denial: (noun)
1. the action of denying something

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Day two of the hottest heat wave I've ever experienced, I personally think working should be illegal but the court and the law don't care about people like me. I lost my rights when I went and trespassed on that abandoned house, now I have to work in any condition. It's rough but what other choice did I have?

Risk going to prison? I don't think so.

Our progress in the manor had been a little slow today, neither Bodi nor I could work for longer than ten minutes without needing a water break. Or concerns of fainting and becoming severely delirious.

In the dining room I found a massive box underneath a cabinet display for ancient plates and cutlery. Inside the box I found diaries and pictures, newspaper cut outs and letters from the eighteen hundreds.

Black and white photographs of boys in baker boy hats, men in top hats and tailored suits with pocket watches. Women in fancy hair pieces with puff sleeve dresses and fitted corsets and pleated skirts.

I can't help but dive straight into the first diary I find, covered in thick dust, the leather slightly distressed around the edges. A gold clip keeps the pages together and I flick it open with my thumb, flying straight to the first entry.

The handwriting is perfectly sculpted, meeting each line with ease. Clearly written in a blue fountain pen as the lines of the words grow between sizes. I attempt to read the first line but I can't make out the words as best as I thought I could.

I peek to the first page, my finger brushing over the name at the top of the page.

William Morgan - 1897

"Wow," I exhale slowly.

A part of me felt guilty looking through these personal items but they could be of worth or notable in history, whoever used to live here and what they did for this community. But I knew nothing about the manor, working here was the first time I had even heard of it.

It's sad that these boxes didn't end up with a family member or someone who knew the family.

Hopefully the council can get them back to their rightful owners.

I scout through the box and pluck out a family photo, a man and a woman and then a daughter and a son. They stand together but none are smiling like they want to be in the same photograph, but I guess that's what things were like back then.

My fingers gingerly flick over the fragile photo with a white border. At the top it reads - The Morgan Family. John, Elizabeth, William and Anna.

I glance over William, the diary I found. He doesn't look much older than thirteen or fourteen. His dark bakerboy hat and smart shirt and tie compliments the rest of his family.

Leaning in closer to the photo, my eyes zero in on the boys. He once lived here, he must have. His belongings wouldn't be here if he didn't. A shiver runs down my spine unexpectedly and I clench my eyes shut.

Even in this heat my skin begins to prick with goosebumps and I open my eyes back up again, the photo still between my hands.

"What are you looking at?"

Bodi's voice makes me jump and I press a hand to my thundering heart, whipping my head to his voice as he stands in the doorway. Drinking down a sports lucozade in his right hand and his overalls tied around his waist but a black vest clung to his chest.

"Jesus," I hiss through my teeth. "Don't fucking do that."

He smirks and pushes off the wall, walking to stand beside me. His eyes roam over the pictures and diaries and I watch him. "What's that?"

"Just found some photos and letters and things, I think from a family who once lived here."

"Creepy."

I narrow my eyes towards him. "Do you think?"

"From the look on your face, then yeah." He's teasing me and I roll my eyes painfully.

"This place is eerie, dark and just weird. You have to admit that."

Bodi's eyes glance at the wall and he pulls the bottle to his lips. "Someone watches far too many horror movies."

I instantly scowl at him. "I don't even like horror movies."

"Shock."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," he shakes his head in dismissal and I try my hardest not to look down at his biceps as he swallows from his drink. "Nothing, Cherry."

"When are you going to stop calling me that?" My voice is harsh and Bodi's eyes find mine once more.

He shrugs like this doesn't bother him.

"I have a name."

"I know."

I can't help myself with what I say next. "It's like you don't want to forget that night."

Bodi's eyes darken but not in a good way, his fists tighten and I take a breath. Why the fuck is he getting so triggered?

"I forgot about that night." He snaps back, his voice echoing off the paperless walls. "To me it didn't happen."

I scoff to myself and dust down my overalls, pushing myself up from the floor and standing in front of him. The tips of our shoes are almost touching, my eyebrow quirks and I fold my arms across my chest.

"If you forgot then why are you still calling me Cherry?" I challenge him, not wanting to back down from whatever performance he decided to put on today.

"Because we aren't friends," his teeth begin to grit.

I can't help but laugh, the way he switches from zero to one hundred is comical. "Like that nickname you gave me after I fucked you is any better."

