Ash' POV

16 year old Ash (part I)

'My little eyes are watching all you say and do
And when I grow up big and tall, I want to be like you
My little ears are listening to everything you say
I'm learning how to grow up, to be like you some day
So be careful how you teach me, to be the person that you are
You're a Knight in shining armour
You're my brightest shining star'

"Ash?... Where's Gary?"

"He's in detention all week little dude... So you have the pleasure of me picking you up for the rest of the week I'm afraid."

"What did he do?"

And he trotted over to me, his oversized school bag pulled high on his shoulder. Gary had styled his hair this morning, and although it was dishevelled from a day of being a six year old, he was still the coolest little guy I'd ever met. He eagerly took my hand, and we started the walk back to his house.

"He was doing something extremely naughty in the locker changing rooms."

And his eyes brightened. Because kids seem to have this natural curiosity about defiance.

"What was he doing?"

"I'll tell you in ten years Rubes."

He pouted, dramatically sticking his bottom lip out further than his top.
"You promise?"

"Cross my heart."

"Why aren't you in detention?"

"Because I'm smart enough not to get caught."

"I'm smart."

"You're very smart Rubin... Gary showed me the poem you wrote him."

"He did?"

"Best poem I've ever read."

"Teacher helped me with it though."

"The idea was all yours... You get full credit."

Because Gary tried so damned hard to make that kids life relatively normal. He sacrificed so much to do it.

I tried to help him as much as I could. Because no sixteen year old should have to do that on his own. Even though he was probably the strongest one out of the lot of us.

His grades were on paper thin ice at school. He was late near enough every day, in order to get Rubin to his own school. To make sure he was up, showered, dressed, and fed.

Of course, it didn't help that he wasn't a model student in the slightest. The reason for his detention? Not having the ability to keep his dick in his pants long enough to wait until he was off school grounds to taint another innocent girl who had fallen for that smile of his.

"Do you think he liked my poem Ash?"

"He told me he loved it Rubes."

"Why did he cry when I gave it to him?"

"Have you ever been so happy, you felt like you could explode?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, sometimes when people feel like that, they actually do explode... But that explosion comes in the form of tears."

"So, he was happy?"

"The happiest."

16 year old Ash (part II)

"Why is the sky blue Gary?"

"Something to do with the sea?... Or the sea is blue because of the sky?... I don't fucking know Ash."

"Why is the grass green?"

"Chloroform... Chlorophyll... Chlorine... One of those."

"Why are we lying down in it?"

"Because you're drunk and I'm stoned."

"But why?"

"Because life is a neatly wrapped of box of never ending shit Ash."

"D'you reckon it'll get better?"

"I think it will get a hell of a lot worse before it gets even close to better."

So, I pushed myself up then, ignoring the spin of the world around me from one too many bottles of larger. Gary lay with one arm across his eyes, blocking out the bright summer sun, cigarette hanging out the corner of his mouth.

"Come on."

He peered at me, "Are we going somewhere?"

"Look at this weather. We're not wasting it."

"Haven't I already mentioned the fact that I am way too stoned to do anything right now?"

"Walk it off."

And he laughed, pushing himself up to mirror me, "That's the exact opposite of what I need to do."

I offered him my hand to help him to his feet,
"Yeah? Well you're doing it anyway."

...

Because things are never quite as scary when you have a best friend. You laugh a little harder. Cry a lot less. And smile a lot more.

Friendship isn't about who's been in your life the longest. It's about who walked into it, and simply said, quite literally, 'I've got your back', and proved it.

They walk in when the rest of the world walks out.

And maybe a good friend will know all of your stories. Know the adventures you've been on. But a best friend? A best friend has lived them with you.

"Let's go swimming." It was out of my mouth the moment I thought of it, and frankly, it felt like the best idea I'd had in a long time. I hadn't went swimming in years, and my excitement was quick. Childlike.

Gary stared straight at me, asking, "What?"

He definitely thought I was a tad crazy, and that he may be considering taking several steps back.

