Hello loves!

Here's another one for you :) Always appreciate the feedback...from old readers to new, I'd love to hear from you! 

This one dives into some of Kels and Anakin's relationships outside of each other. I think it's important to show how some of the pieces eventually come together. 

Please reach out if anything feels confusing or rushed, I would be beyond happy to provide more color on how & why they approached each situation.  

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Anakin's POV

Kels was right.

Padme needed an apology from me. She deserved an apology from me.

I had no idea three simple words would open the floodgates of question and confusion. My assumption that Padme was of equal mind when it came to the ending of our relationship was apparently wrong.

I tried to explain that, from my perspective, it had been clear as fucking day that things weren't working between us. The politics and diplomacy that ruled our entire relationship had worn down the bond between us until there was absolutely nothing left to salvage. If you had taken away the talks of strategy or the senatorial brainstorms, we'd be left sitting in silence.

I acknowledge the role I played in the demise of our relationship when I opted to check out. She had thought we were a team, taking on the galaxy together using our combined political prowess and Jedi influence. But I failed to tell Padme that I had removed myself from her game.

And she had failed to even realize.

But I had taken the easy route by blaming the Jedi code. Because clearly, the code will not stop me.

At the time it seemed like the easiest and least pain-inducing way to finally call it on a relationship that had been almost entirely consumed by apathy and pathetic attempts at romantic partnership. There was a part of me that felt Padme must have felt it too. She must have been subconsciously looking for an out too.

Thinking back to that night, when it finally became too unbearable, I practically blurted it out. While she was in the middle of reciting a speech for the tenth time over a holocall. It also happened to be my mother's birthday, and so fresh after her death, I couldn't stand to hear another word about a senate vote or how once again, we had reached a monumental impasse that we shall look back on in the ages to come. So, when I interrupted her by saying this wasn't working and I needed to honor my dedication to the code, I'll admit my delivery wasn't ideal. But the sentiment was honest.

And Padme, who increasingly refused to let her carefully crafted senatorial veneer drop, simply nodded her head, smiled and agreed. It was too easy. So, I had assumed we were on the same page.

And we did seem to be on the same page. That is until she realized what was going on between Kels and I. She seemed to echo Obi-Wan's claim that the connection Kels and I share is impossible to ignore. It became abundantly clear that I was disregarding the code for Kels, and I was no longer abiding by the same rules that doomed my relationship with Padme. Understandably Padme was left to deduce that the problem was never the code, it was her.

But it wasn't just her. It was us.

Hearing Padme express her hurt and confusion had me revisiting the end of our partnership, and the guilt settled into a heavy pit in my stomach. All faults aside, I respect Padme and I never hoped to hurt her this deeply. And if finally being honest would help provide closure, I could give her that.

"It wasn't ever going to work long term. We were too different." I admitted, controlling my tone in an effort to soften the truth. She still cringed in response. 

"But you didn't even try, Anakin. I wish you would have just opened up to me about how you were really feeling." Padme said, making no effort to hide the sadness in her voice. She let out a frustrated exhale and sunk into the broad backrest of her leather seat. We had been going in circles.

I had to stifle a groan. This felt all too familiar to the arguments we used to have when Padme would chastise me about my inability to provide her with sufficient affection, particularly in public. She always claimed I wasn't putting in enough effort. Before I could revert to a familiar pattern of brushing her off as too sensitive, I forced myself to take a deep breath.

With the benefit of hindsight, I could now see that she wasn't completely wrong. I cared about Padme a great deal when we were together, but if push came to shove, there were a number of things I'd prioritize over her. My Jedi status and the approval of the council in particular.

I figured I just wasn't that guy. The one who would abandon everything for the woman I love if it actually came down to it.

But then I met Kels.

So, Padme is right. She wasn't getting my best effort; I do have more to give. Perhaps I didn't try hard enough, and she deserves more from her partner. I was wrong to check out of a relationship and essentially abandon her emotionally without having the balls to talk to her about it.

"You're right," I conceded, trying to catch her gaze. "I should have talked to you about how I was feeling. It was unfair of me and you deserved more than what I was giving you."

Padme's eyebrows raised indicating surprise. This was now the second time I apologized to her over the course of this conversation. And she could probably count on one hand the amount of genuine apologies she received from me throughout our relationship. I made a habit of doubling down and shielding behind easy excuses. Not something I'm proud of.

"Thank you, Anakin." Padme whispered, blinking hard before I saw her chest swell with a deep breath before she continued. "I've just spent so much time picking myself apart, wondering what could possibly be so wrong with me that you could just easily walk away from everything we had."

