You know what's stupid? birthdays 

They are supposed to be selfish but end up to be selfless.

Many people don't enjoy birthdays. I've been told it's because it's a big expectation of something nice, but it's only a normal day making it a bummer. 

I didn't want to smile or even be present in my birthday. Yet it's suppose to be about me and all that. So either I suck it up and smile through the discomfort or feel even more uncomfortable by being bombarded by questions and concern. 

I like to recharge in solitude, so the idea of people dropping by all the time to try and make me talk about my sour feelings that I'm absolutely avoiding seems worse than just sucking it up. 

So there I am feeling bad but smiling and thanking everyone for thinking about me. I'm not sure if that would really be considered selfless though. I mean, I would think so. I'm making them feel happier by believing they are making me happy. But by doing so I just feel worse. It feels ironic.

I smiled and smiled. Then a week later I cried and cried about it.

Not because of them. Just from the thick goo inside me.