Hello dear readers! 

Apologies for the wait, I was a little under the weather. 

Happy reading & let me know what you think :)

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"That mother fucker drugged me?" Anakin seethed as we sped down the seemingly endless flights of stairs. I had to literally drag him with me as he threatened to turn around and confront Rayme multiple times.

"And he put his hands on you like that," He continued as we rounded a final corner before the exit. So close, we were so close to getting out of here. However, before we could step out into the crowd outside, Anakin jerked away from me and spun back towards the stairs "I'll fucking kill him."

"Anakin, please." I pleaded with him as I hurried to catch his elbow and dig my heels into the ground, attempting to hold him in place before he took off back upstairs. I had slipped up and used his real name, but I was so desperate to get out of here, I threw caution to the wind. I couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't the last we'd see of Rayme, and I wanted to put as much distance between us and his sinister crew as possible.

Anakin must have picked up on the desperation in my voice, because he hesitated and turned to look at me. Again, I saw the battle behind his eyes between his rational mind and the chemicals pumping through his veins that had his irrational impulses on hyperdrive. He clenched his jaw and nodded sharply, allowing me to pull him towards the exit.

He didn't say much as we made our way through the streets, but I could practically feel his simmering rage. He kept his eyes set forward, singularly focused on getting back to our room and out of the public eye. I shared his desire to be back safe and alone, behind a locked door. My anxiety was at an all-time high and I was plagued by the sensation of being followed. I was constantly throwing glances over my shoulder to make sure it was all just in my head.

When we finally made it back to the room, I could have let out a sob of joy if I weren't so exhausted from hauling a man twice my size through the streets of Canto Bight. I practically shoved Anakin through the door and slammed it shut behind us, quickly deadbolting the lock. I slumped against the door and let out a deep exhale which sent the loose hairs framing my face flying.

Anakin was pacing back and forth, clenching and unclenching his fists by his side.

"When is this shit going to wear off?" He asked, closing his eyes and rolling his head with a grimace. I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. I had no doubt Anakin was highly uncomfortable. And I can't imagine how taxing the mental battle he was currently fighting must be.

"Try sitting down. Relax." I suggested, figuring he could use the rest. But he immediately shook his head.

"I need to keep moving." He muttered, shaking his arms out by his side. I nodded, feeling utterly useless. However, I remained in my position in front of the door. I wasn't entirely certain Anakin wouldn't charge out of this room if given the chance.

"You just need a distraction." I muttered, scanning the room for any source of conversation that would take his mind off his current predicament. Anakin scoffed as he continued to pace before he stopped to look at me.

"We could fuck." He then said with serious expression.

Heat immediately surged to my face, and I felt my jaw drop. I knew it was just a symptom of the crylex, he wasn't thinking rationally. He had been reduced to acting on primal needs and impulses.

"Anakin!" I choked out, unable to contain my shock.

"It would be an excellent distraction." He said, taking a step towards me and pinning me with his half-crazed gaze. "And I need to...expend some of this energy."

"No." I said, shaking my head firmly. That was a bad idea on so many levels.

"Why not?" he pressed, as if it were the most casual thing.

"B-because," I began, flustered and unable to look him in the eye. "You're not thinking clearly, you don't mean that."

Anakin took another step towards me, and he was now close enough to touch if I wanted to. But I didn't trust myself. Anakin's proposition had set my core on fire. However, I knew better than to give in. He was clearly impaired, desperately searching for a distraction. And I just happened to be standing right in front of him. It would be wrong to take advantage of the situation, and I wasn't sure my heart could handle casual sex with Anakin.

"I'm thinking a little too clearly, love." Anakin argued, looking down at me with lust in his eyes.

"It's a bad idea, Anakin." I said in a shaky voice, trying to get him to see reason.

He tilted his head to the side as he looked down at me and shrugged. "You're right. It would mean too much to you."

I sucked in a sharp breath of air. It would mean too much to me? I hated the way he said it so casually, so easily. It would mean too much to me, not him. In fact, I doubted it would mean anything to him at all. Thinking back to when he admitted that sex was fine as long as there wasn't any attachment, I felt my heart crack.

