Feeling being hold tightly, familiar sandalwood scent pleasing his nose and warmness coming from his only love's body made Wei Ying overcome his strong fear and open eyes, Lan Zhan's face was only inch apart, looking at him eagerly with tearful waiting eyes

"Lan Zhan" his voice wasn't weak and painful anymore, but calm and sweet "can i really see your face again? can i really feel your touch again? or is this just my dream?"

"Can you recognize me? Are you my Wei Ying?" Lan Zhan tightened hug, gently cupping his face. The despite in his eyes made Wei Ying startled, his lips curved into small smile and hands moved on Lan Zhan's back pulling him down

"If not yours, when whose?"

"can you do it again, please call my name again" Lan Zhan panted, his shaking hands kept traveling on Wei Ying's face, making sure he was real, breathing, talking, not just his dreamed  illusion

"Lan zhan, Hanguang Jun? my Lan er gege?"

"My Wei, my sunshine" Lan Zhan's body weakened, letting go of his hold emotions, pain he fell in Wei Ying's arms sobbing pitifully "you're back, finally you're back to me, i was missing you to death,  every dawn and nightfall without you was torment for me, my whole days turned into  nightmare. can't even believe... wait let me look at you" Lan Zhan hold his face between his palms, closely exploring it, deeply looking in Wei Ying's eyes he whispered "stars, finally i see stars in them again" caressing his cheeks, Lan Zhan smiled sweetly "it's pinkish again, or maybe blushing cause of me? And your lips" moving his face closer, their trembling lips slightly  touched and this was enough for both to shiver from too strong sensation. Lan Zhan wrapped his arms around his waist tightly and nibbled on his lower lip, sucking in tastily, Wei Ying gave in enjoying by this missed feelings of touching his hot soft lips.  Letting go after a while Lan Zhan pulled robe down from his shoulders and left Wei Ying almost naked, eyeing his whole body Lan Zhan sighed from relief there was no more black cursed marks left on it. carefully holding his hands as promised he covered Wei Ying's bruised wrists with soft wet kisses as tears were unstoppably dropping from his swollen eyes. Wei Ying stayed still, allowing him to do anything he wanted, but his heart was hurting too much watching how exhausted, suffered Lan Zhan was.

"You already did it, you saved me my love. So please stop how can great Hanguang Jun act like this?" Wei Ying pouted and widely smiled showing his adorable bunny teeth "will you smile too? For me" 

Nodding a little Lan Zhan wiped his tears and smiled faintly leaning at Wei Ying's chest, he softly petted his hair and planted kiss on his forehead "how could you treat yourself like that Lan Zhan? You look too pale and fragile, and your hands... Why it is so cold?"

"Wasn't i always like this?"

"No, you're always warm with me.  Did you even eat or sleep? i can guess  you're nonstop searching for the ways to save me but how..."

"Wei Ying" Lan Zhan buried his face in his neck and whispered "it doesn't matters now as long you're healthy but..."

"what?"

"Just... Don't love me too much please, i don't deserve it... I'm too selfish, more than you can imagine" 

"how can you even ask me that? isn't this too late? then you shouldn't be this perfect" hearing no answer Wei Ying looked down, Lan Zhan was already sleeping lovely parting his lips, Wei Ying made himself comfy on the bed and took Lan Zhan in his tight embrace, carefully lifting his chin up he stole few kisses and leaned closer so their noses almost touching and breath becoming one "what did you do Lan Zhan, that it's impossible to say aloud? is that something can hurt me? but as long as you won't leave me it's ok" Wei Ying cuddled more into him and closed his eyes, Lan Zhan's lips slightly moved as faint words escaped from it "i'm sorry"

*****

holding his hand  Lan Zhan leaded Wei Ying in the Lan Qiren's chamber and politely bowed to everyone. seeing him totally healthy Cheng cried out and ran to Wei Ying hugging him tightly, the latter one sweetly smiled and petted his back "why are you crying? i'm fine now"

"brother, i'm so happy to see you again and i'm sorry for everything what i have ever done bad to you, can you forgive this stupid ge of yours?"

"it's ok grumpy, there is nothing to forgive cause i was never upset" Wei Ying broke the hug and his stare moved on Lan Zhan who was looking at his uncle "wait for me outside" whispered him to Cheng.

"leave us alone" sternly said Qiren, dazedly eyeing  Wei Ying who lowered his head and hid behind Lan Zhan. after everyone was out they both walked towards Qiren and knelt in front of them.

"i'm sorry elder Lan, cause of me you have to face too many difficulties. trust me i was trying to hold myself but... i'm ready to willingly surrender to them, for cleaning your name and reputation. as long it's better for Lan Zhan and Lan sect i can do anything" 

"Wei Ying" Lan Zhan stopped him "i think you can realize what this means, finally taking you back i'm not going to let them kill you. uncle knows already, we're leaving together"

"i do Lan Zhan, but...this is your home, this is your family, leaving everything for me"

"it's you, my home and i won't let you talk more about this matter" looking up, Lan Zhan's face shook from pain, noticing expression on Lan Qiren's face. that strong disappointment and sadness made his heart hurt too.  patting on  Wei Ying's shoulder he whispered "you can go first, i have something to talk with him"

"mn" Wei Ying bowed again and left the room, worryingly staring at them on his way. Lan Zhan got up and moved closer, trying to control his shaking voice 

