Hello hello! A few important updates/announcements: 

1. The beginning of this chapter is written in Anakin's POV. So we'll get a peek into our favorite SkyGuy's head. (Shout out to  MayaMoony for the inspo <3) 

2. I am about to head out on a two week trip with my boyfriend's family. So, I will be unable to update for a little bit. I hope all the content published this week will hold you over, but I PROMISE I will be updating again as soon as I return. This story is not over. I will miss you all! 

3. Thank you for the feedback on the last chapter. That was my first time writing anything SMUT-adjacent so I was a little nervous about it. More SMUT to come! 

Love you guys <3 Lemme know what you think! 

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Anakin's POV

It was a mistake. A big fucking mistake. And I knew it would be before I even did it.

But I can't control myself around her. The more time I spend with her, the more difficult it becomes.

I'm not a saint. I have been with plenty of women, especially since Padme and I ended in flames. And I was always able to turn off the part of my brain that dared to form attachment. It almost became easy as the faces and names began to morph into one forgetful blur.

I've had senators, warriors, literal royalty. And none of them ever had me coming back for more or were even worth a second thought.

But Kels...Kels Remlik. She is different.

She is untouched. And I don't mean that in a creepy way. Although that was no longer true as of a few minutes ago. I mean in the sense that she hasn't been molded or shaped into some predetermined role or responsibility. Her thoughts and feelings and, more importantly, her actions come straight from the heart. A heart that has been untainted by war and politics. She is everything pure, and good and true. Everything I risk my life to protect.

But she's also more than that. She has a bite to her, and a quiet grit that constantly surprises me. She's  unlike so many others I come across who are quick to demonstrate their strength or boast their power.

I see it in the moments she thinks no one is watching. The way she carries the memories of those she has loved most. Every single one of them have been taken from her, but she keeps going. I see it in her drive for adventure, her sheer will to live beyond these walls. I saw it in how she spat blood at the feet of one of the most dangerous men in the galaxy, prepared to accept her fate before bending to his will. I still shudder at the thought; I don't think she truly knows how close she was to dying that day.

She is a force to be reckoned with. And she doesn't even realize.

And speaking of force. I believe she has only scratched the surface of what she is capable of. Without an ounce of training or even knowledge, she has managed to get a handle on projecting and guarding emotions. Something that took me years to master. And even still, she has been able to break down my barriers. She sees me in a way no one else does. None of the "chosen one", or "hero without fear" bullshit. But as Anakin. I have let my guard down around her in a way I never have before. Even with Padme, I always felt the need to maintain some sort of appearances. But Kels expects nothing from me. She just wants me.

And it kills me that I can't give that to her. Not without walking away from everything I know, or potentially leaving the fate of the galaxy in limbo.

And as much as I'd love to be selfish for fucking once and just drop everything to show her the entire galaxy. I can't. Not when so many lives seem to depend on it.

I was torturing myself with the fleeting moments of closeness in the temple, the late-night training sessions, and nights spent sleeping next to her...allowing myself to depend on her for an escape or even just some god damn peace. Because it was only fueling a fantasy.

I can't be what she needs. Each moment of weakness gives her hope. And when I eventually crush that hope, which I will have to do, she will be heartbroken.

And I will hate myself for it.

"Anakin, are you listening?" She asked me, pulling me from my thoughts. I lifted my head and saw her looking at me, her head tilted gently to the side. While I had gotten fully dressed, she was wearing nothing but her work shirt and a pair of underwear, her pants still in her hand waiting to be put on. It was a god damn shame to hide those legs.

Anakin, no. Fucking focus.

"Sorry," I muttered, shaking my head softly and locking eyes with her. "What did you say?"

She rolled her eyes subtly and began to pull her pants over her leg. "I was wondering if the council said anything about the information I shared?" She asked, biting her lip in hesitation. She was always careful when asking me about Jedi business. I knew it was because I have snapped at her about it before, which I feel shitty about.

"They're still deliberating." I replied. She narrowed her grey gaze, scanning my face as if she knew I was lying.

After we debriefed upon our return from Canto Bight, the council almost immediately agreed that we needed to further investigate alleged corruption within the baking clan. Master Kit Fitso, who happened to be in the outer rim, was sent to Crete to press on the Tarro family. He was able to get a name out of them: Rush Clovis.