If he was propositioning me, even if it was fueled by drugs and a lack of rationality, it meant there was no attachment involved on his end. I was so incredibly in love with him, and he doesn't feel the same.

I should have known better. I should have known to not read into his protectiveness, or the fact that he told me things he hasn't told anyone else, or how my touch seemed to bring him out of nightmares. I was all in my head. Anakin would never abandon the Jedi code for me.

He continued casually as he resumed pacing, "Your first time shouldn't be like this. Wouldn't be fair...especially to the next guy." He chuckled to himself, and I just watched him, talking about my virginity as if it were the fucking weather. It took all my effort to hold myself together.

"Fuck, this shirt is itchy." Anakin had already moved on to the next thought that occupied his mind as he furiously began to unbutton his shirt with shaking hands, as if he didn't just completely crush me with a few words.

"I need to use the restroom." I muttered, needing an excuse to get away from him. I was losing grip on my composure, and I didn't want Anakin to witness that. He didn't seem to hear me as he kept his focus on the shirt which he ripped off his body and promptly threw onto the floor as he scratched angrily at his shoulders. He didn't even look up as I darted past him into the bedroom.

As soon as I closed the bathroom door behind me, tears began to blur my vision. I felt so silly for crying because of an off-handed comment from Anakin. I knew this would happen. Falling for a Jedi was never going to go anywhere real.

And my heart ached for real. Real friendships. Real relationships. Real love.

I didn't have any of it. Despite the light Anakin brought into my life, it only took one dose of reality to remind me how incredibly alone I actually am in this fucking galaxy.

I leaned my head back against the door and looked up, blinking at the fluorescent light in an attempt to keep the tears pooling in my eyes from slipping down my cheeks. I needed to pull myself together.

If you're ever going to make it in this galaxy, you need to toughen up.

I hadn't forgotten Anakin's previous words. The painful truth he imparted upon me just after Payto died. And as harsh as it was, he was right.

The last thing I wanted to do was continue feeling sorry for myself. So, with a deep breath, I pushed myself off the door and towards the sink. I quickly splashed cold water on my face to curb the redness rimming my eyes. I dabbed the excess water off my face off with a fresh towel and with a deep breath, I stepped back out into the bedroom.

Anakin was sitting on the bed, hunched over with his back to me. He had changed into a cotton tunic. As I stepped around the bed, I noticed he had fashioned a makeshift screwdriver out a metal hanger and was poking around at the complicated mechanics in his metal arm.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, immediately concerned he wasn't in the right state to be messing with his arm.

"Trying to tighten this hinge," he muttered, biting down on his lip with concentration. "My elbow joint keeps catching. It's annoying as shit."

"Are you sure you should be doing that right now?" I asked him hesitantly. He snapped his head up to look at me, irritation clear across his features. I quickly averted my eyes to the floor and crossed my arms over my body.

I saw him toss the hanger to the side in my peripheral vision and stand up. When he was right in front of me, he took that same metal arm and brought it up towards my face, placing a finger under my chin and lifting my head to look him in the eye.

"What wrong?" He asked me, his eyes darting across my face. A hint of mania still present.

It was an absurd question. I couldn't help but laugh in response. He looked at me, confused, and took a step closer as he held onto my chin.

"What's wrong?" I repeated in a heightened tone. I took a step backwards and jerked my chin from his grasp. "Where do I begin, Anakin? How about the fact that this mission is completely fucked? Or how I'm pretty certain Rayme knows we're not who we say we are? Or how about the fact that spending the night playing nice with deadly criminals is a little fucking stressful?" I was grateful to have so much material to choose from to distract from the real reason my heart was breaking.

"The mission isn't fucked." Anakin replied with a shrug, "We just need to improvise."

I shook my head slightly in bewilderment. I wasn't sure how we'd be able to salvage this.

"How?" I asked, not convinced.

