Song: "Nobody Ever Told You" by Carrie Underwood. Represents how Biana is judged more on her looks and family than her personality and bravery.

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM NEVERSEEN AND LODESTAR.

When people first see me, they see a fragile, pretty girl. They underestimate me constantly.

All my life, I was known for not only my Vacker family status, but for my looks. All the boys had crushes on me, and all the girls wanted to be friends with me. The thing is, as much as I love beauty elixirs, dressing up, and having my mom's beauty, I was tired of being judged on my family, or my appearance.

Funny and ironic how I manifested as a Vanisher.

I always envied Mom and Alvar's vanishing ability. I wasn't like Fitz, who wanted to have a rare ability, which he got when he manifested as a Telepath. I wanted to be able to disappear whenever I wanted, then reappear again, I wanted to show off the power I had, something that wasn't exactly the term for "beauty," but beauty in itself.

I look up to my mom. I don't want to be exactly like her though, like Fitz wants to be like our Dad. I want to be my own kind of person, a mix of traits from my parents. But sometimes, I find myself acting exactly like Mom.

Hmm . . . what else to talk about.

Let's start with Fitz, a.k.a. "I know what you're thinking now! And now!"

Fitz and I look alike. We both have Dad's teal eyes rather than Mom and Alvar's eyes, which are cobalt blue, though Fitz's are way brighter and cooler than mine. We both have the Vacker family's trademarked good looks, and we're both friends with Sophie Foster, though for Fitz, it's a "more than friends"relationship, and I'm not talking about the Cognate thing. Seriously, his crush on her is so obvious! Holding her hand all the time, blushing when someone suspects that he has a crush on her, Sophie trusting him so much that they are Cognates. Seriously, just kiss!

Anyway, Fitz has always been Dad's pride and joy, and, of course, his favorite. Dad will never admit it, but Alvar and I both know that it's true. He's the only other one in our family who's a Telepath; the rest of us are Vanishers. Fitz is the one who is the most successful, too. Not only was he the youngest elf to ever manifest (that was before we learned about Sophie), but he manifested with a rare ability. He found "The Girl Who Was Taken," he's a talented Telepath, and he's the Vacker son who didn't betray his family . . .

Fitz cares a lot, too. Not just about is family, but his friends. He also has horrible moods and intense emotions. I always suspected it was the fact that he was a Telepath, since Sophie's acted like that before. So has my dad, but rarely. I guess it's the fact that he's over 100 years old, giving him a while to control his emotions more. Or maybe it's a Cognate thing, since you need a ton of trust to be a Cognate with another person. Maybe emotions are connected to it somehow? I don't really know.

When our dad's mind broke, it effected everyone, even people outside of our family and friends. The Great Alden Vacker, brain-dead. It was a tragedy.

Each of us in our family handled it differently. Mom always tried to be optimistic about everything, saying things like "Oh, it's going to be fine! He's going to heal. He will . . ." and staying up for hours next to Dad's bed, getting sleep only when Elwin sedated her. I was depressed, just trying to deal with everything quietly. Alvar kept trying to comfort everyone. 

But Fitz, he had the worst reaction of us all. He punched things, he pushed us all away, he yelled, accused everyone who looked at him of something. He became almost a whole different person. In those months that Dad's mind was broke, my old brother was practically gone. If I said anything he didn't like, he would snap. When I was feeling bad, I wasn't allowed to come to his room, something he would let me do when I was upset. And then there was the big rule he had, one that, if not followed, would cause him lose it. 

"Don't talk about her!" he had said one night when we were eating dinner. It was just the two of us sitting at the long table, and I had jumped when he spoke.

"Who?" I asked him. "Sophie?"

I swear, his eyes lit up angrily. He clutched the edge of the table tightly with his hands, then nodded. "Don't say her name." When I gave him a fearful look, his eyes softened a bit, then he added, "Please, Biana."

After that, I didn't talk about Sophie, nor did I talk to her. It was Fitz rubbing off on me a little, but there were times I wanted to talk to Fitz desperately about Sophie, wanting him to forgive her, wanting to be able to talk to her and be friends again. But I didn't. Because I was scared. I'm not as scared now as I was then.

You see, after hanging out with Sophie, she starts to influence you a lot. You want to be brave and have courage like she does. I had it in me, but no one ever tried to bring my bravery out. I hid behind my looks, being fearful and not doing the right things.

When Sophie first said she would be joining the Black Swan, and everyone else insisted they would join as well, I was scared then. But then I thought, This is the chance I get to be brave. And I said I would join the Black Swan with her and our friends. Because I am not weak. I am like my mom; I am more than my looks.

Maybe others will see that.

*

This was an interesting chapter to write, as I wasn't quite sure how to write from Biana's perspective at first. I tried, though, and it turned out kind of good. It's not my best though.

Enjoy, ~Kirs.