Chapter Four: The Possibility

The place was filled with a sharp silence that cut every corner of her fair skin. She traced the goosebumps that covered her arms and sighed. The knot in her stomach only tightened. Lily looked over to Susan who was on the other side of the kitchen. She was cutting fruit and tossing them in the blender like she did every day before her morning jog. She was already dressed in her sportswear: black leggings and a matching shirt.

Lily sat on the kitchen table, eyeing her untouched breakfast. If she were to look down, she would find her fingers entangled under the table. Her backpack sat in the corner where the refrigerator was. She didn't have much time left before she had to go.

"He knows," Susan stopped the blender and poured the drink into a glass as if she hadn't heard a thing. She took a sip from it, and leaned on the counter, waiting for Lily to explain herself. Her face was blank.

"Th-this man I met in the Cafe... I think he knows,''

"Goodness, Lilith," Susan sighed, a hand on her forehead. Lily bit her lip. She hated it when Susan called her by her given name. It wasn't because it was usually said with disappointment, but because it reminded her of all the things she didn't want to remember. Lilith was a girl tormented by voices. Lily, however, was a young woman who embraced them even if it was in secret.

"Do you at least know who he is?" She asked, her voice urgent.

"Cebrail Veli," Lily reached into her pocket to find the card the man offered yesterday. Susan stared at it for a moment before her eyes went wide.

"Cebrail?" She pronounced it differently than Lily had. It sounded like Gabriel. Lily didn't comment on it. She watched Susan put her finger under her chin, thinking long and hard. After a moment she asked, "Are you sure this is him?"

"Yeah, why?"

She nodded and walked towards Lily. She knelt and held Lily's tangled fingers until they broke apart on their own. Susan whispered, "Then you're fine. He won't hurt you,"

"How do you know that?" Lily questioned, her voice getting higher. Whoever this man was to Susan, he was still a stranger to Lily, a stranger who might have discovered her truth.

"I know him from college," She explained, smiling in a way that warmed Lily's heart. But it wasn't enough for the knot in her stomach to come loose.

"That's a long time, "

"It is,"

Lily let go and wiped her sweaty hands on her jeans. She said what she wanted to say. The rest was supposed to be easy. Right?

"Does- I mean, uh... does that mean that there are others like me? And does he know about them?" She asked. The possibility that people like her existed had never crossed her mind until recently. And Lily wondered why she hadn't thought about it. She would have felt less alone if she knew that there were other people like her. But as much as she hated her childhood, she couldn't deny that it made her tougher. Only sometimes, though.

"I don't know," Susan chuckled weakly.

"You have to, " Lily pleaded, "he avoided eye contact. But he didn't before I ran out! That has to mean something, right? That he knows how this works! Please," by now, Lily was pacing around the small kitchen with her eyes wide and watery. She mumbled words under her breath and moved her hands in frustration. She didn't stop until Susan called for her, and even then she still felt terrible.

"How does he know how this works!?" She cried.

* * *

    Lily walked past the football team in a hurry. Her steps were loud as she made her way out of the crowd that flooded the hallway. She held her lunch in her hands. And took a sharp turn at C hall to get to the library. She signed her name near the desk, then looked around for Janette. She found her friend talking to Jamila, a member of the student council like Janette. They also sat together during third hour. She was actually the one to get Janette to join the student council. Lily walked over to them, smiling when she placed her lunch on the table.

"Great, I'll see you later then," Jamila waved goodbye as she retreated back to her giggling group of friends. Lily noticed the blush on her cheeks. But she wasn't in the mood to tease anyone.

Lily dropped her backpack on the floor and sat opposite Janette. They usually came here when they had work to finish before their classes. Usually, it was Janette who helped Lily with her homework. Other times, they would check out a book to spend the next two weeks reading. They loved reading and ranting about all the things the author did right and wrong. But today that ambition was missing. Janette just wanted to get away from everything. She didn't want to see Will in the cafeteria, laughing his ass off of some joke. And oh, was he loud when he laughed.

Janette even switched tables and sat on the farthest and most distant table there was, the one in the far right corner. Behind them, there were several unopened cardboard boxes full of new books the librarian had yet to put on the shelves.

"Did you do the math assignment? I- What's wrong?" Janette stopped to observe her friend. Lily's head was low and her eyes were shut. She squeezed three of her fingers. When she opened her mouth to say something, Janette cut her off with a sigh.

"The bald man?"

"Yeah," Lily nodded weakly.

"Jesus, I told you to leave him alone. Did you call?" Janette asked, concerned. If Lily didn't feel like shit, maybe she would've laughed at the face her friend was making.

"No, Jann, mom will,"

"What?" It was unlike Lily to have anyone do anything for her. She was determined to do it on her own last time they talked. What changed?

"They know each other from college," Lily explained, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. Jannette took a moment to process that, nodding her head and looking at the table.

"Well? What's she gonna say?"

"I don't know, but she said she'll take care of it," Thinking it was the end of the conversation, Lily took her fork and mixed the salad. Janette eyed her for a long minute.

