Hi loves! This one had me in my feels while writing it. 

Initially I had this as one massive chapter but decided to divide it into two parts (even though this one is still very long lol). So keep an eye out for another update coming your way VERY shortly. 

Please do let  me know what you think (and always curious to hear your theories). 

Much love<3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kels's POV

The sensation of waiting for something to happen with no perceivable timeline or notion of when is absolutely maddening.

I found myself aimlessly pacing back and forth across my worn carpet, racking my brain for a distraction. Picking up where Anakin had left off, I had cleaned every corner and surface of my room. However, when there was no clutter left to clear and not a speck of dust in sight, my hands ached for an outlet for all this nervous energy.

My fingers laced together in a fraught attempt to calm my racing thoughts.

When is this attack going to happen? How is it going to happen? How severe will it really be? How many lives are at risk? Was it a horrible idea to insist we come back here? Can the Jedi actually protect everyone? What happens if they fail? What will happen to Anakin? Is he being completely chewed out by the council as we speak? Will he even tell me what went down in the council room? Will he tell me anything more about the circumstances surrounding our return? What has him so gods damned anxious? When will things feel normal between us again? When will I get the man I love back?

It was enough to spur on the beginnings of a migraine.

Stopping my incessant pace only to rub at my temple, I closed my eyes and forced a deep exhale to calm my speeding heart. My room around me started to feel constricting, as if the walls were caving in and leeching the space of all oxygen.

I had to get out of here.

Biting my lip, I considered my options. One, stay in here and descend into a dark, bottomless pit of anxiety and nerves. Or two, hope a change of scenery could provide the reset my body so desperately needs. The choice was easy. I only prayed I could make it back before Anakin returned.

As soon as I made up my mind, I knew exactly where I needed to go.

Grabbing a small bag off the hook on the back of my door, I hurried into the bathroom and gathered the first makeup products my fingers landed on and shoved them into the canvas sack slung over my shoulder.

I was out the door before I could stop to think better of it.

My eyes stayed focused on the floor as I walked by the achingly familiar, empty room across the hall. However, my heart tugged painfully which only spurred me on quicken my pace to my destination.

The temple halls were buzzing, making it easy to slip into the background and go by unnoticed. I doubted anyone would stop the temple cook even if they did notice me darting through the crowds, but I still didn't want to risk any sort of conversation.

As I made my way towards the perimeter of the temple, I breathed a sigh of relief as the crowds significantly diminished. And by the time I made it to the small exit off the side of the right wing, there wasn't a soul in sight. With trembling hands, I pushed through the door and was met with fresh evening air. The sun had just completed its descent behind the horizon, bathing the city in deep purples and blues. It made the small courtyard I had now found myself in even more striking.

I rearranged my bag on my shoulder and pressed on past a babbling fountain and through a gate that was covered in an elegant arc of vines. Hesitating slightly as I stepped through the gateway, I suddenly remembered why I had been avoiding this exact spot for so long.

The ever-present crack in my heart throbbed. But I needed to speak with my best friend.

A vast maze of bleached marble tombs lay before me. Each one kept in pristine condition thanks to the dedicated temple landscapers. Without fully registering, my feet propelled me forward. Passing through the delicately etched walls of names and dates, I didn't allow myself to stop and consider how many souls were commemorated here. The dates stretched back multiple decades, multiple generations even.

Space burials were considered standard procedure whenever there was a death on Coruscant. However, for those who called the temple home, their remains were cremated and laid to rest inside one of the many temple mausoleums. Along these stone corridors, you'd find the memories of storied Jedi masters and young temple cooks who met an untimely end.

Only in death, could we finally find ourselves on equal grounds.

The silence of the cemetery provided comfort. It was a direct juxtaposition to what was happening just on the other side of the temple walls. Finally, my demanding thoughts had the ability to untangle and carefully fold themselves neatly into the corners of my mind. Momentarily put away to be dealt with at a later time.

With each crunch off gravel beneath my feet, my head grew quiet. Until I finally found the name I had been searching for and suddenly only one face occupied my mind.

Payto.

With a heaving heart, I came to a halt and stared at his name carved cleanly into the stone. He took up no more space than the entire width of my palm as I reached up to gently place my hand on the cool marble. The big, bold and beautiful way Payto lived life always felt impossible to contain, bigger than all of us. Seeing the memory of him fit comfortably within the confines of a small marble placard seemed unfathomable.

But there it was, written in plain standard dialect. Payto Oola. May the Force Be with You.

