(a/n: this chapter is a little different as it is in jj's pov during the last two chapters. it was legit spontaneous and i wrote this in less than a day so enjoy <3)

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He heard her voice when she announced she was going home for the night. He chose not to look at her because her mother was whispering to his mind not to acknowledge her, no matter how hard it was. Her voice was everything to him. He could listen to her for hours and she could calm him down with the simplest of words. It took everything in him to tune her out.

A tap was what snapped him out of his concentration of blocking her out. It was hard. She was only a few feet away, after all.

Kiara narrowed her eyes down at the blonde sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the couch, eyes set on the low-volumed television. He knew the girl long enough to know what she was aiming at.

"Uh, night, Em." he finally said, although it felt like a punch to the gut to watch her facial expression change.

He watched her leave. It felt right to pull out his Zippo lighter from his shorts and fiddle with it. It gave him something to do other than thinking of her.

Kiara snatched it right out of his grip. "What the fuck are you doing, dude?" she asked him.

"Give it back, Kie." His hand reached out but she stepped back and pointed toward the door. "Go talk to her. Now."

He sighed and obliged her demands. He wanted to say, "Stay out of it, Kie," but this was Kiara Carrera. When it came to her best friend, she always wanted to do right by her. Everyone knew that.

As he followed the girl outside, he tried to remember all the things her mother told him. Do you believe you could offer everything to my daughter? Pogues like you, especially Maybanks, don't get very far. Think about her. Is this what you want for her? For her to be miserable with you? If you truly love her, you'd let her go.

Then he saw her fresh tears and how she backed away from his touch. She never backed away. He wanted to forget everything her mother said and hold his girl tight.

He couldn't. Instead, he blamed his distance on the island room. It was never about the island room. He wanted her to know how much it pained him to not touch or talk to her. He could lie all day long if he wanted to but to lie to her felt criminal.

She asked him if he was all in. Out of every lie he said in his life, he never expected one to hurt this much. It fell out of his mouth, "I'm not so sure anymore," and it was the worst thing he has ever said. To watch her face drop at the sound of it. He wished she could hear his own heart dropping when he said it.

The necklace was in his view before he could process another thought. The few tears he battled to keep in, all fell down at the sight of the piece of jewelry. It meant so much—she meant so much to him and now she was giving it back.

He knew damn well she was bluffing. Her shaking hands and trembling lips could never give back such a valuable piece. He knew she knew how much it meant to him.

He never wanted to fix something so badly, but with her mother's words ringing in his ears, he let the necklace fall to his hand.

He turned around quickly before he could make another false decision. If he kept walking, he wouldn't have to see her and watch her leave. He stuffed his hand in his pocket and let the necklace go.

He walked up onto the porch, listening to her car drive away, and could picture her crying on the way home. "It's for the best," he thought to himself. He was wrong. He knew he was.

He wasn't sure how long he stood on the porch until all three of his friends stepped out. Kiara was staring at him. He refused to meet her gaze. She had a special bond with both of them and he was aware that she could sense a problem from a mile away.

"I won't ask again, JJ. What the fuck are you doing?"

He sniffled. Maybe he could pull it off. "Nothing to worry 'bout, Kie. Just some lover's quarrel. Happens all the time."

"What's up with you, man? You've been acting weird around her for days." Pope inserted himself into the conversation. JJ wanted to roll his eyes and tell them all to fuck off.

"No idea what any of y'all are getting at but my girl and I are fine, 'kay?" he told them. Hopefully, they would let it go.

Kiara crossed her arms, "Then what was that necklace she gave back to you?"

"What, are you guys stalking us now?" he asked, pushing past John B to get into the house but his friend grabbed his arm. "C'mon, JJ. All of us can sense this sudden shift between you two. Just talk to us, man."

Now he was getting irritated at their poking and prodding. He pushed John B's hand off of his body and looked into his eyes. "Why don't you worry about your relationship and stay out of mine, got it?"

He stepped into the house, prepared to leave because their following footsteps were annoying the hell out of him. He heard Kiara's voice, "Don't you love her?"

