Why is the goal of life always to live?

Jongho had a nightmare again.

"You fucking bitch." He pushed his little sister to the ground.

"Leave. me. alone." He was in the woods, then the grocery store.

"I hate you all." He screamed to his siblings.

The siblings he always thought he wanted to protect and be a good example for.

But that was just a dream.

In his waking hours, he was good to them.

But back to the first question. In works of fiction, the characters always want to live - just don't die - even if they have a horrible life, even if they're on the run, even if they're discontent, they must stay alive.

He understands why they don't outright kill themselves, but why put so much effort into continuing life?

Simply, primitive survival instinct?

That seems like a waste of energy.

Jongho doesn't feel this way because 'there are too many people in the world' or because of pollution or corruption or anything of that humanistic sort; but simply because if certain people cannot be helped, either by the government, or a doctor, or their family and friends, etc. why can't they just be... let go?

Jongho looks in the bathroom mirror, inches away, his face sinking closer... and closer... His hands fisted the sink's edge.

But it was just a dream, he says again.

Wash your face. Do your work. Just don't become like the man in the dream.

"Unnie!" He hears Eunmin screech, running after their sister.

"Noonaaaa!" There goes Kyungmin, as Jongho walks into the living room.

Jongho can hear the news from the TV before he sees it. "The Mabeobian people continue their archaic way of life as local settlement expands. For your safety, citizens of Korea are advised to stay clear of any mountain ranges."

A crash from the kitchen soon diverts his attention. As Jongho rounds the corner, "Ya! Don't come in here barefoot; I broke a bowl..."

"Wooyoung, again?" Jongho asks.

"Ya, it's a small price to pay for the amazing food I make you all."

Sighing, Jongho slips on his shoes before taking out the broom.

As the glass is swept, it clinks and shimmers under the artificial light. The shards thud as they're dumped into the trash, and the dustpan clicks as it is snapped back onto the broom's handle.

The closet door closes without a sound, and everything is as it was. (Minus the bowl.)

"Continuing with local news, 500 million won was stolen from Woori Bank. The four suspects have been apprehended and charged with federal offenses of: aggravated assault, grand theft, and unlicensed carry of weapons. They await sentencing without bail."

"Oppa?" Woohyeon calls out, and both brothers look up. "Oh, good morning, Jongho. Have either of you seen my phone? Kyungmin ran off with it and I think gave it to Eunmin..."

"Ugh," Wooyoung sighs. "Okay, I'll go get it. Jong-ah can you please just put these eggs and rice on the plates? I'll be right back."

Jongho's eyes widen a little. "You want me to help with the food?"

"Jong-ah, literally just take the stuff off the stove and serve it. Or would you rather go deal with the kids?"

And no, Jongho would not rather go deal with the kids. So he carefully removes the pans from the stove, and serves them to the set table.

This is when he sees Eomma and Mama on the living room couch, absentmindedly listening to the news. Mama on her phone, and Eomma on her computer, both probably working.

But they look up when the next segment comes on. Woohyeon's highschool.

"Projected valedictorian from Yu Gwansun Highschool has been found dead by students at the base of the science building. Cause of death is still to be determined, but is being treated as a suicide case."

"Ya, Eomma, can we please turn that off?" Jongho is trying to avoid occasions of irritability. "It's time for breakfast anyway."

"Morning," says a new, deep voice as it shuffles up behind Jongho, and the poor boy nearly jumps out of his skin, because this is a voice he still isn't used to.

"Wooyoung! Why didn't you tell me San spent the night again?"

(So much for avoiding irritability.)

"San spent the night!" Comes the reply as Wooyoung enters with the reclaimed phone in hand. Glancing to the table, "you didn't serve his plate?"

"I thought you miscounted when you set the table."

"I set the table!" Kyungmin says as he runs into San's open arms. "And I got a plate for San Hyung."

Aish.

"Okay, cool; let's everyone sit now before the yolks harden. FOOD!" Wooyoung shouts in attempt to be heard through his sister's headphones.

