Hello, my loves!! 

Wow thank you all so much for your patience. Life is crazy but this little community is nothing but supportive. 

Hope you all enjoy this one! It was a doozy to write, but I think it might be one of my favorites. 

Let me know what you think...any theories? Any predictions? 

<3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tatooine smelled like crude motor oil, aromatic spice, and sunbaked clay. A pervasive scent that reflected both the relentless heat of the twin suns and the grit of the desert planet's inhabitants.

However, if you were to venture outside the city and into the vast sand oceans, you just might catch the delicate aroma of the resilient desert flowers that only dare to bloom in the shadow of nightfall. It was slight, but unmistakable if you are paying attention.

Closing my eyes, I allowed the subtle fragrance to settle across my senses as my head rested on top of my arm propped up on the side of the speeder that Anakin had "borrowed." After leaving the cantina, Anakin declared he wanted to show me something so we were currently speeding out towards what I could only make out to be an endless stretch of sand and darkness.

Despite what had transpired in the cantina bathroom, once the lust-induced ardor had worn off, a tension was still left lingering between us. I had pissed him off and I knew I wasn't going to get off that easy.

And I owed him a real apology. One that wasn't a result of him being inside me.

With a deep exhale, I tried to ease some of my guilt as I turned my head to face him. The moon cast its silvery glow onto the sharp planes of his face, giving him a beautifully haunted expression. He was staring straight ahead with his jaw clenched, barely moving a muscle as he effortlessly navigated the desert terrain. Even after years away, he still knew Tatooine like the back of his hand. I wondered if that ingrained familiarity brought him comfort or torment.

I knew right now wouldn't be the right time to try to catch an uninvited glimpse into his head.

The tepid wind whipped my hair across my eyes and as I brought a hand up to tuck the loose strands behind my ear, I noticed Anakin's eyes narrow on something ahead. I twisted forward to get a glimpse of what he was seeing.

In the distance, a large structure rose from the desert floor. If I squinted, I could make out what seemed to be the sharp slope of grandstands built into gigantic rock formations. A towering domed building sat in the middle. I cocked my head to the side in awe of how enormous the construction was the closer we got. Glancing over at Anakin, he had his features set into the same steady expression, but he coaxed the speeder to accelerate even faster. His hands began to subtly twist back and forth on the steering console, the whites of his knuckles highlighted by the moonlight.

I was tempted to ask Anakin where exactly we were going. And why? But the silence between us still felt intentional and I got the sense Anakin would only tell me when he wanted to. So, I swallowed my questions and allowed the events to just play out.

As we grew closer to our assumed destination, we were encased in the shadow of the large stands. I craned my neck up to take in the steep angle of the endless rows of empty seating. For a venue that seemed of capable of holding so many people, its emptiness was eerie.

Eventually Anakin began to slow the speeder and we settled to a stop in the middle of the straightaway tucked between facing grandstands and directly parallel to the large domed structure. At this angle, I was able to see the large viewing boxes carved into the sunstone of the structure.

With a flick of his wrist, Anakin powered down the speeder and we were met with silence. Anakin still kept his eyes forward and seemed to be in deep thought. The night breeze brushed his curls to the side to reveal his contemplative gaze.

I didn't press him to speak.

"If I could point to one physical moment where my life truly began, it would be what happened right here in this exact spot." He eventually said in a low tone.

I gently dipped my head to the side in confusion as I took in his words. He released a deep breath before he finally turned his head to lock eyes with mine. I was struck by the powerful mixture of pain and wonder in his gaze.

"We are currently at the finish line of Mos Espa Grand Arena." He continued as his eyes tore from mine and began to scan the empty stadium with a soft smirk. "Of course, the last time I was here, it was a lot more...lively."

"A pod race." I whispered, starting to understand.

"The Boonta Eve Classic." Anakin clarified with a slow head nod. This was the first time Anakin spoke to me specifically about that race, so I smiled softly in response, encouraging him to keep going. He continued to take in the stands until his gaze landed on the viewing boxes. I could tell he was reliving what seemed to be a fateful day.

