Dear Sarah,

I stayed up all night again, thinking about you.

I thought I was getting better. I lasted well into the month of November without breaking down, without thinking of you. I know it sounds heartless, but that's what you wanted, right? You wanted me to move on and for a while, I thought I had.

Tonight proved differently.

It's nearly four in the morning and I'm sitting on the floor, thinking about all the good times we've spent. I know that at least I have some memories of us, that we've made some great ones, but I want to make more.

I want to see your dreams come true. I want to see your pictures everywhere. I want to see the whole world with you. I want to see you in a wedding dress. I want to see your face light up again. I want to hug you and kiss you and love you again.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

But all that is just a fantasy to me. That'll never come true. It'll never happen. It's impossible.

Because, I know, no matter how much I hope, you're never coming back.