The table is mostly quiet (an unusual scene) as rice after rice is shoveled into awaiting mouths. Just the clatter of chopsticks and occasional please pass the kimchi.

But as Eomma and Mama share a glance, this morning's news is still fresh on their minds.

"Wheein," Hyejin says lowly, "why don't you take the lead on this."

"Kids," Mama starts, "plus San. We think it'd be good for Woo and Jongho to walk you all to school for the next week or so. And maybe take a different route to the elementary school," she looks to the two youngest, "one that's farther away from the woods."

"Why?" Woohyeon laughs in disbelief. "You think the Mabeons are gonna kidnap us or something?"

"Um," San speaks up uncomfortably. "Ms. Choi, they're not violent or anything."

"Yeah, Mama, you're being a little prejudiced. It's not like the Mabeobs ever even come out."

San cringes. This is not where he wanted the conversation to go.

"San-ah," Hyejin speaks up, "we understand you have a brother in the... community, but still, this is what Weein and I think is the safest choice for the time being."

So they give in, because one cannot win once Eomma has made up her mind.

— • —

"Jongho-ya, please come clear the-"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO FUCKING TELL YOU!" He spat back.

"CHOI JONGHO, you don't even deserve our family na-."

Beep- beep - - beep-

Jongho awoke, not that anyone would be able to tell. The only change was his heart rate and his consciousness.

"Jong-ah, are you up? Remember we're walking the kids this morning." Wooyoung gently shakes his twin's arm.

They were opposites in every way, including by blood, yet they clung to that label of twin.
Jongho carries Hyejin's traits, and Wooyoung carries Wheein's.

They grew up as twins, Wooyoung simply being a few months older.

The blood of the covenant... and all that.

Jongho slowly opens his eyes. Those dreams leave him feeling as if he never slept; they leave him desolate and empty. Yet they are just dreams. In ten minutes or so, the feelings will subside.

"Yeah, I am. Thanks Hyung."

When Jongho comes to the living room, that TV is playing news again.

"As a mosque in India gathered for prayer on Friday, both the men's and women's sections were attacked by a shooter. Four died on-site, including a seven year old boy, and three are in critical condition. The gunman has yet to be apprehended."

Jongho doesn't know why he is still listening. He doesn't know Mama's apparent obsession with the news, either.

Jongho can't find his headphones, though, so can't block out the world.

"Hollywood actor accused of coercion of a minor and sexual assault of co-star. He pleads innocent in court and officials believe the sentencing will be light, if at all."

"Noona?" Kyungmin asks. "Why is that lady crying?" He points to the TV.

"Aish," Woohyeon presses the power button before anything else can invade her siblings' minds. "She's very sad. But it'll be okay; you'll learn about this when you're older." She smiles at him.

"Why can't I learn it now?"

"You're not old enough yet." She tries guiding him back to breakfast.

"What happens when I get older that makes it okay to learn about?"

"Well," Woohyeon's never thought about this before. What changes? "You have to learn about it, so you can help fix it."

Kyungmin thinks for a moment. "Has anyone ever fixed it?"

And Woohyeon doesn't want to tell him no.

The twins play rock-papper-scissors to see who would walk who. Wooyoung, the winner, set out with the two youngest to the left, so Jongho and Woohyeon start their walking to the right.

The morning air is good for Jongho, he found.

Walking down the streets, he sees advertisements. Lots of them.

Advertisements for tattoos and tattoo removal, for lash extension and hair removal, for plastic surgery and diet pills.

Advertisements for academies, and top universities, and after-school tutoring.

The newest iPhone.

The best watch.

The upgraded condos.

An improved massage chair.

A Mabeobian-inspired fun house.

A wedding planner.

A funeral home.

All with deals and prices and sales and events.

Jongho closes his eyes and trusts his feet, just for a moment. He takes a deep breath and the surrounding air relaxes and frees him, but when he opens his eyes, he is presented with an entirely new list of advertisements telling him what is best.

