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Chapter Thirty-Nine

We lay in the teepee for I don't even know how long, the wind whipping around us, until I start to shiver even in his arms. He rubs my bare biceps and grabs my sweatshirt and leggings.

"Here, Desi, put these on so we can go back inside and get you warm," he says, pulling his own shirt over his head and placing his glasses on his face.

Nodding, I tug on the sweatshirt and leggings before shoving my feet in my shoes, and follow Jace out of the tent. He offers me his hand and I take it like second nature, trying like hell to ignore the stab of pain that hits my chest when I think about the fact that I won't feel his fingers laced with mine ever again after tomorrow.

When we get inside, I glance at the clock over the microwave and gape at the time. "It's already after midnight?"

He grins and raises a brow. "We spent a lot of time out in the teepee." His tone is suggestive and playful, making my cheeks heat.

"True," I say, covering my mouth as a yawn slips out.

"You're tired," he says. It's a statement, not a question, and I can see in his eyes that he is too. We're both exhausted in more ways than one.

"Yeah," I say reluctantly, glancing up the stairs as I kick my shoes off and slip them under the bench in the foyer. "I guess I better get to bed then. We both need a good night's sleep—big day tomorrow. Goodnight, Jace." I try to sound chipper, but I know that any second, I am going to burst into tears. I lean forward and kiss him on the cheek, turning to go to my room.

His fingers lock around my wrist and his voice is gravelly with emotion as he says, "Stay in my room tonight. Please."

I turn around with wide eyes, questioning if I heard him right. With the exception of the night in Infernis, Jace has never stayed the entire night in my room, and he has never invited me to stay in his. I assumed that sharing a house with strangers impeded on his privacy, and he was trying to keep one area his alone. And perhaps he found sharing a bed for an entire night too intimate. I never pressed him on it, but I know this is a big deal to him.

"Okay," I say, wrapping my fingers around his.

"Yeah?"

"I've wanted to for months, Jace. So, definitely, it's a yes."

He scoops me up and throws me over his shoulder and I giggle, pounding my fists lightly against his back. "Put me down!"

"I will as soon as I get you where I want you," he growls against my hipbone as he ascends the stairs.

I grin and pinch the roundest part of his backside and his palm promptly lands on my ass, sending shockwaves all the way to my center.

My yelp echoes through the house. "Jace!"

"Oh, I know you can do better than that. Just wait until I get you in my bed."

He enters his room and kicks the door closed behind us. I brace myself to hit his mattress, but he gently lowers me to sit on the edge of the bed. He reaches for the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head before working me out of my pants.

"Get dressed, get undressed, get dressed all so you can undress me again," I say while laughing.

"This time it is necessary. Let's get you into a hot shower."

The thought of a hot shower after being out in the cold—with snow and ice dragged across all my private parts, no less—has me practically salivating. I stand and run my fingers under the hem of his T-shirt.

"Tell me you're getting in with me, or I think I'll pass," I say, standing on my tiptoes and pressing my lips to the place where his neck meets his shoulder.

"You are going to pass even after the mess I made of you?" He shifts his hand between us and dips his finger inside me. His thumb brushes my clit and when I hiss, he smiles. "Although, I like knowing you have a piece of me deep inside you."

My knees nearly go weak but I manage to stay upright. "Fine, I'll admit it. I don't want to be apart from you even long enough to take a shower. Sue me. Now, are you getting in or not? I'll do your back," I say with a wink, my voice near to a whisper, my sex clenching around his finger. "And who knows; maybe we can even get dirty again before we get out."

Jace doesn't say another word. He disrobes and pulls me into the main suite bathroom with him. When the water is warm enough to fog the mirrors, he guides me under the stream and sets to work lathering his soap between his hands. I groan when he massages my frozen muscles, starting with my shoulders. He works his thumbs along my spine and down my hips. His front presses to my back and he begins treating the front of my body with the same euphoric touches.

"We should have done this before today," he says, kissing my neck.

I nod and let my head fall to the side, allowing him more access to my skin. "Absolutely. We should've done this every day."

He spins me around and presses my back to the wall. His grasps my wrists in one hand and holds them above my head. "Along with many other things," he says, pressing his hardening length to my lower belly.

"Oh?" I say, chewing the inside of my lip to keep from crying out as I roll my hips against him, struggling against his grip. I know it drives him crazy when I try to take control, and that's how I want him right now—wild for me. "Like what?"