Anakin chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, causing his sandy curls to fall over themselves in a jumbled mess.

"I'm probably not the one who should come up with a plan right now." He said. The drugs must have started to wear off slightly if he was able to make that sort of realization. But still not enough for his usual military precision to take control. 

"We need to speak with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka." I said with a firm nod. There was no way I would be able to come up with a contingency plan. Especially since I wasn't operating with all the information...thanks to Anakin.

He groaned but nodded his head in agreement. "I'm never going to hear the end of this."

Anakin was right. After Obi-Wan realize we were safe, for now at least, he had a plethora of snappy comments about how Anakin managed to get himself drugged and came within inches of inciting a brawl. Ahsoka stood to his side, biting down on a smirk. Their holographs flickered from the holopad Anakin had placed on the floor.

"Quite the predicament you both have found yourselves in." Obi-Wan said in a lofty tone as he crossed his arms. It would be almost near impossible for Anakin to return to Rayme and his men as Lars. The damage had been done and the likelihood of anyone telling Anakin anything useful was next to non-existent.

"We just need something. Anything to figure out where they're sending those credits." Ahsoka said.

If we didn't get the valuable information the council need from this group, the trail would run cold, and we'd be nowhere closer to figuring out how to cut off the illegal financial pipeline to the Separatists. I then saw Obi-Wan's eyes flick to me and raised his eyebrow slightly.

"No." Anakin said firmly from next to me, taking a step forward to shield me from Obi-Wan. I rolled my eyes and stepped aside, coming back into the view of the older Jedi.

"The Holt's fathier did indeed win. You were right, Kels." Obi-Wan said, a smirk forming before continuing, "So Rayme's family has just come into another fortune."

I felt a tug at the corner of my lips. I tried to hide the pride I felt at predicting the race winner correctly. It was a very small win.

"And we know Rayme isn't shy about what he intends to do with his money. He likes to show off. That is why he was identified as a target." Obi-Wan continued.

I immediately knew what he was getting at.

"I have a feeling Rayme would be receptive to a conversation with just me." I said slowly.

"You did just make him a lot of money." Ahsoka quipped from beside Obi-Wan. I saw Anakin swivel his head towards her with a glare.

"I believe so too, Kels." Obi-Wan said, a hint of hope in his voice.

"I'll do it." I said immediately, despite the fear that surged to life in my gut. I needed this. Needed purpose. Needed to contribute to something.

"I can't ask you t-" Obi-Wan began before I cut him off.

"You're not. I volunteer." I said definitively. Obi-Wan smiled softly down at me.

I wanted to help, to be useful. More than anything.

"No, absolutely not." Anakin said, a hard edge to his voice.

"This is not your decision to make, Anakin." Obi-Wan said.

"I'm a general. It is my fucking decision." Anakin replied, taking a threatening step towards the holograms. I saw Ahsoka widen her eyes at her master.

"You may be a general, but I am not a soldier." I said, setting my features into a determined expression. He spun to face me, fire in his eyes. But I was right, he technically has no authority over me.

"This is her decision, Anakin." Obi-Wan said gently, trying not to provoke his clearly very vexed former padawan.

As Anakin faced me, I saw his face practically crumple from pure anger to one of pleading desperation.

"Please don't do this, Kels." He begged softly.

His softness took me by surprise. I had never once seen him beg for anything. However, I would not be swayed. A dark part of me thought that even if this ends badly, at least I'll go out with my courage and dignity intact. I'd die doing something important. Which, at the moment, felt better than living for nothing.

"It's the best shot we've got. I have to." I said delicately. I then tore my eyes from Anakin and looked past him towards Obi-Wan, giving him a firm nod.

"Thank you, Kels. You are very brave." Obi-Wan said. Ahsoka nodded next to him with a gentle smile.

Without a word, Anakin turned on his heel and stormed out of the room into the bathroom. I jumped at the sound of him slamming the door.

"He'll get over it..." Ahsoka said softly, looking past me to where her master had just disappeared. I could tell she was trying to soothe my concern, but she didn't sound entirely convinced herself.