The customary message was written beneath all names of temple-dwellers who have passed. It was the same message written on practically every other placard on the marble wall. The way he blended into the uniformity of all those who passed before him didn't feel right. That isn't who Payto was, he always proudly stood out.

He was everything to me and he was important.

So important that even just seeing his name caused my throat to constrict painfully and my skin flushed with heat as the agony clawed at my chest.

"Hi, Pay." I managed to choke out. Swallowing hard to will air into my lungs which had been rendered breathless.

I was met with silence, and I allowed my hand to drop to my side.

"Sorry it's taken me so long." I whispered.

I had known Payo had been placed in the mausoleum for a while now. There was never a formal ceremony or service, but Glynn had let me know one afternoon that his spot in the cemetery was ready for visitors when I felt up for it. 

However, I couldn't bring myself to visit. I wasn't sure my heart could take it. But now as I stood here, the guilt ate at me for waiting so long. The words began to blur as tears gathered along my waterline and with a slow blink, they tumbled down my cheek.

"I miss you so much." I said, a sob ripping through the end of my sentence. My hand fluttered up to my throat, fingers wrapping around my neck in an attempt to soothe the ache.

I'd give anything to see him again. To throw my arms around his broad shoulder in a hug, to hear his thunderous laugh, to share an eyeroll at Glynn's expense, to spend an evening sprawled out across my bed imagining our future adventures.

I mourned my brother, and I mourned those future adventures that will never come to be.

"Things have been a little crazy recently," I continued on as if he were here somewhere, hearing me. "But I have a feeling you already know that." I let out a sad chuckle.

I always liked to imagine that Payto is still with me. Keeping out a watchful eye as he always did since we were children roaming the temple halls together. Anytime I felt a spark of bravery in my heart, or a surge of confidence in my bones, or a stubborn need to stand my ground...that was Payto. Despite him no longer being with me in the physical realm, he remained encouraging me and reminding me of my worth from a far-off, distant place.

I couldn't tear my eyes from his name. The stark, soulless lettering against clean marble.

My hand subconsciously made its way into my bag and fingers enclosed around a thin pencil-like object; one of the eye kohls I had thrown into my bag. Pulling it out, I twisted off the cap with my other hand.

My hand shook as I brought the pencil up to the stone. Applying delicate pressure, I dragged the kohl across the marble in a sweeping motion, leaving brilliant violet pigment in its wake.

It was the same shade as his eyes.

Twisting my wrist to curl the design into a vine-like pattern, I imagined the subtle crinkle that would frame his violet gaze each time he smiled. I had never seen a smile more genuine than Payto's. Imagining it brought me comfort and I felt a subtle tug at the corner of my lips.

"I seduced a war criminal." I then said softly, smirking gloomily, I knew Payto would only want the most salacious details. "On Canto Bight. I went with Anakin. He asked me there on a mission, an actual Jedi mission."

I worked the violet vine beneath his name, curving against each letter and word. Carefully, I began to draw small flowers, similar to the ones he would find out and about and take home to press in one of his large books. The memory brought a fresh wave of tears.

"And then I got abducted and punched in the face." I continued with a dark laugh. "It was quite the drama really. But I held my own, you would have been proud. And Anakin eventually swooped in."

I could practically see Payto's face twist into an impressed expression of surprise. An eyebrow cocked as if to demand more detail. I chuckled softly, rounding out a petal that hugged the rounded edges of his last name.

"You know, I fell in love with him." I whispered, swallowing hard before continuing. "He's different than we thought."

I dropped my hand to again plunge into my bag, this time it resurfaced with a different eye kohl. A soft mahogany that he himself would always use to smoke out my eyes whenever I begged him to do my makeup. He would always make a show of begrudgingly agreeing, but then he would take the time to giddily apply intricate colors and patterns to my face. I think under different circumstances he could have been a great artist.

I used the darker shade to accent the deep purples of the flowers that had formed around his name.

"He's...softer than he seems." I said tenderly, letting out a shallow exhale. "He's gone through a lot. More than I think most people realize."

I sat back and looked at the vine of florals now framing Payto's name. Finally, it looked as though his memory in death reflected even just an ounce of the vibrancy found in his life. It brought a semblance of ease to my heavy heart.

