I chew on the end of a pen, trying to think of something else to put on the list. In just two weeks Gale and I have our toasting. Everyone has already been invited. Those people include Gale's family, my mom, Haymitch, and multiple others such as Annie, Johanna, etc. It isn't going to be huge at all. We already signed papers at the Justice Building and were assigned a house where we will all gather. I plan to not make it fancy at all. It will be plain and old fashioned. Gale and I both agreed on this. That way it will feel more official.

Gale keeps making sure I fully approve of this, that we aren't moving too fast. He proposed just four months ago and I'm only nineteen, but what is there to wait for? We're clearly going to stay together and marry someday, why not make it soon? I love him and he loves me. Suddenly, Gale takes the paper and reads aloud everything we've planned so far.

"We have- dress, suit, shoes, chairs, tables, food . . ." He goes on and on with the list. When he finishes, he eyes me, waiting for me to add on.

"Cake," I say quietly. I've been avoiding it since the list started. Obviously Peeta is the one who would do that extremely well. I'd put off inviting him too, nervous to speak to him again after the incident that happened months ago.

"Right," Gale says uneasily as he nods his head and slides the paper over to me to write it down.

It's silent for a moment as I write it down slowly. I dread the day coming soon where I will have to ask Peeta if he wants to come and if he will make my cake. I know I can't avoid it forever. I could always ask someone else to do it, but I feel like it'd be rude if he didn't invite him and I might as well ask if he'll make the cake while I'm at it. I wonder if he's heard about Gale and I's engagement. He must've. It was all over magazines and the news. Paylor even asked us to come to the Capitol and say a speech about how our life is going, but that's my business. I'm not just a player in a president's game anymore.

Gale brings a clear glass of water to his lips and takes a huge gulp of it. He stares at me through the glass and when I meet his eyes he starts wiggling his eyebrows foolishly to make me laugh. I suppose he saw the worry and dread on my face and is trying to cheer me up.

"Want some?" he asks. I shake my head and he sets the glass down, shrugging. After a brief moment of silence, he speaks again. "You should just do it today to get it over with Katniss. I'll be with you, don't worry."

I know immediately that he's referring to the chat I need to have with Peeta. I bite my lower lip nervously. I want to just tell him we'll find someone else to make our cake and he doesn't need to be invited, but for some reason I feel obligated to have him there.

"Fine. Let's do that," I agree. "Just not now."

With that, I trudge to our bedroom. I need time to prep myself to see him again. I won't -I can't- look at him the same anymore. What am I going to say? It's all going to be awkward obviously. I wish there was a way to avoid that.

As I lay in my bed hugging my pillow, I listen to the pitter pattering of rain. I stare out my window, trying to pass the thought of speaking to Peeta. Instead, I think of Gale and I's toasting and as if on cue, he appears in the doorway. I turn my head towards him and smile brightly. He seems to sigh of relief.

"I thought you were upset," he says, returning the smile. I shake my head as he lays next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist before he begins stroking my hair gently.

"No, I just have a bit of dread on the whole seeing Peeta thing," I admit.

"Don't," Gale replies. "You don't have to go today, but I thought it'd be nice to get it over with so we can focus more on our toasting. Besides, it's raining."

I nod and snuggle my head into his shoulder. He rubs his feet against mine back and forth, claiming they're cold. It feels good, his soft feet creating friction against mine as warmth from him radiates onto mine.

"I like cuddling with you," Gale says softly, his voice has a loving tone that triggers warm chills to radiate throughout my body. "Sometimes I'll start to feel depressed and all you have to do is wrap your arms around me and I feel better."

I start blushing at this and like always, I can't search thoroughly enough to find the perfect words to say back. So I just say, "You're comfy," and Gale chuckles lightly.

"You too," he replies and thinking about what he said, I press my body more into his.

"And you're warm," I exclaim. He's silent for a moment before replying,

"I can't say the same for you."

We both laugh softly as he pulls the blankets to our chin and we change the subject, babbling on and on more about our toasting.

