Azaleskis,

HOW DARE THEY??? HOW FUCKING DARE THEY???

NOT ONLY DID THOSE BOYS INTERUPT AND STARE AT MY BLUEBERRY WITH EYES THAT I WANTED TO RIP APART, BUT THEY KEPT PESTERING ME??

EVERY ONE OF THEM WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT HER! THEY WANTED TO USE HER?? HURT HER?????

I KNOW THOSE GAZES, THEY THINK MY LITTLE FRUIT IS A GAME TO THEM??? SOMEONE TRIVIAL?????

I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE THAN JUST MADE THEM BLEED! I SHOULD HAVE KILLED THEM ALL!!!

But, If I do that, then I will not be able to hide it. I don't have any power, not like them. I would have been taken away which would make her sad.

Today, I realized it. They are the ones who will hurt her. I know it deep within my bones. But I will not let them.
I WON'T LET THEM EVEN TOUCH HER.

Power. Wealth. Influence. I need these. I need to be at the top so that nothing will be able to get past me to touch her.

THEY WILL ALL DIE. They need to. But I will do it slowly. Before that, I will destroy them.

I WILL DESTROY THEM FOR SULLYING HER WITH THAT FILTHY LOOK!! I WILL DESTROY RYONG AND SEJUN FOR THINKING ABOUT USING HER AS SOME PAWN!!

My Little Fruit, I will protect her. But I can't do anything drastic or my absence will upset her.

Patience. I will be patient.
They don't know what they did tonight.

The only person in my life who is untouched by filth, the only person who I know truly cares for me, cares about how I am, what I feel. I will not let anything happen to her. I won't let her be taken from me.

The price for this transgression will be high. I feel a beast slumbering within me. A Monster, that might break out.

But now, I know, it needs to come out. Because only a Monster will have the ability to keep these fiends away.

They kept calling me a Monster, right? Then that is exactly what I will be.

HOW DARE THEY???? HOW THE FUCK DARE THEY???

I. WILL. NOT. LET. THEM. COME. NEAR. MY. LITTLE. FRUIT.

NEVER.
NEVER.

SHE IS MY HAPPINESS. MY SOUL. MY FRIEND.

MY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING
My Everything.

So I will be careful not to let her know either. She likes my gentle self, so I won't let her know this side of me.

But that doesn't mean I won't change. I will.
Every one of this family will be destroyed. Each selfish, greedy, self absorbed fiend will never come near enough to amuse themselves with their rancid games.

Today, they started their own annihilation. And I understood something.

Family means lesser than the mud sometimes stuck beneath my shoes to me.

I WILL NOT SPARE ANY.
Not when it comes to her.
Not when it comes to. . .My Anya.

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Must have been the dinner. He must have written the entry right after it, his emotions were all over the place, he himself seesawing over the things that became chaotic inside his mind.

This is what it meant when Anya kept up the belief that childhood abuse destroyed the child to his very foundation.

And still now, she maintained another belief.
It was NEVER the child's fault. NEVER.

A small baby, not knowing anything in this world were entrusted to adults. If those people who were supposed to nurture, protect and love them instead were the ones that harmed them at that age, just how were they supposed to grow up to be normal?? How??

Joon, here never cared about the things done to him. Not because he was that kind, but because those adults, his family, had managed to destroy his self esteem, his sense of self and degrade it to the position where he didn't think he was an individual who deserved anything.

Thoughts, care, revenge. . . His perception of himself was less than an ant killed in the way of a human walking without looking down, which was why, he did not even perceive that what had happened to him was wrong.

Even after he understood the actions of the past, he still. . . Didn't care.

But those hideous invisible scars remained. Untreated, they spread, got infected and festered.

Though that abuse amounted to nothing when it came to him, it manifested as a heinous traumatizing threat when he thought it could be directed to the one, only one person in his life who had only taught him happiness.

Such an abused person with a contorted persona, when found comfort in someone, they treasured that person with an unnatural zeal, causing them to react abnormally.

Those two factors combined for Joon. The threat he saw, was the atrocious acts these people had committed before his eyes. Killing a woman of their own family had been nothing to them, so he knew the potential of the threat was real.
And the person it was directed at, was her.

Added to it, instead of only finding comfort from her, Joon had fallen in love with her. In that age, he didn't even realize the hidden emotions which caused him to flare up so drastically that his entire personality underwent a huge change.

A change that might have been inevitable, but had to have been gradual. That perceived threat pushed at him hard, speeding up a delicate process which should have been slower.

