The castle felt alive, energy cracking that the edges of fingertips and hair sticking straight up in the air from excitement. The weekend had dawned, pulling the sleeping excitement out of the student's heads and lighting them up in anticipation. Cheeks were rosy as they crowded into the Great Hall, the timer counting down until a Quidditch match. Electricity zapped lips covered in thick coats of sticky lipgloss, pulling out the gossip and the secrets.    

Antlia stood in front of her mirror, studying her appearance in the reflecting glass. Her gaze trailed over the ornate decorations in the wooden frame to her false-rose cheeks and glowing spell-obscured skin. Alone in her dorm room, she allowed her mind to wander. She wondered what it would be like if she pulled down the charm that made her skin honey-smooth and her lips burgundy-red. She wondered what it would be like if she went out of her room without the prepping and the preparation that had been distilled into her from such a young age. The plucking of skin on fragile bones, the pulling of hair back into tight braids with a harsh hand.

Phantom pains resided on her soul, stinging at the hint of a glaring eye. They pulled at the skins of seeds planted long ago, trying to drag out the darkness and the hurt even as she smothered it deep in the flesh and bone of her body. The pain burrowed into her, causing the face in the mirror to turn down from its sugar sweet smile. The candy melted, burning her face dark and twisted. And she imagined her father pinching her cheek, whispering through his pearly white teeth to smile, she didn't want frown lines. Smile, she didn't want people to see long lasting remnants of her pain. And her lips curved back up, her face creasing in a way that masked her inner feelings.

Forcing her gaze away from the mirror, she pulled on her shawl and pushed solid gold earrings through burning ears. Antlia didn't let herself look in the silver reflection anymore, knowing if she looked any longer she might fall in, and she left her dorm and joined her friends in the Great Hall.

——

Sirius Black, though he didn't play on the team, always crowed with pride when the Gryffindor Quidditch team was playing. He puffed up large, stalking the rows of tables in the Great Hall with the Gryffindor colors streaked across his cheeks. Burgundy and gold, blood and fire, a proudness running through his veins.

Whenever Gryffindor prevailed over Slytherin, he smirked and he shone. It was a small little victory against his parents, a spitting in their face that he didn't even have to play for his house to win. That he was better than them, not just in a morality of black and white, but in the very essence of his being. Because after all, isn't that what the sorting hat did? Look into the soul of an eleven year old and determine their future.

Antlia sat at a table adjacent to Gryffindor, at a table where poison was sipped in gilded cups and painted onto pretty lips. Where their hearts curdled and their eyes darkened when they looked at the brightness that was Gryffindor. There was lightness in their minds, in their souls, but it was tainted. Jealousy grew in the most hurt places, the green tendrils snaking as they stared at those who looked as happy as the twinkling stars above.

"He's hot, but I don't know how anyone can stand him," Pandora said, snapping her chewing gum right in Antlia's ear, distracting her from the ceiling.

"Hmm, who are we talking about?" Antlia asked, disguising the shakiness that she felt with a forced air of boredom.

"Sirius Black," a third year girl whispered. Sirius had her enamored, with sharp cheekbones and hair that flowed effortlessly around his face (but that Antlia knew he used a harsh regimen on).

Antlia thought privately, in words that she would never voice to anyone, that they were not that different in the way that they coped with the tragedy of their lives. Sirius was loud, a bright star, a supernova sun that burned and burned. He hid his pain, his fear and the deep hurt inside of him with smiles and laughter and perfectly groomed hair that made every single person attracted to him swoon.

Antlia was the star after the explosion, the remnants of a happy person that clung to a skeletal frame. The star that tried so hard to stay, clinging to the last bits of remembrance. Burning, burning out.

Sirius and all that he did, all of the pranks and the laughter, maybe he could save her from explosion.

She voiced her thoughts a loud quietly, an absentminded fondness in her voice that surprised her friends. "He may be annoying, but he lights up the room, doesn't he?"

The third year girl nodded vigorously, wacking Antlia in the face with the strands of her long hair. "I love him," she said, the young girl said, and instantly all of the older girls at the table whipped their heads around to face her.

Thirteen years old, so young, and Antlia knew that the girl probably came from a nice family, one that didn't care who she was or who she loved. Like a shark descending upon its prey, the older girls knew what would happen if a father, a mother, or even the man who pushed himself as a king, heard her words.

Antlia, her eyes sharp and knowing, bent down to whisper in the girls ear. "It's fine to admire, it's fine to swoon, but love is dangerous. Love is what gets you in trouble, it drags you down. So do not declare your love in public. If you fall in love, if you must be sappy and in the haze that it brings, do it in private. And even then, be careful. You never know who is listenting. You never know who will run to the people that you don't want to know your secrets."

The third year looked at her frightened, and Antlia was grateful for the distraction of everyone else standing up from their tables and going to their first classes.

Antlia stood and fled out of the room, joining in with the stream of people that was flowing around her. She hadn't even gotten a chance to eat breakfast before she had delved into fantasies and worries about Sirius Black and young Slytherin girls that didn't know any better. A stone cold face hid a bleeding heart, a soul torn into pieces by the world around her. And if she could keep one person save from living her life, then she would do that.

————

"Lia!" Sirius came barging into the abandoned classroom, a steaming platter of food in his hands. The door flew open, banging into the side of the door and almost rebounding into Sirius, causing both Antlia and Sirius to wince.

Antlia was hiding in the empty classroom after her own classes, a letter clutched tightly in her hands. She had already opened it, torn into the paper and read the words inside. The calligraphy on the outside of the envelope was already burned by the time Sirius made it into the room, gentle words causing a harsh flame to eat away at the paper, disguising who the letter was from.

"I saw that you didn't get to eat this morning, and I didn't see you at lunch so I assumed that you didn't get to eat anything, so I convinced the house elves in the kitchen to let me bring you some food." Sirius laid the platter down on the table next to Antlia, standing on her other side to peer over at her letter.

Antlia pulled the paper into herself, frantically shaking her head at Sirius. "Thank you for the food but you can't, I can't show you this letter," she said, her voice shaking. Dumbledore's elaborate handwriting covered the paper, secrets upon secrets spilled upon them. Tears welled in her eyes, at the way the looked on Sirius' face darkened, how his smile soured.

Secrets tore people apart, sticky fingers prying hearts apart. Sirius opened his mouth to yell, fire brewing in his soul. The words gathered in his belly, moving up his throat, but died on his tounge.

Antlia could feel a fight growing in the air, and she didn't know if she could handle it, a separation of him and her, a breaking apart of one of the only relationships that she held near to her heart. "Thank you for the food," she repeated, gathering the courage to say her next words. "Please leave, you can't be here." Her voice was a whisper, tears thick in her throat, a pain deep seated in her.

Antlia turned away, turning her back on one of her only true friends. Antlia turned away, and Sirius left as he slammed the door behind him.

Author's Note

Hi! Hope you like this chapter! Please let me know what you think! I also haven't proofread this at all so please point out anything that's messed up. Thank you for reading!!