AN ENGLISH RESTAURANT

Customer Waiter! I'd like the menu, please.

Waiter Here you are, sir.

Customer Thanks... I'd like some soup...

Waiter Tomato soup?

Customer Yes, please... and I'd like a steak.

Waiter Rare, medium, or well-done?

Customer Medium, please.

Waiter Which vegetables would you like?

Customer I'd like some potatoes, some peas, and a salad, please.

Waiter Certainly, sir.

Customer Oh, and I'd like some wine.

Waiter Which wine would you like, sir?

Customer A bottle of red wine, please.

DO THIS! DON'T DO THAT !

Charles Orson is a film director. He's in the studio. He's with Steve Newman and Raquel Evans. Steve's an actor. Raquel's an actress. They're film stars.

"Everybody! Be quiet, please! O.K., Steve, now open the door... come in... walk to the sofa... Walk! Don't run!... O.K., sit down... don't move... now, take Raquel's hand ... look into her eyes.. don't laugh! ...smile!

Raquel! Smile at Steve... look into his eyes... don't laugh! ...now, close your eyes. Steve! Kiss her! That's fine! Now, Steve, go to the door... go out, and close the door... O.K., turn the lights on... turn the microphones on... start the camera... action!"

ELTON KASH

Look at this man.

He's Elton Kash.

He's a pop star.

He's very rich and famous.

Look at his house.

It's large and expensive, and there's a swimming-pool in the garden.

There are ten bedrooms in the house.

Elton's car's American.

It's a 1978 Lincoln Continental.

It's fast and comfortable.

In his car there's a radio, a stereo cassette-player, a cocktail cabinet, a cigar lighter and electric windows.

But Elton isn't happy... he'd like a Rolls-Royce.

Look at this man.

He's Mr Wilson.

He's a teacher.

He's very poor and he isn't famous.

Look at his house.

It's small and cheap and there isn't a garden.

There are only two bedrooms in the house.

Mr Wilson's car's English.

It's a 1959 Mini.

It's slow and uncomfortable.

In his car there isn't radio or cassette-player... there's an engine, a steering-wheel, and there are four wheels and two doors.

Mr Wilson isn't happy... he'd like a new Mini.

AT THE HAIRDRESSER'S

Jane ... Oh, yes, my husband's wonderful!

Sally Really? Is he?

Jane Yes, he's big, strong and handsome!

Sally Well, my husband isn't very big, or very strong... but he's very intelligent.

Jane Intelligent?

Sally Yes, he can speak six languages.

Jane Can he? Which languages can he speak?

Sally He can speak French, Spanish, Italian, German, Arabic and Japanese.

Jane Oh... My husband's very athletic.

Sally Athletic?

Jane Yes, he can swim, ski, play football, cricket and rugby...

Sally Can he cook?

Jane Pardon?

Sally Can your husband cook? My husband can't play sports... but he's an excellent cook.

Jane Is he?

Sally Yes, he can sew, and iron... he's a very good husband.

Jane Really? Is he English?

EVERYDAY CONVERSATION

I Please come in.

J Thank you.

I Please,... sit down. Would you like a cup of tea?

J Yes, please.

I How about a biscuit?

J No, thanks. I'm on a diet.

K Excuse me...

L Yes, can I help you?

K Yes. I'd like some information about trains please.

L Where to?

K ... to London.

L When?

K Tomorrow.

L Morning or afternoon?

K In the evening. About six o'clock.

L There's one at 6.40.

K Thank you.

M I'd like a pair of shoes, please.

N What colour would you like?

M Brown.

N And what size are you?

M Five. Can I try them on?

N Of course.

O How about dinner, tonight?

P I'd love to.

O Where can we meet?

P How about the square?

O All right. What time?

P Is seven o'clock OK?

O Yes, that's fine.

GLORIA GUSTO, TOM ATKINS AND TERRY ARCHER

Hi, there! My name's Gloria Gusto.

I'm an actress.

I'm from London.

I've got a flat in London and a house in Hollywood, with a swimming pool.

I've got a new Rolls-Royce and a lot of money in the bank.

I've got a husband, and three wonderful children in Hollywood.

Life's great!

I've got everything.

Hello, my name's Tom Atkins.

I'm from London, too.

I'm broke. I haven't got any money.

I haven't got a job or a house, or a car.

I haven't got a wife, and I haven't got any children.

Life's terrible!

I haven't got anything!

Look at this man.

His name's Terry Archer.

He isn't from London.

He's from Oxford.

He's a factory worker.

He's got a good job.

He's got a car.

He hasn't got a big house, he's got a flat.

He's got a wife, but he hasn't got any children.

Life's all right.

AT THE CUSTOMS

Customs Officer Good morning. Can I see your passport?

Man Certainly. Here it is.

Customs officer Yes, that's all right. Have you got anything to declare?

Man Yes, I have.

Customs officer What have you got?

Man I've got some whisky and some cigarettes.

Customs Officer How much whisky have you got?

Man A litre.

Customs Officer That all right. And how many cigarettes have you got?

Man Two hundred.

Customs Officer Fine. What about perfume? Have you got any perfume?

Man Er... No, I haven't.

Customs Officer Good. Open you case, please.

Man Pardon?

Customs Officer Open your case, please. Open it now! Oh dear! Look at this! You've got three bottles of whisky, four hundred cigarettes and a lot of perfume!

WHICH ONE?

George How about some more wine?

Charles Please.

Goerge Which glass is yours?

Charles That one's mine.

Goerge Which one?

Charles The empty one!

Goerge Well, good night...

Charles Good night... thank you for a lovely evening.

Goerge Now, which coats are yours?

Charles Oh, those coats are ours.

Goerge Which ones?

Charles The black one and the grey one.

Goerge Ah, yes... I've got them.

Charles Good. The grey one's mine, and the black one's hers.

EVERYDAY CONVERSATION

O Can you show me some cameras, please?

P Certainly, sir... this one's very good.

O Yes, it is... How much is it?

P £85, sir.

O Oh, dear. That's very expensive.

P Hmm, I see... that one's isn't expensive, sir.

O What make is it?

P It's a Kodak... It's £47.

O Hmm... Can you show it to me, please?

Q Oh, excuse me!

R Yes, sir?

Q Could you bring us some more tea, please?

R Of course, sir.

O ... and could you bring me the bill, please? I'm in a hurry.

S Taxi!

T Where to, madam?

S Can you take me to the airport, please?

T Certainly, madam... Have you got any luggage?

S Yes. Can you get it for me? It's over there.

T All right.... Ooh! It's very heavy.

S Yes, it is... I'm very sorry.

U Goodnight, Andrew.

V Goodnight, Colin.

U Have a good holiday!

V Thanks.

U Don't forget... send me a postcard!

V O.K... Oh, I haven't got you address.

U That's O.K. You can send it to me at the office.

V All right. 'Bye.

U 'Bye.