I shrugged, "We'll go to the lake."
The one we used to go to about forever ago.

He looked like he just stepped in a wad of gum, and I grinned at his wrinkled nose.
"Like right now?"

I nodded my head a little too enthusiastically,
"That, or you can stay and sweat to death in this heat."

But I was already putting one foot in front of another before he could reply. My need for cool water drove me halfway there before I decided trampling through the woods without shoes wasn't a brilliant choice. And I definitely should have put them back on.

I had just enough time to start wondering if Gary really wasn't going to come, before I heard him behind me.

"Forget something Baby Bear?" he drawled, as I gingerly stepped over the threatening edges of stones, and navigated around thick tree roots.

"Only something with which I can hit you."

He passed me then. Proudly displaying the fact that he had very much decided to put his shoes back on.

"What was that?"

"Hm?"

He gave me a look over his shoulder,
"Any slower and you'll get there by winter, Ketchum."

"Then I would be dead. Lack of food, for one."

"Let's not forget the possible suffocation from your hair, should it get any bigger."

I ignored him, knowing full well the effect humidity had on the thickness of my hair.

"I'd have to come back and haunt you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I won't be some friendly ghost either. I'll hide dead fish in your bedroom... I'll ruin all your favorite clothes."

"Will you pop out and yell 'boo' at random times as well?"

"Those will just be to throw you off. Then I'll start the revenge murder schemes... Catch you off guard."

"After telling me your plan?"

"Gary fucking Oak's End: Death by Slippers. Your tombstone will read, 'He should have brought Ash his shoes'... Everyone will say, 'oh, how ominous'."

"Death by slippers?" He sounds appalled at the prospect. "And you're about as terrifying as a fucking hamster, to me anyway. I doubt your ability to trick me into death when you can't even remember your shoes... Furthermore, I don't think you have the nerve."

"You should start begging for mercy now."

And he laughed out loud then, "You're a fucking tit."

But he cut himself off when I sailed past him, running into the water ahead and diving under the surface. It surrounded me in cool relief, stealing the heat from me. I emerged with a smirk, shoving my hair back from my face, free from the baking humidity.

Gary stared at me from the edge of the lake and lit the cigarette between his lips.

"Are you not getting in?"

"I'm just making sure you don't break out in infection... or something doesn't eat you from the murky depths."

"Scared Oak?" I inched closer to him.

"Hopeful." He smirks.

"You can stay in the shallow part you scared little lamb... If you start drowning, I might consider saving you."

He glared at me. "Is this your attempt at manipulation?"

"That depends on if it's working."

"Since it's not, I'll take that as a yes." His smirk was wiped away with the wave of water I sent at him, splashing against his legs. He looked at his skin like it might start melting off, and slowly raised his gaze back to me

"Feels good, doesn't it?" I smiled when he toed one off of his boots, and I laughed at him when he hopped around on his foot, trying to pull the other off. "So, you aren't a pussy then?"

"Well, if the expression 'you are what you eat' is anything to go by... Then yes. I'm a fucking pussy."

He stepped off the ledge then, the water splashing up around him. When he came back to the top, his cigarette hung loosely and wet from the corner of his mouth.

"But I'm certainly a better swimmer than you." He pointed to furthest away point in the lake, "There and back... Winner buys the drink for tonight."

"Ready?"

"Go."

16 year old Ash (part III)

I opened my eyes to light. The sun was shining through the windows, and I could hear the birds calling through the washed world. I blinked and squinted, adjusting, and looked in wonder. The light was coming through the holes in the ceiling, where the rain had been coming in. They streamed like laser beams of white light, hitting all throughout the room like little spotlights. It reminded me of how the sun looked coming through the trees sometimes.

After the house party at Mays had been disbanded last night, a select few of us weren't quite ready to call it a night. We'd ventured through the woods, deciding this old abandoned cabin would serve as an ample place for its continuation.

