Hiiiii <3

Another one! 

How do we feel about Blake? Should Kels give Anakin another shot?  

Let me know your thoughts. 

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Anakin's POV

Before I even opened my eyes, the first thought that went through my mind when I woke up was of Kels. Her gentle smile, her deep gaze, her soothing touch.

I needed to talk to her.

Jerking my head to the side, I was met with an unusual sensation of weightlessness. As if I was moving through water. I took a deep labored breath that irritated the rawness in my throat. I suddenly became acutely aware of the breathing tube shoved in my mouth. And I wanted it out. Now.

I opened my eyes, and the room around me was doused in a cloudy haze. Blinking a few times, I realized I was in a bacta tank. I floated my arm up to my head and began to pull at the contraption attached to my face. At the same time, I heard a shrill beep outside of the tank as a droid appeared on the other side of the glass.

Finally, the bacta liquid began to drain, leaving me hanging in the harness as the droid approached and removed the breathing apparatus. I gulped in the fresh, unobstructed air causing a deep ache to bloom in my chest.

"You must rest Master Skywalker. Do not overwork your lungs." She droid hummed.

"Get me out of here." I muttered, ignoring the droid's plea as I struggled against the harness.

"As you wish." The droid complied and flipped a switch outside of the tank, causing the harness to release and drop. Throwing my arms out, I had to brace myself against the slippery glass in order to not fall flat on my ass.

"Your healing is still not yet 100% complete." The droid said, I flicked my eyes towards it and noticed it was holding a robe out to me. I grabbed it and quickly threw it over my shoulders. It was fucking freezing in here.

"I feel fine." I said in a low voice, rolling my shoulders back and stepping out of the tank. I grit my teeth against the pain that shot through my skull. The droid then guided me over to a chair on the other side of the room. I remained silent as it went to work gathering vitals and running analysis.

"Your healing is still no-" The droid began to repeat its programmed response.

"What's the damage?" I asked, cutting it off. The droid paused for a moment, gathering the information needed to complete my request. A holo medical report then materialized from the droid's internal dock. I squinted at the bright light which did nothing to ease the pounding in my head.

"Your external injuries are all in the final stages of healing. Your broken collarbone, broken ribs and dislocated shoulder have been mended. However, your punctured lung is still in the repair phase, as well as your concussion." The droid rattled on.

"Shit" I muttered under my breath. I hadn't realized the damage was so extensive. But it did explain the pain in my head and chest.

"Bed rest is recommended for the remainder of the week." The droid concluded.

I scoffed. That wasn't going to happen.

"Whatever you say, doc." I said, standing up and shooting the droid a thin-lipped smile.

That's when I heard the gentle shuffle of footsteps to my left, my head shot in the direction of the sound. However, my shoulders sank when I realized it was Obi-Wan.

"Sorry to disappoint." Obi-Wan said with a raised eyebrow as he crossed his arms over his chest. I just shook my head softly and lowered my gaze to the floor. With a sigh, Obi-Wan then faced the droid. "Is he cleared for release?"

"Yes. However, bed rest is strongly recommended for the rest of the week." The droid explained.

"And we will see to it that happens." Obi-Wan said with a polite smile. The droid seemed satisfied with that answer and quickly wheeled out of the room, leaving Obi-Wan and I alone.

"You know I'm not going on fucking bed rest." I said with a smirk. I expected Obi-Wan to agree and respond with one of his usual clever quips. However, when he turned to face me, his expression was strained with anger.

"What were you thinking, Anakin?" He asked me in a vexed tone. I stiffened at his unexpected response.

"What do you mean?" I asked, although I had a feeling I knew what he was talking about.

"Going in alone to confront the landlords? Without consulting anyone or even telling me." He said, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Well, no one else was going to free those people. I had no choice." I said in an icy tone.

"But you didn't free them, Anakin. By threatening the lives of the landlords, you put all of the farmers at risk. Who do you think will bear the brunt of the landlords' anger now? Do you think they will respond benevolently when they think the farmers are in league with the Jedi?" He asked me, the volume of his voice raising. I cringed. I was so focused on freeing the farmers by any means possible, I didn't stop to consider what would happen if I failed.

"Well, if the council had not ordered us to strand down, maybe I wouldn't have had to go in alone, left to my own devices." I snapped, the pounding in my head increased.

"The council has its reasons, Anakin. There was a plan." He threw back at me.