Soon enough were kissing. I can hear the sound of rain come to a halt in the background, but Gale doesn't stop. The room is dim. There's no lights on and the overcast skies outside don't provide much. So when I pull away, I can just barely see Gale's face and he can barely see mine, but that way he can't see how mesmerized I am by the kiss we just shared.

"We should go get the Peeta situation over with before it begins to rain again."

My brief dazed moment is over now, shadowed by a pure face of nerves. I decide to throw on a decent outfit and quickly braid my hair. After slipping on boots that create much discomfort to my feet, I'm ready to go. My boots are the expensive kind the Capitol would buy. Brown leather ones like the pair I had that were my father's, only fancier, much newer, and a lot more durable. I got these new ones since my old ones were destroyed by the bombs. But the shape of them doesn't match my feet and produces much pain, progressing as the day goes on. I've learned to deal with it though from all the hunting Gale and I've been doing. My feet just hurt for a little bit before going completely numb from the pain of the tight, unfitted, oddly shaped boots.

When we're on the sidewalk, I'm completely silent as I kick stones with the toe of my boot. My stomach is twisting and turning with nerves as I replay Peeta and I's last encounter. What if he does it again? I'm relieved at the reminder that Gale is with me. I start wondering why we're doing this. We can get someone else to do the cake and Peeta doesn't really need, or nonetheless, deserve an invitation to our toasting. Would that be wrong? I grab Gale's arm to turn around, but glance up to see the bakery in front of us. I clutch onto his arm tighter, squeezing it, knowing there's no turning back now.

"It's okay Catnip," he mumbles. His hand finds mine and he entwines our fingers together.

"This is stupid," I reply. He only ignores me and soon enough we're entering Peeta's bakery.

As we walk in, I see that it's completely empty besides Gale and I. The only thing audible is the sound of a boy and a girl's laughter coming from the back where the kitchen is. I look a bit further through the glass window on the door separating the counter and eating area from the kitchen, but the only thing I see is blond waves get tossed over a petite shoulder.

My mind starts to race along with my heart. Without thinking, I call out my sister's name. Blond waves, a petite shoulder . . . I start running for the kitchen, but Gale grabs my arm. It's then that I realize it can't be her. She's dead. I shudder at the memory. It was just like the jabber jay incident. I know it can't be her, but I'm still desperate to know for sure. So, I fight against Gale's grasp until the two of them rush out. Peeta and . . . Delly?

She immediately smiles at me lightheartedly and comes around the counter to embrace me. She's dressed in an apron like Peeta and I come to the conclusion that she's working with him. I greet her while in shock. As always, Delly is bubbly, carefree, and giggly, but something has changed. She used to be just a tad bit chubby. Not fat, but one of the few lumpier kids in district twelve who could lose just a few pounds. However, she's put off all that weight! Most likely from all the depression of her parents death and the worry she had upon other people going into war and the sadness after she heard about all who died. Delly is extremely selfless. Worrying about others needs, problems, and health rather than her own.

"What brings you guys here?" Delly chirps. "What would you like?"

Gale smiles a bit. I catch him just as stunned as I am at how much Delly has thinned out. Maybe he's even dazed at her beauty which makes me a bit jealous just thinking about the possibility.

"Actually, we aren't here for pastries or any of that stuff. We're here to talk to Peeta."

I glance at Peeta for the first time today and in months. He seems uptight and nervous. You can see how uneasy he is that I'm here and when Gale says we'd like to speak with him, he begins to look nauseous. I know automatically that he's worried an episode will happen again. And along with that, he can feel the awkwardness between us. It's even weird between him and Gale after the fight they got into when Gale was defending me.

"Okay," Peeta murmurs weakly. I watch as Delly's face become unusually pale. He must've told her. Glancing at Peeta, I see that he has just as much of a pasty complexion as her.

