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ROYALTY RESULTS

~Let's all give a standing ovation as we present to you...

FIRST PLACE: 🥇A Ballad of Heroes by @BellOfSilence

✨ SECOND PLACE: 🥈Yesterday is Gone by @OmaPhinaPhire

✨ THIRD PLACE:🥉 Nevergolden by @LadyMaryAverman


Judge: @kth_disneyfanatic

Overall comment from the judge (please include this at the top of the results page): It was a pleasure reading all your works. Please privately message me if you have any questions or concerns about my comments. Please also note that the reviews and results are my personal opinion, and marks may differ from judge to judge. Thank you for your enthusiastic participation, and congratulations to the winners!

OVERVIEW OF RESULTS

🏅SIXTH: Saving the Two of Us Before The Fall by @ErosFontel

🏅FIFTH: Bodyguard's Love by @Kawaii_Imy

🏅FOURTH: Beyond Pains and Possibilities by @dwarkaratna

🥉THIRD: Nevergolden by @LadyMaryAverman

🥈SECOND: Yesterday is Gone by @OmaPhinaPhire

🥇FIRST: A Ballad of Heroes by @BellOfSilence

✨✨✨✨✨✨

🏅SIXTH: Saving the Two of Us Before The Fall by @ErosFontel

Book Title: [7/10]

Comments: The book title seems quite long. Consider shortening it to 'Saving Us' and add 'Before The Fall' as a subtitle.

Book Cover: [9/10]

Comments: Astounding graphics. Everything is formatted well and is aesthetically pleasing. Good execution.

Blurb: [8/10]

Comments: There are a few minor grammatical mistakes that can be fixed with a round of proofreading. Furthermore, consider shortening the blurb slightly. You can omit some of the quotes as they may not add substance to the summary or a general understanding of the plot.

Grammar, spelling, punctuation: [6/10]

Comments: Pay attention to when you use commas instead of periods, or vice versa. Remember to add punctuation marks when someone is addressing another. Avoid run-on sentences and use of tense.

Setting: [6/10]

Comments: Try to focus on the description of the scene and not provide too many details about the character when depicting it, since it is easy for readers to get the image of the setting. Give readers time to process information about the scene as well.

Plot Development: [6.5/10]

Comments: The plot has great potential, but I recommend organizing your ideas instead of throwing out too many details. Readers will prefer less sentences and enriching adjectives so readers can engage in your story better. Furthermore, express significant events in a straightforward manner so that readers will not be caught off-guard when your character is launched into an unexpected situation.

Character Development: [7/10]

Comments: Ariadne, the main character, seems to have a convoluted personality. I would like to gain more insight about her past since she seems to be a morally gray character. Try emphasizing on how Ariadne is unique and how she deserves to be sympathized with, if that is your intention. Make sure your main character stands out against others in books similar to yours.

Writing Style: [3/5]

Comments: The opening line was thoroughly intriguing and immediately inspired me to continue with the story. However, I would like to gain more insight into the character's development and why she deserved such a harsh punishment.

Overall Enjoyment: [6/10]

Comments: Overall, I enjoyed your writing style, but pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure, and remember to give us insight into the character's situation in the early chapters.

Followed judge: [0/5]

Payment Completed: [0/10]

Comments: Please remember to complete your payments next time. Judges take a lot of time out of their day to write reviews for you as well.

Total: [58.5/100]

🏅FIFTH: Bodyguard's Love by @Kawaii_Imy

Book Title: [8/10]

Comments: I enjoy the intriguing book title. However, I suggest adding an article to make the title more grammatically accurate, like 'The Bodyguard's Love' or 'A Bodyguard's Love.'

Book Cover: [7/10]

Comments: I like the font of the book title and the detailed drawing on the cover. However, I don't see the bodyguard mentioned in the title appearing on the cover, so I recommend you add them into the graphics as well. Otherwise, I enjoyed the format of the cover.

Blurb: [7/10]

Comments: I like how you provided readers with context about the character and a bit of the plot. It leaves a good first impression on readers. However, I suggest you check some grammatical errors and sentence structures in your blurb. Furthermore, the quote is a bit misplaced and I feel it can be put at the start of the blurb or separated from the narration with asterisks.

