MO: "Modus Operandi". A particular way or method of doing something, especially one that is characteristic or well-established.

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"Is it April's fool? Did you lie to me and instead of a week I was out for months and now it's April and you're just teasing me?" I blurt out because that's the first thing that comes to my mind.

I heard all the explanation he just did and me asking this probably sounds dumb and repetitive, but I can't help it. Call me slow because that's how I feel right now. I can't process his words and the meaning of them because to my mind come flashes of that outburst he had the time I learnt he can see me. I also remember his tortured expression when talking about ghosts and his past experiences. I understand his reluctance perfectly, better that his newfound will to help me out this time. Whether his actions are guilt-driven or not, I think he is going too far. Considering his past record, the most logical thing is that he stays away from me and I wouldn't blame him for that.

Why did he change his mind? He can't be that guilty. We've cleared that up already many times, he can't be that dense.

James chuckles but I keep looking at him with wide eyes and blank expression because I still don't know how to react. "No, I haven't lied to you and this isn't any type of joke. I really mean it, Paige. I want to help you," he explains again and I just blink. "It's not that hard to understand, to be honest," adds James, shrugging with one shoulder only.

"Yeah, it is. First off, you already said no and I don't resent you for that, you have all the right to refuse and all the reason to. Second off, why now? Why did you change your mind and decide to help me? Can you even help me? How? I don't even know where to go first. With or without your help I'm still clueless and you would be only wasting your time," I rant, raising my voice a little bit by the end, a sign of desperation and frustration, I assume.

James looks down, avoiding my eyes for a few seconds and I use that chance to take a deep breath and calm myself. I'm overreacting, I can't just raise my voice because I can't understand the reasoning behind his words.

"I judged you harshly at first. I thought you were like every other ghost but you're not," he mutters without looking up and meeting my gaze. "You ask what changed my mind," continues James and this time he looks up and his blue eyes show an intensity that takes my breath away. We stay in silence for five heartbeats, just staring into each other's souls and it seems to me the air is charged with electricity. I can't move and I don't even dare to blink. "You changed my mind."

I can't reply, or move for what matters. I can just look at him as a weird feeling I can't describe goes up my body, from the tip of my toes to the top of my head, and it leaves me buzzing.

"If you changed your mind and don't want me to help, I understand. I just don't... I guess I don't want you to be alone," he explains next in a softer tone, almost like a caress.

"I-" my words get stuck in my throat, although I don't even know what words because my brain isn't working. "It's not that I just-" I sigh and finally break eye contact. I think that's what is not letting me think. "I'm just confused and I'd like help but I don't really know how you can do so. You've answered many of my questions already. I don't think there's more to do. And even if I appreciate you not wanting me to be alone, I don't want to cause you any sort of trouble. I am okay, I'm used to this already. You really don't have to do this." I briefly look at him to show him my sincerity.

I hate being lonely and not having anyone to talk to. I have to admit that these past few days-the ones I've been conscious of-have been like fresh air after being locked up for so long, despite the incredible high amount of angst. But even if I'd love to be around James and be able to talk to him, the idea of causing him pain or any sort of discomfort makes my chest tight and like a heavy weight is hanging from my shoulders. I rather be alone forever than causing him discomfort, even if he's willing to endure it.

"I'm very grateful to you, James. For talking to me, for even hugging me before even if it was so horrible for you-"

"I wouldn't say horrible," James interrupts me and I shake my head.

"Uncomfortable. Whatever," I correct myself. "The point is that you've done more than you should already. Don't bother yourself."

"It's not a bother," James states, shrugging and keeping the little smile on his lips. "I want to do this. Maybe I'm curious, too. Maybe it's in my nature and it's part of the reason why I can see ghosts. I'm not forcing myself or anything of the like. And despite how things started I find you quite... comforting. Your company is soothing somehow."

My eyes widen at his words, even if he says them so casually and not even meeting my eyes. I have to look away and touch my cheeks, almost covering them. I know I can't blush, but it's a natural instinct and I think like that I can hide a bit how flustered I am.

"I don't know how I'll help you but who knows? Maybe we'll find out how you died or even figure out what's your unfinished business. And if not, then we can keep each other company," he adds with another shrug. "If I can't help you cross over, at least let me be by your side so you don't feel that lonely anymore."

My hands fall slowly from my cheeks to my sides, hanging limp as I watch him carefully. My emotions swirl furiously inside, making me feel a bit dizzy and enhancing the buzzing feeling from before.

"Would you really do that?" I ask, my voice a mere whisper.

James smiles brightly and genuinely, my chest feels tight again but not in the same way as before, this is different, it touches a different part in my soul.

"I would," he replies and for a few seconds I can't react, I'm still letting those two words sink in my mind. Once they do and I finally understand what's happening, the first giggle escapes.

I hurry to cover my mouth to muffle the giggles but it doesn't help much because after the first one more escape and soon I'm full-time giggling, feeling all giddy and deliriously happy. My reaction amuses James because his own smile widens and although my mind knows that I should refuse and just let him be in peace, I can't fully pay attention to that warning in my head. The thought that I won't be alone anymore more is too intoxicating and glorious to let room for anything else in my mind or heart.

"Of course," he speaks again, trying to be heard above the noise of my giggling fit. "I don't want to be labeled as lunatic and sent away, you know? So we'll have to be careful about that. I think using headphones is the easiest way to pretend I'm on the phone instead of talking to someone they can't see, but only if we're in a crowded place."

