Konnichiwa! Finally, another chapter! I haven't updated since November? Wow... I've been neglecting you guys. I'm sorry. Anyway, I'm glad to say that this chapter is back to it's usual length! It's a very dark chapter (I'm sorry!) so be prepared for lots of feels. Iv'e got the ending all planned out in my head, and the only thing I can reveal is that there'll be about three more chapters.

I hope you enjoy this, and as always, please vote and comment!

~Blue

I feel sick. Physically and mentally.

It's three in the morning and the whole ward is asleep. I pull my duvet over my head. I woke up around an hour ago, scared and covered in sweat.

I had the nightmare again. I hadn't slept for days, partly out of worry for Kyo-Kun, partly out of sickness. But mostly because I was desperate to avoid the nightmare.

I'm walking out with Kyo-Kun and Mum. My two favourite people in the whole entire world. Mum is gently teasing Kyo-Kun about his ginger hair. Kyo-Kun is carry a picnic basket filled with all my favourite foods. I walk in the middle of them, holding Mom's hand to my left and Kyo-Kun's hand to the right. The sky is painted a beautiful burnt orange colour while the sun goes back to sleep.

We find a nice spot in the forest to sit down and eat our picnic. The grass is lush and soft, with a babbling brook sat next to us. Dragon flies dance above the water and shimmering fish swim alongside us, listening to the melodious song of the birds. We get out our checked picnic blanket and sit down in between Mum and my boyfriend. Mum plants a kiss on my forehead, then Kyo-Kun softly kisses my lips.

We talk for a bit, happily chatting about school and Mum teases me about Kyo-Kun and we all end up in heaps of laughter. Kyo-Kun mutters something about being hungry, so I go to get the picnic.

The sun shines through the trees as I get out the food. The aromatic smell of sushi, dorayaki and cold ramen drifts out of the basket.

Everything is perfect. My heart feels like it is about to burst with happiness.

I am so lucky.

So, so lucky.

I feel a cold hand touch my shoulder.

I turn around to see who it is. A pale face stares back at me. However, it's eyes are replaced with black, empty sockets. Tears of blood stream down the face's cheeks.

I scream, but no sound escapes from my mouth.

I close my eyes. When I open them, I can see nothing but total darkness. I stand up and whisper a 'hello?'

Suddenly the room lights up. Blood stains the once white walls, and the whole place reeks of death. I see a child crying on the floor. I crouch down next to her. She has short, brown hair tied in pink pom poms and is wearing a cute blue dress. She can't be more than six years old.

"Hey, don't cry. I'm not going to hurt you, little one. What's wrong?" I ask her, placing my arm around her.

Her muffled cries gradually fade. She turns her head to look at me.

Shocked, I step away from her.

She is me.

She turns her head away from me again, as I start banging on the walls of the room, screaming 'Let me out!'

I do this for about an hour, until my fists are raw and red. I fall onto the floor and start to weep. The girl wearing my face quietly skips over to me. She taps my shoulder and I turn around.

This time, I don't see my face.

I don't see the face with the empty eyes.

No, the face I see is Akito's.

She stabs me a thousand times. That one moment, replayed a thousand times.

The nightmare only ends when I wish, I pray to be let out of it. But when I wake up, I realise that I am still trapped in another nightmare.

A nightmare I can't escape from, no matter how hard I pray.

The world I wake up in.

***

"Onee-Chan!" Cries a distressed Kisa-Chan.

She leaps up on my bed and hugs me. I smile, although I'm feeling so sore (my breasts especially) that I cripple over in pain. A nurse runs up to us and starts to shout at Kisa-Chan.

"Get off her at once! Tohru is very ill and you can't handle her like that, you silly girl!" Scorns the nurse angrily.

"No, it's OK! She just wanted to say hello, nurse-sama. Don't worry, I'm fine!" I reassure her, although I'm actually in a lot of pain right now. Suddenly, my stomach lurches, and I bend over to vomit in a bucket beside my bed.

