I'm in my usual uniform. I used my car on the way to school. Pero bago dumiretso ay dumaan muna ako sa simbahan para magdasal at manghingi ng guidance. Kahit na ang totoo ay gusto lang makita si Amelie. Sorry po.

Nitong mga nakaraang buwan, saulo ko na ang schedule ni Amelie rito sa simbahan. She's here early during friday, saturday, and sunday. Tapos wala kapag tanghali na hanggang hapon. Siguro nasa school.

Nonchalant ako sa halos lahat ng bagay pero willing maging oa para sa loyal disciple ni Lord. Kapag naging kami ni Amelie, aalagaan ko siya at pagsisilbihan gaya ng kung paano niya pagsilbihan ang simbahan.

"Pogi, Sir!" tukso ng iilang kaklase ko na babae.

Though most of them are masc, a few finds me overly good looking. I never wanted to involve myself with them so I answer most of their opinions with a nod.

Hanggang nine PM ang klase ko. Training sa hapon at klase naman sa gabi. Sa umaga ay nagt-trabaho ako sa part-time pangdagdag allowance. Tama naman ang allowance na binibigay ni Mommy sa 'kin pero syempre, may mga pangangailangan din ako.

Hectic ang schedule ko pero kaya naman i-adjust para synchronized sa schedule ko sa part-time. Good thing is that I have early classes during fridays and saturdays. I get to go early and stop by at the church to pray a little prayer and take a peek of Amelie's charms.

Swerte ni Amelie may admirer na piloto.

"Nagiging holy ka na ah. Tatlong beses yata kitang napapansin na pumapasok sa kumbento."

That was one of my cousins. Nagtipon-tipon kami sa bahay nina Lola dahil birthday nito. Even without celebration, we usually hangout here.

"Oo. Inspired e." I let out a soft chuckle.

Buti pa ang mga kumag na 'to napapansin ako sa kumbento. Si Amelie kaya, kailan ako papansinin?

"Huh? Pumapasok ka sa kumbento, Kuya?" gulat na siwalat ni Keeno, dahilan para lingunin kami ng iba pa.

"Magpa-pari ka, Kit?"

"Si Kit magpa-pari?"

"Holy damn! You want to be a priest?"

"The world is healing!"

I pribably look so pissed by now.

"Hindi."

Iyon lang ang tanging nasabi ko dahil ang dami na naman nilang sinabi. Their questions didn't bother me anymore as I start to imagine Amelie's angelic face again. This has been going on for months. Kuntento naman ako sa pasulyap-sulyap lang. Popormahan ko pero hindi pa ngayon. Hectic pa masyado ang schedule ko kaya baka hindi ko mai-date at ma-bored sa 'kin. Date to marry ako.

Once na naging akin, hindi ko pakakawalan.

"Ano itong balitang magpa-pari ka, Kithian Dominic?" striktang tanong ni Mommy.

And again, I was bombarded with questions from her and Dad. They were not against the idea but they were asking why I didn't tell them.

"I'm not going to be a priest!" iritadong sagot ko.

Kinagabihan ay uminom ako mag-isa sa kuwarto. Nagkalat ang iilang in can na beer sa lapag. I wasn't broken or what, I just had an urge to drink. I have a high alcohol tolerance so beer in cans wouldn't affect me that much. At wala naman akong pasok bukas kaya ayos lang.

Kung ayaw ni Amelie na uminom ako, ititigil ko 'to. O kapag uminom ako tapos nagalit siya, magdamagan ko siyang susuyuin. Kapag hindi nadala sa text o tawag, susugurin ko sa bahay nila. I'd climb up their gate just to apologize and kiss her.

Nababaliw na yata ako e.

Christmas is around the corner. Ilang araw nalang pasko na. Tapos next year magpapa-enroll na naman para sa second semester. Nakakapagod mag-aral pero para sa kinabukasan namin ng asawa ko kakayanin ko.

"We're going to New York for this christmas. Ang tagal na rin noong huli nating bisita roon," dad announced.

It annoyed me. I prefer spending the Christmas here. Alam kong may ganap sa simbahan ngayong Christmas. Gabi-gabi kong makikita si Amelie dahil sa misa de gallo. At susubukan ko ring i-approach si Amelie. Mag-iisang taon nalang wala pa rin ako sa level two. Hanggang level ten pa 'to.

"Hindi ka sasama, Kuya Kit?" Krono asked.

"Puwede ba? Nakasanayan naman na natin dito o... sa bahay nina Lola magtitipon-tipon. We don't have to go abroad. We can just spend it here with everyone."

"I understand that you want to spend this Christmas to your Lola's house together with your cousins but your other grandparents is living abroad. Nami-miss na kayo. Hiniling na sana doon naman daw tayo ngayong pasko. Uuwi rin naman tayo para dito salubungin ang bagong taon, Kit..." litanya ni Mommy.

Alright. Fine.

"When are we going?"

"Twenty."

Hindi ko makukumpleto 'yong simbang gabi. Kapag natapos kasi iyon ay hihingiin ko na ang kamay ni Amelie kay Lord. Wishes comes true if you finish nine nights. That's what they told me.

The next day, I bought a flower and a gift for Amelie. Iiwan ko sana kasama ang letter na gawa ko. It's hand written and I hope she'd love it. Gusto kong malaman kung anong rekasyon niya but probably by that time, nakalipad na kami.

"Kuya! Kaninong gift 'to?" sigaw ni Krono mula sa kwarto ko.

I cursed under my breath. I made my way upstairs to my room and found him looking at the flowers. Buti hindi binuksan ang gift. Malalagot talaga siya sa 'kin.

"Why are you here in my room?" iritadong tanong ko.

"Manghihiram ng shirt. Para kay Amelie 'yan ano?"

"Lumabas ka na. Tee shirt lang naman ang kailangan mo."

Krono let out a long laugh. Malakas niyang isinarado ang pintuan ng kwarto ko. Umupo ako sa kama at binuksan ang gift. Kuwintas ang laman no'n. At initial ko ang pendant.

Kithian Dominic Thobias Santillan Javier.

I then decided to open the letter and read it once again.

To my darling Amelie,

Merry Christmas! I am writing this letter to express myself. I am honestly nervous but happy at the same time. I will not give this to you personally because I am shy.

To informally start this letter, I want to express my apologies for the penmanship. I am not in the medical field but yes, I hope you can bear with this.

I first saw you around mid-june this year in church. And I don't think I'll be able to let this year pass without you knowing that I exist. I go to church every friday, saturday, and sunday because of you. I listen carefully to the homily and reflect but at the end of it, you're always part of my reflection. I talk to God about you, Amelie.

I tell Him about your smile, your laugh, your dimples, and even the way you talk. You're so beautiful. A sight to behold. Like the rainbow after the rain. The light in my darkness.

I realized long before that I am contented just by catching a glimpse of you. But in all honesty, I want more than that. I want to hold you. I ask for His guidance towards you, my love.

I have a lot to say. Or maybe what I really want you to know is that I see you in everything I love.

Dearly,
Kit.