"It's crazy to think about how back then, I wasn't even ten-years-old, but I was so fucking sure of everything." He said with a cynical chuckle.

"Sometimes as children, we simply see things as they should be. Not always how they are." I mused, trying to imagine Anakin as a child standing in this exact same spot as a nine-year-old boy. I could practically see his courageous smirk and the youthful hopefulness in his eyes. "We have no reason to believe things won't work out how they're meant to."

Anakin inhaled and nodded his head in agreement before turning his body to fully face me. "Naboo, my gods damned freedom, my entire future hinged on that race. And I didn't doubt for a fucking moment I would win it all."

"Your freedom?" I asked softly, feeling my heart twinge.

"Yes," He confirmed with a head nod, "Obi-Wan, his master Qui-Gon, and Padme had a ship malfunction on the way to rescue Naboo from a trade federation blockade and impending invasion. They emergency landed on Tatooine by complete chance. I met them in Watto's repair shop, they were hoping for a quick fix and to be on their way. But of course, their republic credits were worth shit all here, so they stuck around a little bit longer than expected and I got to know them. Qui-Gon eventually made a deal with Watto that if I won the Boonta Eve Classic, he'd give them the hyperdrive part they needed to get to Naboo, and I'd get to go with them." Signs of his classic arrogant smirk hinted across his lips. "He didn't think I knew about that second part of the deal, but I had a feeling."

The pieces started to fall into place. Anakin had always said he had to fight for his freedom, but I never considered he had to win it in such a high-stakes way.

It would be easy to attribute his bold actions to the ignorance of childhood, but I know Anakin. I was sure even back then Qui-Gon could also sense Anakin's inherent bravery and conviction. I wouldn't doubt him either.

"You must have been quite the impressive little pilot." I replied, giving him a knowing look that I hoped would earn a smile from him.

"That was actually the first and only pod race I have ever won." He admitted with a shrug, his expression remained neutral.

"Wait...seriously?" I asked, feeling my eyes widen with surprise.

"Seriously." He confirmed with a small smirk. And in one swift movement, he suddenly lifted himself from his seat and jumped out of the speeder onto the ground beneath us. "But I just knew...I fucking knew I would win that race." He kicked softly at the desert floor, sighing faintly at the plume of dust that sprung into the air.

"How?" I asked, not even hiding my awe.

"I don't know," Anakin replied, shrugging in all honesty. "A feeling, I guess. I just had zero doubt."

"Incredible." I murmured. He made his way over to the passenger seat and opened the door, holding his hand out to me. I placed my hand in his and hopped down from my seat to join him. His tipped his head to the side when he saw my feet hit the ground.

"Never thought I'd see you...here..." He said with a soft shake of his head. I smiled and held my arms out from my side before dropping them to slap against my thighs.

"Well, I'll admit, I never thought I'd be here either." I said with a small chuckle.

I wondered what it must be like for Anakin to see someone from his new life dropped squarely into the backdrop of his old one. An odd, unexpected merging of worlds.

What I would give to see Anakin exploring Ova. I bit the inside of my cheek to banish the painful wish from my mind.

"I never wanted you to come here." He whispered, his tone taking a darker tone. "It's a depraved, dangerous, waste of a fucking world. Almost every memory I have of this place is corrupted by pain and loss."

"Anakin-" I began, taking a step towards him. The growing guilt in my heart began to feel unbearable. I never considered how my naïve willingness to welcome potential danger for something as trivial as his attention could drudge up painful and traumatic memories for him.

"I need you to understand Kels." He cut me off and held up a hand to halt me in my place. "I really fucking need you to understand. There is real danger here. Danger you don't understand. And I don't hold that against you. In fact, it brings me a sick sense of comfort that you don't see the obvious threats lurking everywhere here. Because it means you grew up somewhere safe...somewhere kind. And I know you like to see the good in people, but there is so little good left here. You won't find it. So please, every second we are on this planet, from here on out, trust me. Take what I say seriously and don't push back. Because I am not willing to be careless with your life. I'm not fucking bending on that. Even if it pisses you off in the process."