"But I think he is crumbling under expectation" I admitted, feeling a squeeze of my heart. "Expectation he perceives from the council, from his mother, even from me. He bears the weight of responsibility whether it was rightfully thrust on him or not. I just...I don't know what to do, what to say to let him allow me to share the burden...I bet you would have been able to get through to him"

It was true. The only person who could rival the natural charm and charisma of Anakin Skywalker would have been Payto Oola. Payto had a gift for making people feel safe and heard. He'd be the first one to provide a listening ear to confide in, and then the first person, with a match in hand, lighting a fire under your ass when you so desperately needed it.

"I think Anakin would have grown to love you as much as I do. I wish you two could have gotten to really know each other." I sighed, feeling my chest ache. "I've told him all about you though. I knew I loved him when he listened to me speak about you uninterrupted for over an hour. He never once looked bored, or like he didn't care. And he asks me about you too. It...it means a lot..."

I smiled softly at the memory of Anakin sitting across from me on a ship headed towards Canto Bight. He never took his attentive eyes off me as I spoke in animated detail about my best friend. I had been so devastated and heartbroken by the feeling of Payto's existence carelessly slipping through the cracks of reality. Everyone had just seemed to move on. However, that conversation with Anakin allowed me to resuscitate the memory of my friend and instill it in another person. 

It meant everything.

"I think he's worth it, Pay." I whispered. "I think you'd tell me to keep fighting for him...for us."

A soft breeze passed through the mausoleum corridor, lifting my hair from my shoulders and brushing it against my spine. I closed my stinging eyes and allowed myself to imagine it was Payto himself, placing a reassuring hand on my back.

I didn't question it when I felt that familiar determination and grit settle in my heart. Payto is with me.

There was nothing I could do to stop the tears from pouring down my face. Each drop heavy with the hurt of missing my best friend and gratitude for his vibrant spirit that seems to defy the laws of nature by continuing to guide me. My legs wobbled beneath me, and I had to crouch down, no longer able to withstand the wave of emotion while standing. My knees hit the ground and my hands flew to my face, trying to stifle the sobs as I crumpled forward.

"I love you, Payto." I bawled.

As if in prayer, I repeated I'm so sorry over and over until my throat was so tight with sobs, I couldn't get the words out.

I was so sorry I had taken so long to visit him. I was so sorry I allowed his name to get lost in a sea of emotionless white marble. I was so sorry his precious life was ended way too soon. I was so sorry the galaxy would never know the warmth of his smile, the beauty of his mind, or the power of his confidence and support.

I was so, so gods damned sorry he was gone. And I'd never stop missing him.

There in front of the only physical memorial to my best friend, my brother, I completely fell apart. At mercy to the emotions that I could no longer keep at bay, all I could do was cry. With all the pain, anxiety, doubt and fear clashing violently within me, my insides felt absolutely raw.

The entire time, that same gentle breeze brushed across my back and dried my tear-stained cheeks until I was completely numb. The warring emotions had finally succumbed to each other, and I felt nothing. When I finally lifted my head, the sky had turned a deep shade of indigo.

I had completely lost track of how long I had been out here.

As I began to regain awareness of my surroundings, my gaze was drawn to the intricate vine of purple flowers accenting Payto's name and a gentle sense of peace washed over me. His name stood out against the sea of ivory marble. He wasn't just another name doomed to be forgotten.

He was Payto. My Payto. And as long as I am alive in this galaxy, his memory would remain shrouded in color and vibrant life.

My fingers found the golden chain around my necklace, and I subconsciously fumbled with the two spherical charms as a soft smile finally found its place on my face. Whispering one last I love you to my brother, I stood and began the ascent back up to the temple.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My mind was wandering, and my feet felt heavy, worn out from emotion as I carried myself through the winding path toward the temple. I pushed the gate that led into the small courtyard and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw Anakin on the other side. Standing next to the fountain with his arms crossed and his features pulled into a careful expression.

Oh shit.

I expected him to blow up. He had been teetering on a razor's edge of anger for the past few days, snapping easily and allowing his anxiety to dictate his reactions. I froze in place as he quickly closed the distance between us. I had no doubt this would send him over the edge.

I promised I wouldn't leave my room.

"Anakin," I began in a hurry and held up my hands in surrender. "I'm sor-"

But I was cut off when he pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms securely around me. The outburst I was expecting never came. His arms tightened around me, and his fingers splayed out against the back of my head, weaving gently through my hair.

"Are you okay?" He then asked quietly.

I took a moment to process and answer truthfully. I had completely been drained of emotion down in front of Payto's memorial. I had half expected Anakin to explode on me. I felt exhausted and heavy.

