It was a beautiful Summer morning. We were at the beach, sitting on the clear sand and holding hands as we smiled at the camera for a perfect picture.

'Smile' she said and was about to click our picture when Dada hit a sand ball right at the face of the person sitting next to me and holding my hand. He quickly untangled our hands and glared at Dada for spoiling our little sweet moment. While Dada was being chased by her with a twig in her hand.

I sat there laughing at the two and felt my hijab being pulled. I turned around and saw him cleaning off the sand from his face and wiped it with the end of my hijab. His dark grey eyes shimmering under the sun making me thank the good lord for such a blessing. I stared at his serene face with which I can fall all over again an infinity of times.

I was lost in him totally when I felt my hijab being tugged again. I widened my eyes and almost quickly pulled it back from his hands. He then stared at me like I just said that pineapples and pizza were a tasty combination which he was against of.

'What?' I asked him, a smile slowly curling up at the ends of my lips. He didn't say anything and then all of a sudden he filled both his hands with sand and put it under my hijab. I screamed at the top of my lungs and abruptly stood up and started jumping like a lunatic, gaining the attention of the people nearby.

He also stood up next to me laughing at me and then placed his palm on his mouth as I murderously glared at him. 'You..' I said as I  pointed my finger towards him and he ran for his dear life but Dada was quick to catch him and then both of them fell on the ground holding each other's arms and laughing like 7-year-olds.

She stood next to me laughing. We both then started laughing holding each other by waists and she quickly pulled out her camera and clicked a picture of the '7-year-olds' laughing while they lay there with their hands on their stomachs. Making me murmur a hundred Alhamdulillah(s).

The slow wind around us carrying magic in it which was sparkling within our inter-connected hearts. We were enjoying ourselves like there was no tomorrow but little did we know that Destiny had a huge disaster in store for us.

I didn't know I was crying until I saw a huge teardrop fall on the photo frame. It was a picture of us four sitting on the beach.

I was leaning on his arm, looking at the camera and he was staring at me with love in those precious grey orbs, holding me by my waist. Dada had encircled his arms around her waist and she looked wide-eyed at the camera as Dada kissed her already red blushing cheeks that resembled a tomato.

The picture was so perfect with us four living the perfect moment of our life and then everything came crashing down and nothing but loss and pain pierced our hearts through our souls and we couldn't do anything but let our lifeless eyes helplessly witness the destruction caused by the ever merciless destiny.

I clenched the sides of the frame in my palms and screamed at the top of my lungs. The nerves of my neck popped out and I fisted my palms at the sides of the brown metallic photo frame. I felt blood oozing out of my right palm as a nail in the frame had pierced my flesh.

I fisted my bleeding palm and placed the photo frame on the table of my dresser. I stopped when my eyes met with a similar pair in the mirror.

The woman in the mirror was unable to recognise. The happy-go-lucky bubbly girl boosted with never-ending enthusiasm was replaced by a wretched woman staring hopelessly at me, trying to recognise the stranger. The girl that once wore her heart on her sleeve had now appeared no less than a woman tied in the broken strings of fate, leaving heart-wrenching scars on her soul and body. I saw not me but a woman whose annihilated heart peeked from her dead eyes that pierced through the mirror, giving an eyeful of her soul abandoned by destiny.

I ran my palm over the mirror unable to look at the devastated me. The blood from my palm had spread over at the mirror not letting me glance at my own reflection. I turned in the direction of my bathroom, leaving traces of blood dripping from my palm. I let my hands fall limply at my sides, feeling as though all the energy had been drained out of my system.

I took the first-aid box from my bathroom and sat on my king-sized bed. I cleaned my wound and wrapped a bandage around my palm. I let out a dry chuckle. This is what I have been doing ever since that day: cleaning my own wounds away.

I felt like I was losing this battle even before it began. I felt like all my hopes had been washed away by the heavy tides of sorrow and tears, leaving no footprints behind.

I returned the first-aid box to its place. I came to my room and sat on the fluffy mattress of my bed, covered with a white bed sheet with black polka dots on it. I leaned over my right side and slowly fell on the bed and then I brought my knees up and hugged them to my bosom.

I felt the all too familiar pain shooting in my pelvic area. I let it be. I did not want to treat it.  I tried to close my eyes and sleep but the pain was too much to tolerate so I let out a menacing scream that shook my whole body.

I left the pain untreated because I wanted to die. To die and end this pain forever. To fall in a deep slumber and never wake up. To be able to meet my loved ones in the hereafter.

I slowly turned at my left and peeped outside the window. I fixed my gaze at the night sky, seeing all the stars smiling back at or were they laughing at my state?

When I was small, I always told Baba that Ma was one of the brightest twinkling stars but one day he cupped my small rosy cheeks and told me: "People don't turn into stars after their death instead the fragments of their soul turns into fairy dust and comes and settles on the void in our hearts that their loss created"

"And what is that fairy dust called Baba?" I asked him all confused.

"When you close your eyes and remember your loved ones, you feel happiness soaring in your heart and that happiness is called fairy dust." He explained with a beautiful smile on his lips.