Clovis seemed to be at the center of the deceit, and also happens to be deeply involved with the Muun people who make up most of the baking federation. So, our next step was to invite Clovis to the temple under the guise of renegotiating the Republic's interest rate and try to get him to crack. Our secret weapon, much to my dismay, would be Padme.

Padme and Clovis had a past, one that I always feared remained active during the time we were together. And if anyone could get Clovis to slip up or confess, it would be her. I was well aware of how convincing she could be. In fact, that was a large reason we were together for longer than we should have been. She has a talent for getting people to see things her way. It makes her an incredible politician, but a difficult partner. After a while I began to doubt my own convictions and priorities. I felt like I was simply playing a part, a cog in the political machine.

Clovis was due to arrive tonight. Padme would meet him at the temple in order to maintain neutral ground. I was volunteered by Master Yoda to join them. The reason given was that I had the most first-hand familiarity with the intel from Kels. But I think it was mostly due to the fact that my mere presence might irk Clovis enough to goad him into making a mistake or saying something he shouldn't.

Although it was certainly never out in the open, Clovis always suspected there was something going on between Padme and I. And he didn't like me taking what he thought was his. So, it was my job to throw Clovis off and keep an ear out for anything useful that might come of it.

Fucking mind games. All of it.

"You know, I'm happy to speak with them." Kels said in a lofty tone, "In case anything was left out." She was just dying to get involved. It was obvious.

"We were extremely thorough." I said in a firm tone, dismissing her offer. I wanted her out of this, and far away from any potential danger. The image of her tied to a chair, dazed and bloodied, flashed in my mind. Never again.

Her shoulders sagged in disappointment, and I had to swallow my guilt.

With a sigh, she continued on in silence, pulling her work boots on and tying her long auburn hair into a braid behind her. Each movement accented by the natural grace that seemed to come so easy to her. Her actions are always soft, but deliberate. A direct contrast to the harsh and impulsive way I navigate life.

I am constantly operating on overdrive. Thinking about my next step, barreling into the next mission, hardly leaving room for anything other than the singular goal or objective. However, Kels takes her time. Always taking a moment to lose herself in a song, or notice an unassuming yet beautiful detail, or to look into the eyes of whatever animal crosses her path. She is constantly testing me, yanking me out of autopilot and forcing me to take notice of the worlds around us.

You need to live a little, Skywalker, she tells me whenever I get irritated or impatient, the anxiety eating at me whenever I allow myself to still.

And oh, how I wish I could.

She let out a sharp exhale that sent the soft hair framing her face flying. I raised my eyebrow and hummed in response.

"Well, I was also wondering..." She began, her cheeks flushing to accentuate the freckles that dust her cheeks and nose. Those fucking freckles.

"Wondering what?" I pressed.

"How did you know that I...that I had never done that before?" she asked shyly, her eyes darting over to the bed.

"You told me." I said, cocking my head to the side in confusion.

"When?" She asked, her eyebrows knitting together.

"On Canto Bight. The first night." I replied. That night in the casino after Rayme had his grubby fucking hands on her all night, she taunted me by saying he had touched her in a way no one ever had. The fury swept through me again as I pictured his fingers slipping just below the fabric of her dress on her lower back. And if that was as intimate as any man had ever gotten, then I was certain what we just did was new to her.

I watched as her eyes lit up with the realization. She tucked her bottom lip in between her teeth as an uneasy expression took over her features. "You probably, um, have been with a lot of women more experienced than me." She said, unable to look me in the eye.

No, absolutely not. She was not going to be insecure about that.

I was on my feet in seconds and in front of her. Lifting my hand to grasp her chin, I gently pulled her face up to look me in the eye. "Experience doesn't mean shit." I said firmly.

And I meant it. Whether it was a lot of experience, or no experience at all. As long as she was comfortable and enjoying herself, I couldn't care less.

Plus, I couldn't deny the satisfaction it gave me to be the one to give her that experience. The fact that she trusted me enough to guide her through it. I don't take that lightly.

Watching her face contort in pleasure, seeing how her body reacted to my touch, and using my finger to coax her through her climax was one of the fucking hottest things I have ever seen. Never has the leash I keep on my self-control been so tight. If she had asked me one more time, I would have fucked her right then and there. But I couldn't do that to her, her first time should be more than a quick fuck from a man who can't be there to pick up the pieces in the long run. She deserves nothing less than total, unwavering devotion.

