settlement, too many upsetting memories, like cinnamon and sugar.

'What are your plans for today?' Daa asks as he stirs his porridge in circles.

'Not much,' I say evasively.

'Are you planning to go to the woods again? You never did tell us who's accompanying you,' Dab says.

'Yeah, I'll pop to the woods briefly. I'll be going to The Rec after with Axel as well.' I look down at my porridge. It took me a while to come up with that sentence which is very true but also slightly deceitful because I am going to The Rec with Axel, but he is not coming to the woods with me.

'Ok,' Dab says.

Mattan glances at me, his spoonful of porridge suspended in mid-air. He knows Axel isn't going into the woods with me like my parents are assuming. His eyes narrow, but he remains silent as he slowly pops the spoon into his mouth.

I'm not lying. I'm just allowing then come to their own conclusions. The incorrect conclusion.

My insides tighten with guilt. Honesty has always been a given in our family. Me and Mattan always took responsibility for our actions but suffering the punishment together is easier when there's two of you.

'Just promise you won't roam the woods by yourself. You never know when a Drifter may appear,' Daa says, scooping the porridge quickly into his mouth and forcibly swallowing it down.

'I promise.' I look up to meet both my parents' eyes.

This time I'm being completely truthful. I definitely won't be roaming the woods alone.

The sight of the woods ahead of me sends a ripple of excitement. I can't wait to get out of this settlement. A hand grabs my arm, stopping me in my tracks, and I spin round. My shoulders sag in relief. 'Mattan you scared me.'

'You promised you weren't going alone,' Mattan's voice is low and urgent as his hand tightens around my arm.

'I'm not, I'm meeting them in there,' I say quietly.

'Axel would never agree to go with you into the woods.' Mattan's fingers dig into my skin.

'I didn't actually say I was going in with Axel,' I snap, annoyed at him. I pull away but his grip remains. 'It's another friend, one you don't know. Mattan, let go, you're hurting me.'

'I know all your friends.' His hand drops to his side, releasing my arm.

'Not this one. I promised I wouldn't roam the woods alone so I won't. Just trust me, ok?' I rub my arm, trying to rid myself of the faint throbbing.

'I trust you, it's just...' He hesitates, glancing down at the floor as he digs the tip of his shoe into the ground. He looks up at me, and his eyes are ringed with dark shadows: heavy and hooded. Is he having problems sleeping? He looks exhausted. The muscle in his jaw twitches, emphasising his clenched jaw. I've never seen him like this. He's acting odd.

'Mattan, what's the matter?' I wrap my arms around his waist, and he hugs me back. Leaning his chin on my head, he takes several deep breathes and I'm starting to worry.

'You're really important to me, Kit,' Mattan says finally. 'I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry.'

'You didn't hurt me that badly,' I say, leaning back to look up at him. 'Are you ok?'

'I'm fine. I just want you to know how much you mean to me. I love you, sis.' Mattan loosens his hold on me.

'You're so soppy sometimes,' I chuckle and gently push him away. 'I'll see you later.'

He doesn't smile. His hands drop to his side, and he walks away. His pace is slow, shoulders rounded and hunched, something is bothering him. I need to find out what so I can cheer him up later. He's probably had an argument with Mara.

I continue into the woods, checking the occasional box but there's no sign of Zach so I head deeper in. The view of the settlement disappears behind the trees as the song he played me last Sunday hums through my head.

Zach sits on a tree trunk facing the lake, throwing stones into the large dark mass of water. The leaves and sticks crunch loudly under my feet, and Zach turns towards me smiling broadly. 'Hey, gorgeous.'

'Don't call me that,' I say stiffly.

'I can lie and call you ugly if you really want?'

'I'd rather you didn't call me anything.' I frown.

He chuckles and continues to chuck stones into the lake. Each one disrupts the smooth surface and creates a plop sound which is deafening against the silence. Listening to some music would make this better.

I'm not going to ask to listen to music. I will not ask. I will not ask.

'Have you ever skimmed a stone?' I ask.

'No. Never heard of it.'