Human psyche is different for every individual, but in some ways, its the same for everyone. Deep in the mind, we ourselves, unconsciously have a survival instinct against abuse that crosses the limits of what we can take.

When that point is reached, some develop a split personality which can protect them, some shut down to numb themselves to the pain, some react aggressively in a criminal or violent manner while some, shift their focus of being to someone else they treasure, they truly love.

Joon, Anya understood, did the later.

Any sense of worth, of deserving protection, he projected onto her, instead of himself. His mind was defeated to an extent where it could not conjure up any excuse to defend himself. He felt, he was not worth fighting for. But she, was different.

She was the girl, he ardently loved, softly cared for. A girl he truly connected with. Someone who made him stronger, someone who made him hope for the next day to come.

Protection. Worth. She was the one who deserved it from him.

So as long as she was not in danger, he could have taken any abuse and not change. But the second anything upset her, even if it be him being insulted or beaten, Joon could not permit it to happen.

A pure, clean soil which was made toxic by others, could never bear a normal plant.

So was it the soil's fault? Or the people who ruined it?

Anya's heart felt heavy as she kept staring down at the deep anger, deep. . . . fear, etched in the heavy strokes of the pen.

His way of thinking was wrong. What she knew he did in future, was wrong. What he was doing now, was also wrong.

But Anya couldn't find it in her heart to blame him.

Reading his descent into becoming this was getting painful, especially after thinking just how foolishly oblivious she had been to everything while he was still alive.

Because. . . now . . . it was too late.

With a suffocation in her chest which kept becoming heavier, Anya closed shut the first diary.
Picking up the next, she randomly opened it in the middle.

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Azaleskis,

Its been two years since Little Blueberry came to meet me.

Today was a day I had been dreading, not a day I was looking forward to. Today was the last day of my school life.

Leaving the place where I knew she and I were together at the same time, made me unsettled. Our difference in grades meant that I could not see that small Fruit all the time, but everyday during breaks, it was allowed in this school. Even though she was a girl.

Leaving that place behind while she stayed made me a little upset, but not majorly. After all, I have my contacts watching her all day, intermingling with her friends, her neighbours. They do report to me if anything feels off. Even in school, I know nothing will happen to her. She and her two friends are well guarded.

I need to work hard if I want to make a better future for her, my plans will only take effect from the time I start my college which was what provided me with motivation enough to not sink down.

Besides, she lives down the lane to my estate. I know I will be seeing her everyday. I can't not meet her. That is out of the realm of possibility. But still, I was not looking forward to today.

Until I saw that silly, sweet girl. She burst out crying.
Blueberry never makes a sound when she cries, its always silent and that silence with her loud pain usually drives me mad. I don't think I can tolerate it, but today, I learned that it can also make me smile.

Over these two years, her parents had forced her by her neck to have her unruly hair cut down to a shoulder length. Though she cried, screamed, protested against it LOUDLY, I can't help but love it because it made her sweet face seem more rounder. Adorable, she is.

She has grown, now she can reach the second button of my shirt, still, she is a small thing.

Seeing her wobbly lips and big blue eyes crying so pitifully at my graduation, I couldn't hold back a laugh.

That Fruit got angry, thinking I was making fun of her, but how do I explain that my laughter, was born from a deep, deep joy that only she can bring in me.

My treasure. A sweet, adorable, kitten like Blueberry. She makes my days brighter. She makes me want to wake up everyday.

I hugged her tightly, that small ball who kept leaking tears, assuring her that she would still see me. She looked at me with such serious solemn eyes and asked me to make the most binding promise about it.

As if something like that is ever required. Is that a promise that needs to be said?

Blueberry still does not understand.
There will never be a day when I will not be by her side.
There will never be a day where she will walk a path where I am not holding her hand.
I will always be with that small, Little Fruit.

Always.

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A small smile on her face, Anya recalled the day. Yes, she had been crying like her heart was breaking.
Yes, he had been laughing, looking so very handsome in his uniform with his then golden rim specs.
Yes, the others had watched them as if watching two bumbling lunatics putting a show.

Turning pages, Anya recalled another feeling.

That had been the day when she understood what love meant, even if it was just a childhood crush.

And yes, for her, it had only ever been him.

When Anya focused on the next entry, she was a little shocked at the time gap. Turning back a few pages, it seemed that Joon only ever wrote once a month after graduation, compiling all their moments together. He never wrote about anything else. Or even, anyone else.

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A/N : Next chapter will be the last diary entry.

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