Hi Guys!! I want to thank everyone for the newest reads and engagement on this story. I love to hear from you, so please let me know what you think!

A reminder that this is a slow burn. I want this relationship to feel somewhat realistic so them confessing their love for each other after four chapters wouldn't work. But I promise, we'll get there :)

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The next day, I found myself again standing in front of the door that separated an empty staff hallway and the busy kitchen. The place I had known like the back of my hand for the past nine years. I could tell you where every pot, every pan, every obscure spice lives without hesitation. I knew every corner, every droid, and every sentient being in that kitchen. Yet standing here now, it has never felt so foreign. I considered the fact that maybe the past couple of weeks have truly changed me. And I am no longer who I was the last time I stepped foot in that room.

I definitely felt like a different person.

Chewing the inside of my cheek, I just stood there, staring at the "Staff Only" script. And I probably would have remained frozen in place if it weren't for the door suddenly sliding open to reveal a kitchen droid.

"Pardon" It chirped in a robotic tone as it wheeled around me. I quickly jumped to the side, breaking out of my trance. Once I was sure I had avoided a collision, I glanced into the bustling kitchen that I had been avoiding. It hit me how normal it looked. I had to swallow a flash of anger. Didn't anyone realize that Payto was gone? A key thread in the fabric of this kitchen tapestry has been brutally ripped away forever.

Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself that as much as it kills me, Payto didn't mean as much to this kitchen as he did to me. It only makes sense that they would carry on. I cannot hold them to my own impossibly high standards when it comes to grieving my best friend. There was work to be done. And afterall...people need to eat. Even Jedi. 

"I'm going to need you to quicken the pace on that bread." A gravelly voice called out. My head snapped in the direction of Glynn who was eyeing a kitchen worker I didn't recognize. The Mirialan girl nodded curtly and rolled up her sleeves before diving back into the mound of dough before her. Glynn sighed and turned to bark orders at the next being in her path. Just as she began to open her mouth, her eyes flicked in my direction.

"Oh Kels!" She exclaimed and rushed towards me. Before I had time to react, I was enveloped into her arms. She smelled like flour and soap; a smell I had grown familiar with and surprisingly comforted me more than I thought it would.

"Hi, Glynn." I said in a muffled voice as she pressed me against her chest.

She eventually released me from her grasp and gave me a hard look. I tried to force a smile under her assessing gaze. A few more seconds passed, and she nodded softly to herself as if confirming I was in decent enough shape to be back in her kitchen.

"I have you on prep today." She said in an uncharacteristically gentle voice.

I felt a rush of gratitude towards her as she seemed to bypass any painful conversations or pleasantries that would cause me to crumble. It would be easier for both of us to just carry on with the routine. It occurred to me that losing Payto likely hurt for her too. Despite her gruff exterior, she had become somewhat of a mother figure to us over the years. Payto was as close to a son as she ever had.

"Thank you, Glynn." I said, reaching up to gently squeeze her spindly arm. A glassy sheen glossed over her amber eyes as she pursed her lips and nodded before turning away to leave me to my work.

Turning towards my usual workstation, I eyed the utensils that had been left untouched since the last time I was there. Picking up a knife in my hand, I gently rolled my wrist to reacquaint myself with the instrument. With a deep sigh, I got to work on the pile of vegetables that had been dumped on my station by a droid. I began to slice and chop, enjoying the repetition and easy work to keep my hands and mind busy. Thankfully, I was left alone to complete my tasks instead of being put on serving duty or in a position that required conversation. This was a perfect way to ease back into things. I sent another mental thanks to Glynn.

Surprisingly, the day went by faster than I expected and before I knew it, my shift was over. I was carefully wiping down my workspace when I saw a figure approach in my peripheral vision. I turned my head to lock eyes with the new Mirialan girl, she gave me a small wave and smiled hesitantly.

"Hey." I said, setting down the cloth I held in my hand and attempting to return her smile.

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Rala." She said in a soft voice and stopped a few steps before me.

"I'm Kels." I replied and held out my hand. Her smile grew as she took my hand in hers and gently shook it.

