darkness: (noun)
1. the partial of total absence of light
2. wickedness or evil

✣

Being official with Bodi makes my mind clear. That means he is mine and no one else can touch him but me and that brings me more joy than I expected. I understand that he's not ready to come out, he will do so when it's his time but knowing I can have him more or less when I want makes it worth it.

Never have I stumbled across another human being that I can mentally and physically bounce off. We work so well that sometimes I'm convinced that this was fate and even though we ended ourselves in probation, it was for the reason of reconciling.

We were meant to meet the night of the party, we were meant to be put on the same probation placement and we were meant to get together. Damn, right now I sound like Britt with her spirituality nonsense.

Though I know exactly what she's talking about.

Meeting Bodi has enhanced my life, it's made the days brighter and my heart bigger. As cheesy as that sounds, he really makes me see life in a different way. The joy I feel when I'm with him is like no other and I cannot stay away. Bodi definitely can't either.

Our hands wander along with our tongues and our cocks and we wind up making a mess on each other. Not that I minded at all but we're so drawn to one another that we can barely get shit done, we just want to rip clothes off and then lay naked together catching our breaths.

Guess we're only young once. There is no way I'll have this stamina at forty.

We're both sat outside during our small lunch break, sitting away from the sun and in the shade on an old table.

"Have you thought any more about what I said with talking to someone or therapy?" I ask as I turn my head to Bodi.

He raises a lucozade bottle to his lips, not responding immediately. I purse my lips waiting for him to talk, panicking that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all.

"Not really," he shrugs before pushing back into the wall. "It's not really a priority now."

My lips fall into a frown. "How's things been with your dad?"

Bodi shakes his head. "I dunno," he sighs. "After our fight, we've not really been speaking. Things got rough and we ended up hitting each other but he's backed off recently."

"What? He hit you?"

He turns his head to me slowly. "Did I not tell you?"

"No," my voice is thick. "You didn't."

"Guess I was more worried about getting you back than thinking about my situation with my dad."

My heart sinks through my chest at the guilt. "I'm sorry," I murmur.

"Why? It's not your fault."

"I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't tell me because you were too invested with what was going on with me," I express and Bodi's dark eyes catch mine. "Maybe I should have realised what was going on with you instead of being so blind to it."

His lips part and I look down to them, he slides his hand across the table and grips my fingers. "Don't apologise, it was a crazy few weeks. But things are fine now, I think he backed down because he realised that I can beat him to shit and he doesn't want to put up a fight with me."

"You can always talk to me about your situation with your dad, you know that right?"

"Yeah," he nods genuinely. "I know but there isn't much to report right now. He's staying away from me, I'm staying away from him. I just want to get out of there as soon as I can but I don't have enough money right now. Once probation is over, I'm gonna move the hell away from him."

I find myself nodding. "Good for you, you deserve to be happy and not in the presence of that monster. I really hate your dad."

Bodi scoffs. "Join the club, I am the original member."

"But you're feeling alright at the moment?"

He gives my fingers a well needed squeeze and nods. "Yeah. You've really given my life a boost, you know? You make me happy and that makes life easier."

My head falls to rest on his shoulder and Bodi wraps an arm around me. "You make me happy too."

"Ugh," Bodi huffs out a grunt. "This cringeyness is killing me."

I laugh deeply and fight back a grin but I can't stop showing it. "You don't like the cringey talk?"

He pulls a face and stares directly out at the overgrown field. "I can hack some of it but too much will send me over the edge. You're the only exception, sometimes."

"Sometimes?" I gape.

Bodi grins back at me. "Sometimes." He clarifies.

"Idiot." I push his shoulder and he catches himself with his hand on the table.

"You know when we fought about the whole Ciara, party thing?"

"Yeah."

Bodi brushes a hand down the back of his head and twists his body towards me. "I remember you saying something about being used by guys for their own fantasies when they're not even gay, they just want to fetishise a gay person and their sexual experiences."

I hum because I have no idea where this is going. "Yeah..."

His brows crease deeply and he flashes me a strained look. "Have people done that to you?"

"Someone has, yes."

"Really? I'm sorry that happened to you."

My teeth clamp down on my lip. It's not really a subject I like talking about, at the time I told Britt but now it makes me feel pathetic and weak. As if I fell for all his shit when really he wanted to bang me whilst being engaged to a woman.

"I'm over it now but it fucking sucked at the time."

"What happened?"

I bite down on my lip and sigh, finding Bodi's eyes again. "I met this guy called Oscar at one of my castings, he was a part of the crew. I got his number, he wanted to take me out. At the time I really liked him, he was a bit older than me."