"Well maybe if they let me in on the fucking plan for one-" I growled before Obi-Wan cut me off.

"Anakin, enough!" He exclaimed. "Your reckless behavior is not only dangerous but incredibly selfish."

That touched a fucking nerve. I had dedicated my entire life to the Jedi and therefore to this war. I have given up everything to serve some larger purpose that I never consented to. Friends, family, love, happiness...I could have none of that. And he still has the nerve to call me selfish? All for a war that seems to be increasingly dictated by corrupt politics and painfully slow bureaucracy instead of actual action.

I was sick of being a fucking pawn. A good little soldier who doesn't think, just listens to orders. That was never what the Jedi were meant to be.

"What's selfish is turning a blind eye and doing nothing when innocent people are suffering!" I seethed, drawing my hands into fists by my side.

And I meant it. For the farmers on Dantooine, for the millions of civilians across the galaxy caught in the crossfire, for the orphaned children with nowhere to go, for my own mother. They all suffered while I was advised to sit and fucking wait.

Obi-Wan's jaw clenched, and I could see the concern begin to combat with the anger in his expression.

"No one is turning a blind eye, Anakin." He began in a hushed tone. "If you think you are the only one frustrated, lying awake at night tortured by the atrocities of this war, you are sorely mistaken."

I was surprised. So rarely do I hear Obi-Wan ever voice anything close to displeasure with the council or how this war is being fought. It caught me off guard and I felt some of the white-hot anger in my gut dissolve.

"Then let's do something about it." I said in a low voice, taking a hesitant step towards him.

"Careful, Anakin," Obi-Wan replied as he gave me a warning look. "We must trust in the council."

And just like that, I was reminded of my place. I needed to shut up and conform, wait on the council's orders.

Letting out a dark chuckle, I crossed my arms over my chest. "A good soldier follows orders." I said smoothly, repeating a phrase I often hear my clone battalion use. And at this point, the Jedi were no different from the men manufactured purely to fight this war. None of us are afforded the option to do anything other than follow commands coming down from a higher power.

I held Obi-Wan's intense gaze and tried to keep my features calm despite the unbearable frustration I felt. I was toeing a dangerous line and everything in his expression told me to stand down.

And like the good fucking soldier I am, I did.

Drawing in a deep breath, I uncurled my fists by my side and flicked my eyes to the floor.

"I will not pretend to believe you will submit to bed rest." Obi-Wan then said, breaking the charged silence between us. "But take these next few days to clear your head, meditate."

"Yes, master." I said in a strained voice. He gave me a hard look, but then sighed deeply before turning to exit the room.

He was right about one thing, there was no way I'd sit in bed all day. And I definitely wasn't going to mediate.

The accusation of being selfish still stung. It seemed like no matter what I do, it would never be enough. I would always disappoint someone. Despite trying my best to be a model fucking Jedi.

So, with the free days granted, I decided I'd actually be selfish, for once.

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Kels's POV

The small piece of parchment began to grow soft and pliable from my constant fidgeting. The ink blurring due to my anxious fingers. I kept the note in my pocket, hoping that having it close would provide some sort of clarity.

I decided I shouldn't rush to Anakin's side.

I needed to hold my ground. To not fold at the request of a Jedi who likely didn't even realize what he was saying due to the mass amount of narcotics pumping through his system. Nothing had changed, and I still needed to prioritize my own attempt at moving forward. And let me tell you, the past 48 hours have been a huge set back.

Seeing Anakin in that state, hearing him almost say those three little words I've been yearning to hear, it messed with my head. How easily he could just draw me back in.

So that's why I was currently sat on an empty crate outside an abandoned military warehouse. The hum of speeder bikes filled the air and I watched as riders began to take their place at the starting line. I had hoped that attending the race would provide a much-needed distraction.

My eyes wandered over to Blake who was engaged in an animated conversation with one of the riders who was tugging on one of the handlebars of his bike. I watched as Blake gently pushed the rider to the side and knelt down to fiddle with the clutch on the handlebar. Moments later he sprung back up and held up his arms as if to say voila! The rider smiled and clapped Blake on the back.

Blake was always in high demand before these races began. Everyone wanted him to look at their bike and work out any last-minute kinks. He once told me he takes personal responsibility for the safety of all the riders by making sure each bike is in acceptable condition.

