Ash' POV

Practice the pause.

When if doubt, pause.

When angry, pause.

When you're stressed out or frustrated, pause.

When you don't know what the fuck to do, pause.

When you pause, you listen, feel, and are present in the moment.

I acted out of panic. Cold, hard panic.

I did the exact OPPOSITE of pausing.

So, when I felt her start to kiss me back, I pulled away immediately.

"Fuck... I didn't... Fuck..."

She looked at me then, eyes searching mine for a hint of reasoning as to why I had ended it before it even really started.

I felt like banging my head against a wall.

But she smiled instead. And from what I could tell, it was genuine.

"Was that one too many cocktails talking Ash?"

"Call it a reminder."

The words left my mouth before I could even compose a rational thought. I had the perfect opportunity to tell her. The perfect opportunity to let her in on the not-so-functioning inner workings of my mind.

But, as always, I bottled it.

She laughed at my response, and I found myself thankful for how the amount of alcohol that had been consumed paved for her to find humour in the situation.

"Y'know... you always surprise me."

"I surprise you?"

She nodded. "You always have... I don't know how to explain it, but you always seem to do the exact opposite of what I expect you to do."

I smiled at the sincerity of her statement, and I clung onto the compliment in her words.
My own response was cut off by the ringing of the doorbell through her home. I watched her glance at the clock, confirming how late it actually was. She hopped down from the counter she had resided to sit on, making her way to the front door.

My feet moved instinctively in her direction, both baffled and intrigued at who could be wanting to see her at this time of night.

She stood on her tippy toes to peer through the peep hole, and a warm smile graced her lips as she quickly opened the door.

Calem's POV

It had been a ridiculously stressful day at work. Actually, stressful would be an understatement. One of those days where one thing after another just goes wrong.

It started in the morning- flat tire leaving the driveway. Which, ultimately resulted in me being nearly an hour late. In my mad dash to get into the building, I spilled the entirity of my cup of coffee down the front of my white shirt. Stained and ruined, along with my favourite fucking silk tie.

Honestly, a nightmarish day.

Missing documents. Misplaced files. Incompetent employees.

Utter shambles.

It was an unruly game of Jenga. Each setback piled up and piled up, making the tower uneven. Until, eventually, it toppled to the floor.
So, I had to spend nearly the entirety of my night building the tower back up ready for the following work day.

So, when I eventually left the office, well into the night, I went to the place I was supposed to be HOURS ago.

I had a birthday gift to deliver.

When Serena and I seperated, it didn't hurt the way I thought it would. It didn't swallow me whole. It didn't even cause me to shed a tear. I suppose, the reaction solidified the fact that we were never meant to be in love, but love each other as friends. And from that day, I have never looked back. I remarried a few years back, and started my own family. My wife, also, adores Serena. And sure, it's unconventional, and a lot of people may not understand the dynamic, but none of that matters. It made sense to us.

I pulled up on her drive, fishing her gift out of the glove box of the car. I decided to only ring the doorbell once, on the off-chance she was already asleep.

Luckily, the porch light turned on, and moments later I was greeted by the her beautiful smile.

I automatically pulled her into a hug, placing the gift in her spare hand as I did so.
"Happy birthday Se... I'm sorry it's so late... Work was a-"

I cut myself off, my eyes settling behind Serena's form on a familiar face, be it, a much older variance than I remembered.

And honestly? Seeing him there. I don't think I've ever been more confused in my life.

Ash' POV

I watched him pull her into a hug, and a pang of jealousy resided in my gut, despite how inappropriate that may be.

They parted, and he stared at me expectantly.

"Xavier."

"Ash."

Serena looked between the two of us. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Then, happily asked, "Drinks boys?"

Two hours later

"It's not hard Calem... You lick the salt, take the shot, bite the lime."

"Are you sure that's what it is?"

"I'm literally 100% positive."

"But... No... No, listen... Bite the lime before AND after."

"Why would I-"

"Honestly, mate... try it."