"Nice to meet you, Kels." Rala said.

"Nice to meet you too." I replied. "New here?"

"Yes, I started about a week ago." She said. I felt a tightness in my throat as I realized that she must be Payto's replacement. Swallowing hard, I nodded.

"Welcome." My voice cracked. Clearing my throat, I forced my face into a strained smile. "Let me know if you have any questions. I've been working here forever...practically a kitchen expert."

Rala chuckled in response, her violet eyes shining with gratitude against her jade-colored skin. "Thank you. I will take you up on that, I'm sure."

"Of course. Anytime." I replied.

Rala gave me a slight nod, her soft smile never leaving her face. I found myself responding with my own genuine smile before she turned back towards her workstation. Something about her presence was soothing. I considered the idea that maybe one day we could become friends. However, that queasy mistrust clawed at the back of my mind, reminding of the last time I thought I had made a new friend. Clenching my jaw, I exhaled through my nose and tried to wrestle those feelings down.

I eventually made my way out of the kitchen and through the halls of the temple. With hours to kill before midnight, I decided to head to the temple garden. I relished the feeling of the brisk air hitting my skin as I stepped out into the lush courtyard. Despite the winter months approaching, the flour beds were teeming with vibrant blooms and delicate-looking trees. I always wondered if the Jedi used the force to keep this garden thriving year-round. Following a stone path, I made my way to a wooden bench positioned just in front of a small pond covered in large lily pads. Flashes of gold and silver from the fish lazily maneuvering around the roots caused the water to almost sparkle in the soft dusk lighting. I sighed deeply at the calming sight.

My mind wandered back to the previous night. Anakin had spent over an hour trying to instruct me on how to put up mental barriers to block my thoughts from others. As if that is something one could just do. However, after essentially zero progress, we both grew frustrated. He is a much better at teaching fighting basics than Jedi mind tricks. So, he declared that he needed to do some research in the library, and called it quits for the night.

I couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling of doubt. Anakin asking me to just "turn my brain off" felt like trying to flex muscles in a limb that doesn't even exist. Or like reciting a poem in a language I have never heard. I didn't even know where to start.

No matter how many times he demanded I "focus," I just didn't even know what to focus on. I knew part of the Jedi practice involved meditation. Perhaps I needed to give that a go.

"Here goes nothing." I whispered to myself and closed my eyes.

I rested my palms on my knees and attempted to empty my mind. I tried to focus on the feeling of the crisp air on my skin, on the soft trickle of the water, on the aromatic smell of the surrounding flowers. However, each time I banished a thought, a new one quickly followed suit. And before I knew it, my mind wandered to darker places. Images of the Jedi council interrogating me about Payto's murder, my gaunt reflection in the mirror, Anakin looking at me with disgust and telling me to grow up.

My eyes snapped open.

"Fuck this." I muttered in frustration, holding my head in my hands. Instead of banishing my thoughts, I was sitting with them. And that was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Language, Remlik." I heard someone tut from behind me, breaking the tranquil silence. I practically jumped out of my skin. Whipping my head around, I saw Anakin standing there with his arms crossed wearing an amused expression.

"Shit Anakin." I breathed out, clutching my chest with my hand.

"Such a dirty mouth." Anakin chuckled and made his way over to sit next to me, bringing heat to my cheeks. 

"The way you can creep up on people like that is...unnatural." I muttered, shooting him a glare as he crossed one ankle over the other in front of him. With his broad shoulders now taking up most of the bench, the side of his body was mere inches from mine, and I had to stop myself from leaning into his warmth. He let out another soft laugh and gazed at the pond with a shrug.

"How was your first day back in the kitchen?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

"W-How did you know?" I asked, turning to face him.

"I can feel your emotions, remember?" He replied, keeping his gaze forward but bringing his index finger to tap his temple, "I figured that combination of nerves and relief could only mean one thing."

"Oh...right." I said, slouching down against the backrest of the bench.

"So how was it?" He pressed.

"It was...good. Much better than I was expecting to be honest. There's a new Mirialan girl who replaced Payto." I saw Anakin's eyes flick over to my face as I continued, "She actually seems nice." Anakin nodded and let out a soft exhale.