He raises a brow and lifts my leg, hooking it around his waist. His hand glides between us and his fingers curl around his cock. My neck arches, and a moan leaves my mouth when he slides inside of me. "This. We should have done a lot more of this."

"Jace—fuck," I gasp, tightening my leg around him and threading my fingers into his hair, tugging gently. "Can I tell you what I need from you right now?"

"Anything. Ask for it and it's yours."

I lean forward and plant kisses down his jaw and along his neck. "I need you to fuck me deep and slow...make love to me, Jace," I whisper against his skin, water rolling onto my lips.

He works some type of magic where he lowers me to the shower floor and remains inside me the entire time. The water rains down on us, plastering his hair to his head and streaming down the planes of his face. Jace brushes my curls from my cheek and tenderly kisses me as he moves in long, languid strokes.

"Is this what it takes to tame the little hurricane inside you?" he asks.

I lift my hips to meet his movements and I nod, running my free hand up his spine and moving my other hand to his cheek before lifting my gaze to his. "You're the only reason I recognized the chaos inside me in the first place, and now, you're the only one who can tame it."

Since the moment I walked into this house, I thought I was the epitome of calm and organization. My demon tendencies were nonexistent. Or so I believed. Jace showed me that just because I didn't display my demonic side the typical way didn't mean I wasn't my own brand of chaos. I upended his orderly life, took him out of his comfort zone.

This human man taught me more about myself than anyone else. He made me want to let go of the control I held so tightly and give in to the unknown. The more I released the reins, the more I understood just how much I loved the chaos I was selected to rule. And with each deep, lazy stroke of his body inside of mine, I surrendered to what I am.

I clench my walls around him, no part of me giving two fucks about how sore everything is below my belly button. All I want is to chase the next high he's giving me because I know this very well could be the last one.

"Oh my God," I whimper, rolling my hips under him, matching his strokes move for move. "No one else could ever make me feel like this. I want you to know that you will always have this piece of me, Jace Wilder."

"I'm a greedy asshole, and I'm happy to take it, Desideria." My name is said on a moan as his hand moves between us.

He swells inside me while rubbing my clit in the same slow motion of his body. He tilts his head back and the bathroom fills with a chorus of fuck and yes. The sight of him losing himself is all it takes and my voice joins in with his, my body shuddering around him.

We remain on the floor, catching our breaths until the water runs cold. When my teeth chatter, Jace hurries to rinse me off before wrapping me in a fluffy towel and taking me to bed. Minutes pass in silence as our fingertips memorize every curve and valley of each other's bodies, and we take turns listening to one another's heartbeat.

I run my fingers down his jawline. "I don't want to go to sleep," I whisper.

"Me either. Just talk to me about anything, I don't care how mundane it is."

"I always thought it was weird that humans domesticated animals. I felt bad that cats were not allowed to climb trees and chase after rodents. But now I realize some animals have better lives than some humans. That's strange."

Jace chuckles and says, "I always wanted an owl as a pet or an Ewok. They would have been fun to hang out with."

"Hades forbid that we go a day without a Star Wars reference."

His arms tighten around me, and he kisses the top of my head. "You will miss it."

Tears fill my eyes and I try to swallow them back, but I can't, and they spill over onto my cheeks and to his bare chest. "I will. I will miss everything about you, Jace. That's something I've always known since the moment I realized you wouldn't be coming back to Infernis with me."

"I wish..." He clears his throat like he is stifling down his emotions and tries again. "I wish I was as brave as you, Desi. You ventured into a realm you've never been to and opened yourself up to finding someone to be with you for eternity. I want you to know that I never thought your purpose for being here was a fool's errand. You took the leap to find love and believed it can last forever."

"But I—"

It's on the tip of my tongue to say that it was a fool's errand, that I didn't find it. But that is so far beyond untrue. I did. I found it.

I was too scared to admit it before, but I can't run from it. I am in love with Jace Wilder. I've been in love with him for weeks. Maybe even months.

But I can't tell him.

Why do it now when all it will do is make things harder?

"I'm glad you didn't see me as a fool," I murmur, nuzzling into his chest. "I respect you more than anyone in this realm or any other."

"Your people are lucky to have you. I would have gladly bowed to you as my queen."

"I would have happily stood by your side with you as my king," I whisper so quietly I'm not sure I said the words at all.

Jace stills under me and lets out a long, slow breath. I wait to see if he responds but the room remains quiet. It feels like hours pass at a painful crawl. The room is too quiet and the darkness too deep to even pick up a shadow of Jace. I listen for even breaths or the sound of a snore, but I can't find any clue that Jace has dozed off. The tears well in my eyes and a sob builds in my chest. It burns, but I push it down into the pit of my being.