Bodi hums and places his soft palm on the inside of my thigh, I focus on his hand and the warmth it spreads throughout my body without struggle. He has that crazy effect on me.

"We went on quite a few dates. He was super kind to me, caring and I honestly thought that maybe we would get in a relationship," I cover Bodi's hand with mine and look out at the unkempt garden. "But then I found out he was engaged to a woman and that he was only using me to get out his gay fantasies and that he will 'always be straight'. This was just something he wanted to experiment with."

There is a spark of heat in my chest when Bodi scrunches his face up at my words. "What the fuck?" He twists his hand upwards so they slide into one another. "That guy is a fucking dickhead."

I scoff sadly at his words. "Yeah, he is. It's the first time I've ever felt used, everything he said to me was a lie. He didn't actually like me, he just wanted to have sex with me and then go home to his fiance and sleep in their bed. I felt sick to my stomach with guilt."

"It's not your fault, you didn't know he was a fucking scumbag."

My shoulders rise and fall quickly. "I know but it still makes me feel bad. I wonder if they're still together now, if she knows at all."

Bodi pulls me closer to him with his impressive strength. "Well you don't need to worry about him anymore because I'm not with you because of the sex," his eyes sparkle and I open my mouth in mock shock. "But for the fact I fancy the shit out of you."

"Fine, you're redeemed." I roll my eyes with a smile and lean forward to grab his lucozade bottle.

When he flashes me a dazzling smile as I sip from his drink, I find myself staring back into his dark brown eyes. Heart thumping against my ribcage and skin erupting into goosebumps at the sight of him like this. Smiling like nothing else in the world matters.

A finger is placed under my chin and tilted up to Bodi's gaze. He leans forward slowly and presses a delicate kiss to my lips, so light that I barely feel it but inside I'm feeling everything.

Kisses are left over every inch of my mouth, in the corner, in the middle, at the top, on the bottom. Not one part of my lips are ignored and I melt into a puddle beneath us at his magical touch. I'm sure he has superpowers because this can't be normal.

Bodi is an extraordinary person that I am lucky to have as a boyfriend.

No one has ever made me feel like this in my life. And even now I'm panting like I'm on withdrawals from his kisses, one or twenty is never enough. I want more until I can't feel my face.

When he pulls back there is a gleam in his eye that tells me that something is about to happen. I remove myself from his touch and study his face. "What?"

"One of the probation officers from the office is coming to pick me up like an hour before we finish to discuss breaking my curfew," he tells me and I tilt my head.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because I know you don't like this place, if I told you earlier you would have been worrying about it all day."

Well he's not wrong. In fact I am worrying about it now but I know how important it is that Bodi goes to this meeting, hopefully nothing serious will happen and they'll let him off with a slapped wrist and a stern telling off.

The thought of doing this without him is unbearable, like I can't breathe. I might be dramatic but this place has someone feeling like they're inside my head.

I hear noises, voices and unexplained sounds. I sense shadows and a dark presence. I saw the baker boy in the grass.

This manor is not safe, especially not for my mind. I might turn batshit crazy.

"Are you gonna be okay here alone?"

I swallow harshly and force a smile. "Yeah, it will be fine."

Bodi's lips slant, he knows I'm chatting absolute shit. "It will only be for an hour, I'm sure you could probably leave a bit earlier too."

"It'll be fine," I reassure him but really, I'm reassuring myself because I fucking need it before I go into cardiac arrest just thinking about it.

A hand is waved in my face when I realise I'm staring ahead at the sky. "Ash," he grips my shoulder. "Maybe tell them you don't feel well or something and leave at the same time as me?"

My head shakes instantly. "No, I can do it," I speak confidently.

If not for him then at least for me. If I do it once alone, I can prove to myself that I am being paranoid. Fine, the manor might be haunted but it's old, like super old. Maybe I should be surprised if it's not haunted but these spirits of ghosts could be friendly.

Oh my God. I smack myself in the forehead. What am I even saying?"

Bodi's arms are wrapped around me and even though he's still in his overalls, he smells like heaven. His tight grip and comforting scent has me taking a breath as I cup my chin on top of his shoulder and hug him back.

"Let's get some work done," he mumbles into my ear. "Distract yourself rather than sitting here dwelling about it."

I nod in agreement because it's what I need. Laying around doing nothing makes my mind race with unwanted thoughts. If I stimulate my brain by doing other activities, I'm distracted.

We finish off moving items of broken furniture into the skip and placing items that can be reused into the back room. Bodi dusts off his thick gloves and he grabs his backpack once he sees a car drive down the path towards the manor.