"That's good, Kels." He said earnestly.

"Yeah, for a few moments it actually felt normal. I haven't felt normal in a while." I chuckled, allowing my eyes to graze across the lily pads.

"Eh...normal is overrated." He said and nudged me softly with his shoulder.

"Oh yeah that's right, chosen one," I said with an eye roll, "you wouldn't know normal if it hit you straight in the face."

"Can't deny that." He muttered and bit down on a smirk. "But in all seriousness, I am proud of you for doing that. For going back in there. I know how hard that was for you."

I'm ashamed to admit how much his praise made my heart swell. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop from grinning. I could feel him looking down at me but kept my eyes focused straight ahead.

"Thank you, Anakin." I said just above a whisper.

We sat comfortably in silence for a few more moments, just staring at the glittering pond. I was struck by an overwhelming feeling of contentment. Sitting here, in this beautiful garden, next to Anakin who seemed to be in a good mood. I hadn't felt this level of ease in a long time. Letting out a quiet sigh, I smiled softly to myself.

"So, what were you doing out here?" Anakin finally broke the silence.

"I was attempting to meditate." I admitted, realizing it would be useless to lie. I could feel the heat return to my cheeks.

"Oh why? I hate meditating." Anakin said, I looked up at him as he scrunched his face in displeasure. I couldn't help but giggle at his boyish reaction.

"I don't know..." I began, "You Jedi seem to do it all the time. I thought it might help me to tune into the force and still my mind." I used the phrases he kept repeating to no avail last night.

"And, please tell me, how exactly were you going about that?" He asked with a smirk.

The temperature in my cheeks continued to rise. I felt silly explaining my amateur and ineffective method of meditation to a Jedi knight.

"I guess I just, tried to empty my mind of thoughts. Emphasis on the tried." I said, admitting my failure.

"No luck, huh?" He asked, angling his head towards me.

"Nope." I replied, popping the "p."

"Yeah, that never worked for me either. The whole 'empty your mind' thing." He said, leaning back into the backrest. I looked up at him with a curious expression. "I found the opposite to be more effective. I focus in on one memory, a truly happy one, and lose myself there, in that moment. That's the only way I can quiet everything else in my head. That's when I feel closest to the force."

"What memory?" I ask before I could stop myself, curiosity getting the best of me. "You don't have to answer that" I quickly followed up, looking down at my lap.

Anakin was quiet for a few moments, he stared ahead, and I could tell he was contemplating whether to tell me or not.

"I'm back on Tatooine..." He began softly, to my surprise, "sitting at the old, weathered table in our tiny dwelling. My mom is there. She just took a fresh loaf of Haroun bread out of the wood stove. The smell of it filling our home. She is humming the song she would sing to me as I fell asleep every night. This is the last morning we ever shared together before...everything."

Anakin's voice trailed off as he swallowed hard, keeping his gaze forward. The pure simplicity of this memory struck a chord in my heart. Despite proclaiming normal as overrated, it is his last memory of normalcy that brings him true peace when he needs it most. I couldn't help but ache for that little boy on Tatooine who left his mother, his only family, at such a young age to step into a role he likely didn't fully comprehend. I understood what it was like to be torn away from your family, the only life you know.

"That's a beautiful memory, Anakin." I said softly. Looking up at his face, illuminated by the burnt orange hues of impending nightfall. His golden tan complexion was radiant and his brilliant blue eyes gleamed despite his almost pained expression. I so badly wanted to reach up and brush the curls out of his face, to smooth away the hard lines currently occupying his face. But I kept my hands on my lap, pressing into my thighs to keep them still.

"I have never told anyone that." He said, a muscle flickering in his jaw. He seemed surprised by his own admission. Like he hadn't intended on actually telling me.

"I won't tell anyone. I promise." I replied quickly wanting him to trust me.

"I know." He whispered. A few more seconds passed before he gently shook his head and cleared his throat. "Okay now give it a try."

"What, meditating?" I asked.

