The bell chimes for dinner followed by an echo of front doors opening and shutting. I can visualise the slow procession of families towards the canteen, everyone moving, synchronised and spaced out. 

What will happen when the population exceeds the capacity of this area? Where will people go? How will they continue to enforce the no-contact rule?

Staring at the two books stacked on my bedside table, I wish now I'd read them slower. I devoured them, reading them at every opportunity since Zach gave them to me. He was right, they are brilliant except my need to finish them has left me with no escape from my thoughts which continue to drift to Zach.

The ache building in my chest is getting worse.

I focus past the books and through the window to the trees which remind me of a time I would love to relive. If I could go back; I would savour every moment, make every second count.

I would have touched Zach sooner.

In moments like this, I miss Alma even more than normal. She would have known what to do. She'd guide me in her indirect way, but she's gone and the loss I feel without her in my life only convinces me more my decision to reject the transfer was the right one. I couldn't leave my family. 

I turn my back to the window and stare at the blank wall. This is better.

Dab knocks on the door. 'Kit, me and Daa have been waiting for you at the dining hall but you didn't turn up. I came to see if you need help walking over?'

'I'm not hungry,' I call back.

I'm lying.

I just don't want them to see me like this; my throat blocked and my eyes stinging from all the unshed tears threatening to brim over at any point. I've managed to hold them in all day. I prevented them from surfacing when Suki gave me a lecture on the way to school on the risks of physical contact and the importance of Naturalist rules. I ignored the ache telling me to run to Ben who was waiting by the side of the school and clearly expecting for me to change my mind. I refused to show any emotion whilst I watched Zach allow a girl to run her fingers along his neck and talk so closely into his ear she was practically licking it. I blinked back the tears when I joined my friends on the walk home and Axel made a jibe about the Techie being bored of me already. I held them back when my parents spoke to me about only wanting what's best for me and how they will support me no matter what I decide in life. I don't want to cry because it won't change anything. 

I gave up the opportunity of a transfer, and Zach isn't mine.

'Can I come in?' Dab calls through the door.

'If you want.' I remain staring at the blank wall as I listen to the door slowly creak open.

'You need to eat, Kit.' Dab shuffles uncomfortably in the doorway, unsure what to say. I don't know why he didn't send Daa. Daa is usually the one who attempts to get us to open up and talk about emotional stuff.

'I'm not hungry, I had a big lunch.' My excuse is pathetic. We all ate the same thing and he knows as well as me it wasn't big. It was the same size it always is. Unsatisfyingly small.

Dab steps into the room and sits on the bed next to me which dips under his weight. I watch from the corner of my eye as his gaze drifts around my room. His eyes settle on the books me and Zach got from the school. 'Are they new books?'

'They're from the library,' I say flatly.

He nods but he's unable to hide the disapproving look on his face. He doesn't like me using the library. Dab would prefer I only read the books he brought from his previous life; a tiny collection based on the topics of organic food, holistic medicine and self-help. All three topics have no value to me. I don't want to work in the kitchen like him or advise people on the best herbs to treat their scaly skin and haemorrhoids, and when I try to visualise my life goals it results in visions of me escaping this settlement to faraway places which is an unattainable dream.

'Are you ok?' Dab says, his hand resting on my forehead.

'I'm fine,' I say, hoping he doesn't hear the wavering in my voice.

'Good, that means you can come to dinner. No arguing.' Dab smiles, seemingly pleased he's tricked me.

I groan. 'Fine. Give me a minute to get ready.' And a minute to figure out how to hold in these tears.

'Do you need help with anything?'

'No thanks.'

'I'll wait for you on the porch then.' He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. 'I love you, Kit.'

'I love you too, Dab,' I croak.

Dab leaves, shutting my bedroom door behind him. I drag myself out of bed, heavy and slow as though my body has gained extra weight since yesterday making it difficult to carry out my normal daily tasks, or maybe time has slowed. That seems the most logical explanation because whenever you're desperate for it to move on it slows down instead in a bid to torment you.

I hate time.

A movement in the corner of my vision makes my eyes dart to the window. A thump on the floor sounds as a bag hits my floor. Zach's face appears followed by his body as he jumps through the window effortlessly with a boyish grin across his face. It's not a smirk. This is the look of someone who thinks he's in trouble.

'What are you doing here?' I hiss, ignoring the pain in my leg as I stumble over to the window. Pushing Zach out the way, I lean out the open window and search for any witnesses.
There's no one around. Please don't let anyone have seen a Techie boy climb in through my window. I face Zach and glare at him. 

'You didn't wait for me after school today. I needed to give you this back.' He hands over the screen innocently.

Wait for him? I thought this was over. His behaviour yesterday showed he's not serious about us.

'After how you acted yesterday, I assumed...' I falter, unsure what to say. His words had some truth. I am scared. I'm scared I'm falling for him, scared the feeling isn't mutual.

I'm terrified of getting hurt.

'I'm sorry. I was angry and acting like an idiot. I know your family mean a lot to you but I thought...' Zach trails off. Rubbing the back of his neck, he won't make eye contact. I've never seen him like this; unsure of himself and lost for words.

It's the first time I've seen Zach look vulnerable.

He drags a hand down his face and I want to comfort him. My hand hesitantly slips into his and I give it a gentle squeeze. It's simple tiny gesture for a Techie but a massive one for me. Zach seems to sense it because he looks down at our hands and smiles as his fingers interlock with mine tightly. He pulls me closer to him, and his other hand cups my face tilting it upwards. His thumb gently caresses my cheek, my lips and the warmth from his skin trickles down my spine, spreading out through my body.

My body is melting under his touch.

Zach whispers quietly, 'I'm not ready for this to end.'

'Neither am I.'

Our mouths collide, and I ignore every alarm ringing in my head as his lips move gently against mine, soft and warm. His hand grips my waist, pulling me closer so our bodies are pressed against each other. What we are doing is stupid and reckless. I don't stop. I'm worried I'll never feel like this about someone again, never feel a touch this intense again. My stomach is doing somersaults. A tingling radiates from his mouth to mine and continues to infiltrate my every cell.

He tastes even better than he smells.

My hands move tentatively up his arms which are solid and firm. My body is bursting with hot pleasure, the sensation is both frightening and amazing. Our mouths fit perfectly together, our tongues meet like they belong. A low groan sounds between us although I'm not sure if it's from me or Zach.

Stopping, we lean back slightly. I'm breathless and my heart pounds loudly in my chest as I run my tongue along my lips, savouring his taste.

'That was definitely worth the wait. Are you sure you've never kissed someone before?' Zach teases, his eyes drinking me in. I shove him playfully then I remember Dab is outside and Zach is here in my room. Again.

'I have to go. Dab is waiting for me outside.'

'Can I visit you tomorrow?' Zach asks.

'Ok.' I grab my crutches and move towards my bedroom door. I pause at the door and turn towards him. 'You'll have to come early so you're not seen. Don't get caught, now or tomorrow."

Zach nods and I exit the room. Closing the door behind me, I lean on it and inhale deeply to stabilise my ragged breathing. I rub at my lips trying to get rid of any trace of Zach even though it's the last thing I want to do.

There's no doubt in my mind I'm falling for Zach because now I'm not focussed on the consequences of us getting caught. All I can think about is kissing Zach again. 

Author Notes

What do you think about the kissing scene? I'm never sure whether to go into less or more detail...hopefully you enjoyed it!