I asked him one time if he ever would consider racing himself. I had seen him fly speeder bikes before and he was better than any of these amateurs. But he would always shrug it off, saying his racing days were over. Rala had once hinted at a close friend of theirs who passed away years ago in a devastating crash, so I figured it had something to do with that and didn't press the subject.

On a happier note, it meant that he would come sit with me and commentate during the race, which I always enjoyed. It helped me get up to speed much faster than I would have on my own. And plus, I enjoyed seeing his face light up when talking about something he clearly loved.

Letting out a deep sigh, I pulled my jacket tighter around me. Despite it being early spring, the evening air still held the chill of winter. Rala had opted out of attending the race tonight, so I was left to my own thoughts. And unfortunately, that meant torturing myself trying not to think about Anakin.

Is he okay? Did he ask about me? Does he remember?

I was on the brink of another mental spiral when I saw Blake jogging towards me with a grin.

"Hey you." He said, letting out a deep exhale when he stopped in front of me. His hair was a mess, tossed in all directions by motor grease-covered fingers. A soft pink danced across his cheeks, and I could tell he was beginning to feel the pre-race jitters. He always stressed out just before a race began. The crates around me that formed into makeshift seating began to fill with more people and Blake took one of the remaining empty seats next to me.

"Hey." I replied, scooting over to the side to make more room for him. Although despite my efforts, his shoulder still brushed against mine in the tight space.

"I don't know what the hold-up is" He muttered, scanning the starting line where each rider was now ready. He reached into his pocket to pull out a pack of cigarettes. He hit the bottom of the pack against his palm and quickly flipped it open. The only time he ever smoked cigarettes was right before a race. I had given up trying to tell him how bad it was for him.

"Who knows." I said softly, leaning forward to rest my elbow on my knee and prop my chin up. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Blake place a cigarette between his lips, light it up, and take a deep drag.

"How was your day?" He then asked, his shoulders visibly relaxing as the nicotine hit his system.

"Oh, the usual," I said waving my other hand loosely in the air. "Cooking, cleaning, repeat." I opted to omit the large chunk of my day spent thinking about Anakin.

"Sounds exhilarating." He said with a chuckle. I turned my heads to smile at him. I felt my gut twist when I saw his eyes soften as he took me in.

"Exciting as ever," I replied sarcastically. "Rala on the other hand, had quite the day. A visiting senator chewed her out for not having his breakfast pasty prepared first thing in the morning." I rolled my eyes and felt a wave of anger wash over me again. How the hell was she supposed to know this random man's breakfast preferences? The entitlement of some of these senators...

"Fucker." Blake mumbled. I nodded my head in agreement.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a few more moments until the race official finally signaled for the racers to start their engines. The roar of collective energy bounced off the walls of the massive warehouse and I could feel a rush of adrenaline pour over the crowd.

Yes, this is what I needed. I thought as my heart rate increased with excitement.

I glanced over at Blake who was nervously gnawing at the cuticle of his thumb. Another anxious habit. Without saying a word, I reached over and gently took a hold of his hand, drawing it away from his mouth and holding it still between my fingers. His eyes darted to mine, and he gave me an appreciative look before turning his attention back to the starting line. However, he kept a hold of my hand.

I watched eagerly, holding my breath as the hovering light in front of the racers glowed red, then yellow and then green.

The speeder bikes lurched forward and fought for dominance, picking up speed at an incredible pace. And despite a few minor collisions and close calls, each biked made it safely into the first turn. Only then did Blake let out the breath he was holding, and I gently dropped his hand.

The crowd undulated between cheers and gasps as the race progressed. Everyone on the edge of their seat as the speeders made their way through the provisional racetrack. It was easy to get caught up in the excitement.

That was, until I felt a presence behind me.

"You broke your promise, Kels." I heard a voice say softly into my ear, lips just barely brushing my skin.

I momentarily froze and my heart felt like it stopped. There's no way.

I whipped around and felt my jaw go slack as I was met with Anakin Skywalker.

He was dressed in civilian clothes with a dark hood pulled over his head. Of course, there was no way a Jedi could just waltz into an illegal speeder race without drawing unwanted attention. He looked at me with an unnervingly calm expression, but his eyes still held the fire I had grown accustomed to. I noticed a few nearly healed cuts peppered across his face, leaving angry looking marks. My eyes scanned down to his neck and couldn't help but feel relief when I saw the burn had mostly healed, leaving his beautiful golden skin unmarred.

