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Chapter Fifteen

Antlia stepped off the train in Hogsmeade, letting the smell of woody fire floating over from the castle engulf her. She felt the tension melt right off of her shoulders, relief flooding her body at finally being away from her father. Temporary but still cooling relief, a wave sweeping over her.

A rare smile spread over her face, small and timid. She caught a few glances, a few odd looks from her peers and especially from the younger of the crowd, those that had never seen her smile. It was a rumor among the Slytherin first years that she wasn't even able to smile, that her muscles had forgotten how to do it. She had always glared whenever one of the young had asked her, most likely furthering the whispers of gossiping eleven-year-olds.

Her dormmates giggled among each other when they were approached by children that wanted to know if Antlia was ever happy. They just winked and shrugged their shoulders.

Antlia wondered if it had an impact on her, speculation becoming reality as she grew older, as smiles grew smaller on her face. She wondered if everyone telling her that she didn't feel, that she was stone cold and stone-hearted, actually made her so.

She shook her head, moving along with the flow of people once more. One hand curled into her robes, twisting the fabric in an old nervous habit that wasn't even only a nervous one anymore. She had learned, over the course of her years, that she was nervous so often that her nervous habits had turned into real ones. That the things and the worry that her father caused had wormed their way into her daily life, into the little habits and gestures that made her who she was. And she hated it with her whole being. She hated it, but there was nothing that she could do about it.

Antlia pulled her fingers through the ends of her hair, adjusting her robes for the final time. A rough elbow in the side pulled her down off the cloud of her thoughts permanently as she winced, frowning at the young child that ran past her. Sometimes, she felt old. Aged by the experiences of her life, lines beginning their etch-a-sketch into her forehead many years before their time.

A head of shaggy jet-black hair caught her eye, dragging her vision up from the tips of her shoes and the ground. A hand snagged on her shoulder, stopping her in the flow of people. She could feel the warmth of Sirius Black's bony fingers through the thin material of her robe. It took everything in her not to flinch at the sudden pressure.

"Sirius," Antlia hissed, shrugging off the hand frantically. Panic filled her mind, pushing at the borders of the warmth that she had felt from seeing Hogwarts. "You can't do this, not here and not right now." She glared at him. "You know this, we've talked about this." All of this was said on one breath, rushed and quiet whispers that only the boy standing next to her could hear.

Sirius flashed a grin at her, stumbling into Antlia and further pressing his body into hers. Nimble fingers slipped a piece of paper into her pocket before he pushed away from her. "Sorry, Avery. Tripped over my own feet there."

Antlia sighed, pulling up the facade of annoyed Slytherin. She tugged it up over the layers of vulnerability and pain, pulling it over rough scar tissue to make a smooth mask. It was easy, practiced. Rolling her eyes, she said, "Just like Gryffindor's to be clumsy. Get away from me, Black, and don't touch me again." The insertion of venom into her voice was purposeful, like everything else that she presented. Let it drip in, let the people around them hear it. And let them spread their gossip, of fights and poison and madness. Let it grow like a stubborn weed.

"Whatever you say, Anty," Sirius shot back at her, knowing that the nickname made her cringe. He winked at her before running away, shouldering and pushing his way through the crowd until his bobbing head was just another face in the sea.

Once Antlia was tucked away in her dorm room, the curtains drawn tightly around her, that's when she dared to reach slim fingers into a dark pocket. That's when she pulled out a thin sheet of paper crumpled up into a ball. A gentle smile tugged at her lips, the manner that it had been given to her so like Sirius.

Unfolding the paper, it reminded her of the times that her father sent her letters, but there was no lingering sense of dread when she smoothed it out on her bedsheets. Instead, all she felt was warmth as she read what was written on the paper.

In Sirius' messy handwriting that sprawled in black ink, it read, "Lia, sorry for running into you today. It was the only way to get this to you without too much suspicion this early back. I know that they have eyes in the back of their heads. If you are reading this right now, I know that you are in a safe place. I bought this paper with James over the summer at a joke shop. It's originally part of a set and used to prank teachers when they take it. But I thought that we could use it to communicate. When you write on one set, it appears on the other. Love you, Lia." The letter was ended with a smile and a signature, Sirius adding a great flourish onto the end.

The smile on Antlia's face grew wider as she traced a finger lightly over his signature. The declaration of love at the end brought a slight color to her cheeks, warmth flushing over them. She watched as the ink disappeared from the page, the intricate magic sensing that she had read it. Sirius didn't demonstrate it with her very much, but when he put his mind to something he had serious magical potential.

Rummaging in her bag to find ink and a quill, Antlia scratched out a quick response to Sirus, not expecting him to respond as it was a late hour. A tiny smile grew on her face as she put her things away, undoing the curtains around her bed.

"A letter came for you," Magnolia called out, startling Antlia out of the haze and dropping her smile. The girl was lounging on her bed, satin sheets wrinkled, flipping through a magazine with a moving picture of the latest heartthrob on the cover. The rest of the room was empty, all of the other girls spending their time out and about the castle.

"You startled me!" Antlia exclaimed. She supposed that was a side effect of being on edge all the time, nerves constantly racing across her body. She was a live-wire, vibrating and vibrating until she exploded. Taking a deep breath, clamping a mental iron grip onto the tingling nerves she asked Magnolia who the letter was from.

"Lyra, sent a letter addressed to all of us in the dorm with a magazine and some bubble gum. Real sweet girl." Magnolia blew a bubble with her gum, flicking a page of her magazine. "Apologized for dragging you out in the dead of night a couple of times and waking us all up." She tossed the letter to Antlia carelessly, watching it drift down to the floor. "Oops."

Antlia rolled her eyes, stooping to pick up the letter. Magnolia made the nerves melt away, maybe friendship could heal some of her cracks. Sliding a nail under the seal of the letter from Lyra, Antlia read it quickly, eyes scanning line by line.

"What's it say," Magnolia asked. She flipped around the magazine to ask Antlia's approval on a hairstyle, gesturing to the picture with a hand.

"I say do it," Antlia said in reference to the hairstyle, "and it's just Lyra welcoming me back to the school." She lied. That seemed to be all that she did, lied and lied and lied. Lyra hadn't welcomed her back, Lyra had spilled secrets onto wax-sealed paper.

Antlia was a class-A liar, words spilling from her mouth like sugar. Dark lies, drawing lines between her and her friends, between her and her true self. Even as she smiled, even as she laughed, she felt like she was rotting on the inside, and she told everyone she was fine.


Author's Note

Don't really like this, but it's the first thing I've written in forever so it is what is. Hope that you enjoyed regardless. Thank you for reading!

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