"No, Padme-" I began.

"Honestly, it was easier when I could blame the code. But then I saw you with Kels..." She said with a dark chuckle.

I had to stifle the flash of protectiveness when I heard Kels's name. I still didn't love the idea of Padme knowing about us. But if I were to finally close this chapter between Padme and I for once and for all, I needed to give a little.

"Padme, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. Or for you to blame yourself." I said firmly, turning my body to fully face her. "There is nothing wrong with you. You are a fucking force of nature, and you deserve someone who matches your passion, drive, and selflessness. And I am sorry that couldn't be me." I made sure to convey my sincerity as I apologized for the third time.

Padme let out an exhale as her gaze became glossed over with tears. I could practically see the tension lifting from her shoulders. I didn't realize how much she probably needed to hear that from me.

"And I'm sorry for being so blinded by politics that I failed to recognize you pulling away." She said in a shaky voice, looking up at me with a sad smile pulling at her lips. A subtle weight I didn't even realize I was harboring in a small corner of my heart lifted and it took me by surprise. I guess I also needed to hear an apology.

We sat in silence for a few moments, allowing our long-awaited conversation to settle between us. My eyes flicked down to my hands, and I suddenly became unsure of how to proceed.

"Well, we had a good run." I eventually said, opting to lighten the mood.

Padme's head shot up and she looked at me with a hint of surprise before a lightness crept into her features and she let out a soft chuckle. "I suppose that depends on your definition of good." She replied, biting down on a smirk.

"I mean, we did get a lot of shit done." I said, returning my own smirk.

"I suppose we we're always much better as colleagues than lovers." She said with a light laugh.

I inhaled a chuckle and nodded in agreement. She has a point there.

Another bout of comfortable silence passed over and I took the opportunity to check in on the multiple cockpit screens to ensure we were still on course.

"You know," Padme said softly, tearing my focus from the buttons and dials in front of me. When I made eye contact with her, she was wearing a genuine smile. "Kels seems to be really good for you."

Again, I felt my lips twitch into a frown at the mention of my highly secret and protected relationship. But I found myself nodding in agreement.

"Anakin, I promise your secret is safe with me." she said, taking note of my hesitation before she continued with a knowing expression. "I have a feeling your willingness to rehash the past is largely due to her encouragement...especially after the conversation I had with her last night."

"You're not wrong." I said with a chuckle, focusing in on a quivering dial on the control panel. I was still unsure of how to talk about Kels without giving away my emotions. My innate protectiveness of her had me wanting to keep my emotions tightly under wraps. Despite trusting Padme, I didn't feel comfortable giving anyone even a fucking morsel of detail when it comes to Kels and I.

Clearly, Padme knows me well enough to know when to not press a conversation. So, she gently shook her head, smiling to herself and settled her gaze through the window and outwards into hyperspace.

We had reached an unspoken agreement that the quota of vulnerable conversations has already been hit for the time being.

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Kels's POV

I allowed myself a day.

One day to be sad and listless after Anakin left for Naboo. I went through the motions in the kitchen and was able to wallow in my own private pity without drawing much attention.

Only Rala was able to sense something was off with me. However apart from a few polite questions, she kept her distance. Something I suspected was largely due to her closeness with Blake. I could only imagine what he had told her about the night of the speeder race.

It absolutely ate at me.

So that's why when my self-allotted 24 hours of woe was over, I found myself standing in front of Blake's uncle's repair shop. Rocking back onto my heels, I tried to calm my racing heartbeat as I worked up the courage to knock on the large metal door.

It had been a few days now since the night Anakin and Blake got into it at the bar, and I couldn't help but feel guilty that I hadn't stopped by sooner. There was no doubt Blake had infinite questions. If he wasn't confused, I'd be shocked.

At the end of the day, I don't have many friends. So, if there is any semblance of a friendship here, it was worth it for me to try to salvage it. But I also had my own questions.

With a deep breath, I raised my hand and rapped my knuckles against the door.

At first, I was met with silence. But just as I was about to turn around and admit defeat, I heard a ruckus from the other side of the door.

"Be there in a moment!" I heard Blake's familiar voice call out. Cringing slightly when I heard a crash of metal followed by a string of profanities, I readied myself to face my friend...if I could still call him that.

Finally, the door slid open to reveal Blake who wore a client-facing smile. However, that smile dropped as soon as his eyes landed on me. Instead, a flash of hurt danced across his expression before he gathered himself into a hard, unbothered posture.

