POV ROSE

See there was another incident that added onto the pain later on. This one wasn't face to face like the last one but more over FaceTime.

Like I've mentioned in the past I obeyed to his rules and sent pics but I didn't do much over ft. Usually he wouldn't have a shirt on most of the calls or he would have one on. Either or our ft calls were just us talking and asking about senior stuff like colleges and essays we had to write before the deadlines. So nothing much could go wrong from our calls cause they were always around 8-10 pm ish and on school nights as well.

But oh this time the call was much different than before.

(Flashback)

I really have no idea how I even agreed to this because for starters I'm really insecure about my body and secondly what has gotten into me to even go along with this madness.

Maybe it's cause it makes me feel more empowered with my own body and then also getting to see his body with water streaming down his abs. His hair so goofy but sexy like. The way he would smile at the camera say a few words then wink at me and seductively bite his lip. How he would spill his words all full of sugar and honey making it sound all so sweet in order for me to go along with it.

I took the risk and I did it. I FaceTimed him while we both took a shower. The top half of the body was the only part we both could view we couldn't go below the waist that never did happen.

I was hella nervous on this call but again his sweet words encouraged me and in the end it was fun and silly being stupid teens. I liked the call we had and thought maybe every once in a blue moon we could do this. And yes it happened again many months later but it wasn't as fun as the first time.

(End Flashback)

The thing with this incident that hurt me was what happened afterwards. I think I finally understood everything that lead up to that point a little bit too late. Cause you see after that night it was never the same. We wouldn't call or text as often as we used to. When we saw each other at work it was just an awkward hug and one time a high five.

Which let me say something about high fives that bother me so very much. I don't like them one bit I always prefer hugs and I remember when we first met I said that and from then on we would always greet and say goodbye in hug form. But now it's not the same. Plus sometimes he just spanks me whenever we do hug.

Either or it just hurt me to say I had fallen down the rabbit hole way further than I expected too. I couldn't get myself out of this and the only way to let some of this anger bottled up inside me was to write in my sketchbook. The funny thing I got my creative writing and sketching style back because of him. Sure the story isn't over with him just yet but I'm learning to stop caring so much on a guy who doesn't really care about me back. And yes you could say that the previous guys didn't care about me either but they did at certain points and I could tell when they stop with their caring and when they did care. But with Alberto he is a whole new level I wasn't prepared from the guys in the past. Sure I knew how to play parts of the game but other parts were a challenge and the only way to make sure I make it out with a semi fixed heart is if I stop seeing him. I'm trying my best and so far it's been working okay ish. Recently I stopped bothering to send him posts that relate to science jokes that we like. And the writings of him have been dwindling down a bit.

For three weeks straight I didn't say a word or sent anything to him in order to see if he cared. Not a peep from him at all until the last day of the year and the first hour of the new year. That's when I got a photo message from him but my money is on it's just those happy new year types of messages.

Well who knows what he sent, I have had so much pain from him of nights crying myself to sleep that I'm not going to bother myself worrying about him now in the New Year. I know this game is on pause right now and that is good for there's a boy who's waiting for a reply to be more than friends.