"But Baba, there is a different meaning of fairy dust in the princesses' books I read. They say it's a magical powder." I said to him with my eyes sparkling and my index finger on my chin.

"It's the same thing Beta. So for us, this is the meaning of fairy dust. Okay, Beta?" He asked me patting my head. I nodded my head and jumped up to share this new information with Dada.

After that day, I started believing that as each person dies he/she sprinkled fairy dust on the hearts of the people who loved them so that they wouldn't feel their absence.

But when Baba, Dada and he left me all alone, I cried and cried and cried but there wasn't any fairy dust sprinkled on my heart to fill the void with. It was then that I realised that Baba had lied to his naïve 10-year-old daughter.

It was then that I realised they lied to me. Each and every one. They all lied to me. They had fooled me. Each one of them had promised me that they'll never leave me. But here I am now all desolated and destroyed, looking for an escape from this havoc ruining my world.

All of a sudden I felt claustrophobic. Wanting to throw up all the contents of my stomach. A gnawing pain shot through my spine. My illness had worsened. I closed my eyes tightly and gripped the bedsheets, almost tearing them.

As I was lying there clutching my stomach on the floor, my eyes landed on the box kept under the bed which had all the things I needed to get to that monster.

Suddenly, I didn't want to die. I wanted to live a bit longer and kill that monster with my own hands. I hastily crawled to the dresser and opened its first drawer. I took out my pills and popped them in. I grabbed the water bottle kept on the dresser and chugged down the medicine with the water.

After gaining relief, I contacted my doctor and asked her to come to my place right that instant.

A few minutes later she arrived and the first question she asked after we exchanged greetings was, "Did you take more than three pills of that backache?" and I looked anywhere but her.

"Oh Rey, look at you. What've you done to yourself? Why are you punishing yourself? All that happened was fate and you can't change that but at least don't blame yourself for it." She spoke sitting beside me on the bed.

I turned towards her and met her dark blue eyes piercing right through my soul as though she could see the storm of vengeance brewing inside of me.

"I want to die, Thea." I spoke ever so slowly, my voice barely coming out and I heard her sigh deeply.

Ever since that incident, Thea Williams, a gynecologist cum psychiatrist, has been my personal doctor. She knows each and everything that I've gone through. She knows about Baba, about Dada, about him, about her and about every single thing that happened to me. She's more like a friend to me and understands me very well.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Rey. Let go of the past and start your life anew." Came her worried voice. I looked at her and saw her beautiful face lit up with an encouraging smile. Urging me to start over. What a humourless dry joke.

"Seriously, Thea? You want me to forget everything and move on? You want me to shove away those memories into a box and throw it away? Do you want me to fucking forgive that bastard who ruined my life!" I shouted a bit loudly with tears streaming down my face.

"That's not what I mean, Rey. Well, you very well know what I mean." Thea spoke through her teeth with no hint of frustration or annoyance in her voice. Her voice was calm and soothing.

I simply said. "I know." And saw Thea walking towards my kitchen. She knew my house well enough.

"You cry a lot these days. You weren't like this before. You hardly ever shed a single tear from the past two years. Any update?" Thea asked from the kitchen, pouring a glass of water for me and herself.

And then I narrated the whole story about Ethan Davis. "Charlie is somehow related to him. But 'how' is what I've to find."

"So if you find out the relation between Ethan and Charlie, you'll be able to find him out?" Thea asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"I hope so." My voice unsure.

Thea left an hour later. For the millionth time, she advised me to take my medicines on time and suggested me to sleep two hours early.

***

The next day, Happy Smiles was all happy smiles as their summer vacations were to start a day after. Their excitement knew no bounds as they jumped up and down in ecstasy.

As these children didn't have any family, the management took them to various places like amusement parks, zoos, museums and etc so that they wouldn't feel like they've no one on this earth who loved them. They even went on trips to other ctites and sometimes other countries. Happy Smiles had enough budget for all those expenses. Baba had made sure of that.

"Ah summer vacations. FINALLY!" Came a shrilled voice booming in the empty staff room. I didn't have to look back to know who the person was. I very well knew who that excited monkey was.

I locked my locker and turned towards Ash who was standing near my table checking her wristwatch and negatively nodding at me.

Then I walked to her and said 'let's go' she nearly jumped at me and shouted: "WOMAN, MOVE YOUR LAZY ASS SUPER FAST!" I had to cup my poor ears with my palms in order to prevent them from going deaf.

"Woah, Ash. What's the rush?" I hissed as she had grabbed my wrist and was pulling me along with her towards the main gates. My wrist was hurting because she had gripped them tightly and I tried to free myself but in vain.

"LET'S CELEBRATE!" She shouted again making me smack her head, hearing her hiss as she rubbed her head. 'Ow' she said, pouting.

"Slow down your horses, Ash and tell me where are we going to 'celebrate'?" I asked her making air quotations. Seeing her roll her eyes dramatically. Such a drama queen she is.

"To your home, Rey. Obviously. Don't you remember it's Saturday today." She spoke in a 'duh' tone. 