His heartbeat was suddenly so loud in his ears after registering that question. She was trying to get under his skin. He shook the thoughts out, grabbing his tan jacket from the table and turning around.

A rectangular piece of paper fell out of the jacket and landed at their feet. Of course. He wondered what thing above in the sky was playing tricks on him lately.

Pope picked it up off of the floor, his eyes widening as he read it. "F-Five thousand dollars?!"

"Thought we could start paying off that restitution now or never," he replied with a faint grin. He never planned on cashing out the money. Not even a dime. Nothing in the world could replace his Emelina.

Kiara ripped the check out of Pope's fingertips. "The name. Why is Emelina's mom giving you this much money?"

He didn't say anything. For the first time in a long time, he couldn't form a lie at the tip of his tongue.

"Does she know?" she asked. Her eyes were staring at him again. He felt stuck. He needed to leave. "No. She doesn't know, alright?"

A frown appeared on her lips. "I... I don't understand. Why do you have this?"

He exhaled a breath and stepped forward to take the piece of paper from her. It accompanied the necklace in his pocket in a matter of seconds. "None of your business."

They didn't deserve an explanation. He needed to figure this shit out on his own. On his own—just how it always ended; by himself.

He aimed for the door and John B stepped in, blocking his way out. "What are you doing? Let me out."

John B refused. "Not until you tell us about the check, JJ."

"This shit is affecting all of us. You know that, right?" Kiara told him and if he tried hard enough, maybe he could tune out all of their voices like how he was doing before. It was easy. He had done it plenty of times with his dad.

"Fuck's sake," he whispered to himself before turning around to fully face them all. "It was her mom's way of getting rid of me, okay?" He decided to simplify it for them. Revisiting the memory of her ambushing him the morning after Emelina's birthday was now locked in the back of his mind.

Their mouths dropped at the news. "W-What? Are you serious?" Pope asked and JJ nodded.

"You're not cashing out this check, are you?" Kiara looked like she had tears forming in her eyes.

JJ wanted to leave this house as fast as he could. The best way was to anger them. So, he managed to fish out a quick lie. "I dunno. I think maybe I might."

Kiara was definitely crying. "What?! Do you know how Emelina would feel if she found out? How could you do this to her?"

"Try being in my shoes, Kie. There's nothing else I can do and none of you are gonna weasel your way into this, okay?" He raised his eyebrow at them and threw on his jacket. The door was now free for use since John B had moved to stand by the others.

His hand was on the handle and he stopped twisting it when Kiara asked him, "You're not going to fight for her?"

He straightened his posture. "I'm done fighting Kooks," he said and left to his bike.

He didn't know where to go at first. His go-to spots were the Chateau or Emelina's bedroom. None of those were an option at the moment, so he went to the only place he could think of. Home.

It took him a few minutes of standing outside the door to fully enter his old home. Too many bad memories were shoved in this very household and opening the door only let it all flood in.

He flickered the light switch on, which surprisingly still worked. It was empty, as expected, but the presence of his father still lurked around. Empty pill bottles and hard liquor glasses littered the ground and tables. The dishes were still piled in the sink and he couldn't imagine the expired foods in the refrigerator.

A place like this was never something he wanted to show Emelina. She never pushed him to show her. He liked that about her and it only made it easier for him to open up to her completely.

He remembered the day he took the blame for Pope about sinking the boat. Luke had him pay the old fashion way—and when she saw the bruises on his face that his dad caused, she let him know that she was there. He was close to revealing everything to her then and there.

At the time, he wasn't sure what about her made her so drawn to him but once he told her that night in John B's bedroom, it felt like a relief. He never trusted someone in weeks of knowing them. She was different.

The thought of her made him sad, then mad. Why was the universe so against them being together? He fought so hard for her and in the end, she still managed to slip away from his fingers.

He couldn't help but punch the wall with his fists on repeat. External pain was better than what he felt on the inside. It all became too much. The blood on his knuckles still never overpowered his aching heart. He stopped fighting the defenseless wall and slid down it instead. His hand clenched his chest as he cried.

