Evan's POV
My alarm starts beeping signaling me to wake up from my only safe place in my life....sleep. I sit up and rub my eyes tiredly and stretch.

"Go-Good morning t-time to to start the day." I mumble to myself as  getting out of bed and go to the restroom across my room.

After doing all that I go back to my room to get dressed. First day of school, gotta not look unnatural.

I open my closet and look for my clothes. 'What do kids where on the first day of senior year?' I ask myself. 'Black is in style- no you don't want to stand out as emo, what about pink- no, people would call you gay. Should I wear shorts? Is that too summer? Summer ended so shorts might be a no- what shoes are in style, well that doesn't matter considering you only have one pair of converse and one pair of Nike.

God Evan, why can't you just choose a freakin outfit? Does it take this long for normal kids? No cause they have a sense of style, maybe I should just wear my blue polo shirt? It doesn't stand out too much and looks presentable. But what pants? How about my khakis? They go pretty well with the shirt. I think people still wear converse so my feet will look cool.

But no one is looking at your feet Evan- You are so annoying!' I realize I'm wasting time and quickly got dressed.

"O-Ok time to-to write" I tell myself as I hop onto my bed and open my laptop,
I go to google docs and open a document. I then start Typing

Dear Evan Hansen,
Today is going to be an amazing day and here's why because,

"Because today um all you have to do
is just be your self but also confident that's important, and interesting like easy to talk to,
approachable but mostly be yourself. That's the big- like that's number 1,

Just um just be true to yourself so- also though,
don't worry about whether your hands
are going to get sweaty for no reason and you can't make it stop no matter what you do because- because they're not gonna get sweaty
so I don't even know why your bringing it up because it's not gonna happen because you just- all you have to do is just be yourself." I start telling myself out loud

"I'm not even going to worry
about it though, seriously because it's not like, it's it's not gonna be like that time you had the perfect chance to introduce yourself to Zoe Murphy at the jazz band concert last year
when you waited afterwards just to talk to her and tell her how good she was and
and-

and you were going to pretend
to be like super casual like you didn't
even know her name. Like she would
introduce herself and you'd be like
"I'm sorry I didn't hear you, Chloe,
you said your name was Chloe?"
and then she'd be like,
"No it's Zoe, I said Zoe"

And you'd be like,
"Oh, well see, I thought you said Chloe
because i'm just- i'm very busy with
other stuff right now"

But, but you didn't even end up saying
anything to her because you were scared
your hands were sweaty
which they weren't that sweaty until you
started worrying that they were sweaty,
which made them sweaty, so you put them under the hand dryer in the bathroom
but they were still sweaty they were just very warm now as well."

Just then my mom walked in,
"So, you just decide not to eat last night?" She asked me and I knew what she was talking about.

"I wasn't- hungry." I responded starting to fiddle with the end of my shirt.

"You're a senior in high school, Evan. You need to be able to order dinner for yourself if i'm at work. You can do it all online now! You don't have to talk to anyone on the phone. I know you don't like the phone."

"Yeah, but see that's not true actually. You have to talk to the delivery person when they come to the door. Then they have to make change, you have to stand there while it's silent and they're counting the change." I stated talking really fast like how I usually do.

"Ok, this is what you're supposed to be working on, Evan, with Dr. Sherman Talking, to people. Engaging with people! Not running away from people." She reminded me making me feel slightly more tense and less confident even though I know she didn't mean too

"You're right, I'm going to be a lot better." I said starting to pack my stuff in my bag.

"No, no, I KNOW you are! and that's why I made you an appointment with Dr. Sherman for this afternoon! I'll pick you up after school." She told me.

"I already have an appointment next week!" I argued with her.
"And I thought maybe you could
use something a little bit sooner." She responded

"Hey! have you been writing those letters he wants you to do? yeah, the letters to yourself, the little pep-talks? "Dear Evan Hansen this is going to be a good day and here's why!!"-have you been doing those?" She asked me.

"Yeah, I started writing one." I told her taking my medication and I heard her sigh.

"I'll finish it at school." I said quickly getting ready to officially leave.

"Those letters are important honey they're gonna help you build your confidence! Seize the day!!!" She told me trying to sound uplifting but it wasn't really working.

"I guess!" I said mockingly
"I don't want another year of you sitting at home on your computer every Friday night saying you "have no friends" She said sympathetically.

"Neither do I." I finally said and walked out of my room to go to my door to leave.

Connor's POV
I walk up to Zoe's room door and knock on it.
"What?" She said coldly, little asshole.
"Mom said to hurry up and come down to eat her shitty food you asshole." I said dully.

I then walk back down stairs a little wobbly since I'm high, 'do we still have milk?'

I sit at the table, Larry on his phone and mom making coffee, I decided to just chug the milk out of the carton since I need to lower my high a little.

Just then Zoe comes down for breakfast, mom walks in from the kitchen She sighs,
"It's your senior year Connor you are not missing the first day."
"I already said I'd go tomorrow." I tell her reminding her of our conversation earlier.

"He doesn't listen Look at him, he's probably high" Larry said, I looked at him with a glare.
"He's definitely high" Zoe says agreeing With Fuck face Larry.

"I don't want you going to school high, Connor!" Mom told me in a pleading way.

"Perfect, so then I won't go thanks, Mom!" I said getting up and walking away with a fake smile.

❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦ ❦
So what do you guys think so far? I know I didn't even get to school yet but the chapter was getting long af but yeah I will have a school chapter next!