'Apparently, you can bounce stones off the surface of the water. It's called stone skimming. People used to do competitions. Those who got the most bounces won. I read somewhere the record was around 40 bounces.' I pick up a stone and stand by the edge of the lake. 'The article said you need a thin stone, and if you spin it fast enough and at the right angle it will bounce off the surface.' Bending my knees slightly, I spin the stone at the water where it drops in.

Well, that was a complete failure.

'Reading and doing however are two different things,' I add.

'Like you said, practice makes perfect.' Zach smirks. Maybe, he smirks involuntarily. It could be some sort of smirking tick.

I roll my eyes in response.

At this rate, we're both going to give ourselves injuries. He'll get mouth strain and I'll give myself an eye strain. How many times do I have to roll my eyes until I damage the muscle?

Zach mimics my actions. His first attempt, like mine, sinks on contact with the water.

We continue selecting stones, both of us spinning them at the water, changing our height and the force of the throw. After too many to count, one of my stones bounces off the water's surface once. A small shriek of glee passes my lips.

Take that smirk boy!

'Congratulations. But then you did say you were good with your hands,' Zach's lips curl in amusement. Basically, he half smirks. How is that even possible?

'At least one of us is,' I retort. The blood rushes to my face, and I press my lips tightly together.

'That hurt.' Zach laughs and places his hand on his heart in mock pain.

I roll my eyes, again, and bend down in search of suitable stones.

'So what does your boyfriend think about you meeting up with a Techie?' Zach asks.

'I don't have a boyfriend.'

'Really?' 

'Yes, really.'

'Are you not allowed to date?'

'We can date, but I think it's pretty pointless. Unless you plan on settling down, and I have no intentions of settling anytime soon.' I throw a stone and it sinks again. 'And even if I was interested, I don't have any viable options.'

'So you're into guys only then?'

'What?' I ask confused.

'You said you don't have any viable options which would mean you're into boys.'

'Why would it mean that?'

'Because if I'm right, your sour-faced friend is going out with the moody boy in your group which leaves you with three viable options; two girls and one boy. You don't seem to notice the boy who wants to suck your face and get into your pants which would leave the two girls but as you said you have no viable options, it would mean you don't fancy the girls either.' Zach arches an eyebrow. 'So you must fancy guys.'

I stare at him dumbfounded. Did he seriously say that? First, his logic makes no sense. Maybe I'm just not into those girls. Second, Axel doesn't want to suck my face and get into my pants. Does he?

It's true, I've thought about settling with Axel. He's kind and easy to get on with but the problem is I only like him as a friend. Maybe, I could learn to love him. Spending my life with him might be better than spending it alone or living as the third wheel to my parents. The only problem is I would only be choosing Axel out of fear of being alone.

'I could be wrong and you do fancy girls. Or worst, you fancy the boy who can't stop humping you with his eyes.' Zach smirks.

'You are disgusting,' I stammer

'Disgustingly handsome.' Zach winks.

I groan and clench my hands by my side.

'So what is it? Boys, girls or both?' Zach looks at me expectantly.

I don't answer the question. I can't. Honestly, I don't know if I fancy boys, girls or both. All I know is I don't fancy any of my friends or anyone in my settlement.

'You could have your pick if you wanted.' Zach's eyes hold mine, and my insides do some crazy weird flutter.

Is he flirting? I have no idea. He's probably teasing me. I need to remember he's a Techie so he can have fun and mess around. Naturalists definitely cannot.

'Let's start checking the animal houses,' I say, quickly turning away from the lake. I rush into the woods in search of my boxes, my heart beating a little too fast and my mouth is dry. Maybe I'm getting ill?

'What else do you like to read? Apart from the riveting topics of stone skimming and animal shelters,' Zach asks stepping in line with me and I'm thankful for the change in topic.

'My favourites are The Hunger Games, Nineteen Eighty-Four and The Road. But I'll read anything. There's a mini-library leftover from when the settlement used to be a summer camp. It's mainly teenage and wildlife books.'

None of the other residents use the library. We're not meant to handle other peoples possessions, another rule to prevent Virulence transmission so the library was abandoned. Two years ago, Alma told me about the little room full of books, which is tucked behind The Rec, because she was sick of me complaining about Mattan spending so much time with Mara. The stiff door had to be kicked opened and a fine layer of dust had settled over the books. Every book I picked up caused grey puffs to fill the air and tickle my nose.

