DESI

I'm sitting in front of my mother's vanity, wearing an elegant, form-fitting black lace dress. It's floor-length, with a train that extends nearly a foot and a half behind me. No one wears white dresses for bonding ceremonies in Infernis; it's a joke to think that anyone is a virgin by the time they get to that step of a relationship. Black is the traditional color of choice, and I am no different.

My mother stands behind me, braiding my curls into a giant French braid that she drapes over one shoulder, showcasing the back of my dress—it is backless, the deep v going all the way down to the small of my back, just over where my panty line would be (if I were wearing any). On the vanity in front of me sits the crown that will symbolize my rule for eternity—rose gold with black diamonds, intricately twisted into a design that somehow looks both dark and dainty.

"You're breathtaking, Desideria," my mother says, bending down to check my makeup and ultimately deciding I look perfect. "A true queen."

I smile, and I am aware it doesn't reach my eyes. "Thank you, Mother."

She cocks her head to the side and sits next to me on the bench. "Darling, are you all right? I know this isn't how you expected things to go. Everything changed so fast."

I cannot hide the tears in my eyes. "I miss him, Mama," I murmur, calling her the name I haven't used since I was a little girl.

"Miss who?"

She knows, she always knows. But that doesn't mean she will save me from saying my feelings out loud. My mother has never let us hide from our emotions. No matter how hurtful the subject, she always gently coaxed it from us. As soon as the words were said, my brothers and I felt a million times better. She always knew best, and she still does.

"Jace," I whisper, the word barely a breath on the tip of my tongue.

Placing her index finger beneath my chin, she lifts my face to hers. "Then why are you tethering your forever to Cannon's? He is a nice man and very handsome, but you love another."

I shake my head and try to look away from her, but she won't allow me to. She has more strength in one finger than I do in my whole body. So I meet her hazel eyes and continue, even though it's breaking my heart. "Because he will never be with me. I thought he loved me too, I really did. And hell, maybe he does. But even so, he won't allow himself to be loved. I gave him every opportunity, a hundred chances to come with me. But he let me go. And Cannon knows that this is platonic, that there may never be love beyond best friendship. He knows all of that. And he still wants to stand by my side." I shrug. "I figured if I can't have a sweeping love story like you and Father, I might as well have the friendship of a lifetime."

"Oh, Desideria."

My mother pulls me in her arms and I can no longer fight back the tears. Just this one time will I let myself cry for what could have been. If only I came into Jace Wilder's life earlier. If only he wasn't so deeply hurt. If only I was enough to help heal him. The lot we were dealt is what it is, and no one can open Jace to allow love in but himself. Unfortunately, I'm another casualty in the wreckage he refuses to leave behind.

She runs her palm over my back and remains silent for several minutes, just letting me cry. Finally, when I sit up and take a deep breath, she runs her fingertips under my eyes and smiles. "Thank Lilith for waterproof mascara, hm?" I can't help but smile and she rubs her thumb over my cheek. "There's my strong girl. I know this isn't exactly what you want right now, but Cannon is your best friend, yes?"

I nod and sniffle, pushing my hair back into place. "Besides Jace, yeah."

"Time is a funny thing. It can help friendships bloom into love. All hope for your love story is not lost. Your prince charming may be a different character than you thought."

"I know." But it would never be like me and Jace. That was certain. I get to my feet and smooth my dress, holding my arms out to my sides. "Well? Am I ready to be bonded?"

My mother nods and comes to face me, placing her palms on my cheeks. "You are the last piece of the puzzle, the final working part to making all of this function the way it should. Your father will feel so much relief when he can finally let you all assume your roles. Thank you, Desideria."

I lean forward and kiss her cheek. "I'm ready to do my part, and I thank you both for letting me go find someone I will enjoy spending eternity with; even though it isn't true love, Cannon and I have a lot of fun together."

She presses her lips to my forehead. "Good. That's half of an eternal partnership right there."