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka spent the next half hour prepping me on the types of questions I should ask and the answers I need to look out for. The plan was to try to engage Rayme tomorrow morning. And if there was any mention of a name, a planet or even a number, I should take note. Anything could be a potential unlock for the council.

I heard the shower turn on in the background, Anakin still had not remerged from the bathroom.

"Cut off the conversation after an hour." Obi-Wan said with a serious expression. "I mean it. Even if you aren't able to gather any information. I cannot allow you to put yourself at risk any longer than that."

"An hour. Got it" I confirmed. He nodded his head softly and gave me a warm smile, but I could still see worry etching deep lines into his face.

"And we will not be far. Bring your comlink." Ahsoka chirped.

"Yes, but keep it well hidden." Obi-Wan added.

There were a couple moments of silence between the three of us before I mustered up a confident smile. "I will get the information you need." I said, hoping I could manifest that intention into truth.

"We have faith in you, Kels. Truly." Obi-Wan said, returning my smile. And the way he looked at me, I believed him. He really thought I could do this. And that in of itself gave me a burst of confidence and determination. I would not let him down.

And with that, we said our goodbyes and Obi-Wan and Ashoka's figures disappeared in front of me. I let out a deep sigh and gently shook my hands at my side. The adrenaline for what tomorrow may hold already taking effect.

That's when I heard the bathroom door finally open. I looked up to see Anakin walking out with a plume of steam following him. He was gently running a towel through his wet locks as he walked towards the bed wearing nothing but loose grey sweatpants. I swallowed at the sight of him as the light caught the remaining drops of water left on his collarbone. But he wouldn't even look at me.

"Anakin..." I said softly, taking a hesitant step towards him. He ignored me, turning away and proceeding to toss his towel over the back of the plush chair. "Anakin, please." I attempted again. He froze and then finally spun to face me.

"You aren't doing this." He asserted. Staring me down in a way I imagined he uses to intimidate his foes on the battlefield into backing down.

I scoffed in response and folded my arms across my chest. "Yes, I am." I shot back at him. I had made up my mind and short from locking me up, Anakin couldn't stop me. We had already gone over this, and the decision was made.

"You are not going back to that fucking creep without me there." He said, taking a step towards me.

"Actually," I replied in an irritated tone, "that is exactly what I am going to do."

"Over my dead fucking body." He muttered, taking another step so he was hovering over me. I stared up at him and tried to decipher his thoughts. It was hard to see past his dark, indomitable expression.

"Why are you being like this?" I eventually whispered, dropping my arms to my side in frustration. His reaction was so puzzling. I would have thought he'd be thrilled to uncover a way we could still thwart Rayme. So why was he so pissed off about me taking on this mission? Did he think I would fail?

Anakin's jaw tightened as his eyes scanned my face. I could sense his growing frustration, but also could see the thoughts brewing just behind his eyes. If only I could identify what they were. Eventually, his expression softened ever so slightly.

"If something happens to you...and I'm not there..." He began, cringing slightly instead of finishing his thought.

I studied him carefully. His distress at the thought of something potentially happening to me was evident.

"I'm not going to hold you to that promise to protect me, you know. You don't have to feel guilty." I said quietly, tilting my head ever so slightly to the side. "I release you of your duty, General Skywalker" I added sarcastically with a sad chuckle. 

 I could only assume he felt bad about potentially breaking his promise to me. He would see it as a failure in duty. An obligation he couldn't uphold. I wasn't going to fool myself into thinking it was any deeper than that.

Anakin stared at me with a perplexed expression. "You think this is about duty?" He asked in a low voice.

"I mean, what else am I supposed to think?" I asked in an exasperated tone.

Anakin stilled, looking at me with an intense expression. His deep blue eyes fixing on mine.

"Because I care about you, Kels." He eventually said, just barely above a whisper. "And it would kill me if something happened to you."

I gulped as I felt an intense tug at my heart. Anakin was looking at me with such a raw, vulnerable expression I had to look away. It was overwhelming.