"Yes," He confirmed, "Pick a memory. Maybe the last time you felt true happiness. And really be there in that moment. Focus on how it feels. Let that feeling fill your body."

"Okay..." I said hesitantly. "Give me a minute."

Closing my eyes, I began to dig through the jumbled confines of my mind. Sorting through memories that ranged from my mother's warm smile, to my father's strong arms, to Payto's contagious laugh. And while each one evokes joy, they are also tainted by the sadness of loss. Each time I thought I had settled on a memory; I would be overcome by grief.

"A happy memory, Kels." Anakin said, clearly sensing my sorrow.

I chuckled darkly and considered that maybe I do not have any memories that bring me pure, unobstructed happiness. Just as I was about to give up, a recent memory flickered into my subconscious. Anakin. I'm sitting in the passenger seat of his speeder, laughing out loud with glee as he darts through sky traffic. I clearly picture his grin at my reaction to his adrenaline-inducing piloting. It was such a simple memory, but it was pure joy.

I focus in on his expression. His cheeky grin and the dimples that made a rare appearance. The feeling of butterflies both as a result of the man sitting next to me and the sudden changes in gravity from his flying. Pure, simple happiness.

"There it is." Anakin muttered next to me. I was grateful he could only sense my emotions and not my exact thoughts. "Now let that feeling take over."

I nodded with my eyes still closed. I allowed the warmth of the memory to infiltrate every corner of my body. From my head to my toes, I leaned into the comfort of that memory. I recalled the wind whipping across my face, the feeling of the leather seat in my clenched hands, and the unbridled joy of flying with Anakin.

Without realizing, my body relaxed into the bench. Anakin's arm was now pressed to my shoulder. I took advantage of the soothing contact and leaned into that as well. Now I had fully surrendered to the memory.

"Good, Kels." He murmured after a few moments. "Now I want you to imagine your body holding this feeling. Think about how it fills your heart, flows through your veins, fills your lungs." I nodded, his words sounding distant but clear and allowed the warm, fuzzy feeling to take over from my head to my toes. I sighed at how nice it felt. 

"Now just as you pushed it to every inch of your body, imagine funneling the feeling into your head. Allow it to occupy your brain, but nowhere else." He instructed. I did as he said and imagined the golden warmth making its way from my limbs to head. Suddenly, my body felt foreign, but my head was practically buzzing with energy.

"Good, you have contained the feeling to your mind." He said softly, "Now I want you to imagine a deflector shield. Really visualize it surrounding your brain, protect that happy feeling."

I did as he asked and visualized the iridescent film of the deflector shields I often see protecting important buildings around the capital. Imagining the gentle hum of energy slowly spreading over the surface my brain caused me to shiver. I pictured the shimmery shield surfaces joining together to form a web of energy protecting the feeling of joy I had confined to my head. When the edges finally met and the shield was whole, my eyes snapped open.

I wasn't sure how else to explain the sensation other than a physical click.

I looked over at Anakin who was smiling at me causing the warm happiness in my head to surge against the barrier I had just constructed in my mind.

"And that right there Kels, is the power of visualization and the force. You fucking did it." He said with a soft laugh.

"You can't feel anything? From me?" I asked, looking up at him with wide eyes. But I already knew the answer. Although it wasn't quite "turning my brain off," I could feel the comforting insulation in my head. I knew that with this new shield, I had been able to at least shut off my mind to everyone else. 

The force. Those simple words made my heart soar.

"Nope." he shrugged, turning towards me. His easy smile then faltered and was replaced by his usual serious expression, his eyes narrowed in on mine. Suddenly, he reached up his gloved hand and brought it up to my face. With one finger, he slowly stroked along my jaw upwards towards my ear.

My heart practically stopped as I froze under his touch. He was so gentle as the soft leather caressed my cheek. Butterflies erupted in my stomach, and I had to stop myself from leaning into his hand, I had to shut down the desire to feel more than just his one finger on my skin. So, I remained still, locked in to his intense gaze.