"Hi." I said, swallowing hard before I mustered up a soft smile. There was a painful tug at my heart as I noticed a flourish of bruising across his cheek bone and beneath his left eye. Anakin had left his mark.

"Hello, Kels." He replied in a cool tone, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the door frame. My eyes flicked to the ground, taking in his scuffed up, steel-toed boots. I had a hard time holding his indifferent gaze. Realizing he wasn't going to extend his usual invite for me to come inside, I forced myself to look him in the eye. Discomfort caused a flush of heat to dance across my cheeks.

"Do you have a moment to talk?" I asked, trying keep the begging from edging at my tone.

Blake scoffed and sent his gaze to focus just past my shoulder as he considered his response. "Oh, so now you want to talk?" He eventually asked with a dark sarcasm dripping from his tone.

I cringed. Maybe I should have come to talk to him sooner instead. I had been so wrapped up in Anakin...which I suspected was the very source of Blake's icy behavior.

"Blake, please." I replied, now not attempting to hide the pleading in my tone. It hit me how much I missed his friendship. He had been a breath of fresh air when I so desperately needed it and the last thing, I wanted was for him to feel discarded.

His sharpened hazel eyes scanned my expression before they softened ever so softly with a deep sigh. He flipped the oil-stained towel in his hands over his shoulder and stepped aside, motioning for me to come inside. "Make it quick." He mumbled.

Relief washed over me, and I shot him and appreciative smile before stepping into the familiar shop. The smell of motor oil and engine fuel permeated the large working area, and I noticed a repair droid scuttle by with an unidentifiable part sparking in its hold. It seemed like business as usual, but Blake's demeanor could not have been further from typical as he made his way over to a pair of tattered leather chairs tucked into a corner of the shop. I followed him and racked my brain for the right thing to say.

Once we settled into our worn leather seats across from each other, Blake stared at me with vexed anticipation.

I'm waiting. I could practically hear him say.

I cleared my throat awkwardly and twisted my fingers in my lap. The dingy shop lighting cast his face in shadows and made his injury look even more pronounced.

"Are you alright?" I asked gently, unable to contain my concern.

Blake's eyebrows piqued with subtle surprise before he let out a dark chuckle and shook his head softly. "Not my first bar fight, Kels. I'll live." He said with a tight-lipped smile.

I nodded and forced myself to sit a little straighter. "I'm really sorry, Blake." I asserted, making sure to look him in the eye.

"Are you apologizing for yourself or for Anakin?" He asked, cocking his head to the side as he assessed me.

Both, I guess.

"Anakin should not have hit you. And I am sorry I left with him that night without an explanation...and then went radio silent." I confirmed the root of my apology.

Again, Blake scoffed and slouched back into his chair, he brought up an ankle and crossed it over his knee. I wondered if this was in effort to quell the anxious bounce in his leg.

"He has a fucking screw loose." Blake muttered.

My jaw clenched involuntarily. Blake does not know Anakin.

"You provoked him." I shot back, feeling the need to defend my Jedi.

"I provoked him?" Blake exclaimed, shooting me an incredulous look as he sat forward again.

"What was it exactly? Oh, that's right...soon I won't be able to even remember his name because I'll be screaming yours in bed every night." I repeated Blake's fight-provoking words. I watched as his jaw went slightly slack and a look of shame seeped into his eyes.

By keeping the focus on me, I had strategically opted to not dredge up Blake's painful slave comment. No one needs to know how deeply that impacted Anakin. And why exactly it set him off...

"So, he told you?" Blake asked, although it sounded more like a statement. When I nodded decisively, Blake cringed. "I shouldn't have said that." He added in a softer tone.

"You think?" I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back into my chair.

Blake opened his mouth to speak but then closed it. He looked at me with regret and let out a deep sigh before he eventually spoke.

"I'm sorry." He was now the one apologizing.

"I consider you a friend, Blake. It was hurtful to hear you were talking about me like that. Like a piece of property." I countered. He wasn't the only one who was wounded from that night.

"I never should have spoken about you like that. I just...I knew it would be the one thing that would knock that cocky fucking look off his face." He said, running a frustrated hand through his hair and giving me a surrendering look.

Anakin wasn't completely innocent. He was antagonizing Blake all night with his smug quips and shit-eating grins. But I wouldn't allow either of them to use me as a way to hit below the belt. That's where I draw the line.

"Listen," I began softly, eyeing him with severity. "I'm aware he was also prodding at you the whole night. And that he showed up without warning. But I will not be used as a gods damned pawn in your ego-fueled standoff, got it?"