A girl I'd met the previous day currently had her face buried against my neck, as if to shield the light from her. She was on her side, her arm thrown over my hip and the other stretching out above our heads. Her leg was between mine, hair in disarray up against my face. And her stomach rising evenly at my side. My back felt stiff, one arm around her shoulders, and the other hand reaching out to float through the sunbeam. It turned my palm bright white, and I danced my fingers through it.

I smiled at the situation, remembering. I looked down the length of her, my eyes lingering on the curve of her bum, and the bite marks I'd left on her skin. From my positioning, I could see two- one on her hip, another on her shoulder.

But my memories were interrupted by the sound of loud laughing from outside the closed door, and I remembered what woke me up in the first place.

"I'm going to do it! I'm going to go hunt and kill a cow or something!"

"Are there any cows in the woods?"

"Yeah, I don't know if there are wild cows just roaming around anywhere."

"Take this knife and go sculpt a spear out of a branch...or something."

"Or you could just use the fucking knife?"

The girl shifted at my side, taking a breath, holding it, and releasing it. I moved my hand from the sunbeam and to my eyes, wiping the sleep and hangover away.

I stretched then, pushing out my legs and straightening my back. My muscles ached, although I was very much content.

"Morning."

I looked down at her, pleasantly surprised by the accent in her voice, putting two and two together as to why I'd never met her previously.

I hummed a reply, far too distracted at her finger currently drawing circles on my bare chest.

The tranquility was soon brought to a halt, as the voices outside spoke up again.

"I'm gonna get me some chickens! Orders up, orders up! Chicken, beef, and if I can find some..." The voice trails off, and then in a breath of shock, asks, "Gary?"

At this point, I abruptly sat up to listen, not really caring at all about the reaction of the woman beside me. I hadn't seen Gary in days. He wasn't answering my phone calls. Texts. The fucking doorbell. I'm almost entirely certain it had something to do with Mum, or more so his Mums return. And I'm even more certain that the reason he had tracked me down was to tell me the exact reason.

"What are you idiots going on about?" it was definitely his voice. "Go to the fucking store to get some food like a normal person, you absolute heathens."

Then, a weak "Oh," from in front of the door.
"Do you know if Ash is here? About... mess of hair like..."

I snorted at his description, and what was bound to be some exaggerated hand placement.

I pushed myself out of the bed, pulling on the various items of clothing scattered around the room.

"Where are you going?"

And regrettably, I didn't even look at her when I replied, "Better things to do sweetheart."

...

"She's back Ash."

I thought so.
"For how long?"

"I don't know... She says she's back for good... That she's going to change... But how many times have I heard it?"

"She's still there now?"

He nodded, "I just can't let her put Rubin through that again. I can't fucking do it man."

"I know you can't."
Because I did. He couldn't do that again. He might not be strong enough this time.

"She's a parent... A fucking parent... And I know neither me or Rubin were planned... But you can't plan that shit Ash... If it happens it happens, no take backs... It's what you do with that responsibility that matters... You can either run away from it, or step up to the challenge... And if you run? You were never ready for it anyway... But if you stay? Under no circumstances can you run away later on... You step the fuck up, and own it."

"Do you believe her? When she says she can change?"

He rubbed his face in his hands, as if scrubbing away some of his responsibility.
"Me? I don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth... But Rubin? He looks at her and her mouthfuls of empty promises, and loves her regardless."

"So, what are we gonna do?"

"We?"

"It's always me and you."

And he smiled sadly as he took a long drag from his cigarette. "I'll never forgive her Ash... Never."

"You don't have to."

"But I want Rubin to have his Mum."

"What's the plan?"

"She has until I'm eighteen to prove that she can be there for him."

"And after that? If she can prove that?"

"I'm gone."

"We're gone."

19 year old Ash

Everything was a process of learning. Knowledge grew like trees, slowly and searching. Even in all the events that declared me a failure, there was not one that stood singularly as the moment in which I realized.

There was no epiphany.

It was a battle of facts and beliefs, through lines I hadn't known were drawn by others and myself until I crossed them.