I filled the two glasses in front of us while he cut the lime.

"Ready Ketchum?"

"Bottoms up."

I sucked the lime, licked the salt, slammed the shot, and bit the lime AGAIN. And do you know what-

"That is fucking BEAUTIFUL."

"I think an apology is in order?"

I smirked, "I sincerely apologise."

Serena had fallen asleep an hour ago, curled into a tiny drunken ball on her sofa. Which, in turn, left me alone with Gary's old nemesis. A blast from the past in full force. And surprisingly? I was having a pretty decent night.

"So... You and Serena then?"

I raised a brow at the question. "No, not like that mate... We work together... And that's just too fucking complicated."

"Why does it have to be complicated?"

I sighed, "Okay, maybe it doesn't have to be complicated... But seriously? Me and her?... She is WAY above me."

He shrugged, taking another swig from his drink, "Nothing wrong with a woman on top."

I chuckled, "I find it profoundly odd that you're encouraging me to get involved with you ex-wife Calem."

"Being friends with your ex just shows that you're mature enough to get over the fact the two of us weren't meant to be together."

"You're full of wisdom when you're pissed, you know that right?"

He laughed, "Maybe."

"But in all seriousness mate... You know how toxic I am."

"Once upon time, you might have been... People change."

"How much do people really change though?"

"I think you'd be surprised."

"Give me ONE example of someone who has actually changed... Just one."

"Gary."

"Gary?"

He nodded, "Indeed."

"How did Gary change?"

"Well, he accepted a truce with me... And you're fully aware of how deep that hatred went."

"He accepted a truce?"

"Y'know... I think it may have been a guilty conscience that made him do it."

"How so?"

"I reckon... And I may be wrong by the way... But I think, deep down, he was in love with Serena."

"What?"

He chuckled, "Don't go running to tell him this mind... But I think the reason he never acted on it was because of you."

My heart quite literally fell to the floor.

And I confessed aloud something I'd never outright admitted to anyone.

"I slept with his girlfriend."

"What-"

"Like, no holding back... Fucked her. Hard."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because THAT is how toxic I am Calem... And I am incapable of changing."

He shook his head. "Last time I saw you Ash, was about eight years ago... You were comatosed off your face, in a fucking alley... I had to double take to actually know it was you."

"What-"

"I'd say you've changed a literal fuck tonne... But seriously, since you mentioned it... His girlfriend Ash?"

"He hates me for it."

"And that shocks you?"

I shook my head, "It breaks my heart every single fucking day."

"Then tell him that."

"I have... Almost on repeat."

"We all have things we regret Ash... just be glad you pulled yourself out of that rut you were in."

"I wouldn't exactly class it as a rut... I just did what everyone expected me to... Amount to a beautiful fuck all."

He shook his head, "You proved everyone wrong... Because you aren't in that place anymore... That's all your own doing mate, don't try and diminish it."

I took a sip from my drink, "Calem... Can I tell you something?"

"Shoot."

"I've completely... And well and truly... Fucked my own mind."

He frowned, "What do you mean?"

"I forget things... I've forgotten things... like complete slate wiped clean memory lapse."

"The drugs?"

I nodded, "I think that, and me actually suppressing certain memories."

"Care to give me an example?"

"Serena."

"You can't remember Serena?"

I shook my head, "Help me."

"Help you?"

"Tell me whatever you know that happened between the two of us... please."

I was aware of how desperate I sounded, and my eyes pleaded with him.

"You don't want her to know?"

"Gary told me once, that if we ever crossed paths again, not to waste it."

He smirked, "So... You do like her?"

I took a breath. "I can't explain it Calem... I don't know her. I literally don't know anything about her... She's a fucking stranger... And I know how batshit crazy it sounds. Hell, it's fucking insane to me too... But..."

"But?"

"I know, somewhere, somehow, against everything else... I'm madly in love with her."

He smiled warmly.

"I'll tell you everything I know Ash."