Grammar, spelling, punctuation: [6/10]

Comments: The most prominent problem I saw regarding grammar was the lack of pronouns at the start of some sentences.

Take the first paragraph in your prologue for an example: 'The empire of Auvrovaria was the biggest and most powerful in the whole world. Known for its beauty and developed civilization, as well as its army of loyal knights led by none other than Emperor Arthur.' You should either connect both sentences with a comma or a dash before the second sentence, or add 'it was' before 'known'.

The paragraph then could be corrected to: 'The empire of Auvrovaria was the biggest and most powerful in the whole world. It was known for its beauty and developed civilization, as well as its army of loyal knights led by none other than Emperor Arthur.'

I hope this helps.

Setting: [4/10]

Comments: There were various settings that events took place in, but not many were described in full detail. Spending time on developing a setting can aid readers into understanding your world and its characters' personalities better.

Plot Development: [7/10]

Comments: The plot was slightly rushed, especially in the prologue. I feel like you could spend a bit more time talking about the emperor's life and expeditions before the story starts so readers can gain a better understanding of the kingdom you've created and how nobility acts in that world. The arc about the late Empress's mysterious death is intriguing as well. I'm also beginning to see Lucas and Luana's relationship blossom, and I would like to know what happens next.

Character Development: [8/10]

Comments: I enjoyed the slight character arc about Luana feeling guilty about her mother's death and her internal conflict due to that. It showed her caring and empathetic personality. You also do a great job of differentiating the characters' voices and adding descriptions. Luana's friendship with Azusa is very wholesome, and I love their interactions and dynamic. This is the same for Arthur and Angus's relationship.

Writing Style: [2/5]

Comments: I like how each character's dialogue and tone is quite distinct. However, you do a great deal of 'telling' and not 'showing' in your writing. You could explain how the kingdom of Auvrovaria has been thriving by including it in a conversation between the emperor and his daughter. You could add in small details when describing settings. Overall, focus on how to incorporate explanations into the story, so readers don't feel detached from the plot. Try and use less ellipses in characters' dialogue so that it doesn't seem like they are taking long pauses mid-sentence.

Overall Enjoyment: [7/10]

Comments: I thoroughly enjoyed many of the plot elements you've written in your story-they are captivating and intriguing, and I can't wait to read on! However, pay attention to your writing style and experiment with 'showing' instead of directly 'telling' readers about certain events and characters' personalities. I see a lot of potential in your story, and highly encourage you to hone your skills to make your writing even better.

Followed judge: [5/5]

Payment Completed: [10/10]

Comments: Thank you for completing payments on time!

Total: [71/100]

🏅FOURTH: Beyond Pains and Possibilities by @dwarkaratna

Book Title: [9.5/10]

Comments: Your title is intriguing and engaging. It makes readers want to see how pains and possibilities are linked. Good execution!

Book Cover: [8/10]

Comments: I like how the characters are shown prominently on the cover. However, your username at the top is a bit hard to read. Perhaps you could also give insight into the setting of the story by including it on the cover. I appreciate the formatting.

Blurb: [6/10]

Comments: I enjoyed the format of your blurb and how you engaged potential readers with a quote from the book. However, I spotted at least two grammatical mistakes, which can easily be fixed if you proofread the blurb or run it through a grammar-checking software. I'm wary of how you structured some of your sentences as well, as they can be rephrased to make the blurb read better. For example, "The promise which once Arjun made to Subhadra was being placed on the tasting stone of situations. But he wasn't alone in going through the test of his given promise." This can be rewritten in the active voice, like this: "Arjun made a promise to Subhadra, which was placed on the tasting stone of situations. He was tested on keeping his promise, but he was never alone." I'm not quite sure what the 'tasting stone of situations' refers to here, but I hope this adjustment made it clear for you on how to rephrase sentences to improve the flow and overall engagement rate of your blurb.

Grammar, spelling, punctuation: [6/10]

Comments: I saw around 2-5 grammar mistakes per chapter, largely regarding punctuation, misspelled words and unclear sentence structures. Try using articles more (a, an, the) and writing in the active voice-this will improve the tone, flow and overall quality of the story.

Setting: [7/10]

Comments: The setting was slightly unclear to me, but from what I read, I assumed the book was set in medieval India in a palace or wherever royalty resided.