I would forget. The house would creak, or wind would batter a window, and one day I wouldn't expect to see my father standing there, with that same disappointed look on his face.

But the world could declare anything as some defining moment. Human beings got there by way of teeth, and nails, and strained limbs, and time.

Outside the window of my bedroom, the sun was setting, a burnt orange and red across the New Years eve sky, and I quite literally saw the world on fire.

"What's your resolution this year?"

"Honestly Gary?... I'm not even bothering to make one."

"But you have to make a resolution... It's tradition."

"Is it?"

"Yes... We build a snowman, make a resolution, get pissed, and smoke a blunt... That has been our New Year for the past six years."

"Getting pissed and smoking blunts at thirteen?"

"Well, maybe not that part"

"Building a snowman?"

"And making a resolution."

"It is freezing out there... I am not going outside."

He stood up then, placing a hand over his heart. "I, Gary Oak, declare my New Years resolution this year, is to make you LOVE everything to do with Christmas."

"That is a terrible resolution."

He smirked, throwing a balled up pair of gloves my way. "Wrap up Ketchum... It's gonna be a chilly one."

20 year old Ash

Gary had been seeing the same girl for at least theee months now. It was strange to see him fixate a significant period of time into one person. It certainly wasn't something I was mature enough to do. How serious he was about her however, I wasn't sure. We'd never sat down to have thay conversation yet.

He walked into the room, tossing the apartment keys on the table, his female friend followed closely behind. Neither had noticed my presence, being too amerced within their own conversation.

"What is wrong with you today Claire?"

And her pressure seemingly broke at his question, her next exhale coming out in a sob as tears flooded her eyes. Her breath shook back in, when Gary muttered something too low for me to hear beneath the sounds she was making, but she just couldn't seem to quiet them.

"Is this about moving in again?... Because I have told you what this is... What we are."

She shook her head, nodded, shook it again. "Which one is it?"

"No." She covered her eyes, pressing her lips together as the panic and confusion rose.

"It's that time of the month, isn't it? You've been absurdly sensitive lately."

"I... I know."

And I suddenly felt exceptionally uncomfortable. Now that he mentioned it, she had appeared more sensitive. To an astonishing degree. And I distinctly heard her in the bathroom retching away her breakfast just two days before. Morning sickness, if you like.

I started to quietly make my way to my room, careful not to interrupt what ever it was that was happening.

Gary pulled her arm, and she turned quickly to push into him, wrapping her arms around his neck. When he took a step back at the sudden pressure, I was sure he was going to pull away entirely, and I was surprised when he wrapped an arm around her instead.

Nearly at the solitude of my bed. Almost there.

"Clair, this is moving to a point far past my area of expertise... I don't want a relationship."

God, he can be fucking brutal.

"Is that why you're upset?"

I didn't hear her reply, so I can only assume it was answered by a shake of her head.

"Did something happen?"

"Sort of."

It couldn't have come at a worse time- if I was right in my guessing that is. Gary was not in a good place. He'd just last week had a massive blowout with Rubin, who had sworn to never speak to him again. And that? That even hurt me. So I can't even begin to understand what that did to him.

"Your parents?" I heard him ask carefully.

"No." She sniffed, "No, Gary, I... I didn't mean to be so upset... It's just that so much is going on, and stress, and then..." She blew out slowly,
"Don't freak out."

"That's probably the best way to get a person to freak out."

"Gary... I think I might be pregnant."

And I stopped walking immediately, turning on my heel. This wasn't going to end well. Not even on a good day would this end well.

His entire expression went lax, all hint of color draining from his face. His eyes were wide, his mouth falling open, and I'm pretty sure that he wasn't breathing or blinking.

"I've been really sensitive," she explained. "And my breasts... you remember? And I'm late. A week late. I'm never late. And I got sick this morni-"

His hands dropped from her but his expression didn't change. "It's not a definite. I need to take a test to be sure, but... I wanted to tell you now."

