I left her standing there; having to get away before more tears came and the pain got any worse. As I was getting into the car, Farkle came running out.

    "Riles! Riles, wait! Where are you going?" He leaned into the window to stop me from driving off. "What happened, Riles? What did you say?"

    "Something I should have said ages ago. I told her the truth, like you said to."

    "But...then...why are you leaving?" He didn't get it, which was fair, because it had taken me long enough to figure it out.

    "It's just not meant to be."

    "That's crap, Riles, and you know it!" He slammed his hands on the door. "Come on, you have to fight for her!"

    "I just did. I gave it everything but some people can't change, can't be saved. Or just don't want to be. I don't know." I pushed the key into the ignition and the car came to life with a roar.

    "That's not enough! She has to see you're good for her!" I gave Farkle a sad smile.

    "We don't always like what's good for us, Flankle. I told you, it's just not meant to be." I put my foot on the gas and the car inched forward, Farkle walking beside me.

    "Please, Riles! You promised you wouldn't give up on her too!"

    "I haven't given up on her, Farkle. I keep my promises. It's just she's given up on me, on herself. Nothing I can do." I was away down the driveway and out the still open gate before he could say another word. I watched the gate close behind me as I put my foot down hard.

    I didn't say a word to my mom when I got home, I didn't have to. She wrapped me in a hug and held me as I just cried. The tears fell for a long time and I did nothing to stop them. Mom stayed with me long into the night. I must have fallen asleep on the couch, my head in her lap, because I woke the next morning feeling totally cried out and completely exhausted. I sat up and she appeared in the door, a cup of something hot in one hand and my phone in the other.

    "Morning, honey. How are you feeling?" She handed me the cup.

    "Thankfully we have tea!" I took a few careful sips, cupping my hands around the cup to warm them. "I feel...a little better, I think; helped to cry."

    "That's good. You are quite welcome to stay at home today; I can call the school and tell them you're sick, if you like?"

    That was a very tempting offer, but I wasn't going to let this destroy me completely. "Thanks, mom, but I have to go. I'm going to have to face the world sometime, so I think I should do it sooner rather than later, get it out of the way."

    She smiled and handed me my phone. "I thought you might say that, so I got you a ride."

    "What—"I flipped my phone open and there was a new text from Smackle. You got an hour, go! I flung my arms around my mom and babbled a thank you, then I sprinted upstairs.

    When the knock on the door came an hour later, I was lacing my Vans in the kitchen. I grabbed my bag, kissed my mom goodbye, and ripped the front door open.

    Smackle gave me a dazzling smile. "Morning, Riles!"

    I was unspeakably happy to see Smackle this morning. She chatted about everything and anything, keeping me thoroughly distracted as we drove to school.

    In the parking lot, she switched the engine off and turned to me. "I know what happened, Riles. I figured most of it out when you were so upset and your mom filled in the blanks. I just want you to know that whatever happens today, I'll always be by your side. You can count on me."

    "Smackle....you have no idea what that means!" I gave her an awkward hug, the seatbelt restricting my reach. "Thank you."

    We climbed out of Smackle's beat up car and, trying to ignore the looks I was getting, we walked into school arm and arm.

    My courage held out right until I saw her. She strode into the school the same way she did every morning, looking stunning and like she owned the place. I dragged Smackle to the side of the corridor, panic setting in.

    "I can't do this. I have to get out of here!"

    "Yes, you can do it! Riles, you have to be strong. Now come on!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me along my locker. "Just relax, smile, Riles, focus on me."

    I tried my hardest and, for a moment, I succeeded. But then I made the mistake of glancing over to her locker. She was there, leaning against it, looking right at me.

    I ripped my eyes away and back to Smackle. "Riles," she warned as tears started welling up. "You can do it, I know you can." She gripped my hand tighter, about to say something else when she froze.

    I followed her line of sight to see Maya heading right for us, Farkle in tow. I froze too, unsure as to whether I should wait for her here, walk towards her or just turn and run away as fast as I could home.

