Day 4                                                        04.10.21
I just came back home after meeting with Seokjin. He's already doing a lot better than yesterday. He'll be hopefully released within a week, maybe? I don't know. I just don't want to see him cry again. He's too nice for those nasty tears to stain his handsome face.

Should I make some food for him tomorrow?? Yes I should. I'll make Kimchi since it's his favourite.

It's been just four days since he's writing. He felt at peace after letting out his unspoken words in his diary. It had become his life line. He writes everyday about his day. He can't stay a day without writing. You can say, it's like an addiction. Or maybe better than that.

It was 3pm. He went back in his small room and locked the door from inside. Putting his diary aside on his desk, he picked up his headphones and wore them, plopping himself on the chair and took a book from the huge shelf beside his bed.

He played the same song yet again. Even he himself doesn't know how he doesn't get bored listening to the same song over and over again.

"Laying in the silence

Waiting for the sirens

Signs, any signs I'm alive still

I don't wanna lose it

I'm not getting through this

Hey, should I pray? should I pray"

He remembered the times he had been standing at the edge of the terrace for hours, not being able to decide if he should jump or not. The way his hands shook when he tried cutting himself when he wasn't able to get a single cut. Because he was scared. Maybe he didn't actually want to die?

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts. And resumed his reading.

His phone rang, pausing the song. A small notification popped up on the screen. It was from the hospital. He quickly opened the chat. What he saw, made his eyes widen. Tears stung his eyes as he kept on reading the message over and over again to make sure he wasn't reading it wrong.

"Hello Mr. Kim Namjoon. This is from the xxx hospital. Mr. Kim Seokjin had went into a cardiac arrest. It happened suddenly and there weren't any symptoms showing from beforehand. Mr. Kim Seokjin is in a coma as his heart had given up and he has been kept alive using a life support. We need to run a lot of test and we need you to fill up some forms. Please come by within 5pm, before the visiting hour starts."

"How did this happen? Why is this happening? What did he do?!"

His brain screamed the questions out loud. He quickly got his hoodie and ran outside the house, making his way to the hospital. He managed to reach the hospital within about 20 minutes with his blurry vision.

The receptionist, being the nice lady that she is, didn't ask him any questions and pointed her figure towards Seokjin's main doctor's chamber.

He couldn't think of anything else. Seokjin was all he had. He couldn't afford losing him.

He was called to come inside after he knocked on the door.

The thing is, he had also inhaled a good amount of carbon monoxide, but luckily the tests didn't show any sign of brain damage. He is expected to wake up in a few days or weeks. But if he doesn't, some bad news had to be heard.

Namjoon had to be prepared for either ways. If he waked up, it's well and good. And if he doesn't, then....he just...doesn't know what he'll do..

He, not being able to look at Seokjin had ran back home immediately after knowing about his condition.

I just wanna have a happy life. Why can't I? Even if I can't have it, why is he suffering? He is all I have. Why am I being punished by seeing him suffer? Why can't I just suffer if I can't have a normal life??

The tears in his eyes weren't allowing to write further. He kept the diary beside him and sat on the floor, leaning against his bed. He hug his legs tightly and put his head in them, crying himself to sleep.