As the week progresses, other neighborhood parents ask that their children walk in the safety of their group, especially under the Choi boys' protection.

Jongho finds it a little cynically amusing.

Most of these children he's never seen before, and certainly not their parents. Yet as soon as they need something, those invisible parents are quick to become friends.

Though, Jongho supposes, it's not as if he had made much effort to befriend them, either.

For the following week, this is their routine. Once Sunday comes around again, and there are no more mentions of Mabeobians in the news, the boys are no longer required as school escorts.

The invisible parents return to their air-conditioned shadows.

But the elementary kids keep walking together. They have the forgotten privilege of quick friendship.

But eventually, all children grow up... and grow apart.

Jongho knows this all too well.

Day after day, not much changes. He finds new dramas and new books.

New flowers bloom outdoors, new blades of grass sprout, and new seeds become buried in the earth. But why would anyone pay attention to that?

Sometimes Woohyeon will ask San about the Mabeobians, but he always claims not to know much. His brother, Mingi, went off into the forest one day, a little while back, and simply decided to stay.

San went to visit him once.

But the things San saw, the way he felt, it scared him. The place, the community, as it's so often called, was too unknown to him, too quiet, too unguarded.

For San, too unsettling.

Although Mingi had asked him to stay, and although San saw it to be a beautiful place, he just couldn't help but be.... uneasy.

It was vastly different from the life San had been taught to accustom himself to.

Day after day, the world is - in Jongho's eyes - mostly the same.

Until he begins to prepare for college entrance exams.

Because at this time in his life, this is what he has been taught to accustom himself to.

University.

Achievement.

Success.

Wealth.

As Jongho and Wooyoung study, their parents and siblings come and go from the home.

Eomma is a state prosecutor. She never speaks of her profession, but cases will sometimes appear on the news and certainly online. Some people call her a patriot, a hero, and some a mindless governmental guard dog.

Mama is an elementary teacher, not at her children's school (for parents may not teach their children) but at a school a few more miles away.

Not that it particularly matters what his parents do, as long as they are employed. And as long as all the jobs have someone to do it.

"It is the duty of citizens of this world to work as one under the banner of free market. It is your duty to work united for the betterment of capital."

Kyungmin and Eunmin are going to school so they, too, may learn the ways of economy, to follow in their parents' footsteps.

And as much as Woohyeon tries to deny it, so, too, is she.

— • —

Today, Jongho's nightmare became reality.

He had been doing well for the past week.

He was helpful around the house, and found himself to be a sufficient model of good behavior. He studied enough to swallow the materials, even if not enough to fully comprehend them.

He carried Eunmin to school yesterday when she twisted her ankle (it was healed in time for walking home).

Jongho enjoyed being out in the fresh air again, and he knew the sun's rays did him good. After a walk, he felt happy and at rest and calm.

Alas, even though he may have wanted to, Jongho never walked on his own.

When the two littles came home from school today, Jongho was studying. But he left the books alone when they asked him to play.

Eunmin wanted to pretend fish, but Kyungmin wanted cards.

So they compromised on Go Fish.

Although Jongho left his textbooks at his desk, he still carries phone in hand. And when they sat down to play, he gets a notification.

Nothing much.

Just a reply to a comment.

So he unlocks his phone.

Staring at the screen, he does't see Kyungmin's and Eunmin's faces drop. He doesn't hear them sigh as they looked between Jongho and each other.

After seeing the reply (a simple "LOL") he starts to scroll, without much thought.

Ms. Choi Hyejin Chosen as State's Prosecutor in Embezzlement Case: Defending the Politicians Involved

Jongho gets annoyed.

He doesn't notice Kyungmin urge his sister to get Hyung's attention so they can actually start their game.

"Oppa," comes a soft voice.

He grumbls something along the lines of one second as he clicks the news link on Eomma.