"i was never good nephew for you"

"Wang Ji"

"no let me talk please. i knew everything you're doing was for my good in deeply my heart but still i blamed you for my dad and mom too. it wasn't you who take them from me but i needed someone... still... it was so many times i wanted you to pet me uncle, to caress my hair and tell me everything gonna be ok, that i was good boy and doing well, i wanted warm hugs cause it felt too lonely. But today, think maybe i won't get chance again to tell you that uncle, thank you for giving me home and family and raising me, thank you for teaching me how to be polite and righteous man, how to reach my goals in cultivation. And i'm very sorry... your main wish while raising us was brother and me to be different from dad, not to make same mistake but... i'm sorry  for only "mistake" of my life... Wei Ying"

Qiren cleared his throat, trying to hold his emotions back, moving hand up he slightly touched Lan Zhan's shoulder and asked "are you leaving... Forever?"

He nodded with sad smile, noticing tears in Qiren's eyes Lan Zhan somehow felt happy as he was truly loved by his uncle. slowly walking towards the door he  heard words said with sweet caring voice "Wang Ji, my son be careful on your way"

***

"Wang Ji" Xichen petted Lan Zhan's back who was busy watching brothers playfully teasing each-other  "are you sure? maybe it's better for you to stay here so i can protect you and..."

"i'm brother, you know i hate saying goodbyes, it'll be harder later and please don't forget what i asked you. find few loyal cultivators who can follow us and protect Wei Ying if it's needed and after i'm ..." Lan Zhan stopped, holding his hand "you know already brother.  i won't say goodbye but only "thank you" cause this is the word think you deserved the most. I can never pay for all your care, warmth, kindness... There is no enough time, but i'm too grateful having brother like you. Be happy gege, fight for your dreams, live for yourself now not for others, fall in love and taste all enjoyment of this life, i'll miss..."

"Wang ji, my little brother" enduring  it no more, Xichen pulled him into tight embrace, Lan Zhan gasped and leaning face on his shoulder he wrapped arms around brother's back too "we'll meet again, promise me"

"We'll" Lan Zhan quickly wiped his tears and moved back, sweetly smiling at him. Joining them Wei Ying pointed at Cheng and pouted "Lan Zhan i just got well and he is already bullying me"

"Don't lie" frowned Cheng "you're just too annoying"

"I only gave you advice, to flirt with Xichen"

"Wei Ying, stop it" Lan Zhan chuckled, noticing hard blush on their brothers's cheeks, moving closer he whispered "i think your idea gonna work, so now let's leave them alone ok?" Exchanging lovely stares for the last time Wei Ying and Lan Zhan got on their way, no one knew to where or for how long... Expect their fate...

*******

getting ready for the surgery doctor Haikuan joined the Zhan who was clearing his hands, deeply thinking about something. hearing voice he looked up trying to smile at his colleague 

"Zhan are you alright? i can ask someone other to assist me on this surgery"

"why? what is wrong with me?"

"you look too pale and shaky"

"it's ok, i can do it" Zhan followed him back, seeing the patient with deep bleeding wound he shook as his legs weakened. he couldn't understand why this view, seen so many times already was making him this nervous and anxious. Zhan deeply breathed out and took his place in front of the Haikuan, the latter one carefully started operating while taking a little glances to the Zhan

"take pressure on this artery" ordered him, Zhan did as he was told but it was just impossible for him now to pay enough attention, unconsciously moving his finger a little caused cutting artery and blood was splashed out, pulling himself back Zhan covered eyes with his palms and desperately shook his head as total darkness enveloped his whole being.

"doctor Zhan leave the room" shouted Haikuan and pointed to other assistant to quickly change him, Zhan wambled out hardly entering the bathroom. Looking reflection in the mirror suddenly Zhan could only see his whole body covered in blood, he fell down rubbing palms on his temples trying to stop too painful memories endlessly coming back in his mind

"Please i don't want, please stop it, it hurts" he shouted and broke into sobs, strongly hitting fists on the floor "how is that possible, how could you do that to me?" Pressing it on his heart Zhan tried to breath out protecting himself from fainting. Holding corner of the tap he hardly managed to get up and went out walking towards the entrance. Ji Yang followed him trying to stop from getting in the car but Zhan just pushed him back and left from there

"Gosh, he'll harm himself" worryingly said Ji Yang and dialed Yibo's number "think there is something wrong with doctor Xiao, please take care of him"

Zhan drove to Yibo's university while hot tears kept dropping from his swollen eyes, his lips were moving nonstop saying same things, unbearable pain was running all over his body, but heart... It felt like someone was tearing it out. Zhan quickly braked at the traffic lights and his stare froze on the Yibo who just arrived there searching for him

"Lan Zhan" whispered Zhan "see? I did it... As promised" meanwhile Yibo noticing his car couldn't wait anymore and ran towards it, Zhan's eyes widened in fear suddenly seeing the truck which was driving exactly towards Yibo unable to stop, without further hesitation he started the engine and turned his car with whole direction.  Relying on the fate Zhan closed his eyes and calmly met the strong crash "it's ok, as long you're alive Lan Zhan"

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He is already gone, you can't change anything anymore, he is gone forever
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So i don't have much to say 💔 just need to find strength for writing next chapter 😞