A soft knock taps at the door and my mother glances at the clock on her bedside table. "Ah, it's nearly time. That must be Cannon."

My heart speeds up at the mention of his name, and I'm not even sure why. I still have this fear that he's going to change his mind, or demand something more from me, even though that would be totally out of character. My anxiety is ruling my mind at the moment, though, so common sense is taking a backseat.

"All right." I turn toward the door and clasp my hands in front of my abdomen. "Let him in."

With a nod, my mother strides toward the massive black door and swings it open, and with a peck on the cheek and a couple whispered words, she disappears and Cannon is left in her place, closing the door behind him.

He looks handsome in his black suit and bowtie. His hair is braided into small spirals and his blue eyes are striking against his brown skin. He flashes me a wide grin and says, "You look amazing, Desi."

When I see him, all the nerves melt away. I am still brokenhearted that Jace isn't the one standing here telling me that I look beautiful, but I know that Cannon will make me as happy as I will let him.

I walk toward him and turn all the way around so he can see the whole dress. "Yeah? It's not too much?"

"No," he says, shaking his head. "I don't think it is possible for your beauty to be too much."

Cannon reaches for my crown on the vanity and holds it up to me. "May I?" he asks.

My cheeks flush and I nod, my fingers nervously toying with the end of my braid. "Please."

With steady hands, he places the crown on my head. The weight of it causes my knees to buckle, and Cannon grips my elbow to keep me upright. It isn't the metal and jewels that are too much to bear, but the finality of the moment. I won't spend days upon days roaming the human realm, I won't watch human science fiction movies, or have to be conscious of my power. From this day forward, I will be bound to Infernis and the demons and energies in my circle. They will be what I live for.

"It suits you," Cannon says, straightening the crown on my head.

I smile and reach up to run my fingers along the diamond encrusted tiara. "Thank you." Meeting his eyes, I drop my hand to his and intertwine our fingers. "For everything. I could never express how grateful I am that you did this for me. Gave up everything."

"This is what I want, Desi. I'm gaining so much more than what I'm giving up. This is worth it."

His words are spoken with so much conviction that my chest aches. Cannon is so sure of what he is doing. And I—the demon who was created to rule my own circle—feel so unsure. I force a smile and try to mimic his certainty.

"We will have a good existence together," I say.

He nods and pulls me into a hug, sliding his palm up to the back of my neck and holds me close against his chest. "We will. I'm going to make you happy, Desi," he murmurs in my ear.

Not as happy as Jace would have. I push the fruitless thought from my mind. "Promise?" is all I can manage.

"I promise. Things will work out the way they are meant to."

Cannon loops my arm inside his and leads me from the dressing room. Our footsteps click through the vast hallways, each step always off from the other's. It's as if my body is telling me that it will never sync up with Cannon the way it did with Jace. The man beside me will always live in the shadow of another. I would say it isn't fair to put him in this position, but he already knows the truth. Cannon wants this, which is more than I can say for Jace.

We reach the ornate double doors flanked by two occisor demons. They stand tall, the curved horns on their heads adding to their height. Flat black armor covers bulging muscles and rows of sharp teeth peek through gray lips. Cannon grips my hand at the crook of his elbow and his back straightens. I don't blame him for putting on an impenetrable façade. The warrior demons must be a horrifying sight for a human.

The guards bow as we draw closer, and I nod in acknowledgement before they open the doors. Demons of all shapes, colors, and sizes stand on either side of a golden runner. Some are dressed in their finest and other have opted to attend today's ceremony in their natural form. Glowing eyes, pointed tails, shiny hair, and skin in every imaginable hue—the beauty of demons is on full display.

The royal family crest sways on crimson flags protruding from the floor to ceiling pillars. An iron chandelier hovers over the majority of the room. Its scrolling arms holding countless candles that cast everything in an amber glow. Cannon and I walk down the aisle. Our focus is the enormous black marble dais at the front of the room. Sixteen thrones sit in two rows, the largest of them—my mother and father's—are positioned front and center. My brothers and their eternal partners sit upon all the remaining thrones but two. Soon Cannon and I will take our place amongst Infernis's leaders. 