I realized I wasn't breathing when his finger trailed its way up to my cheek bone. And with an incredible amount of tenderness, he tucked the hair that had fallen into my face behind my ear. Then he leaned forward, never breaking eye contact as if he was searching for something. He was mere inches from my face and if I were braver, I would have closed the distance between us myself. However, before I could move, he swerved his head slightly so that his lips were now hovering above my ear. The warmth in my head practically exploded within the confines of the barrier.

"Yeah...definitely can't feel anything." He whispered, his lips ever so slightly ghosting over the sensitive skin of my ear. I couldn't help but shiver, resulting in a bright crimson to bloom across my cheeks. Anakin remained there for a few more seconds until he exhaled a chuckle through his nose and quickly pulled away, immediately resuming his casual posture on the bench next to me.

I remained still, unable to do anything but blink at him. And when my thoughts finally returned to my brain, I realized what he was doing, and I was equally mortified and pissed off. 

He was testing me. 

He obviously had been able to feel the effect he has on me. I'm sure my emotions ran wild whenever he was near or would touch me. There's no way my feelings and attraction towards him had gone unnoticed. Especially if I had been unknowingly projecting my emotions towards him. My crush had been pathetically served up to him on a silver platter without me even realizing.

"Don't do that." I whispered, still not breaking our eye contact.

"Don't be embarrassed Kels, I am well aware of the effect I have on women." He said cockily, leaning back into the bench, "It was the easiest way for me to test that shield of yours."

I stared at him, unsure of what to say. Was that supposed to make me feel better? That I am just another silly girl pining after the Anakin Skywalker? One of the many, nothing special. felt my jaw clench involuntarily.

Who was I to think I ever stood a chance? I was nothing and as soon as he was fully recovered, he would leave the temple on an adventure and things would go right back to how they had always been for years. How they were always meant to be.

Without noticing, this realization caused the barrier around my brain to falter as I felt the tiny sliver of hope I secretly held die. And in its place, a hideous ball of humiliation formed.

I didn't even realize until I saw Anakin's cocky expression fall and his eyebrows knit together in concern. Oh, he could feel that.

"Shit...Kels...I didn't mean-" He began quickly.

"It's fine." I cut him off, swallowing hard and forcing a close-lipped smile. I quickly focused on patching the cracks in my mental shield, willing the barrier to be whole again.

"No, I-I'm sorry. That was unkind of me." He said with genuine regret.

Gathering up my few remaining shreds of dignity, I set my face into a flat expression and slightly lifted my chin. "Don't worry. It won't keep me up at night, Skywalker." I made sure my mental barrier was intact so that he might believe this charade of indifference.

Anakin gave me a hard look, scanning my features for any hint of the emotions I was keeping tightly locked down inside. He sighed and nodded, mercifully deciding not to press the issue.

"You're going to have to practice keeping the shields up for a while, but eventually it will become second nature...muscle memory." He said, thankfully changing the subject, back to business.  The tightness in my chest eased slightly.

I nodded, chewing the inside of my cheek. It seemed easy enough to practice now that I knew what it felt like to shield my emotions and contain them to my own head. However, I also knew that was only the half of it when it comes to force empathy.

"So how do I manipulate other's emotions? Beyond just making them feel what I am feeling." I asked. The corner of Anakin's lip twitched into a smirk.

"Easy there, killer." He said, "One step at a time."

I rolled my eyes and sat back against the bench backrest, folding my arms across my chest. Now that I had been able to do one simple thing with the force, I wanted to know more.

"Fine." I said definitively, "We'll continue at midnight tonight."

Anakin laughed, causing me to narrow my eyes at him.

"I think this is enough for today. You can have the night off." He said with a hint of condescending that made me want to scoff.

We sat in silence for a few more moments. A night off might actually not be that bad of an idea. I'm sure I could use a full night's sleep. And any time spent with Anakin always left me feeling exhausted. More and more, it was a roller coaster of emotion. Easy, tender moments directly contradicting the tense, cold and embarrassing interactions. Nothing involving Anakin was simple, that I knew to be true.

But despite my embarrassment and fatigue, I still wanted to spend time with him. 

"I have a better idea," I said, turning to face him. He raised an eyebrow in curiosity allowing me to continue. "It's my turn to impart some knowledge onto you."