She smiled softly and looked up at me with adoration. It made my chest feel tight and I had to look away, gently releasing my grip on her chin.

"I need to go; the council is convening soon." I mumbled, needing an excuse to leave this room quickly before I make another mistake. Before I allow this to go any further and eventually hurt her more.

I have already come to terms with the fact that I am beyond fucking protective of her, and right now I need to protect her from myself.

I couldn't bring myself to look at her, but I could feel her disappointment and confusion as I pushed past her. She said something to me, but I forced myself to shut her out. Leaving the room without another word. 

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Kels's POV

I was hurt. I was confused. I was pissed off.

My jaw was clenched tight as I chopped angrily at the root vegetable in front of me. Each fluid movement helped to ease my simmering emotions.

I was so sick of these turbulent moments with Anakin. He has me experiencing the highest of highs, whispering "love" and "baby" in my ear, kissing me with heartbreaking tenderness. And then minutes later, he is completely void of emotion making up an obvious lie to get away from me as quickly as possible. The emotional whiplash was taking a toll on me. It had me questioning my own self-worth, and I hated that.

I'd like to think that under any other circumstance, I wouldn't allow for this type of treatment. I wouldn't keep letting him back in. But something about Anakin has me feeling weak. Like there has to be something here I need to see through. Despite his extreme hot and cold behavior, I know there is something here.

Am I just the biggest fool in the galaxy?

Sighing, I set the knife down and brought my hand up to brush my hair out of my eyes. My body still craved him. The memory of his touch still buzzing like a livewire on my skin. He made me feel so safe, and confident, and so, so good. I had never been that physically vulnerable with anyone. Not even close. So, to then be shut out, and treated so callously, it hurt. And frankly, it was embarrassing after I had bared my everything to him.

I felt my cheeks flush at the memory, making me squeeze my eyes shut in order to gain control of myself. Aside from some small talk with Rala, I had mostly kept to myself today. Unable to escape my all-consuming thoughts. The day had quickly passed by, and I was counting down the minutes until this dinner service was over and I could return back to my living quarters. I hadn't decided yet what I would do when the clock struck midnight tonight. Part of me wanted to stand Anakin up, make him feel cast aside for once. But the other part of me wanted to storm in there tonight and demand answers from him.

"We have guests dining with us tonight," Glynn announced as she burst into the kitchen. "So, you know what that means." She said, shooting me a knowing look. I couldn't help but groan in response.

I'd be on service tonight.

My eyes flicked over to Rala who was giving me a look that let me know she empathized with my displeasure. I smirked softly when we locked eyes.

"Make me proud, Kels." Glynn said sarcastically, choosing to ignore my unenthusiastic reaction.

"Always, Glynn." I replied with a forced smile, turning my back to finish up my prep and roll my eyes. I didn't want her to see me acting like a brat. But I couldn't help it.

Once I finished my tasks, I switched out my stained apron for a clean white one and waited until it was time to face dining hall. And soon enough, I was pushing through the doors with a bottle of wine in each hand.

Immediately, I could see where our visitors for the night were. Stood near the table in the middle of the room were Jedi in their dress robes, senators and others who I assumed to be of importance. And while the hall wasn't decked out like it would be for our usual banquets, I could see staff had used the fancy table clothes and switched out the usual glassware for crystal goblets and delicate china. Anything to impress the politicians, I thought with a sigh.

I pulled my shoulders back, plastered on a smile and made my way over to the table. I approached the first cluster of Jedi discussing with a man I recognized to be from the Muun clan. I felt my heart skip a beat, as I remembered the Muun people are in charge of the banks. Could this be about what we had learned on Canto Bight? I wouldn't be surprised if Anakin hadn't been totally truthful when he told me that the council still hadn't decided how to proceed on the matter.

The group ceased conversation when they noticed me. However, I wish they had continued discussing so I might be able to pick up on something.

"Care for wine?" I asked in a bright voice, "We have a red and a white variety."

"Red, please." The Muun man requested, holding out his glass after the Jedi had declined my offer.

I moved on from their group and served the next cluster, and then when I turned to face my next targets, I felt my heart sink.

There Anakin stood, angled towards Padme Amidala and a tall brunette man I didn't recognize. He was wearing his all-black Jedi leathers with his soft curls swept back out of his face. It made his cobalt eyes stand out even more against his golden skin. I swallowed hard at the sight of him.