    Thankfully the decision was made for me as Maya stopped in her tracks. A second later I saw why. Zay and Lucas appeared, oblivious as to what they were interrupting and started talking loudly all at once.

    I saw Farkle anxiously watching Maya, but she just turned on her heels and set off to class. Farkle caught my eye.  I hadn't ever seen him so helpless before. I knew he wanted to help Maya more than anything, but he couldn't think of how to without making it worse. I felt the same way.

    As the day progressed I sank further and further into my depression from yesterday. Even with Smackle firmly at my side I couldn't stop the dumb feeling that took over my whole body. I wasn't even sure why I felt this way. Maybe it was because I'd tried and failed, whereas before I'd never tried so I didn't know I had no chance with her.

    Although the whole numb thing did have an upside, whenever I saw her it didn't hurt. And I didn't have this overwhelming urge to cry and run home to my mom. So there's always a silver lining. My friends tried their best to cheer me up, but eventually they realized something was really wrong.

    "Riles, listen, I'm sorry for the way I acted yesterday. It was dumb and immature." Lucas was sitting next to me at the lunch table as usual. "I wasn't thinking. I still love you, Riles and you can't blame a guy for trying!" When he smiled so did his eyes. They crinkled up at the corners, like his mouth did. I squeezed his hand gently.

    "Thanks, Lucas. And no, I don't blame you. But you just have to remember—"Out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure with long blonde hair get up from her table and head for the door. She hesitated in the doorway, throwing a glance over her shoulder before continuing out on the corridor.

    "Remember...? Riles?" Lucas shook me back to reality.

    "Huh?"

    "What do I have to remember?"

    "That you—uh—should always floss after every meal. Sorry, I have to go." I saw Smackle stand as I did but I shook my head. I just had to see, to make sure that she wasn't waiting...

    I pushed my way out of the cafeteria, not stopping until I was free of the crowd and out in the open corridor.  I didn't even hesitate this time, I headed the same way I had the first time. But halfway out of the classroom I saw her come out of the girls' bathroom and head back towards me.

    I stopped dead, my eyes on her. She hadn't come out to be with me, she hadn't wanted me to follow, she didn't want me at all.

    "Oh." She had noticed me at last, and stopped as well, a few feet from me. "Riley...Riles..." When I didn't respond she moved closer, not stopping until we were inches apart. I wanted so badly to close the gap between us but I held myself back. "I want it too, Riles. I know you feel it, I know you're fighting it." She stretched her arm out and ran her fingertips along my cheek, along my jaw to my lips. "Farkle shouted at me, you know? It was the first time I ever heard him swear and it was all because of you."

    "Sorry," I managed to croak out. She smiled faintly, her fingers tracing my lips, my nose, my eyes...

    "Don't be. I pushed him to it. I shouldn't have been so selfish." I caught her hand by the wrist."

    "You're not selfish." She laughed bitterly.

    "Yeah, I am. Why do you think I'm still standing here with you? I just want you to realize just what it's doing to you, to Farkle..." She inched forward, her fingers finding their way into my hair. "I'm selfish, Riles, that's why I can't let you go." She pressed her lips to mine then, her fingers going deeper into my hair, pulling me to her.

    I couldn't believe it, couldn't comprehend what was happening. Maya Hart was kissing me, in the middle of the school corridor, like she didn't even care! I jerked out of her grasp, confused and scared.

    "Riles..."

    "Maya, we shouldn't. Someone might see and then you'll...I mean...it won't be good," she paused, reaching for me. I watched her think, waiting to see if she would break my heart into even smaller pieces.

    "You're right." There it was, just as I'd expected. "But I don't want to." Before I knew it she was kissing me again, so fiercely I thought we might burst into flames. My heart started to sing, but when the door opened somewhere along the corridor, she pulled away.

    "Ma-Maya—"

    "Riles, listen to me. Meet me in the auditorium, okay? After school, we can talk." She pressed a last kiss to my lips before heading back to the cafeteria.