Bodi steps forward suddenly and my back slams into the cabinet behind me with a loud thud. His body towers over mine but not by much, we weren't far off each other's height and I refuse to let him intimidate me.

This is the first time we've ever brought up that night and he clearly doesn't like the idea of it. But there is something in his eyes that tells me he's hiding something, hiding his deepest inner feelings because he's afraid. Maybe I'm reaching for an answer but by the look of his defence mechanisms, I could guess so.

He says nothing as his eyes level with mine, a light of fury behind them. "I don't know what your problem is with me," I ground out, squaring my shoulders up to him. "But we fucked Bodi, we fucked. Jesus Christ, the world isn't going to fucking end. So I have no idea what this tough guy act is all about."

I watch as his jaw clenches again and he looks down, like he's unsure of what to do next. Deep down I wish I could read his mind because he's clearly confused or actually hates my guts.

He takes one step back and shakes his head. "Don't mention that shit again."

"Then don't call me Cherry, it's simple." I state.

Bodi's eyes don't meet mine as he steps away, walking back to whatever he was working on previously. For the first time since the start of our conversation I take a breath and watch the back of his head.

My heart hammers from the tension. Why things had to feel this complicated is beyond me... it never had to be mentioned if he didn't want it to be. But by bringing up that nickname, it brings back all the memories. Like he doesn't want to forget but his words say different.

When we're signed out for the day Bodi heads out before I can say anything to him, not that I wanted to but still. My phone vibrates in my pocket as I head down the long dirt road towards the town centre.

I peel the phone from my bag and look at the name.

Britt

Yo yo, what are you doing today? It's a super nice day. Want to hang out?

Haven't seen you in like forever

It's Britt btw if you forgot because it's been that damn long

I can't help but chuckle at the last text, my head shakes and I wipe the sweat that covers my brow with the back of my hand. Then I quickly tap out a message.

Ash

Just finished probation, want to meet over at Kings Avenue? Can lounge around the park, get an ice cream or something

Britt

Sounds good, I'll drive round there now

Ash

See you in 15

I tuck my phone back into my pocket and head straight for Kings Avenue, one of the prettiest parks in town. Considering Britt lives in the posh town over, I'm grateful she has a car of her own to drive her way to me. Makes things a lot easier than asking my mum to borrow the car or jump a bus.

When I reach Kings Avenue I perch underneath a blossoming tree to shield myself from the scorching sun, close enough to the entrance for Britt to spot me on the way in.

As I reach into my bag to retrieve my water bottle, the liquid now a lukewarm temperature, I spot Britt's white Polo pulling into the car park. I down half of the bottle and watch as she steps out of the car, dark brown sunglasses covering her eyes. She's dressed in a soft blue sundress and converse. As soon as she spots me she waves and I wave back.

"Well, well, well..." she grins, swiping the sunglasses onto the top of her head. "Look what we have here. My little criminal best friend."

She plonks herself down onto the grass beside me, tucking into the shade so she's not obliterated by the sun's rays. "Shut up," I push her shoulder and she examines my tag.

You can't physically hide it in this weather, I don't want to swelter wearing trousers just because I don't want anyone to see. Pretty sure almost everyone in this town already knows anyway, I've set such a great example for myself.

"How's it been?"

"Probation?"

Her eyes almost roll into the back of her head. "No the fucking circus," she grunts. "Yes, probation you idiot."

"It's okay, getting there I guess. How have you been?"

She exhales a long sigh and rests back onto one of her hands. "Same old, same old really."

"No new shoots?" I quirk an eyebrow.

"Did one the other day for Dior. It was fucking great. Let me keep the clothes as well, I couldn't believe it!" She grins widely at me.

"Pleased to know that you're still enjoying it."

"Come on Ash," she pushes my arm again. "It's easy money, you're good at it. You're a handsome young man, casting's always bloody love you. What isn't there to love?"

I chew on my lip and shake my head. "That I feel like I'm not mentally stimulated at all, I feel like I'm learning nothing. Doing nothing of worth."

Britt gasps like I've offended her. "The fashion world has contributed to so much, culture, films, TV, music. It's not nothing of worth, it's so much. So much Ash and you've helped with that side of it."

"But it's not enough." I find myself saying.

She frowns and I glance away. "Fine, tell me more about your probation. Was your mum pissed?"