"I gotta go," he sighs and slaps his gloves onto the table. He takes two large steps towards me, pressing his lips to mine in a determined kiss. I don't want to let go because I know what's going to happen when he stops, he's going to leave.

My fingers wrap around his wrist and I hold him in place.

"Ash," he mumbles against me with a smile. "I gotta go, I don't want to be late for the meeting."

Right. My heart clenches, this is no time to be selfish. I pull away and offer him a smile. "I hope it goes well, let me know what happens when it's over."

"Will do," his eyes flick down to my lips once more before stealing another kiss. "Message me when you're done and heading home, alright?"

I nod and press my palms into my thighs. Bodi steps backwards but keeps his eyes on me. For a couple seconds we hold onto this moment because realistically neither of us have any idea what's going to happen in his meeting, but giving him a morbid farewell doesn't really seem fitting right now.

If I'm optimistic then hopefully we can manifest that they'll let him off with a warning. The last thing I want is for Bodi to think I'm shitting on his parade, he needs people to be positive and supporting. And that's exactly what I want to do.

The car horn from outside blasts and Bodi gives me one last nod before turning away. He exits the room swiftly and I stand still listening to his footsteps, then the slamming of a car door and wheels turning sharply.

I can hear everything until I can hear my own heart beat outside of my chest.

"You're fine, Ash. Stop being so dramatic." I scold myself.

My lungs inhale the largest breath I've ever taken and I get to work, focusing on doing everything with intent. The hour will go by quickly if I pay attention to everything I am doing, making sure I check little details.

If it works, it works.

I grab the broom and sweep the floor, brushing the dust and debris to the corner of the room. A light breeze brushes the back of my neck in an anxious movement, I whip my head over my shoulder and scan the dining room with wide eyes.

Thump. Thump, Thump. There goes my heart because I am about to break down any given moment.

A loud crash echoes from the opposite room causing me to jump back with a deep scream. "What the fuck?" I curse under my breath and apprehensively check out the noise.

I can barely control my breathing, my lungs are going crazy inside my chest and I had no idea they could move this fast. One thing I know is it fucking hurts and the fear inside me isn't making it any better.

With shaky footsteps I creep into the opposite room, sweat now dripping down my back like a river. I peek my head inside and stare down at the bookshelf that is now smashed against the floor.

"Fuck, fuck," my throat turns impossibly dry.

I back out of the room, almost stumbling over my feet. A low whisper passes my ears and I gasp suddenly, turning my head one way and then the other. Over and over until little whispers are circulating my brain and sending it into overdrive.

A deep sense of sinister aura climbs over my body. This is a dark place and I never know why I dumbed it down so much. I should have trusted my instincts because this isn't normal, it never has been and I've been tolerating it to make myself feel better.

But this feels like evil.

A chair is slammed into the floor behind me and I shake my head, terrified tears springing to my eyes. This feels all too real. I need to get out, I need to get out.

I'm hyperventilating. Breathing in and out until it's one long sound and my mind turns hazy from the short bursts of oxygen.

I run from the spot I am routed to straight to the front set of doors, dark grey clouds cluttering the sky. Before I reach the patio, the doors are slammed directly in front of me and I almost collapse onto my knees in defeat.

This cannot be happening. I have to be in a dream or some kind of coma.

My hand grips onto the handle and I rattle the wooden door but it doesn't budge. I curse under my breath and push back into my heels, using all the strength inside my body. But it was no use, the door was not moving.

Shadows begin to rise on the door, signalling that something is behind me. I can feel it in my veins, shuddering me to the core. It's coming closer and closer, covering my body with its darkness.

What the fuck is behind me?

I bang on the door, over and over. Screaming for someone to hear me but there is no use. The manor is in the middle of nowhere and no one is coming to help me, no one cares that I've been left in his hellhole.

My mouth widens each time and the shadow grows closer.

Pure terror engulfs my body when I can feel something at the back of my body, clawing for me, reaching out for me.

"Fuck, shit," I shout and try the door handles again. "Come on, please. Come on!"

I'm beyond desperate at this point, my fists aching from pounding on the wooden door until they're numb and red.

My blood runs cold when I am finally swarmed by the shadow that has been lurking behind me. Nothing about it feels inviting or safe and I have no idea how my body hits the ground when everything felt so alert three seconds ago.

I can't control anything, including my ability to think when everything moves to black.

✣

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Author's Note

EEEKKKKKKKKK. What did you guys think of this chapter?

Poor Ash, what do you think happened to him?😖

Also they're so cute, they care so deeply for one another and it really warms my heart to finally see them like this💘

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Love Savanna x

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