Drawing my eyes back up to meet his, I was overcome with the urge to throw my arms around him. To pull him close just to make sure he is okay and really here. But I remained still despite my stomach summersaulting.

"Promises don't count when they're made under duress." I eventually replied in a tight voice.

I had to remind myself that I only promised him I'd be there when he woke up to get him to surrender to the sedative so the bacta tank could save him. I needed to stay strong in my boundaries when it comes to him. I can't handle more dissapointment.

"You sound like a politician." He replied with a smirk. I felt butterflies surge through my body at the sight of his sly smile.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly, hating that my voice cracked in doing so. I couldn't shake the image of his battered body thrashing around on the hospital bed.

"Good as new, love." He replied, still wearing his signature smirk. I was sure the relief showed on my face as I nodded gently.

He was going to be okay.

I swallowed and glanced quickly over at Blake who was, thankfully, completely preoccupied by the race. When I returned my gaze to Anakin, I noticed he was also looking at Blake with a hard expression.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. He swallowed hard and flicked his eyes back to mine, softening again as he held my gaze.

"Looking for you." He replied, cocking his head gently to the side. I gulped as I saw a golden curl brush over his forehead under his hood. My heart twisted and I could feel my carefully held expression begin to falter.

"Well, I'm watching the race." I mumbled, flipping back around to face the action.

That's when I saw Anakin wave his hand in my peripheral vision while leaning forward to whisper something into the ear of the stranger on the other side of me from Blake.

"I have something pressing to attend to." The stranger declared before standing up and descending the stands. As soon as the spot was empty, Anakin gracefully slid into it so that he was now next to me.

"Then I'll watch with you." He whispered, barely audible over the roar of the crowd.

I resisted the temptation to lean into him now that the side of his body was pressed against mine. He was so warm and alluring.

Clasping my hands together tightly on my lap, I kept my eyes forward. Trying to focus on the ensuing race. Anakin didn't say anything, and when I quickly glanced over at him, he was also watching the race with a casual posture.

I then turned my head slightly as my gaze landed on Blake. He was leaning forward, forearms resting on his thighs. His eyes followed the race intently with the cigarette hanging haphazardly from his lips.

Remaining still, I sat straight, refusing to let my eyes wander anywhere but the race. The pressing realization that in this moment, I sat at a physical crossroads, ate at me. Sandwiched between two men I care about. One who felt safe, and steady and blissfully easy. And one who felt unpredictable, and dangerous, and absolutely sets my soul on fire. The conflict between what my brain insisted versus what my heart craved had never felt so heavy.

The race carried on, but I was at a standstill.

Eventually, Anakin crossed his arms over his chest, and I felt the tips of his gloved fingers brush gently against my arm. And despite my jacket, I could feel my skin break out into goosebumps. I cleared my throat and forced myself to lean forward, mimicking Blake's position.

"Reed is about to pull this off." Blake said excitedly, nudging me with his shoulder but keeping his eyes set ahead. I smiled in response; Reed was one of Blake's friends.

He clearly had no idea who was sat on the other side of me.

I was able to pick Reed's bike out of the cluster that zoomed by, and sure enough he was in the lead by what must have been mere inches. As the group sped towards the checkered flag, the collective volume of the crowd began to increase and many spectators, including Blake, leapt to their feet to watch the dramatic finish.

I joined him and jumped up to cheer on Reed. But I was acutely aware of the fact that Anakin remained seated next to me. However, I didn't allow my sight to waver from the race. And when Reed crossed the finish line first, the stands erupted in applause.

Blake pumped his arms into the air and let out a holler for his friend. I clapped and cheered alongside him.

"Fuck yeah!" Blake called out and turned to face me, throwing his arms around my midsection. Before I knew it, I was swept off my feet and he was spinning me around. I let out a surprised yelp but giggled at his reaction and held on tight to his shoulders. I tried to ignore the set of cobalt eyes practically digging into my back.

"Wow what a race." He said with a heavy exhale as he set me down. I watched him scan the winner's box for Reed as he ran a hand through his messy hair. "I'm going to go congratulate him." He said quickly, briefly glancing in my direction. I smiled and nodded towards the racetrack, signaling for him to go. He hesitated briefly before pulling me in for another hug, placing a quick peck onto the top of my head before he rushed away.

Watching Blake disappear into the crowd, a heat rose to my cheeks, and I could feel the anger simmering from Anakin from my other side.