"Oppaaa~"

"Oh my GOSH, EUNMIN!" He throws his phone onto the table as he stands, pushing the chair back. "I TOLD you one minute could you just be PATIENT?!"

And as Jongho looks down upon the upset faces before him... he is a failure.

In the evening, he goes to the little's room to apologize, to explain that his behavior was inappropriate and indefensible, to say that next time, he'll make sure to leave his phone somewhere... not with him.

But that won't be a problem for the next few days; his phone had been smashed on contact with the table.

In these few days without a phone, he comes across an old book while cleaning the house.

Unnecessary Enchantment, it is titled.

According to the inscription, this is one of the first books to be published in the free South Korean press.

As Jongho flips through the pages, it seems to be a propaganda book written just after the Japanese occupation, printed after the division of the peninsula.

He decides to read it anyway.

For the first time in what feels like years, he falls asleep with a proper book in his grasp instead of a phone.

— • —

Waking up, it is the sunlight which greets him, not the blue light.

Yet as Jongho walks to the living room, the news headlines beckon him. Wake up, they say, wake up to the atrocities which occur around you every minute.

It's not that Jongho wants to be asleep to the horrors of the world... but this, this current state certainly does not feel like awake.

This feels like what he read about for world history all those years back: the Haitian zombie, the French ennui.

Perhaps those who watch news can rattle off about the going-ons of current events, but they may also feel asleep to their own self.

"The National Basilica of Rwanda has been attacked by an unidentified gunman during the local patron feast. Two participants killed on-site and fifteen hospitalized, local authorities say."

"Oppa, you shouldn't watch that. Turn it off when Mama leaves."

"Gazan death toll breaches seventeen thousand as IDF soldiers enter the south borders."

"Jongho oppa," Woohyeon calls again.

"Moving on, China is projected to sign an oil contract with Russia, in direct opposition to the latest E.U. agreement regarding climate chan- -"

Woohyeon shuts the TV off.

"Oppa," she says. "Walk me to school today."

She doesn't give him a yes/no, not a "do you want to?" nor a "can you?" because she knows he likes to walk, he just needs the motivation.

A small wave of guilt washes over Jongho. Maybe he always should've been walking her to school all this time?

"Where's Wooyoung?" He asks instead.

"He and San decided to walk the littles."

"San stayed over again?!"

And Woohyeon's usual dull eyes sparkle as she laughs. "No. He just came over, like, really early. I don't know, I think he's been here since six thirty this morning."

"What?! Does Wooyoung even get up that early?"

Woohyeon fails to withhold a sly smile. "Apparently he does for San."

Upon arrival at school, Jongho asks his old teacher if he can check out a library book in Woohyeon's name.

She allows it.

But the Yu Gwansun Highschool library has no books on Mabeobs.

Since Jongho is already out of the house, and feeling invigorated from the walk, he decides to extend his journey by taking a detour to the public library. Maybe there, he will have better luck.

But he forgot their library shut down last year.

It went to e-book only.

On his way home, Jongho passes the unhoused shelter. Or, rather, what used to be the unhoused shelter.

It was condemned to make way for those new condos Jongho had been seeing in ads.

Jongho may have heard something about Eomma obtaining the land for the city's development.

When Jongho comes home, he finds Wooyoung and San sprawled out on the living room floor surrounded by computers and textbooks.

"Hi Young-ah, hi Choi."

(At least if Woo and San get married, they'll already have the same family name, he thinks.)

San looks up and smiles his, almost, heart-melting smile, mouthing a hi back. Jongho realizes he is in an online class lecture.

Wooyoung just waves while reading prep books.

As chaotic as Jongho's twin usually is, he can also focus - if he really wants.

So Jongho heads upstairs, and picks up his one and only Mabeobian book.

•

7-5-22 3.1k words.

If you've read this already and are confused, yes, I am consolidating chapters. I didn't want to because I'd lose comments... but having these first like seven chapters at only 1k words is really annoying to me. So yes, future readers, hope you enjoy! 12-8-23