He took three quick steps back before turning, his exhale sounding like he was just punched in the stomach.

He whispered something, pushing his hands through his hair.

"Wh--"

"Fuck!" he yelled, and then grabbed onto the word, repeating it in a string of anger and panic.

It took every inch of my willpower to force myself to not get involved. To not hug him and slap him at the same time for making that girl feel as scared as she looked.

"It's not def--"

He turned around, still completely pale, his face hard, jaw tight, and his body stiff.
"How did this happen? You forgot, didn't you? To take your pill? What-"

"- I don't know! I thought I did, but-"

"You don't know?" he shouted. "Damn it, Clair! How the-"

"-It's not completely my fault, you-"

And it wasn't completely her fault. Gary was just as much to blame. And frankly? He was acting like a fucking tosser.

"What are we going to do? Huh? It's not like-"

"-If I am-"

"We're fucked!" He slammed the heel of his palm into the wall two, four, five times, and then punched it.

And when she recoiled, eyes as like a deer in headlights, it was my time to intervene.

"Gary. Calm the fuck down. Now... It's not even-"

"-Don't you dare say a big deal. I swear. Don't even say it." And he glared straight at me.

Gary had never been one to intimidate me. Not once. Even when on the receiving end on one of his mean right hooks. But I genuinely see why others may feel that way. Why Clair currently looked fucking terrified.

"Clair, get the fuck out of here."
I kept my eyes on Gary though. He had that look of unpredictability in his eyes. And this whole thing could go even further south than it already had.
"Get a test, and text him the result as soon as you leave."

"Ash-"

"- if it's negative, do yourself a favour, and find someone who actually gives a shit about you."

It was harsh, but it was honest. And she at least deserved that.
"And if it's positive?"

"I'll make sure he calls you."

Gary smirked then. But not the playful kind. It was pure venom.
"Oh, you'll make sure of it?"

"Clair leave."
And with the click of the door, I added.
"What the fuck is wrong with you Gary?"

"What's wrong with me?... She-"

"- She NOTHING... you don't even know that she's pregnant Gary... But even if she was? She didn't fucking do it to herself."

"She forgot her pill!"

"People forget things. It fucking happens... If it bothers you so much? Wrap your fucking dick next time."

And he reached me in five steps. No sign of his boiled anger cooling down any time soon.
"She has ruined my fucking life."

"This isn't even about her Gary."

"Yes it is."

"No. It isn't... This is about all the other shit you've got going on... And this? This was your tipping point."

"Fuck. You."

And when he turned to walk away, I pushed him causing him to stumble. Because Gary was an astoundingly perplexed person to most. But to me, he was a creature of habit. And when Gary is at his tipping point, the only way to ground him is to push him more. Push him past the point of anger. Push him to lash out. To make him feel again.

"Do that again."

So I did. And again. And again. And again.

And when a resonating crack ricocheted through my jaw, followed seconds later to a deafening crack to my nose- I knew I'd broken through.

...

I found him on the front steps later that day, twirling his phone in his hand, after smoking, what appeared to be an endless chain of cigarettes.

He looked at me, his eyes returning back to their usual tranquility of Hazel.
"I'm so fucking sorry."

I sat beside him, "I know you are... But I don't think it's me who you should be apologising to Gary."

His head dropped in his hand, and his expression was so shameful it hurt. "She's not pregnant."

"Okay."

"And she won't return my calls."

"Are you surprised?"

"Not even a little bit."

"You were a fucking arsehole to her."

"I know."

"Beauty of a broken nose you've given me by the way."

And he looked at me again, taking note of the almost there black eyes that came with the injury,

"Hit me."

"What?"

"Hit me back."

"I'm not hitting you Gary."

His voice broke when he said the word, "Please."

And instead of doing what he asked, I pulled him into a hug. Because sometimes that's all we need. For someone to hold you and tell you it's going to be okay. That the weight of the world isn't theirs alone to carry.