Plot Development: [7/10]

Comments: You start off by introducing some of the characters as they are hanging up (what I assume are) decorations, tying in flashbacks and other scenes to bring in more characters. I was a bit lost at times because of the abrupt scene changes, but I still understood the gist of the plot.

Character Development: [8/10]

Comments: Not much was shown about character development, but we do gain insight into each character's life and their opinion on the others. This makes a good beginning and I'd love to see some of the plot progress in the upcoming chapters.

Writing Style: [2/5]

Comments: Pay attention to your sentence structure. If you are introducing a setting, start the sentence with: "At the ballroom (/setting)..." or "In the living room..." etc. Articles help readers gain a sense of where your characters are and explain their actions directly to readers. Furthermore, describe more of the Indian cultural elements in your story, since many readers who are unfamiliar with the culture may be easily confused about what they mean or what they are intended for. This will help improve the clarity of the plot as well and explain the situation the characters are in distinctly.

Overall Enjoyment: [6/10]

Comments: What I enjoyed the most was the introduction of characters in different, unique ways. It explained their situation and their opinions on their world. However, please work on your sentence structure and try writing in the active voice more. Be sure to explain cultural elements as they are not always familiar to your readers. Thanks for participating!

Followed judge: [5/5]

Payment Completed: [10/10]

Comments: I appreciate that you completed the payments efficiently and accurately. Thank you!

Total: [74.5/100]

🥉THIRD: Nevergolden by @LadyMaryAverman

Book Title: [10/10]

Comments: Astounding title - short, succinct, but intriguing. This gives a good impression to potential and returning readers. Great execution!

Book Cover: [8/10]

Comments: The scenery is breathtaking and the font is well-used. I suggest giving more insight into the story's context with your cover, and showing some of your characters on it. Otherwise, amazing design.

Blurb: [7/10]

Comments: The blurb sets up the scene well, and introduces the characters adequately. However, there are some grammatical errors you might need to revisit. Furthermore, to create suspense, I suggest you omit the paragraph where you explain the young nobles' viewpoints as they seem to be less significant than the prince and princess. Try adding more questions to draw readers in and create a captivating blurb.

Grammar, spelling, punctuation: [6/10]

Comments: I saw a few grammar and spelling errors in each chapter. 'Ceremony' was spelled wrong in the first chapter. You can use italics instead of capitals when someone is shouting, and italicize your descriptions at the beginning of the chapter when you set the scene as well.

Setting: [9/10]

Comments: Since this is a screenplay, all characters and scenes are described in great detail. Good execution.

Plot Development: [7/10]

Comments: The plot was slightly hard to follow along because of many POV changes in each chapter, but I understand that your intention is to introduce each character and set the scene in the early chapters. Try making the characters slightly easier to distinguish, and the plot will flow easier.

Character Development: [7/10]

Comments: There were many characters introduced in the first 5 chapters, which I understand all contribute to the plot. However, it was hard to determine how much each character changed since each chapter was a different scene. The most distinct personality I could pick out was Isabel's, and I could see her determination not to be married off as a young girl to a suitor she didn't want.

Writing Style: [3/5]

Comments: I understand there isn't much 'showing' you can do instead of 'telling' when writing a screenplay, but some of the characters (especially the side characters)' voices are a bit indistinguishable. I suggest you give each character a distinct speaking style that can be shown through your writing, like a lisp or a certain accent.

Overall Enjoyment: [7/10]

Comments: I had to follow up a bit with the plethora of characters and the scene changes in each chapter, but it was a relatively enjoyable read overall. Thank you for participating!

Followed judge: [5/5]

Payment Completed: [10/10]

Comments: I didn't need to chase you for payment after the start of the awards, which was very much appreciated!

Total: [79/100]

🥈SECOND: Yesterday is Gone by @OmaPhinaPhire

Book Title: [9/10]

Comments: The book title seems intriguing, and I'm interested to see how it correlates with your plot.

Book Cover: [10/10]

Comments: Astounding graphics. Everything is clear and well-formatted. Great execution!

Blurb: [7/10]

Comments: Consider checking your grammar in the blurb. (Eg. 'cunniest' should be 'most cunning.') Consider deleting some spaces between paragraphs so readers won't have to scroll too much to get to the table of contents.