I chuckle to myself and nod. "So pissed."

"I can't believe you did what you did."

"Yeah don't remind me," I rub my eyes with my fingers and look away, towards a group of kids playing football together in the sun.

"Where is your probation?"

"At some manor down the road, don't think it's been touched since like the late eighteen hundreds. Kinda creepy not going to lie."

"You doing it by yourself?!"

I shake my head. "No but the company ain't great either."

Britt pulls a bitter expression. "Why? Did they do something?"

My lips purse and then I open them, breathing out a long sigh that tells all. Britt sits up and crosses her legs, eyes wide open ready for me to tell her the gossip. "What happened?" She demands.

I stare into her eyes for a moment and she wiggles her brows, encouraging me to speak up.

"Remember that party we went to a couple of months ago?"

She glances up at the sky once, attempting to remember. Her throat exhales a soft hum, eyes gazing over the clouds one by one.

"It was your friend, rich friend. Lives in a mansion, free alcohol and a DJ." I say slowly to try and jog her memory.

"All my friends' parties are like that," she shrugs.

My head shakes in dismissal. "Whatever," I say shortly. "But do you remember that party?"

"Yeah..." she trails off.

"Well at the party, I—I sort of," my throat swallows harshly.

"Spit it out, Ash."

"I slept with this guy, upstairs."

She gasps and slaps my leg, her sunglasses falling off the back of her head with the movement. "You did what? And you didn't think to tell me?!"

"I didn't tell anyone."

Britt gives me a disapproving look. "Okay, what's this got to do with your probation?" I flick my eyes between hers and then her mouth opens wide, the penny finally dropping inside of her head. "Ohhhhhh!"

"Yep."

"The guy you slept with is your probation partner?!"

"Hit the nail on the head there."

"Holy fucking shit!" She shouts with a wide grin. "Have you banged again?"

I gape at her words and shake my head. "Of course not."

"What do you mean of course not?"

"Because he told me today that he forgot all about that night." I run a hand over my face, exhaling softly. "And never wants to be reminded again."

"Ew," Britt recoils and inspects her perfect manicure. "Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one."

I chew on the inside of my cheek and nod, "Yeah."

She eyes me with suspicion and tucks her hair behind her shoulder. "You really like him don't you?"

"No," I shake my head quickly. "No I don't. I fancied him at the party and that's it, he seems like a prick and once my probation is over, I'm never going to think of him again."

"Good," she offers me a smile. "You deserve someone who is going to want to remember you and what you experienced."

"I dunno," I look down to the vibrant grass. "I think he's not out yet."

"Then that might be your answer, he's in denial." Britt wraps a piece of hair around her finger.

"Or he just doesn't fancy me, he just wanted a quick fuck."

She tuts loudly and rolls her eyes, all I can see is the whites. "Everyone fancies you, Ash. Shut up."

I laugh awkwardly at her words, avoiding the compliment. "I don't think any one night stand of mine is going to end up in a happily ever after," my voice becomes quiet. "They all seem to not care after, even when I ask for their names.''

"Fuck them," Britt swipes her hand through the air with a sour look. "Maybe the next guy you fancy, ask them on a date or to just hangout. Doesn't always have to end with a shag. Right?"

"Right," I nod once. "Guess I've got my priorities all wrong."

"Don't we all," Britt chuckles and I match her smile. "It's all about learning new things with our emotions, we've got to make mistakes."

I nod and wait for her to carry on.

"You sleeping with that guy was meant to happen, maybe it's not end game but it will have helped you for the future."

My knees draw up to my chest and I rest my hands on my legs. "If you mean he made me feel like shit, then yeah."

"Everything happens for a reason, I swear by it."

"Me getting arrested happened for a reason?"

Britt shrugs. "For whatever reason, yeah."

I can't help but smile, tutting at her at the same time. "You're weird."

"I might be weird but I live by it and I trust the process."

"You live in a fantasy world," I push her shoulder this time.

"Better than your in-denial world." Her tongue pokes out of her mouth and we both laugh.

"Whatever."

"Whatever."

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Author's Note
Read up to chapter 19 on Patreon. Link is in bio!

Ahhhhhh the tension is real between these two.

What did you guys think of this chapter?

I love Britt so much, her advice is cute and when she says everything happens for a reason, it sure does when you're the author heheh

Hope everyone is good! Love Savanna x

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