He let out a sharp exhale and I could tell he had been holding that in. Crossing his arms, he looked down at me with a hard expression as if he expected me to challenge him. The subtle shake that reappeared in the hand caught my attention. The sight tugged painfully at my heart.

Despite his firm words and outward appearance. He was anxious. Fearful I wouldn't take him seriously and I'd end up subjecting him to another painful moment of loss or hurt. Tatooine had never showed him any mercy. So he was on guard. 

"I'm so sorry, Anakin." I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady. I met his gaze and held it, despite wanting to look away in shame. "I was being selfish and naïve and stupid. And I am so gods damned sorry. I hear you...I do. I promise I'll take your caution more seriously."

Anakin remained still, assessing me. I lifted a hand and placed it on top of his shaking one. Despite the lingering heat, his hand was cold. I gently pressed into his fingers and tried to ease the tremor.

"I'm sorry for scaring you." I whispered, barely audible.

I saw his throat bob and finally the hard look in his eyes let up. He subtly spread his fingers and allowed space for my hand to fully intertwine with his.

"Don't do it again. Please." He mumbled, a raw vulnerability seeping into his tone.

"I won't. I promise, I won't." I confirmed, my voice cracking.

I couldn't stop myself from sliding my arms around his torso and pressing into him. Relief swept through me when he also dropped his arms and allowed me to hold him. When his arms hesitantly wrapped around me in return, I closed my eyes, forcing away the threat of tears.

We stood there, in the presence of an empty stadium clinging to each other. As if the contact could cement the promise I made to trust him. Anakin only stepped away once I noticed the shake in his hand begin to settle.

He cleared his throat and let out a deep exhale.

"I want to check something out." He said, the slightest smile pulling at his lips.

"Lead the way." I replied, willing to follow him wherever he wanted.

Wordlessly, Anakin took my hand and led me towards the base of the large domed structure that housed the viewing boxes.

I was surprised when he detached his lightsaber from his belt and used it to destroy the small electrical door panel. The damage had the door sliding open with little trouble. I looked up at him and noticed him staring coldly at the sparking electrical box. The charred marks left behind were obviously a result of lightsaber strikes.

Part of me wondered if he was sending some sort of message. To whom, exactly, I wasn't sure.

However, before I got a chance to dwell on that thought, he was guiding me into the dark building. The glow of his lightsaber provided enough light for us weave through the hallway until we found what must be an elevator. Anakin made quick work at tweaking with the control panel embedded into the wall and before I knew it, we were ascending to the very top floor of the towering building.

A dingy chime rang out into the silence to announce our arrival and when the doors slid open, we were met with an empty box. It was relatively basic. Tan walls and cracked marble floors echoed our footsteps. Rows of chairs, varying in size, and large raised platforms all faced the balcony that looked down onto the racetrack below. It paled in comparison to the boxes on Canto Bight.

"Come on." Anakin whispered while he looked around the room with a heightened curiosity. A smile was working its way onto his face as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the balcony. We only stopped once we had reached the railing. From up here the wind was stronger, causing Anakin's curls to whip across his face. But his eyes held a wonder as he looked out into the Tatooine night that had me smiling.

I followed his gaze and squinted to make out the city twinkling in the distance. I dragged my eyes across the inky horizon and noticed various rock formations and small moisture farms illuminated by the moonlight.

"This is the highest point on Tatooine...to my knowledge at least." Anakin declared. I could feel his eyes on my face as I took in the view. "As a kid, I always wondered what the view was like from up here."

"It's pretty." I said with a smile. And it was. From up this high, the danger below seemed so small and far away.

"This is Jabba the Hutt's private box." Anakin explained, practically spitting the name of the infamous crime lord.

"Surprised he could get his big slug ass up here." I muttered. Anakin looked down at me with an amused look of surprise.

"You know who Jabba is?" He asked.

"I did a little research on Tatooine...when I learned you were from there." I admitted, thankful the dark concealed the flush of pink to my cheeks. "Pretty much the only info I could gather coming out of Tatooine was a few news articles about the Hutt syndicate. It wasn't much."

"Sounds about right. Our most well-known celebrity." He replied in a sarcastic tone.