The room spins as my father stands and descends the steps of the dais, and I am certain that I'm going to pass out. I sway on my feet, and Cannon has to grab my hands to steady me.

"Desi, are you okay?" he whispers.

I nod, my eyelids drooping. "I—yeah. I think I'm just nervous." I look up at him and he's peering down at me with concern in his clear blue eyes.

"Are you sure? You're pale, and your hands are so clammy."

I squeeze his fingers, but even I can feel that my strength isn't where it usually is. "I'm telling you, it's just because everyone is staring at me, and I didn't eat today because I wanted to make sure to fit in this dress. I'm fine."

A dubious look crosses his face, but he lets it go. "I promise you have nothing to worry about. Soon everything will work out the way you hope it will. This is far from the end, Desi." He lifts his lips in a weak smile and squeezes my hand. "I'm going to keep hold of your hands just in case."

"Okay," I whisper even though his words hit me as funny. How can any of this work out the way I hope? We're joining our lives together forever.

My father smiles as he stands in front of us, clapping a hand on Cannon's shoulder and kissing me on the cheek. "You look fantastic, my darling Desideria. Cannon, you clean up well too."

A titter of laughter goes through the audience, and when everyone quietens down again, my father speaks, his voice loud, commanding, and somber. "Good afternoon, demons and energies of Infernis. Thank you for traveling from every corner of the realm to be here, to see my lastborn child bind herself to her eternal partner, followed by the coronation of each of my children to their circles."

Applause breaks out for a few moments, but when my father holds up a hand to silence them, the hush that falls over the room is instantaneous.

"Over the millennia, Infernis has overcome many challenges. Our realm saw many decades without true growth when humans believed only by obtaining peace would they find eternal happiness. You have worked tirelessly in their realm to teach them that not all energies thrive in what Pax can offer. You have helped them embrace their chaotic sides and filled our realm with their wild energies. Our kingdom has grown by leaps and bounds, and it is no longer possible for only one to oversee the havoc you create. I am pleased to begin the process of passing my rule to my children who will continue this new tradition."

Again, the crowd erupts into cheers.

"But first, let us bear witness to the eternal bonding of Desideria and Cannon."

My father turns his glowing green eyes to us and smiles.

I take a deep breath, choosing to ignore the fact that I can hardly fill my lungs, and turn to face Cannon. He's looking at me with narrowed eyes, like he can tell I'm not feeling quite right.

"Desi. Are you sure you're okay?" he whispers, leaning in and pushing a loose curl behind my ear.

I chew my lip and nod. "Yes. I just feel a little lightheaded is all. Just hold onto me."

"I won't let go."

My father drags the back of his hand over his brow and releases a slow breath. He clears his throat once and then twice before saying, "The bonding of two beings should never be taken lightly. It is more than a promise to remain together until your dying day. You are swearing to always look after the other's wellbeing and work together to better our realm. The words you speak today supersede you and extended to all of Infernis's inhabitants." My father turns his attention to Cannon and holds his gaze. "Cannon Pierce, do you swear to serve this realm for the rest of your existence, to honor Desideria as your eternal partner, and exalt her as your queen?"

Cannon looks around the room and shifts side to side. His grip on my hand loosens and his words are softly spoken. "I do."

"Desideria, do you swear the remainder of your days to Cannon, to partner with him in your rule as a queen of Infernis, and to place his needs above all others?"

Time stops in that instant. My heart, which had been racing, slows to a crawl, and I swear, I can't breathe. Can I really promise this to Cannon, knowing that my heart will always belong to Jace? Even though I know I can never have him? Can I truly place Cannon's needs above all others? Can I stand here in front of my father, mother, Cannon, and all the demons and energies I am meant to rule and make a promise that I know I can't actually keep?

"I—"

"Stop! Fucking stop! Cannon is an angel."