I took a deep breath before turning to face him. He was now standing, his eyes trained on the winner's box with a lethal expression.

"This explains why you were occupied." Anakin then said in a cold tone, keeping his eyes trained on who I could only assume was Blake below us.

I angled my head to try to catch his gaze. It worked, and when he finally snapped his head to face me, I recoiled at this fury in his expression.

I opened my mouth to quickly explain it to him, to tell him that Blake is just a friend. And it wasn't what it looked like. But then I was reminded of that night back in the temple where I was forced to watch him shamelessly flirt with Padme and then he proceeded to tell me nothing between us was real. And I snapped my mouth shut.

Anger began to seep through my thoughts. How could he be upset with me for doing the exact same thing he did? What right does he have to be angry at me for trying to move on when he made it very clear there is no future for us?

He wasn't being fair. And I decided I wasn't going to be fair either.

"I'm moving on, Anakin." I lied in a voice that shook ever so slightly.

"No, you're not. Not with him." He replied, arrogance dripping from his words.

I felt my eyebrows pull together in frustration.

"Yes, with him." I insisted, holding his intense gaze. He swallowed hard and I saw the muscle in his jaw flicker. I couldn't deny the thrill it gave me to get a rise out of him.

"He will bore you to death." Anakin shot back.

"You don't know anything about him." I replied quickly, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Please," Anakin scoffed. "A greasy-haired, chain-smoking mechanic. They're a fucking dime a dozen."

I hesitated, watching Anakin's eyes darken. Crossing my arms across my chest, I bit down on a smirk.

"Jealousy doesn't suit you, Skywalker." I said in a cool tone.

Anakin's eyebrows rose ever so slightly as he pressed his tongue into the inside of his cheek.

"And mingling with criminals participating in illegal activity doesn't suit you." He said in a low voice, motioning towards the crowd of illegal speeder racers below us.

"Oh please!" I exclaimed with a harsh laugh. "They're hardly criminals. And you don't get to lecture me about illegal activity."

I was well aware of the ways Anakin bent rules, especially with the criminals he regularly comes in contact with.

"I'm a Jedi, I can do whatever the fuck I want." He shot back in a heightened tone.

I smirked. He had shown me his cards with his immature response and lack of composure. He was irritated. Seeing me with Blake had gotten under his skin.

"Oh, trust me," I said in a level voice, tilting my head to the side as I locked in on his eyes. "I am well aware that you think you can do whatever the fuck you want."

Including leading me on and being intimate with me. All while knowing it would break my heart.

His vexed expression immediately fell, and his eyes danced across my face. "Kels..."

I held his stare, trying to ignore the way it felt like a dagger to my heart. Just as he began to open his mouth to continue speaking, he was cut off.

"Kels!" I heard Blake call out from behind me. I tore my eyes away from Anakin, blinking hard before turning around to face my friend who was bounding towards me with a goofy grin.

Plastering on a smile, I watched as he approached. I noticed his gaze flick over to Anakin once he was only a few steps away. His face scrunched in intrigue, and then seconds later his eyes narrowed. He clearly realized who I was speaking to.

"Hey," I said in as casual of a tone I could muster. "Is Reed freaking out?"

"Yeah, he's on one." Blake answered, I could tell he was trying to keep his eyes on me, but they kept darting to Anakin over my shoulder. "We're um, actually going to head to a nearby cantina to celebrate. I was wondering if you wanted to join us?" He took a step forward so that his hand just barely grazed my own.

I smiled softly and nodded my head. "Of course." I replied in flirtatious tone. Partially to piss off Anakin.

"Great..." He said, returning my smile. However, when he finally locked eyes with Anakin, his smile fell. "You can come too, I guess. Open invite." He said to Anakin. His tone incredibly cold despite the invitation.

I found myself scoffing. There was no way Anakin would take him off on his offer. I'm sure going to a bar with Blake and the rest of his greasy-haired, chain-smoking mechanic friends was at the very bottom of the list of things he wants to do.

"Gladly, you are too kind." Anakin said in an overly calm voice. I whipped my head around to stare at him in shock. He was giving Blake an absolutely venomous look.

Turning my head back to Blake, I saw him swallow hard and nod his head. "Great. Let's go then." He said, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the crowd. And I only knew Anakin was following because of the rage I could feel pouring off him.

This was going to be fucking interesting.