Grammar, spelling, punctuation: [5.5/10]

Comments: I noticed the lack of commas in some sentences. Furthermore, make sure you put dialogue in quotations instead of in italics-I got a bit confused as I was reading because italics symbolize internal thoughts. Check your tense as you sometimes switch from past to present. Otherwise, your sentence structure was adequate.

Setting: [8/10]

Comments: I enjoyed how the setting was clearly explained to readers right off the bat in the first chapter, and I like how you incorporated some of Rowena's personality into the description as well.

Plot Development: [7/10]

Comments: I like how there was a lot of tension between the two main characters, and I am intrigued as to how their relationship will blossom in the upcoming chapters. Their interactions seemed hostile, which made me believe that their romance will be something that falls into the enemies-to-lovers trope. I'm interested to see what happens next.

Character Development: [8/10]

Comments: I appreciate how you used the setting and descriptions of your two main characters to bring out their personality. I saw more 'showing' than 'telling,' which was something notable and commendable.

Writing Style: [3/5]

Comments: I enjoyed your wide range of vocabulary and descriptive language. However, your grammar may have deterred you slightly from presenting us with a truly stellar piece. Consider checking your grammar with a software or proofreading it yourself. Keep in mind that grammar is a crucial factor to help readers make sense of the plot and the characters' personality.

Overall Enjoyment: [7/10]

Comments: I thoroughly enjoyed the tension and the descriptions you've woven into your beginning chapters. Remember to check your grammar and formatting to truly make your writing shine.

Followed judge: [5/5]

Payment Completed: [10/10]

Comments: Thank you for completing payments efficiently!

Total: [79.5/100]

🥇FIRST: A Ballad of Heroes by @BellOfSilence

Book Title: [10/10]

Comments: Love the title! It is intriguing and effectively hooks readers in. Great execution!

Book Cover: [9/10]

Comments: I see how the sword relates to the main character's quest that you've outlined in the blurb. I suggest making the graphics in the background a bit more apparent, since they seem vague. However, I understand if that is an artistic choice. Good execution on the design.

Blurb: [9/10]

Comments: I saw a missing comma (after Excalibur and before Arianna) in the first paragraph. Other than that, your blurb was grammatically accurate. I suggest combining all the sentences below the quote (up to ...betrayal) into a paragraph so readers won't have to scroll too much to get to the table of contents. Otherwise, your blurb is formatted well, giving readers the right amount of suspense and intrigue. Great work!

Grammar, spelling, punctuation: [8/10]

Comments: There were 1-2 run-on sentences, unnecessary capitalization and repeated words. Otherwise, your grammar is practically spot-on. Awesome work!

Setting: [10/10]

Comments: You use vivid figurative language to describe the scenes, and make great use of imagery to help readers visualize the settings. I can clearly picture the battle fields, the man sitting in front of the hearth, the forest and more.

Plot Development: [8/10]

Comments: I enjoyed how bits of the plot and the background of the story were presented early on. However, some concepts like who Arthur was and what he did when he was alive are presented quite vaguely. Be sure to explain most details to the best of your ability to better engage readers. However, I really enjoy the prejudice against girls that you present in the story, which helps thicken the plot and act as a slight obstruction towards Arianna achieving her goals.

Character Development: [8/10]

Comments: Arianna is described beautifully through descriptive language as well as her behaviors and how she interacts with other characters. It was refreshing and exhilarating to see such a feisty young princess defy expectations in an enthralling story. I'm excited to see her challenge the king and embark on interesting quests! However, some of the characters are introduced quite vaguely and left me slightly confused. Who are the Picts? Why are they fighting? You can gradually elaborate as the story continues, but also give readers a bit of insight into who they are in the earlier chapters.

Writing Style: [4.5/5]

Comments: I love how you incorporated figurative language (like simile, personification, metaphors etc.) into your writing-it really aids your story in coming to life.

Overall Enjoyment: [9.5/10]

Comments: I must confess I am a harsh grader-I rarely give out full marks or high scores. Your book enthralled me from the beginning, and I loved your descriptive language and figurative elements that helped readers clearly visualize the scenes you write! This is a piece of astounding work and I can't wait to continue to read the rest.

Followed judge: [5/5]

Payment Completed: [9/10]

Comments: Thank you for following me and completing your payment!

Total: [90/100]




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