We sit at a table. Delly wanders off into the kitchen, not wanting to overhear what we have to say. She's not the type to stick around for a fight. I'm not guaranteeing there will be one, but I think everyone can sense the tension in the air. Peeta stares at the door, I guess praying a customer will enter so he has an excuse to escape this discomfort.

"Look, I'm not searching for a fight. That isn't what we-," Gale begins, but Peeta's head snaps towards us as he begins to speak as well with a stern voice, cutting Gale off.

"Yeah, I know. You two wanna tell me you're getting married," he says, his voice getting sadder and shyer as his sentence continues even though he'd started out with a confident and stern tone. It's a little aggravating he interrupted Gale to say this rarer disappointedly. Gale and I exchange glances. My lips purse together and Gale's jaw is clenched. I place my hand over his underneath the table before he can reply with something just as mouthy.

"Mm hmm," I answer. "It's going to be a toasting . . . Would you like to come?" I ask, regretting this whole idea of inviting Peeta as soon as these words approach. I'm about to go on about how much we'd appreciate it if he made the cake since he's so precise at it, but he beats me to it.

"No, not really. I don't see why you'd want me to come, but I might as well right? And while I'm at it, shall I bake a cake?" he says sternly, glaring daggers at me. If looks could kill, I'd most likely be dead.

Suddenly, tears form in my eyes. I miss the Peeta who loved me, cared about me. I look deeply into his eyes to see if he's only having an episode. I see only the smallest glint of disturbance from the evil Peeta, but other than that he looks like the same boy I knew in the first arena. I feel hurt, betrayed, and unloved by him and I want to scream. Why can't he just be happy for me. I thought that maybe he would be. Years ago he would be. Where has he gone?And that's when I realize it. Hurt, betrayal, and feeling unloved is exactly how he feels with me. It must be. And just like I want to scream at him, he wants to scream at me- why don't you love me, what did I do?

I'm about to wrap my arms around him and tell him I understand why he's mad. That I still love him so much, but only so much meaning to stop at a point of being friends. I want to tell him that it's dangerous for him and I to be a couple and it's better off this way. He'll understand. I know he will. He'll listen and we'll get along as friends. I won't feel the same guilt I do now that drives me crazy everyday. The guilt of feeling as if I've done him wrong. He'll get that I didn't choose Gale because he is better, but because the entire thing is better that way. But I can't do that because Gale has already risen from his seat and is scolding Peeta while gripping onto the collar of his shirt threateningly.

"I didn't come for an argument, but apparently you want one. In that case, you might as well listen dough boy. You're lucky that Katniss and I have even spoke to you let alone invited you to our-"

"Gale!" I scream once I snap out of my thoughts. "Stop, it's fine. We should just go okay?" I say as calmly as possible. Gale grits his teeth together and considers this. Both him and Peeta's attention is focused on me, fright residing in Peeta's baby blue eyes. My fingers are curled around Gale's wrist and I slowly and cautiously pry his fingers away from the collar of Peeta's shirt. Peeta sighs of relief and gives me a brief look of thanks after giving Gale one of pure hatred and contempt.

"Fine," he agrees. His eyes don't leave Peeta. He glares at him evilly the whole way out. We exit as a customer enters and Peeta stiffly returns to the counter, beads of sweat lining the very top of his forehead.

We get half way home when my boots start killing me more than ever. Gale and I've been talking about what happened and we even got into a quick argument that quickly cooled over. It distracted me from the tightness and pain the boots provided me, but eventually it was too severe to ignore. Even then I try hiding it because I don't want Gale to carry me home like I know he will, but it's of no use. Within a few more seconds he has lifted me into the air and placed me on his shoulders.

"Gale!" I squeal. It's fun at first and we're both laughing uncontrollably. One of my thighs sits on his right shoulder, the other on the left. Then I look down and realize how far away the ground is from me. Fear flickers across my mind briefly until I realize all the frightening things I've suffered through in my life. This isn't scary, I tell myself. Gale removes my boots and holds them before wrapping his arms around my ankles to secure me to him. Then, he takes off running. My smile grows wider against my face as I feel the wind blow in my face, pushing my braid behind me.

