When dawn broke over the horizon, I came to the realization that my old life was a shore I had left.

Nikola made me swear I'd not speak a word about his illness but I was all questions and worry. When I looked at his wound teary-eyed, he took hold of my wrists and pinned me down. "I'm in Italy for a few more days. Then I return to a reality I cannot run away from. Make it beautiful for me, Gianni. I need happy memories to guide me through what comes next."

"I swear to you. I will make it perfect." I nodded and promised I'd pretend he never told me. But inside, parts of me died.

There was silence in the house. I understood we were the first ones up.

"Do you have a bathing suit?" I asked hoping to add sunshine over this gloom.

"No."

Rolling onto him, I touched my nose to his. "Good. I'm taking you swimming."

As I got up and tugged on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, Nikola chuckled and nodded to the clothes on the floor. "Am I to swim in my suit?"

"No." I grabbed a clean pair of shorts and my favourite green t-shirt and tossed them to him.

"In this?"

I shook my head and pointed to the invisible watch on my wrist. "We've got a handful of minutes until my parents wake and the house is flooded with cleaning staff."

Nikola shook his head but I saw he was smiling. "Where to?"

I watched him with a vivid lack of discretion as he dressed.

"Well, you have already seen it all."

I nodded happily. "Every inch. I bare no shame."

After he dressed, he walked to me and slid his arms around my shoulders. "You amaze me."

"We have ten minutes if we're lucky," I reminded him and we were out in five. I don't think two people ever got themselves ready so quickly.

Any of the maids entering my room would see pillows and sheets scattered on the floor. Yesterday's attire – Nikola's and mine – were under those sheets like hibernating bears. A box of condoms lay half-hidden under my bed. The lid was open and it vomited silvery-blue. The bathroom was no tidier. There were no towels hanging from their hooks any longer. The mirror was covered in water drops, and a sticky stream of minty toothpaste trailed down the side of the sink.

I grabbed two bottles of water. Nikola and I hurried down the path when I heard my mother calling me for breakfast.

With a chuckle, I brought my finger to my lips, grabbed Nikola's hand, and ran all the way out of our property while holding the bottles against my chest like a baby. We only returned to walking when we were out of sight.

Past the vineyards was a cluster of trees creating a miniature forest. In that forest was a pond I often used with my friends for a much-needed swim when summers got too hot.

I set the bottles in the shade. "Here, Nikola. This is where we shall swim." I curled my fingers through his as if we had been lovers in ten previous lifetimes and not ones born twelve hours ago.

"Not with these, I presume?" Nikola playfully tugged at my shirt.

"Nope."

My lover raised a brow.

I tisked impishly. "You're not suddenly shy, are you?"

With a huff, he backed away and pulled his...well, my, green t-shirt off his beautiful body. He dangled the top from his fingertips before dropping it. "Was I shy when I..." he leaned to me and whispered a reminder of the things that had happened last night.

I could not help but bite my lip. Heat rose to my cheeks. He had loved me like no other ever had.

"I cannot even respond to that in proper words. Will gibberish work?"

His reply was to steal my lips in a kiss. "We need cooling off."

That we did. The summer's heat along with our hangovers – and a night of passion meant for poetry, made the cool water of the pond a blissful escape. We waded in until the water reached our bellies.

"I could stay here forever." Nikola inched down until water came up to that tiny cut. Tilting his head back, he closed his eyes and sighed.

I looked at him as I moved my hands over the pond's surface. He looked serene. Yesterday's melancholy was no more. Maybe this mask of joy was temporary. I wished it could last, but reality came to smack me right then reminding me that what was waiting for him when he got back home was horrible. There was an ache in my stomach like I had just swallowed a stone.

"How long, Nikola?" I blurted out.

Opening his eyes, he stood up to face me. Drops of water trickled down his chest but I could not help but stare at his scar. I needed to know everything. How long? What was going to happen? Was there a chance, even a tiny one, that he might live?

His features tensed. With a sigh, he dipped under water.

"Nikola!" Anger came over me. It was sudden and it was hard. And, fuck, it hurt so much. I walked to where he had vanished and smacked the water. When I spoke, my voice was that of a scared little boy's, "I can not act like I don't want to know. I cannot pretend you never told me."

Rising, he was perfection – a mythological being created by God himself.

"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt me."

"I can't ignore it. It's driving me crazy...not knowing anything."

Nikola waded away from me. He reached the shore and grabbed the water bottle. Cracking open the lid he drank half in one go.

I wanted to follow him, to wrap my arms around him and ask for forgiveness. The grass was emerald. Wildflowers dotted the green. We could lay there. We could –.

"I know it's going to hurt. We're both already hurting." I felt tiny fish swimming around my toes. "I'm sorry for pestering but it's eating me up inside." I took a step towards him. "I need to know how much longer I have with you. Not just the time in Italy we have together. How long do we share the same air? The same moon? The stars?"

Nikola set the bottle down but did not speak.

When I extended my hand to him he came and took me in his arms. It felt like home. Like I had been wandering all this time with no purpose or place.

"With treatment, I have a fifty percent chance of living 6 months."

I was floored. I wanted to fall into the water and die. "Isn't thyroid cancer the good kind?" I stupidly said.

Nikola touched his lips to my crown. "I have Anaplastic thyroid cancer. It's the worst one you can get. I'm at stage two. Thankfully. Were it three, the survival rate would be..." He stopped talking and tilted my chin up so he could catch my gaze. "I would not have been able to come to Italy. I would not have met you."

"The percentage is small," I croaked.

"Yes."

"But it's there."

He nodded.

"Then we'll take it and hope you are..." My voice stopped working though my mouth kept moving, the lucky one.

Nikola caressed my hair and everything was gentle for a second. "Now you know."

I had a million things I wanted to say and ask but all I could do was fight back tears and utter, "Why did you tell me, of all people, you are the composer of that song? You have kept it a secret from the world for so long."

Nikola smiled and the sun melted. "Your talent is beyond anything I have ever seen. If I," he paused and cupped my face before taking a serious tone, "If I die, I want you to have that composition."

I was confused but he quickly explained. "When I return to Finland, I am going to have the rights passed onto you."

When I began to protest he clasped his hand over my mouth. "A gift to use for your future. I know your parents will have already taken care of mostly everything, but I want you to have something to remember me by. No one has ever played that song better than I have but you. You will take custody of my macabre child. Use the money for your music. But promise me you will donate half of what you get to cancer research." Perhaps it was the fact that the sun was shining on his face, but I saw his eyes water. "Fifty percent."

"The survival rate you have been given," I whispered.

Nikola nodded. "Now, swear to me there'll be no more talk about this matter."

My heart felt like it would burst. "I swear." This time I meant it.

"Good." His hands slid to my hips and he pulled me closer. "I've fallen for you, Gianni. The moment I saw you you took my breath away. There is beauty in the world –I see that now – and it starts and ends with you."