"That's not all, Lily. There's something you're not telling me," Sometimes, Lily would forget that there were other ways to know things about someone. She wasn't good at it, but someone as kind and smart as Janette was amazing at it. It kind of scared her.

Lily gulped. For a moment she didn't do anything. Just stared into her friend's eyes with uncertainty.

You can tell me anything, Janette reminded her.

Lily smiled sadly. "Yeah, thank you," She waited for Janette to nod before continuing, "well, I've been thinking. What if- maybe there are others like me. I don't know? But if that's possible then this man knows someone like me. Isn't that worth investigating?"

"So are you sure?" Janette asked after a while.

"Absolutely. When we talked outside he was different. Hardly looked at me, " She explained.

"Ah," Janette nodded.

"And I- well, you're not gonna like this but I want to meet that person."

"Lily!" She scolded. Lily felt like she was talking to her mom.

"It's fine," She assured her with a smile, "I mean even if I didn't tell mom that I want that, I could still call him later and schedule a date then-"

"Don't say it like that!"

Lily ignored her and continued. Janette rolled her eyes when she realized it was pointless. But she still listened.

"I'll tell him what's on my mind. Of course, I'll start slow and vague, but then I'll be honest when I get a sign. If he's as nice as mom says, he'll agree to give me a number or something,"

"You're delusional. And crazy."

"Ah, don't say that," A voice from behind Lily said. Janette looked behind Lily and waved, a grin on her face.

Lily rolled her eyes when she felt him sit between the two. He spread his legs and leaned on the table with his arms, looking like he expected an explanation. Lily removed his arm that was closest to her and scuffed, "That's none of your business, Tom,"

"And why not?" He sounded genuinely confused.

She looked at him for the first time this morning and replied, "Because it just isn't,"

He pretended to be offended. She wanted him to be, but Tom Trevor-Phan wasn't the kind of person to give up when it mattered. She admired that about him, but it still annoyed her. When she first noticed him, she was in sixth grade. He was trying to stand up to Billy, the eighth-grade bully. His weak seventh-grader figure couldn't stand a chance against Billy. That was when Lily interfered. Walked in and hit him right where it hurt. She still remembered how he yelled in pain. And how the cafeteria roared with laughter once he started crying. She didn't like attracting attention to herself, but she hated watching Tom try to reason with Billy and lecture him about nice and mean every chance he got.

"Hey, Jann! Sorry about Will," Tom looked over to Janette, whose smile faded once the name was mentioned. Lily pinched his arm and he let out a groan.

"No, it's alright," She tried to smile.

"Really? You were so close," Lily pinched him again. This time, harder. He yelped. People starting looking over to them, but the only one they gave a damn about was the librarian, Mr. Berry. He watched them with a threatening look in his eyes. Tom tried to smile at him, but the old man turned around. They watched him walk over to the boys to help them out with the old printer. He gave it a good whack and walked back to his desk.

"I miss Mrs. Shelly, " Tom sighed, "Sweet old woman, made great cookies too, "

"She gave you cookies?" Janette asked.

"Course she did, I'm irresistible," He winked.

"Nope, she would get about five every day and this bastard knew exactly what time she passed them out," Lily crossed her arms under her chest as if daring him to say more. He smiled, loving the challenge. That was perhaps the next thing she liked about him. He was willing to take on anything just for the fun of it. That was why he believed her when she told him she could read minds after a few months of their friendship. He loved the thought of it. Janette, however, found out when she first met Lily at recess. She thought Lily was a witch, having just read the first Harry Potter book.

"Hey, Tom!" One of the boys near the printer shouted, waving the newly printed papers in the air. Berry shot him a look, to which he shrugged off and mouthed something, pointing to the exit. Tom gave him a nod and watched as his friends walked out of the library giggling at the old man. If only they knew he had just lost his wife of thirty years.

"I have no idea why you hang out with those jerks," Lily said.

"Tell you about it later, ok? I Gotta go," Tom stood up and picked up his backpack from the floor.

"Wait, did you do the math assignment from Mrs. Orow?" Janette asked.

"Why would I? She hates me," He joked.

"You're going to fail, " She reminded him.

"No, I'm going to copy off Alex," He smirked, "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys. He's hosting a party next week, wanna come?"

  * * *

Susan sat on the table, her feet tapping on the harsh wood of the seat with her phone in her hands. She was tapping with the same rhythm coming from Johns's room as he painted. He always blasted music when he made art; she missed that about him. The house was always quiet without it, but it was still quiet now even as it played in full volume. The kitchen lights were off, leaving only the sun from the window opposite her to leak some light in.

She dropped the phone and covered her face with her hands. She sighed. Susan pulled away from her hands and threw her hair up in a ponytail. She grabbed the card and their home phone from the table and began to dial the number she's spent the last hour staring at. God, she even memorized it.

She put the phone to her ear and waited for his voice to come in. She wondered if he still sounded the same.

"Please leave a message..." She cursed under her breath as she dialed again, this time thinking about what she wanted to say after the voice went off.

"Hey, Gabe. It's me, Susan..."