I love reading.

Escaping into worlds so different from mine became my life support when the oppressive boredom was at its highest. Until eventually, I'd found a book which allowed me to access the woods and I found another way to escape.

'They're pretty depressing books,' Zach says.

'When I read them, it reminds me my life could be a whole lot worse,' I say quietly, kicking the thick pile of leaves under my feet.

'The Road was a little too depressing for me, but The Hunger Games at least has a kind of happy ending,' he says.

'A happy ending?' I say confused. 'Not really, Katniss doesn't know how she feels about Peeta or Gale. I would have liked to know who she ends up choosing.'

'You find out in the last book.'

'The last book?'

'It's a trilogy; The Hunger Games, Catching Fire and Mockingjay.'

That explains why the ending had felt so unfinished. 'Oh. The library only has one.'

'The movies are as brilliant as the books,' Zach says. 'But I'm sure you'd say the books are better than the movies.'

'Why would I say that?' I ask confused.

'Because that's what people always say when one of their favourite books are made into a film.' He shrugs.

'Oh.' I frown, even more confused. Why do they say that? Are movies not very good? I've read about them, but I never really understood what they were. Why make movies if they're not as good as books?

'You haven't seen a movie before have you?' He sighs.

I shake my head and lower my eyes in embarrassment. Why am I embarrassed? A naturalist's life consists of chores and avoiding contact, not watching movies. He probably hasn't spent a day ripping weeds out of a field and I haven't watched a movie. We live different lives.

Naturalists don't use technology, most don't even read books as they won't use the library and many didn't bring any with them. As a prepper Dab was prepared, he knew what he was bringing and already had most of his items boxed in preparation. Whereas all those people who called him crazy ended up frantically packing items when Virulence was killing everyone around them which resulted in a lot of things being left behind. Books being one of them.

I slowly climb a tree and peer inside the box. This really is pointless.

'I've found something,' Zach calls over, crouching down at the bottom of a wide twisted tree trunk in front of a box.

Found something?

Running over, I squat next to him and peer into the box he's lifted the lid too. The inside is empty. I look at Zach questioningly and a large grin spreads across his face. No, it's a smirk.

His annoyingly stupid smirk has returned.

This is all a joke to him and I'm part of it, someone for him to laugh at. I stop myself from pushing him hard. My hands curl into tight balls and I press them into the side of my legs, restraining myself. The fact I can't punch him makes me even angrier.

'Not funny,' I snap.

'I wanted to see if you actually cared or if you were using them as an excuse to spend time with me.'

'I set these up long before I met you.' I hiss through clenched teeth. He is so arrogant!

'Which means you've had plenty of time to give up on the idea of finding any animals in them so you must have an ulterior motive.' Zach leans forward. He's so close I can smell him: clean, fresh and strangely enticing.

Why does he have to smell so good?

Who cares how good he smells?

I dig my fisted palms further into my sides. 'You are such an arrogant, big-headed jerk!'

'An arrogant, big-headed, handsome jerk.' Zach leans even closer, and part of me wants to reach out but I'm not sure whether I want to punch him or do something entirely different.

'You're infuriating!' I stand up and step backwards. I need space. I need to stop the intense tingling radiating through me causing my stomach to knot.

'You're cute when you're angry.' Zach grins as he stands.

I groan loudly. 'I'm going.'

'Don't you want to listen to more music?' Zach says, stepping closer.

I will not fall for your trap, you arrogant music dealing good-smelling music addict-enabler. 'Not now.'

I back away even though I desperately want to listen to more music. I'm not addicted. I can resist. Just say no. I don't need new music, new words and new sounds which will end up circling my head, making me feel and think in a way that scares me and shouldn't be allowed.

'Next week,' I blurt out. Why did I say that? I'm meant to be resisting.

'A second date with the girl who thinks dating is pointless. How lucky am I?'

'It's not a date,' I say flatly and walk away.

'I'll get you to admit it one day,' Zach calls out.

'No, you won't!' I call back, suppressing the emerging smile.