The stink of the sick hits me hard, making me feel even more ill. The nurse runs over to me and hold my weak head over the bucket. I splutter and choke for about five minutes, while a worried Kisa-Chan does as the nurse tells her and stands away from my bed.

It hurts me to think of her seeing me like this. I love her like a sister, and no little sister should have to see her big sister in such a state. Finally, when I have emptied my stomach of every item of food Iv'e eaten in the last few days, the nurse reluctantly lets Kisa-Chan see me.

"Onee-Chan? I'm sorry I hurt you!" Kisa-Chan apologises, with tears stinging her eyes.

I force myself to smile. "It's OK. D-don't worry about silly old me." I pat her soft, tufty hair. "How are you?"

She stares down at her shoes. "I'm... fine."

"What's wrong?" I ask, concerned.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"You can tell me anything." I confirm, taking her small hand in my own.

"I... I... Some kids have been bullying me again." Kisa-Chan confesses.

"Why? What happened?"

"I came to school holding hands with Hiro. They laughed because he looked different too, with his mousey brown hair. Saying mean stuff about him."

"Oh." I don't know what to say. She's a tiny tiger cub in a jungle full of vicious predators.

"One boy especially. He was being really horrible. Calling Hiro names. So I..." Her face goes pale and her eyes refuse to meet mine.

"What did you do?" I asked again, squeezing her little hands.

"I hit him. Hard, on the jaw. Sent him flying across the room. He got up and tried to fight me back, but of course, with my training, there was no competition. The teacher was so angry... I was so ashamed. I was excluded for a week." Kisa-Chan explains, her voice little more than a scared whisper.

"Oh, Kisa-Chan. It's OK." I reply, smiling at my adorable friend.

"I'm so sorry, Onee-Chan! I let everyone down! Hiro, my teachers... you!" Kisa-Chan cries.

"It's OK. Sometimes you just see red. It's just human nature. But the bullies want you to flip out." I say.

"They... they do?"

"They do. They want to get a reaction from you. They want to make themselves feels better. It's not your fault; it's never your fault." I comfort her, gently stroking her cheek with my hand.

She wrinkles her nose. "You have cold hands." But she takes them anyway.

"The only thing you can do is try your best to rise above it. Rise above the bullies. Be the most wonderful person you can be. Be the bigger person." I tell her, my voice serious.

"So I just let them push me around?" Kisa-Chan protests.

"No, not at all. Stand up for yourself, by all means, but don't sink to their level. But always speak up for what is right and don't let them push you around." I continue.

"OK. I... I think I get it." Kisa-Chan nods.

I spot Haru-San walking over to us. He picks Kisa-Chan up in his arm and she giggles.

"Hi, Tohru! How are you?" He asks.

"I'm OK! Thanks for coming! How about you?" I reply enthusiastically.

"I'm good. Sorry, but I actually came to pick up Kisa. She has a meeting with her teacher." Haru-San explains, letting Kisa-Chan down again.

I feel kind of disappointed. Although Yuki-San tries to come as often as possible, the hospital is lonely. Apparently I'm getting moved to a separate room, one just for me. I don't know whether that'll be better or worse. I'm still trying to recover from being stabbed by Akito. I haven't told anyone this, but... according to the doctors, my cancer is getting worse. My breasts are red and swollen, and I constantly want to vomit. The vomiting is a side effect of the chemotherapy Iv'e been having. I haven't told anyone this, either, but two days ago, I woke up to find several strands of hair on my pillow. I know it's vain, but I couldn't bear losing my hair.

Kisa-Chan kisses me softly on the cheek instead of hugging me goodbye.

"I'll remember what you told me, Onee-Chan." She whispers. "I hope you get better soon. I love you."

My heart swells with love for her. "I love you too, Kisa-Chan. Good luck at school!" I say as I wave goodbye.

Haru-San takes Kisa-Chan's hand and I watch as they leave the room. Beore she goes, Kisa-Chan turns to wave to me.

***

I lied. Of course I lied. How could I tell the truth?

I'm not OK.

I'll never be OK again.