"Got it." Blake said softly as he avoided my tenacious gaze.

A deep sigh escaped from my lungs. It felt good to get that off my chest, but the air was still heavy between us.

"Kels, I...I don't want you to ever feel as though I think of you like that...like a piece of property. That makes me feel fucking sick to my stomach." Blake cut through the silent weight. He looked up at me with a raw emotion that caused my breath to hitch in my throat. He took a deep breath before continuing. "Because I think you are incredible. And brave, and fascinating, and beautiful. And if you'd have me, I'd do everything in my power to make you happy."

"Blake, please, I-" I quickly stuttered. My heart twisted at the honesty and vulnerability in his tone.

"But," He cut me off. Putting me out of my misery in trying to find a way to let him down lightly. "I know your heart is with Anakin Skywalker."

My heart rate picked up and I stared at him with a mixture of fear and guilt. Another name to add to the growing list of those in the know when it comes to Anakin and me. My jaw clamped shut and I decided my best course of action was to neither confirm nor deny. But I couldn't hide the pleading look on my face as my eyes frantically scanned his dejected expression.

"I mean...in what world would you chose me over the literal chosen one?" Blake continued, a smile hinting at the corner of his lips. The jest in his voice helped to soothe my nerves.

He wasn't going to make me say it. He'd allow me the luxury of silence and plausible deniability. But we both knew he knows the truth.

"You are potentially my best living friend, Blake. I'm sorry if I made you feel as though that weren't the case." I said in soft earnest. The words tumbling from my lips before I could discern how pathetic and strange they sounded out loud. But apart from Payto, Blake has grown into the closest thing I have to a best friend. It wasn't lost on me how instrumental he was in pulling me out of the darkness that defined the end of last year. And it struck me that my desire to maintain this relationship was rooted in avoiding another best friend from being ripped out of my life. And after his confession, I wanted him to know how much I cared about him...despite it not being in the way he had hoped.

"Potentially?" He scoffed with a gentle smile, shaking his head softly at my odd choice of words. "Well, I'll work to prove to you that I am definitely your best living friend. Starting with keeping your secrets."

"Thank you." I whispered, the closest I'd get to confirming the truth out loud. He gave me a knowing nod. "You know...you can trust me with your secrets too." I pressed, my eyes wandering down to rest on the tattoo peeking out from underneath the sleeve of his shirt. By reflex, he brought his hand up to tug at the fabric and cover the tendrils of black ink.

"I'm going to assume he told you about that too." He said in a dark, low voice with eyes cast downwards. He was right, Anakin did tell me about the mark of a Crimson Arms initiate.

"He told me what the tattoo means in general." I said carefully, pausing to take note of the way Blake's once broad shoulders caved in on themselves leaving him looking impossibly boyish and remorseful. "But I want to know what it means to you." I continued gently.

Blake sat still for a few moments, the muscle in his clenched jaw flickering as he considered what to say next. I waited patiently, not wanting to push him.

"It's difficult...growing up down here." He began in a tight voice. "There aren't a lot of options for people like us. I tried to do things the right way. I busted my ass in school and here at the shop with my uncle. I was even in consideration for a scholarship to attend the university on the surface. But my parents...like so many others, got hooked on smootdust. And when they racked up a debt, the drug dealers came knocking. And when my mom and dad skipped town, it was up to me to clean up their fucking mess." He let out a sharp exhale and was now twisting the oil-stained towel into tight knots in his hands as he kept his eyes fixed on the floor. I fought the urge to comfort him.

"I dropped out of school and picked up as many shifts as I could here at the shop to pay off the debt. But it still wasn't enough. I was out of time and threats were now being made to my uncle...and my friends. And the local authorities were zero fucking help. They pretty much shrugged it off as a personal problem. But one of my old friends in the Crimson Arms, he listened. And before I knew it, they were offering me a lifeline. In exchange for my loyalty. I had no other choice, Kels, truly." He finally looked up at me, a deep pain etched into his features.

"The initiation was fucking brutal. It's blood for blood when it comes to the Arms. But I refused to kill in order to prove my loyalty, so I had to be jumped in to gain membership." He said, the last few words trailing into a whisper. I exhaled sharply and involuntarily brought a hand up to cover my mouth. In my research of the Crimson Arms, I learned what being jumped in meant. Blake had to endure multiple bouts of ruthless beatings from fellow gang members. Initiates being jumped in aren't allowed to defend themselves and are expected to just take it as a way to prove their toughness. Many don't make it out alive.