"And I thought you were taking me out for dinner" I said defensively. Ash again grabbed my wrist but a bit light this time and pulled me towards her car.

"I have my car." I said to her pointing towards my brown duster. "Oh yeah," she said smiling sheepishly, letting go of my wrist and making me shake my head at her.

***

I woke to the faint sounds coming through the television. Next to me, Ash had fallen asleep with the popcorn bowl in her hand and a shawl covering her bare arms. She wore a pink tank top with blue pedal pushers, looking like a small baby girl. Her mouth was open and I closed it by lifting up her chin. I then kissed her forehead and adjusted a pillow beneath her head.

The room was dark and the only source of light was from the television screen. I turned on the lamps kept at either sides of the sofa set and turned off the television. I slept on the other couch as Ash was sleeping on the other. I checked the time and it said 11:34 pm.

I made myself comfortable on the couch and tried to sleep but it was nowhere near me. I tossed and turned hundreds of time but couldn't sleep.

I grabbed my keys and came out. After making sure that Ash was sleeping soundly, I locked the door of my house.

I drove through the almost empty streets. An eerie silence filling up with each passing second making it hard to breathe. After a long ten minutes of driving, I couldn't take it any more and decided to stop by near a park. I stopped driving and parked my car.

The night was dark. Covered with stars that lighted the way.

A girl with a
Broken soul.
Walking on the
Cold streets.
Deprived of
Any warmth.
Staring at
The night sky
Searching for
The brightest star.
Her star.
Now lost amongst
The clouds.
The dark clouds
Of destiny.
At last
She found it.
Fading away
Never to be
Seen again.

I sat on a bench and the cold wind hit my face. I closed my eyes as warm tears flowed down my cold cheeks.

I wondered if he had ever visited this park. He had been to this city with Dada a few times.

I wanted him next to me. It's been three years since he left me. A long three years of hurting and heartbreak. I missed him terribly. I missed them terribly.

I looked up at the heavens. My vision blurry, making the stars twinkle a bit more in my vision. My hijab swaying with the wind.

I looked up at the lord. The lord of the worlds. The lord of the entire universe. The lord who was my only hope. My only hope to hold on a bit longer. The lord who could give the answers to my questions.

Why did he have to leave me? Why can't he hold me? Why can't he be here to tell me that I've to be strong? Why can't he come back? I looked up at the sky, trying to find the answers.

Tears flowed down my lifeless eyes as if the tears couldn't stop themselves from flowing. I blocked away the faint voices around me and tried listening to my heart. That had stopped caring about the cruel world. It just pumped blood now. It had turned black. It no longer cared about anything. Or so I thought. 

I just wanted to find that monster and make him suffer and kill him. He ruined me. He snatched away my everything. And now I wanted to ruin him and turn his whole world upside down.

I heard some faint noises around me. The leaves on the trees rustling making a whooshing sound. The wind playing and dancing with my hijab on its own tune.

I returned back to my car. When I tried to unlock it, I felt it weird that it was already unlocked. Brushing it away, I sat inside and put my key in. I was about to start the engine when my eyes fell on the small gift box kept on the dashboard.

It was similar to the one I had recieved before. I quickly got down my car and looked around. There was no one. "hello? Is anyone there!!?" I called out and no reply came.

"Damn!" I kicked my car. I sat inside and opened the box but this time my name wasn't written on it. As I opened the box, my eyes landed on a small folded paper inside it.

I opened the paper and:

"Stop searching for me. You don't want your best friend in trouble, do you?"
- Charlie <3

I almost threw up at the 'heart' written next to his name. He didn't change after all. Suddenly coming back to my senses, I drove back through the empty streets in full speed. Worst kind of thoughts and scenarios running through my head.

As soon as I reached my house, I almost fell off the car and with long strides I reached to the main door. I put the key in the keyhole but it wouldn't go and I freaked out. Fat beads of sweat trickling down my neck and I felt pain shooting up my spine.

After a few failed attempts I realised that I'd been inserting the car keys all this time. Smacking my forehead, I inserted the right keys and got in.

My eyes directly landed on the couch that Ash was sleeping in but she wasn't there. My heart constricted and I started searching for her.I passed through my bedroom and saw a figure sleeping on the bed. I saw Ash sleeping peacefully on my bed. I walked back to the living room and turned off the lamps and locked my main door.

I scanned my house holding a spatula for my defence in case anyone was hiding inside. Assured that no one except me and Ash was in the house, I went to the bathroom, washed up and joined Ash on the bed.

I turned towards Ash and the springs of the mattress decided to talk and this woke Ash up. "Where were you?" She asked sleepily.

"Did you walk to my bedroom to sleep on the bed?" I asked instead.

"The couch wasn't comfortable." She hardly spoke and dosed off.

I kissed her forehead and turned to my side. I was tired with all that running and sleep was slowly consuming me. I fell in the arms of slumber wanting to wake up for a better tomorrow.

***
Late update. I know.

Apologies!

And I love you all so much who commented and dropped messages saying 'update soon'.
May God bless you all with loads of happiness <3 <3!!

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