"I'll regret letting you go for the rest of my life," he says, his voice hoarse with emotion.

Then come with me! The voice in my head is wailing, fighting to break free, but I won't beg him. I refuse. Not when I know he has his reasons. And I, my dignity.

"And I will feel the void you'll leave in my heart for eternity," I murmur, shifting on top of him, and even in the pitch dark, our mouths find each other like they're magnetized.

I put my all into that single kiss, knowing it is the countdown to our last. We stay suspended in that moment, speaking in whispers, stealing kisses and touching our fill. It isn't until the dreaded sun beams through the window and the alarm shrieks that our time together officially comes to a heart-shattering end.

We retreat into silence as we get ready for the day ahead—the day that begins the rest of our lives without the other in it. The task of dressing is exhausting, and I can't so much as stomach a cup of tea. Jace carries my bags to the car my father sent for me. I hate the thought of driving away by myself. If only Cannon were here to help distract me from what is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done.

Jace leans against the counter, watching me arrange the last of my personal items into my over-sized purse. His stormy eyes follow my every movement and his jaw is clenched, like he is holding out on saying our final goodbye. I toss my purse over my shoulder and stand on the other side of the kitchen island.

"Are you sure you got everything?" Jace asks.

No. No, I don't have everything. I'm leaving half of my heart behind, the person who would make the perfect eternal partner.

I force a smile and say, "I think so."

He walks around the island and stands in front of me, placing his hands on my cheeks. "Will you ever be able to come back and visit?" he asks in a voice that tells me it's a question he's been dying to know the answer to but too scared to ask.

I draw my bottom lip between my teeth. "Not for longer than a couple hours or so. As queen, I'll be expected to be in my circle at almost all times. The only reason my brothers were allowed to come up like they did was because they were dealing with me, and they haven't taken full control yet." Cocking my head to the side, I say, "And do you think it make it harder? To see each other again for such a short amount of time? Would you even want to?"

"I—I." He clamps his mouth shut and gives a curt nod. "You're right. It would be too hard."

I don't know what I expected him to say, but my belly clenches at his response. But I push past the roiling in my stomach and say, "I mean, to go through this again sounds like hell." Tears that I didn't even realize were in my eyes slide down my cheeks.

He wipes the tear trailing down my face and pulls me into his arms. "Yeah."

He buries his face in the crook of my neck and takes a deep breath. His hold is so tight that I fight for my next breath, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I hope he holds me hostage and never lets me leave. But of course he eventually has to let me go.

When we separate, I swear his eyes are misty, but when he blinks, they're back to their normal stormy grey. I sigh and say, "I have to go. Walk me outside?"

He just nods and intertwines our fingers, leading us out the door and onto the sidewalk to where the car and driver wait for me. The driver opens the door and I toss my purse inside the backseat, turning back to Jace.

Cupping his cheek in my hand, I bring my mouth to his and press a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Jace," I whisper against his skin. "I have one wish for you. I hope that one day, you feel safe enough to open your heart and allow yourself to take the risk and let someone love you the way you deserve. I want you to fall so deeply in love that you wonder how you ever went so long without it."

Saying these words hurts me to the depths of my soul because that's how I feel about him.

That's how I want him to feel about me.

But he can't right now. And I understand that. But one day, I want that for him. Even if it can't be with me.

He nods and tucks a curl behind my ear.

I can see it in his eyes; he doesn't believe he will ever know a love like the one I want for him. It breaks my heart to think this man, who has so much to give, will never open himself up.

"I want the same for you. Cannon is a good man, and he will be what you need. Don't give up on him and let the passion that burns through you dim. That passion is powerful and transforming, Desideria."

You are what I need.

"I won't give up," is all I say, though, because it's time to go. I have to let this man go, to live his life. I've already disrupted it enough, and even though he says it's been one of the best things that's ever happened to him, he deserves to move on. He has exciting, career altering changes waiting for him, and I am just the demon princess who crash landed on his front porch.

"I'll never forget you. Ever," I whisper, tangling my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck and resting my forehead against his. 

He cups my face in his palms, softly kisses me and says, "Goodbye, my little hurricane."

What's left of my heart shatters at his feet. "Goodbye, Jace Wilder."

And when I get into the backseat, I have no regard for the poor Uber driver when I burst into tears.


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