"Oh, Blake..." I said, reaching an arm out to rest on his shoulder. He flinched slightly at my contact, clearly still lost in the trauma of the memory. I quickly retracted my hand and held it tight in my lap.

"Don't pity me." He said with a dark chuckle. "I did horrible things. I ruined lives. But I would never kill. That was my line, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. And the leaders hated that, they thought it was some ego-driven holier than thou bullshit. They didn't like how I could be a part of the Crimson Arms but have no blood on my hands."

Blake shuttered slightly and glanced up at me, the hurt had now completely consumed him. "So, they decided to change that, whether I liked it or not. This was back when I used to race for the gang. I had grown up racing the circuit along with my friend, Yetik. He was the one who actually ended up earning the scholarship to the university once I had removed myself from the running. We just had one more race left of the season until he'd retire for a life on the surface. He was so fucking excited, and everyone was rooting for him to pull out a final win. The race went off without a hitch, until the final turn. Yetik and I were neck and neck, we had pulled ahead of the pack and were racing for the finish line when I suddenly lost all control of my speeder. I spun out and ended up clipping Yetik's bike. The force sent him flying full-speed into a durasteel bunker. He died instantly."

My heart dropped. Blake blinked hard but continued, his sadness morphing into a dark anger.

"It seemed like such a freak accident. But when the story started to spread that I had purposefully crashed into Yetik with intent to kill him, I sought out answers. Turns out a Crimson Arms member had rigged my bike without me realizing which allowed for remote control. My crash with Yetik was orchestrated in an attempt to frame me as a bitter loser who was jealous of my friend's success. Suddenly, there was blood on my hands. Whether it was true or not, no one was going to argue with the CA members spreading the false narrative. They went so far as to kill one of my oldest friends just to remind me that no one is above the gang. No one gets to walk around without a bloodstained reputation. As if reputation ever fucking mattered to me to begin with."

Blake was now clutching the towel so hard in his hands, his knuckles had turned white and his fists began to shake. The pieces were coming together.

This was the crash Rala was referring to when she explained why Blake stopped racing. This is why he takes it upon himself to double and triple check each bike before the race begins. This is why he has dedicated his expertise to ensuring each racer is as safe as possible. This is why he is an absolute anxious mess whenever watching a race.

"As soon as I realized what had really happened. I left the gang. By that point I had racked up enough savings working here to keep the drug dealers off my back, and now that my reputation was tarnished, the Crimson Arms didn't care to keep me under their thumb. They had succeeded in ruining me. So, I was jumped out, and as long as I keep to myself, they don't bother me. But I'll never fucking forgive myself for what happened to Yetik." He concluded, a thick sadness coating his voice.

He let out a shaky breath and brought a hand up to rub roughly at his eye. I took this as a sign he was finished with his heartbreaking story.

"Blake, you must know Yetik's death wasn't your fault." I eventually said, keeping my voice gentle.

"Don't, Kels." He said in a bitter tone. "I should have checked my bike before the race. I should have never believed I could be a part of CA without paying the price, I should have found another way to deal with the fucking drug dealers. So much I should have done and Yetik would still be alive." He recited the list in a way that told me he had done it many times in his head.

"You were just a boy, Blake." I said softly, moving closer to gently grab his hand. Forcing his fingers to flex to return blood flow cut off by the knotted towel. "Forced into making a decision that should have never been placed on your shoulders."

"No, I should have known better." He muttered. "This exact scenario plays out time and time again down here. I'm just one of countless other identical stories."

Suddenly, I felt guilty for ever complaining about my sheltered life up at the temple. I had no idea how difficult life had gotten below the surface. Why hadn't the senate done anything about it? Or the Jedi??

"Would you ever talk to someone at the senate about this?" I asked hesitantly.

"Someone at the senate?" Blake repeated with a dark laugh. "Who do you think I am, Kels? The fucking chancellor? No shot I'd ever get within 100 feet of a senator. And plus...they don't fucking care. They're more focused on the war out there than the one going on down here." He motioned upwards towards the sky.

"I think Padme Amidala would care." I mused, gauging him for a reaction.

"You say that as if she is even remotely accessible." He said, eyeing me with curiosity.

"She is." I replied, biting my lip. "I can't guarantee she will be able to do anything, but I can set up a conversation."

"Sure, just pencil me into her schedule, would you?" Blake scoffed.

"I will." I said with a soft shrug.

Blake laughed and eventually squeezed my handback. I could tell he was still doubtful of my claim. But I vowed I would dowhatever I could to help my only living best friend. 

If I had any power to make things better, I needed to exercise it.