I nod enthusiastically. If we are really going to spend time together and all that, I want to minimise the problems I'll cause.

"Of course. And I'll be careful not to touch you again so don't worry about that. And don't stress over helping me or not, okay? It doesn't matter if you can or can't find the answer to why I'm stuck here. You're doing more than enough already," I hurry to add. It's better if we draw the lines now to avoid any kind of complication in the future. "And if at some point you get tired and want your space again, feel free to tell me. I won't take offence or anything."

"But touching might help you to lessen the burden you carry, Paige," he mentions.

I shake my head. "I won't make things harder for you, James. After I saw the effect that touching me had on you I can't make you go through that again, not even accidentally. At least let me do that," I plead, using almost the same words he did and I know the moment he agrees because he heaves a resigned sigh.

"Fine. I also think that the library is the best place to hang out. It's quiet and warm and I can work on some of my assignments, as well." I only nod, completely agreeing with his idea. "And during class I have to pay attention so don't distract me," he says that with an easy smile and light tone. "By the way, why do you go to class? I mean, you don't have to so what's the point?"

It's my turn to shrug and this time I sit on the bench with him, making sure to keep a safe distance between us. I pull up my legs and hug them, resting my chin on my knees and looking into the horizon.

"I honestly don't know, I just go. It's not like I have anything better to do. I don't even question it I guess it's part of the whole pretending-I'm-not-really-dead thing." I shrug again. "At least there are people around and, incredibly, by listening to the teachers or even seeing the kids work time passes by faster."

"Have you even tried not to come to college? Are you bound to this place?" he questions next and I shrug once again.

"I'm not sure if I'm bound. I just come here, it seems natural, like I have to. Same as going back home every day. To be honest, it's almost an unconscious things. I sometimes find myself going to college before I realise what I'm doing. And to your other question, I have never tried. As I told you, I don't even question it."

From the corner of my eye I can see his concentrated expression. I see how he also pulls up his legs and is sitting the same position as me. I turn my head a bit, resting my cheek on my knees now so I can fully watch him now. He does the same and when our eyes meet I see the little surprise in his eyes before he smiles.

"I think you're bound to this place," he speaks again. "I mean, you 'woke up' here after you passed out, so I think there must be for a reason. Maybe that's a clue to find out how you died but first, do you really want to know how that happened?"

His question confuses me and for that reason I frown, which must be enough for him to know the effect of his words so he explains further next.

"Maybe you don't want to remember how you died and it's not that you can't. You pretend to be alive to cope, right? Maybe not remembering is part of it, that way you can pretend more easily," suggests James and that actually makes a lot of sense. "Maybe you don't even want to cross over and you haven't even realised it yet. So why don't we figure that out first?"

I think about it, pondering this theory in my head and seeing how much sense it makes. It does sound plausible and very like me, taking in consideration my MO as a ghost. I don't question things, I just act and I don't even like thinking about being a ghost. Since James said something to me the fact of being dead has been a constant thought and I've been feeling quite more miserable due to that. If he hadn't shown up I wouldn't even think about my death or anything like that. I would be pretending I'm still alive and just being ignored.

Do I want to remember how I died? Or even when I die? Maybe it was horrible and traumatic, a shocking accident. Or maybe I killed myself. Or maybe I was murdered. Maybe knowing exactly how it happened will be too much and it won't allow me to ignore the fact that I died at some point. And what if I died long ago? What if it's been years instead of months or days? How will I feel when I find out for how long my body has been rotting? Will I be able to handle that?

The questions are too many and they make me dizzy, but James doesn't push me to answer. He just watches me carefully, probably reading my face expressions to figure out what I'm thinking. Can he see the fear I'm feeling? The anxiety making me uneasy?

"I'm... I'm a bit scared," I confess and his expression doesn't change. "But I'm also scared to stay like this forever. I don't think I can play to be alive until the end of the world." He shakes his head as his way to show me he agrees with me. "I think I should know and if the chance to find out presents itself, then I should take it." Besides, James won't be by my side forever and possibly no one ever again will ever again try to help me, so this might be my only chance to cross over I ever get.

"But you're still scared about it," he voices my feelings so I just nod. "I guess that's very normal. I'd be scared, too. So what about taking it slowly?" I frown a bit so he knows he has to explain himself. "Like no need to go all crazy detective over it, instead to just pay attention to the clues until we run into the truth. Does that make it more manageable for you?"

I think about it and I realise that's the best approach.

"I think that works." I offer him a hesitant smile with my words.

"For now we know that we should start with college. Maybe asking the other students about this ghost rumour. How does that sound?" he suggests, his smile is kind and comforting and it does help a lot to easy my worries.

"Still scary but it's a start. Let's go with that," I agree, trying to smile like him. "Let's start with our finding-out-how-Paige-died plan then!"

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Late update but I hope it was worth it. I want to appreciate your kind wishes for my recovery. I'm not exactly doing better (I caught a cold) but I won't die so we're fine. I managed to write today so we good.

Dedication to @daniellestory1d for the nice fan art she submitted on my tumblr. I had to share it with every reader.

Bel, xx

NU: Monday

PS: you can submit your fan art to http://belwatson.tumblr.com/submit and follow me on twitter on @BelWatson