When we get inside our house he races upstairs. He has to duck to get through our bedroom doorway without accidentally letting my head collide with the frame. After entering our bedroom, he shuts the door. He lifts me over his head and throws me on the bed. After tossing my boots aside, he falls next to me. We're still both laughing so he gives us a chance to catch our breath before he turns over on his side, wraps one arm around my waist, pulls me in closer to him, and kisses me.

I let out a long moan, kind of like a sigh of satisfaction. His lips are as gentle as always and the kiss is perfect. I don't want it to end, I never do, but one of us always ends up ceasing it- we have to. He's on top of me, lips on my neck where they usually end up when unfortunately, the phone rings. Neither of us moves and he keeps a steady pattern of kisses trailing over my face. The phone eventually stops ringing, but it's only a brief moment of glory because when our lips connect again it begins to ring once more.

"Gale," I mumble against his lips. He continues kissing me, ignoring my voice. "Gale," I giggle and pull my lips away. He's smirking mischievously when he begins to lean in for more. However, I place my hand on his forehead and push his head backwards, away from mine.

"Katniss," he groans. I squirm underneath him, my hands are against his chest trying to push him off of me. Whoever is calling must have something important to say if they keep calling. Eventually Gale gets tired of my persistence and rolls beside me, chuckling in between gasps of air as a result from our nonstop kissing.

"Hello?" I say agitatedly when I pick up the phone. I recognize the person's voice immediately.

"I know you're probably angry Katniss, but I wanted to tell you I was acting childish earlier. I'd really love to come to your toasting and I'll seriously bake a cake if you want."

I'm silent for a moment, not sure how to respond. Should I forgive him, or not? Should I tell him I'm still mad, that he clearly doesn't want to come and he shouldn't bother? It doesn't matter anyways because my response sputters out without me having a chance to overthink it.

"Uh . . . Okay. Yeah, sure."

I can hear Peeta say something like that's great and then suggest ideas for the cake, but I just agree to all of them without actually processing the ideas. My mind is kind of foggy for some reason. Maybe it's the effect of Gale and I's kiss or maybe I'm just confused as to why Peeta obviously wanted nothing to do with my engagement or toasting and now he suddenly thinks it's all wonderful. The only answer I can come up with that is ideal is that maybe Delly scolded him for being rude and made him apologize and change what he said.

As Peeta goes on and on talking, I think about this more and more. It couldn't have been Delly that caused him to apologize. Peeta's words and voice sound so sincere and not at all forced. Could he really be sorry? Is he seriously happy for me? It seems sort of too good to be true and I guess part of me wanted him to stay upset about it and not move on from the thought. It's that part of me that still loves him. Or maybe I actually don't have a part of me that loves him, but a part of me that loves him loving me and having to chase me. I won't admit that though because it's a perfect example of selfish. I guess it hurts when someone who loved and cared for you so much in that special kind of way finally gets over you. Because yes, I guess some unspoken piece of me buried deep inside my heart still craves him. But I know that even if I chose Peeta, I'd feel the same way for Gale, but most likely a lot stronger. The thing is, I'm surviving and not crying for Peeta everyday. Not being with Peeta is bearable whereas not being with Gale is unthinkable.

When Peeta finally says goodbye to me and I say it back, I think it's over. I can forget about it and continue kissing Gale, but Peeta isn't done.

"Wait! Katniss!" he calls desperately. I put the phone back up to my ear.

"Yes?" I ask with a tinge of exasperation.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for chok-"

I hang up before he can finish. That's something I've tried to forget about lately. I don't like remembering it of discussing it, I like to think Peeta is completely cured like I thought before he had an episode that day. Every time I think about that or it is mentioned I remember that even though Snow is dead, a piece of him still lives in almost everything we do. I'd rather imagine Peeta isn't dangerous and harmful, but instead how he was in the first arena. Sadly, deep down inside I know that I can only forgive him for the episodes he's had, but I'll never be able to forget.