But I also felt mercifully closer to my best friend than I had in months, and I was currently wrapped in the embrace of the man I love.

"Yes. I am." I answered truthfully, voice muffled by Anakin's chest.

Anakin rested his chin gently on the top of my head and I felt him nod, accepting my answer as truth. I closed my eyes and allowed my body to melt in his hold. The feeling of comfort and safety in his arms was unmatched. We stood there in a silent embrace for a few moments, simply indulging in the feel of each other.

"Did you tell Payto I say hi?" Anakin eventually asked in a gentle voice, stroking his hand idly up and down my spine.

I swallowed hard and had to squeeze my eyes shut to prevent them from watering. I wished I could explain to Anakin how much it meant to me that he seems to treat Patyo with the same reverence and continued acknowledgement as I do.

"I may have mentioned you." I replied softly. He let out an amused chuckle through his nose. "How did you know I was down here?" I ventured to ask.

"Tracked your force signature." He said with a small shrug before he lifted his head and stepped back slightly to meet my eyes. I was relieved to confirm there was no anger in his gaze, only understanding. "But I didn't want to disturb you down there, so I waited here."

"Thank you." I whispered.

Thinking back to Tatooine when I left him alone with his mother at her grave, I was grateful he returned the favor. It wasn't that I didn't want him there. But sometimes you just need a moment alone with your best friend.

Anakin understood that.

"You look tired." He said softly, his eyes scanning my face. I was sure the fatigue I felt deep in my bones was reflected in my outward appearance.

"So do you, Golden Boy." I replied with a weary smile. 

There were deep shadows under his eyes and the indication of stress was apparent on his skin. Instinctually, I lifted my hand and smoothed the worry lines in between his eyebrows. He exhaled deeply and shut his eyes as the tension in his face eased up.

"Let's go to bed." He mumbled.

"Please." I obliged with a nod. Despite it still being the early hours of the night, nothing sounded more appealing than my bed right now. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anakin's POV

Every ounce of anger and frustration left my body as soon as I felt her agony.

After my infuriating meeting with the council, I had stormed out of the temple with every intention of finding Kels and dragging her back to the safety of her room. She had fucking promised me she would stay put. It was the only reason I felt comfortable leaving her side.

When I realized she wasn't in her room after I checked in on her force signature, I panicked.

I knew I was going overboard with my drive to protect her. I'll be the first to admit that. I never used to intrude on her force signature or feel the anxious need to be by her side every single second in case something happens. I never used to worry about her so much it turned me into a gods damned head case.

My anxiety had coiled so deeply into my brain it felt as though any moment I'd have a fucking break down. My mind was constantly on hyperdrive, my chest felt so tight it hurt, and the tremor in my hand had never been so pronounced.

I hated that it was Kels who was recently so often on the receiving end of my eroding mental state. She didn't deserve that, and she was an angel for putting up with me when everyone else seemed to write me off as reckless, impulsive or selfish.

When I stepped foot into that courtyard, I immediately understood where she was and why she was there. The temple cemetery was not one I frequented. I didn't like the reminder of all the lives lost to a war puppeted by politicians. It made me too angry.

However, when I was hit with a wave of heartbreaking pain and unfiltered sadness, my only instinct was to rush to my girl. To wrap her in my arms and provide any comfort I could. But I knew she was here to see Payto, and she needed this moment with him. Alone.

So, I stayed there in the courtyard and waited for her. And when she finally made her way back through the gate towards the temple, the sigh of her small, dejected frame made my heart twist painfully. She immediately launched into an apology, prepared to be on the receiving end of my harsh anxiety once again. It made me feel like shit.

My Kels, who is usually so bright and full of life looked absolutely drained. Both emotionally and physically. I hated that I was a major contributing factor. Any anger was banished from my mind and all I wanted to do was ease her fatigue. I'd do anything to make her hurt go away.

I was grateful she didn't hesitate to agree when I suggested we go to bed. This day had been long and fucking taxing. It was time for it to end.

My fingers stayed intertwined with hers, leading her through the temple. I had far surpassed giving a shit if anyone saw us together. And although a few notable heads were turned in our direction, I kept my eyes forward as I followed the familiar route back to my room.

My room was bigger, more comfortable and far better suited for two people. And plus, she had a small collection of her things sitting around after she had spent most nights in my bed while I was gone. Something I fucking loved by the way. I always want her in my space.