"The Jedi way is to put the mission over your personal feelings." I said softly in a shaking voice, unable to look away from the floor. It was almost more of a reminder for myself than for him. Anakin stepped forward and brought his hand up so that his fingers slightly brushed against my arm.

"I know," he whispered. "But I can't do that."

I felt my skin tingle from where he made brief contact. My body craved more, but my rational brain stopped me from moving towards him. I looked back up at him, once again wishing I could read his thoughts. I was confused. Anakin Skywalker is so god damn confusing. One minute he is joking that he wouldn't sleep with me because it would mean too much to me, and the next he is saying he would defy his entire ideology to protect me.

"What are you saying?" I asked him hesitantly, needing clarity from him for once.

"I don't..." He began softly before closing his eyes and bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I don't know. My head is a fucking mess." He opened his eyes and looked down at me with a weary gaze. I saw his hand twitch out towards me before he pulled it back close to his side and balled his fist. He was clearly conflicted. I knew this must not be easy for him to talk about, such a taboo topic within the Jedi order. So, I'd have to continue waiting on that clarity.

I took a deep breath to steady myself. Anakin's head wasn't the only one that is a total mess. However, I couldn't allow myself to fall down that black hole of thought. At least not until I completed the mission tomorrow. So, despite his protest, my mind was made up.

"I can do this, Anakin." I said quietly. He sighed deeply as his shoulders sagged ever so slightly in defeat. He then brought both his hands up to softly rest on my arms, at the same time he bowed his head so that his forehead rested gently on mine and closed his eyes.

"I know." He whispered, gently squeezing my arms with his large hands. "You can do anything."

I chalked it up to an emotional, draining day, but his simple words of affirmation brought tears to my eyes. I quickly blinked, not allowing them to fall. But something in the way he sounded so soft, yet so sure, made my entire being swell with warmth. And for better or worse, the cracks that carved up my heart just mere hours earlier began to mend.

"Let's get some sleep." I said softly, bringing up my palm up to gently rest on his cheek. He sighed and leaned into my touch. The sun had only just set, but I knew both of us were exhausted after a taxing day. And I could only imagine how Anakin felt after being ravaged by crylex. Luckily, it seemed to have worn off for the most part.

"Trying to get me in bed again?" Anakin asked, his classic smirk returning. I scoffed and gently swatted at his arm which earned a soft laugh from the Jedi.

"In your dreams, Skywalker." I replied.

"Hey, as long as they're not nightmares." He said with a wink. Rolling my eyes, I bit down on a smile.

"No nightmares on my watch." I declared, stepping away from him and motioning towards the bed.

It felt good to be back to our usual teasing and casual interactions. There was a lot hanging between us that still needed to be discussed, but for tonight, it could wait.

Making my way to the bed, I pulled back the covers and slid in between the sheets. As soon as I made contact with the mountain of pillows behind me, I allowed my body to sink into the bed. I didn't realize how much tension I was holding until I was finally able to relax. I sighed at the feeling. Then I felt the other side of the bed shift as Anakin made himself comfortable. With a swift hand gesture, Anakin used to force to turn out all the lights.

We laid there for a few moments in silence. Staring up at the ceiling, my mind began to wander to my mission tomorrow. As much as I tried to maintain my confidence, the nerves crept in, and my mind started to dive into all the ways tomorrow could go wrong. I felt myself shrink into the bed, trying to stop my brain from psyching me out.

However, my thoughts were immediately halted by a pair of strong arms snaking across the bed and wrapping around my midsection. Without a word, Anakin pulled me over to him and into his chest. Feeling him all around me was perhaps the most comforting sensation I had ever experienced. I let out a deep exhale and buried my face further into him. Immediately, my mind was quiet, and sleep began to overtake my consciousness.

"Goodnight, Kels." Anakin whispered, angling his head down to place a soft kiss on the top of my head and giving me a gentle squeeze.

"Sweet dreams, Skywalker." I murmured into hischest, and I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.