Needing to feel a sense of calm, he raided his room for a specific herb. In the last drawer, he found it in a tightly sealed plastic bag. He was glad he was stupid enough to forget it in his house. There wasn't a lot left, but enough to satisfy himself. He smiled and he hadn't felt joy like that in days.

An old bong was pulled out of his messy closet. He cleaned it a little and prepared it for use. The first hit was taken and he tried not to think about her because smoking became their thing. It became their thing in the first week of knowing her.

Everything reminded him of her. The weed. The blue lighter fluid that he found lying on the floor reminded him of his favorite bikini on her. On his way home, he saw a surfboard on top of a car and he thought of her. How he taught her to surf for the first time. Everything led back to Emelina.

He leaned back into his couch and took out his cracked phone. His thumb clicked the photo album app and swiped through the pictures until he landed on a picture of her. She was blowing out smoke from her mouth and he had captured it on camera. He remembered that day clearly. They snuck into her mother's room to use her balcony.

The very next day, he left the house to find himself a meal. Nothing but canned food remained in that house and he didn't even bother to try to consume. As he was driving on his bike, he couldn't help but turn down the wrong street to her house.

He saw her leaning against her window, eyes closed indicating her slumber. He wanted to know how she was doing—if she was hurting as much as him. If this whole thing meant anything to her as much as it did to him. He was only there for a few minutes before leaving.

JJ was back on his couch and stayed there for a while until sleep came. He remained on that furniture for a long time. He wasn't sure what day it was because his phone died on him while he was asleep the first night.

He let the whole situation settle and each day made it harder to realize he might have made the worst mistake of his life. A lot of mistakes were made in his years of living, but letting his girl go was too painful to deal with.

He found himself at the Chateau one morning, rummaging through the refrigerator to get something to eat. John B entered the kitchen upon hearing the noises and raised his eyebrows at the blonde.

JJ nodded his way, "Yo, dude, I'm famished. You got anything?"

"Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you." John B said, raising his phone in the air. JJ shrugged, settling on eating a cold pizza slice, and pointed toward his phone charging on the countertop. "Chill, dude. It died."

John B cleared his throat. "Have you seen her?"

"Nah," JJ replied. The imagine of seeing her sleeping by her window flashed in his mind. He walked into the living room, wondering where the other two were. "I don't think she'll want to see me for a while, anyway."

"I told her."

"Are you kidding me?" JJ turned around and glared at him.

John B stepped toward him, "No, I'm not kidding. You should've fucking seen Lina, JJ. I'm worried for her and you think you can just show up here after all the shit you put her through? Seriously, man?"

Then, John B looked behind him and everything cold from the ground traveled up to his body. He knew who was behind him and when he turned around, she was standing there.

She looked so exhausted. No light in her eyes that he loved to search for. He felt awful looking at her. He caused her agony and he wished he could take it back.

He denied taking the money. The check was still in his pocket if he needed to show her proof. He didn't need to show her proof. She always believed him. Believed in him.

She slapped him and he was glad she inflicted pain on him. He deserved it. He knew he deserved it. The clenching of his heart still hurt more than anything though.

He poured everything out to her. Everything he had been feeling the past few days to let her know that he was hurting just as much as she was. "I've never felt this way about anyone. I..." Love you. He thought about what Kiara asked him and yes. Yes, he did love her. It was strange to admit. He never saw love in real life and he wasn't sure if it even existed. But with her, his whole world changed.

She told him she needed time and the wind was knocked out of him. He couldn't lose her again. If he needed to, he would beg on his knees for her back. He was completely done with letting Kooks boss him around.

Nevertheless, he accepted her request and left her alone in the house. He walked outside, passing the three friends on the porch who were no doubt listening on. He ignored them, even when Kiara called out his name. John B told her to leave him alone.

The ocean always brought a sort of peace to him. The sound of waves crashing and the salty smell always calmed him down. It was why he loved surfing so much. No one could bother him while he rode the waves.

He remembered a certain night after Luke gave him a hard time and he went to the beach, sitting on the sand and listening to the waves as the tears fell from his eyes. The ocean was his home.

He couldn't be at the beach at all times and recently he realized Emelina became a sort of replacement. She gave him peace. She became his home.

And he needed her back.