When we finally made it to my room and the door slid shut behind us, I exhaled a sigh of relief to be back behind the veil of privacy with her. She stood silently next to me, eyes taking in the miscellaneous details of my space. I wouldn't go so far as to say it was as messy as her room, but I suddenly wish I had tidied up a little bit. Taking a step to the side, I bent down to quickly pick up a pair of discarded robes from the floor.

"Relax, Skywalker." Kels said softly from behind me. "Unlike you, I am not going to go on a cleaning spree."

I chuckled to myself and stood up, tossing the robes on my work bench.

"You won't need to with the ample seating available." I said, throwing a sarcastic look over my shoulder as I beckoned towards the two unoccupied chairs pushed up against my desk.

"You Jedi...living in luxury and excess." She mumbled with that signature smirk of hers that always made my heart flip.

A grin pulled at my lips, and I shook my head softly, turning to face her again. My hands found her hips and instinctually pulled her closer to me. Her gaze met mine and despite our moment of levity, I could still see questions dancing behind her silver eyes.

However, she bit down on her lip, physically trapping the words behind her teeth. A pit of guilt formed in my gut. I had made her feel as though she can't ask me questions. Each one, as of recent, had been met with push back from me. It wasn't even intentional. But my deep-rooted habits and reactions had her holding her tongue. And I wouldn't stand for that.

"The council meeting was brutal." I said softly, being the first to surrender a truth for once. Her eyes widened softly in surprise and her eyes danced across my face looking for any sign of telling emotion.

"I'm sorry," she said in a tender voice before she hesitantly continued. "How so?"

"I broke their trust. I'm being pushed out. And from what I can tell, they have no intention of letting me back in." I explained, feeling a familiar lick of anger at the memory of Windu's determined expression.

"But...what does that mean? They're not kicking you out of the order, are they?" Kels asked, a slight panic edging at her voice as she jumped to the most extreme scenario.

"No, baby." I soothed her, not wanting to add anymore to her list of worries. Although I couldn't suppress the nagging thought in my head that had me wondering if it would be such a bad thing if the Jedi simply cut ties with me. "They can't completely kick me out. But I can tell they're withholding information from me."

A hint of relief passed across her delicate features, and I had the urge to smooth my thumb across the tension lines in her forehead, just as she has done for me multiple times before.

"Did they tell you any more detail about the attack?" She asked.

"Only that if we aren't successful in defending the temple, the future of the order might be at risk." I said as calmly as possible. At this point, I had no qualms telling her the truth.

"Oh my gods." She muttered, eyes darting to the floor in a panic. This time I did bring my hands up to cup her face and smooth my thumbs across the planes of her cheeks to soothe her.

"That won't happen. I won't let it." I promised firmly.

She looked up at me with such conviction, it made my heart swell. She undoubtably believed me. I don't think anyone has ever trusted in me the way Kels Remlik does.

Which is exactly why I was so haunted by her telling me she didn't trust me back on Tatooine. The words had been reverberating in the back of my skull ever since they left her lips. However, as much as it evoked panic and discomfort, I was gaining her trust back by just being fucking honest. It was both the simplest and most high-stakes lesson I have ever learned.

I'm a fucking idiot. But at least my girl was coming back to me. One truth at a time.

"Did Obi-Wan say anything to you?" She questioned. I couldn't help but flinch at the mention of my master. Kels noticed and immediately took my hands in hers, giving them a gentle squeeze and allowed me time to answer.

"He...was pissed. Called me reckless, which was oddly comforting." I chuckled darkly before taking a deep breath. "But he asked me about what I planned on doing once the attack is over. He implored me to remember who I am."

"What did you say?" She pressed cautiously.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." I replied with shake of my head as I recalled the emotionally charged conversation.

"And...who are you, Anakin?" Kels asked barely above a whisper.

My eyes snapped down to meet hers and I saw a vulnerability in her expression that made my chest tighten.

"I'm yours." I said without thinking. The words felt so natural and automatic rolling off my tongue. She swallowed hard and her grip on my fingers tightened as I continued, "and after this is over, I will go wherever you are."

"And if the council doesn't allow it?" her voice shook slightly.

"Then I'll leave the order." I whispered. The words hung heavy between us, but all I felt was relief. Finally, the terrifying truth had been vocalized. I'd leave the order for a life with Kels. I'd do fucking anything for her. Kels froze and I could practically see the thoughts racing behind her eyes.

"But...the prophecy." Kels reminded me in a dejected tone.

The prophecy. The pesky fucking leash keeping me tied to the Jedi order. 