Because Gary didn't like to admit that life had broken him. He was strong. Reliable. He could walk through fire, and come out the other side like burning ice.

But in reality, it had broken him a long time ago.

21 year old Ash

"What... are you doing?"

Gary looked up, pushing back to his knees as he looked up at my imposing figure in the doorway.

"I'm planting flowers."

"Why?"

"I was bored." He shrugged. "I found the seeds in the drawer by the sink, and decided to plant them."

"Do they even grow in the cold?"

"I don't know."

"Then isn't it rather useless?"

"No, because I'm bored and it gives me something to do."

I leaned against the door frame, scowling down at him. "You've been unnaturally chipper lately."

"Chipper?" He shrugged again. "I just feel like... everything is sort of getting on track."

"We are literally addicted to cocaine Gary."

"Thanks for the reminder."

"You needed to be reminded?"

"No, hence the sarcasm... Y'know, just because you're always angry at everything, doesn't mean everyone else has to be."

"I don't care if everyone else is or not. I-"

"-Good." He halted the fight that I looking for. "Do you want to help me plant?"

"What?"

"Plant."

"No." I gave him a strange look.

"Can't get your hands dirty, Ketchum?"

"I don't plant."

"It won't kill you. Promise. See?"

"You can get as dirty as you like, Gary, but there's no reason to get soil all over myself for something I don't have to do."

"What if it's already on you?"

"What?"

He answered by flicking dirt at me, but gravity pulled it too hard from the shirt he was aiming for and it landed on my sock instead. He watched me, expectantly, waiting to see if I was going to freak out or retaliate.

I studied the small clump and then looked back down at him, raising an eyebrow high.

"You're childish. And you're going to clean that now."

"No." He shook his head. "I don't think I am."

"You are."

He flicked more at me. "Make me."

"Do you really want me to have to, you smug that?"

"Don't call me names, Baby Bear. You don't want to make me angry."

"Cunt," I said petulantly, and stepped back too slowly for the handful of dirt he winged at me.

I turned sharply, disappearing into the kitchen with a dark mutter.

"Going to shower now? Wash that pristine, pure skin of yours free from imperfection? Dirt! The horror!"

He yelled after me, shaking his head and returning to the patch of soil in front of him.

I abruptly brought him from his thoughts on his gasp, as something ice cold hit the top of his bent head and stomach.

He was disoriented for just a second, before he looked up to find me in the doorway again, grinning and holding the empty glass in my hand.

"I thought you might want me to clean you up a little."

"Oh... oh, you are going to regret that!"

"Now, now, Oak - don't make me angry." I mocked. But my curiosity soon got the better of me as he wandered around the back of the house.
"What are you doing?"

"Getting this," was his response, gripping something behind his back, "And this? is a fucking hose."

"Shit."

And I didn't have enough time to register the water jetting out before he had sprayed me all over with it.

"FUCK."

He laughed at me as I took off from the door, because truthfully the water was freezing. Painfully freezing.

I'm almost certain I could hear him trying to sneak his way through the house. And the telltale sign of the occasional water droplets told me he had brought the hose in with him.

He found me in the living room, pulling away the freezing cold fabric from my skin, and he moved his thumb away from the end of the hose that was stopping the water coming out.

"We're... Shit.... We're inside you fucking nutter!"

I took off for the hall, and to my luck, he ran out of slack, jerking to a halt at the end of the living room.

I was past the point in caring about the state of the upholstery. Or how wet the carpet actually was. This, now, was all about revenge.

While Gary made his way back outside the same way he'd came, I'd slipped quietly out the front door to go the long way round. He must have reached at least the kitchen when I turned the water off from the hose tap, and I only wished I could see his confused face wondering why there were no longer an icy pressure at his thumb.

He stepped into my line of sight, looking utterly perplexed.

"How did you get out there?"

I didn't answer him, instead yanking the hose suddenly, and it came easily from his grasp and into mine.

"Game over Gary."

I turned the hose back on, as he started laughing hysterically, running in the opposite direction.