I then noticed his metal hand reach over to rest on the small of Padme's back. He gently stroked the fabric of her dress with his thumb as he leaned in to whisper something to her, his lips brushing against her ear. I inhaled a pained breath, and the way she giggled in response physically hurt my heart. It was clear to anyone with eyes that their exchange was flirtatious. Even the man with them watched with a sneer. I was about to turn and walk the other direction, until the brunette man caught my eye.

"Oh, thank the stars, wine." He said, an edge to his voice as he held out his glass in my direction.

Anakin's head snapped in my direction, and I could only bear to meet his gaze for a split-second before tearing my eyes from his. I didn't want him to see the pain that was so evident in my heart. Clearly this morning didn't mean what I thought it did.

Perhaps I was just a warm body to tide him over until the beautiful, accomplished senator came back to the temple.

"Red or white?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from shaking. Even though it felt tight and heavy in my throat.

"I will have the white, please. And do not be shy with the pour." The man said with a charming, but strained smile. I nodded my head softly in compliance and gave him a heaping pour.

"For you, ma'am?" I asked, turning to Padme whose lips turned up into a warm smile. Stars she is so pretty. I never stood a chance.

Padme opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by Anakin's smooth voice. "She'll have the red." He declared before turning to look at her with a suggestive smile "you couldn't get enough of it that one night on Naboo."

If it weren't for the sound of the brunette man choking on his wine, you might have been able to hear the audible crack in my heart. I froze momentarily, turning my gaze to Anakin who was looking at Padme with a doting, lovestruck expression.

Was he being purposefully cruel?

He knew I couldn't react or even escape this situation. Why was he flirting with Padme so shamelessly in front of me? Did he even care?

I am the biggest fool in the entire galaxy.

I clenched my jaw so tight I was worried I might crack a tooth, but it was the only thing that kept the tears from glassing over my vision.

"Oh Ani, stop it." Padme said with a delicate laugh, gently swatting Anakin's chest before turning to face me. "Red sounds wonderful."

I did my best to smile and held out the red bottle to her. My hand shook as I slowly filled her glass. My eyes darted behind her briefly to Anakin, who's eyebrows twitched momentarily into a v shape before he resumed his easy-going expression.

"Thank you very much." Padme said to me when I tipped the wine bottle upwards and brought it back to my body. And then, using every fiber of strength in my body, I turned towards Anakin and smiled, even though it felt more like a grimace.

"Wine?" I asked him, the sound came out in an octave higher than usual.

"Dealer's choice." He said, swallowing ever so slightly.

I nodded and held a bottle out towards him. He then brought his hand up, clutching one of the glass goblets. I began to fill his glass and it felt like everything was moving in slow motion. The devastation and humiliation seeped into every crevice of my body, making me tremble. And when I noticed his free hand snake around Padme's waist, another fracture cracked through my heart, knocking the breath from my lungs. And in the same moment Anakin's hold on his glass wavered, causing him to nearly drop the glass and slosh wine all over the floor and onto my boots.

"Shit, sorry." He mumbled quickly, his tone sounding dark and strained.

"So much for those Jedi reflexes." The brunette main said with an arrogant scoff.

"He tends to disappoint." I replied, unable to stop the words from coming out of my mouth. They had a little more bite to them than I was intending, and I felt heat rush to my cheeks.

Anakin gave me an intense look and I could see a muscle in his clenched jaw flicker. Padme was also giving me an intrigued stare. I had to physically turn myself away from them, I couldn't handle looking at them any longer.

The brunette man chuckled and took a swig from his drink before pointing to me. "I like you." He said.

I smiled tightly and ducked my head in an apology before turning quickly and making a beeline back to the kitchen.

The second I pushed through the kitchen doors; the tears burst from my eyes. I hurried to my station and tried to keep my head down. I was already embarrassed enough, I didn't want the rest of the kitchen to see me.

I tore my apron off my body and tossed it on the counter before I then rushed towards the staff door. Glynn stepped into my path.

"Kels, what is going on?" She asked me in a vexed tone, her hands on her hips.

I looked up at her and her face fell when she took in my heartbroken expression.

"I-I'm so sorry, I'm not feeling well. I have to leave." I said in a choked voice.

She scanned my face for a few moments, and thenwith a sigh she eventually stepped aside and let me continue towards the door.And for the first time in my life, I walked out in the middle of a dinnershift.