I had always thought that in order to fulfill my destiny, I needed to abide by the code. Be the best Jedi I could be. This has been drilled into my psyche since I was a youngling. But that distinction has never actually been clearly made. I had been operating on a blind assumption perpetuated by the Jedi order.

Because at the end of the day, it is my destiny. Whatever is meant to happen is tied to my choices and mine alone. So, who's to say that I wouldn't fulfill this prophecy by forging my own path? Rebel against the norm, break free from oppressive structures, follow my fucking heart for once. Honestly, that sounds exactly like what a chosen one would do.

"I am meant to bring balance to the force. Between the light and the dark." I said in a quiet voice, fully aware I had never voiced my destiny to Kels. Her eyebrows furrowed as she considered the weight of what that means. "But how I do that...well that was never clearly dictated."

Her jaw set as the same conclusion I had come to hit her. "So, you can still fulfill your destiny without being a part of the Jedi order?"

"I believe I have more freedom in this than I always assumed." I said carefully, confirming her conclusion.

Kels was quiet for a few moments as she absorbed my new, taboo perspective. However, after a few moments a slow smile spread across her lips. "Holy shit." She whispered under her breath. I couldn't help but chuckle but nodded in agreement. We could both feel the hidden possibility we always hoped for finally move into the light of reality.

A future away from Coruscant, free from the Jedi code. Together.

It was a hesitant and fragile thought. But it had never felt more real.

But as our new reality gently locked into place, I felt an overwhelming wave of panic. The horrors that haunted me nightly came to the forefront and I suddenly felt my chest constrict painfully. I couldn't lose her to this attack. Not with the possibility of a new future at stake.

"What?" She asked, eyes narrowing in on mine. I'm sure my sudden shift in energy was obvious to her. My instinct again was to push it down, claim it was nothing. But the way she was looking at me, pleading with her silver gaze for me to keep telling her the truth, I surpressed my instinct. 

We had been here before. This was the stubborn barrier we kept running up against. The final truth I was terrified to tell her.

"Kels..." I said, hating how it practically sounded like a whine. Like I was in pain. 

"Please, Anakin." Kels said in a heartbreakingly desperate tone. She lifted shaking hands and cupped my face; her hold so tender it almost hurt. My eyelids shuttered, unable to look her in the eye.

But like the patient angel she is, she remained still, waiting for me to either answer or crush her once again with a dismissal of the truth. I couldn't bring myself to do that to her, not again.

"My nightmares..." I began in voice that involuntarily shook as I hesitantly met her gaze again. Kels smoothed her thumb across my cheek to encourage me as she nodded, but I could see her chest heave as her breathing picked up. "They're similar to the ones I got of my mom before she was killed."

"What are they about now?" Kels asked gently as I struggled to find the words to continue.

"You." I choked out.

Kels froze, her thumbs halting in place. Slowly, she allowed her hands to drop to her side and I immediately missed the warmth of her touch. My gaze darted across every feature of her face, looking for any kernel of fear or dread. But her expression remained still. She swallowed hard and nodded for me to continue.

"In my nightmares, you...you die in the temple attack. And it's my fault." I managed to force the words out, feeling as though I had just admitted my greatest failure.

Kels's eyes cast downwards to the floor, and I could practically see the pieces clicking into place in her mind. "That's why you were hellbent on not coming back." She eventually whispered in a tone that felt way too fucking monotone given what I had just divulged.

"Yes." I confirmed, still watching her intently. I so badly wanted to pull her into my arms, but I allowed her to process on her own.

Every second that passed felt like a knife to the heart. Would she be upset I gave in and allowed us to come back? Would she condemn me for dragging her into this? Would she hate me for damning her to this fate? The panic surged back to life in my gut because she would have every right to hate me for this.

However, when she finally lifted her head to meet my terrified expression, hers was one of sheer grit and determination. There was a fire in her eyes that I hadn't seen since she stared down the barrel of a blaster on Canto Bight. She was challenging death. Daring it to claim her.

It knocked the fucking breath from my lungs.

"I believe I have more freedom in this that you think." She said with a low resolve, echoing my previous sentiment.

It seemed we would both be challenging our fates.

"I swear to you Kels, I will do everything in my fucking power to keep you safe." I asserted, letting her know she wasn't alone in her intention of cheating death.

And although the terror still clung to everyinch of my being, the way Kels was looking at me had me believing that maybe,just maybe we'd make it out of this.