The Last Moments of 2008

   There were sixty seconds left of the oncoming new year – the biggest night all around the world when we eat, sing, dance and welcome the New Year with people we love. The music was, as always, deafening, the celebrators were dancing in a storm, and glasses and beer cans were clinging, as I leant close to my husband's ear.

"I wish you had an affair," I said with my voice cracking in sugar-coated sarcasm. "It would've been so much easier to do this for me."

Ved smiled, leaned in and kissed me – but not with any grand passion. That was the part that created all of the problems. We had been together since midway post-grad when I met him through a common friend's house-warming party. And since the day we had married, we have had five years of serenity.

Serenity.

I hated that word. Who wanted to be serene and contend at the age of twenty-eight? I desired for passion and excitement, and who knows, maybe a little bit of danger, but serenity? It was like a stole of boredom that got tighter and tighter with every passing year, until I could scarcely breathe.

I loved Ved, but as cliched as it sounded, I wasn't in love with him anymore. No, there was no one else, no drama, no shattering event or big scandal. Just a common and gradual drifting apart. A disconnection and, in somewhat a twisted manifestation of our compatibility, he had reluctantly agreed that there was something missing between us. Maybe, he wasn't far along the road of acceptance of the same like me, but he somewhat knew it.

I loved him. He loved me. But it just wasn't enough.

Ved pulled back and pushed a stray of my hair behind the pocket of my ear and started. "An affair, eh? What if I tell you that I have had Pragati Jaiswal living in the attic for the last year... because we are having a hot fling and she just can't get enough of me?"

"I would tell her to please have you as long as she is willing to trade you for her entire wardrobe collection."

Ved's light brown eyes creased in the ends as he crinkled in laughter. It was my very favorite thing about him.

We had tried. We really had. The previous January, we had a deep talk and decided to give this relationship everything we could for a year in desperation to reignite the spark between us. We had followed weekly date nights, lazy Sunday sex, weekend breaks at quite riversides by Raichak. We had hung out with our mutual friends and laughed, and celebrated, and partied, and discussed it long into the nights.

Yet, even after it all, we still felt in that 'best friends' zone. My stomach didn't flutter when I saw him, but his gaze made me smile, but just out of impulse of a stare. Neither of us could shrug the feeling that there was something – or someone else – out there for us.

So back then, I decided to call it a day – to finally wish each other well, and move on. That makes it so simple to hear when the truth was that a piece of my heart felt like being removed by bare hands.

Ved didn't like changes but neither was he hundred percent sure. But he said that he loved me way too much to make me stay in a place where I wasn't happy. Somehow, I wanted more for me, for him, and for us.

Perhaps tonight could be our last night together. It may have seemed apt and fitting but the final day of the year, a chapter was maybe closing, giving an opening to an entire whole new world out there fifteen seconds from now.

I saw his lips move. "Olivia, are you...?"

I missed the last bit of his question as it got carried away with the gust of noise that swamped the room.

Ten...

The lead singer of the band was enthusiastically counting down the final seconds to midnight.

Every year, we went to The Park, an exquisite manor hotel, about forty minutes from home, to bring in the coming year. Despite our sadness, this time, we didn't decide to bail out on the happiness of the people we shared our loves with, so here we were again.

On the dance floor, our closest of friends, Vaani and Rachit grooved next to Anika and Aryan, all of them with their glasses in hand, expressions trickling excitement, braced for the big moment.

Nine... Nine seconds until my marriage was over.

A wave of sorrow hit me.

Eight... "What did you say?" I asked him again.

Seven... Seven seconds until my marriage was over.

He leant right into my ear so I could hear him amidst the crowd. "I said, are you absolutely sure about this?"

Six... The stomach jolted in doubt. We had discussed this thoroughly till death. Yes, I was sure. And we had agreed. Or maybe I influenced him to agree.

Five... Five seconds until my marriage was over.

"Yes," I nodded. "Why are you making it difficult asking this now?"

Four... "I think..." I could feel his breath on the side of my face and realized I'd be missing out on all of this, but maybe it was okay. "I think I want to give it one more try."

Three... Three seconds until my marriage was over.

A sick feeling of panic and anxiety began rushing to my throat.

Two... "But Ved, we both know that it is time for us to move on." We did. Didn't we?

One... "One last try, Livia. We definitely owe this much to each other to give it some more time."

Nooooo. THIS WASN'T THE DEAL! We had TRIED. And it DIDN'T work. We weren't right for each other. And sometimes, people take an eternity to realize this no matter how simple it sounds. It was time to move on, to take different paths.

A deafening eruption exploded across the room. Happy New Year! Party-poppers shot in the air. Crowds sang in chorus to bid goodbye to the past and welcome the future.

We all were entering yet another year into the future. But I was going to spend it with Ved...

...Or without him?