"Eh I don't know...I hear Figrin D'an is a pretty big deal." I referred to the Tatooine cantina band Anakin showed me back at the record store with a smirk, nudging him with my shoulder.

Anakin laughed and the sound had me immediately grinning.

"Oh right. It's hard to forget when Tatooine is constantly churning out top-tier talent." He said, eyes twinkling with jest.

"And don't forget the galaxy's beloved war hero." I countered, biting down on a smirk as I threw him a knowing look. "He might be my personal favorite Tatooine celebrity."

Anakin exhaled a chuckle and shook his head, dropping his gaze to his hands resting on the balcony railing.

"I hear he's a real dick." He then said. And if I weren't paying attention, I would have missed the subtle melancholy in his voice. I tipped my head to the side and looked up at him. He kept his eyes downwards.

"He can be..." I said slowly, trying to keep the mood light. "But he's also my favorite person in the entire universe."

Anakin's jaw tightened and I could see his eyebrows furrow before he turned to face me.

"How?" He asked me in a hurried voice. "How have I not pushed you away by now?"

Now I was confused. He has brought so much light and love to my life, I can't imagine ever pushing him away. He must have picked up on my confusion because he kept going.

"I have been such an asshole to you in the past." He looked at me with a pained expression, hesitating before he continued. "S-sometimes I worry I took advantage of your heart. Your willingness to forgive. Or even worse...your fear of abandonment." He barely whispered the final part.

My breath hitched in my throat as I took in his vulnerable, almost fearful confession.

It was true. There were many times Anakin hurt me in the past. From his initial coldness and disregard, to the time he looked me in the eye and told me nothing between us was real, the time he shamelessly flirted with Padme in front of me after he had spent the night in my bed, the time he said having sex would mean too much to me, the time he painfully ignored me in the temple for four straight months, the time he told me I was nothing but a cook, the countless times he has lied or kept me in the dark. The list goes on...

And sure, the list was long. Truth be told, I had every intention of speaking to him about each of these transgressions...someday. But life got in the way. Moments with him always felt too precious to burden with hurt feelings or potential arguments.

Perhaps my aching desire to be loved and wanted stopped me from fully processing.

"I love you Kels, more than I can fucking explain." He said, reaching forward to envelop my hand in his. "But I also need you told hold me accountable."

"Anakin, it's okay. I-" I began, falling back into my instinct to preserve the moment.

"No, fuck that Kels." He cut me off, bringing his hands up to my shoulders as he angled his head to look me in the eye. "I want you to yell at me. Get pissed off. When I make you mad, let me fucking have it. Because I promise you baby, it won't push me away."

I paused, opening my mouth to brush him off, but I shut it. He looked at me with a pleading expression.

"I am so afraid one day you'll realize how much I don't deserve you. You'll keep everything bottled up and when you can't any longer, it will be too late." He whispered, gently leaning forward to press his forehead into mine.

I wasn't sure how we got here. Moments ago, he was the rightfully angry one and I was apologizing. And now he was begging me to lash out at him.

I fought against my desire to laugh this off and skim over my dormant anger. Because it was in the past, and I didn't like thinking about it. But his words had seemingly cracked the tightly sealed vault where I shoved my past anger of frustration towards him. I couldn't shake the image of his hand snaking around Padme's waist that night at the temple. How he openly flirted with her to almost make a point. And even though I now know the true nature of their relationship, I never got to air the hurt I felt at the time. We never even spoke about it...why he did it.

I love Anakin. Gods, I love him. But I'd be lying to myself if I didn't acknowledge that our relationship was founded on his terms. Up until recently, it always came down to what he was comfortable with, what he was ready to admit, what he was willing to feel.

And that's where my anger stemmed from.

"You have been unfair." I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady. He nodded, keeping his head pressed against me as he brought his hand up to cradle the back of my head. "You have hurt me in more ways than one. You were an arrogant asshole when we met. You made me feel so small on numerous occasions. The countless times you made sure to remind me of my place as just a cook. When you used Payto's death to get a rise out of me." My voice began to gain strength and I felt the frustration I had kept at bay finally release.

Anakin flinched but took all my words on the chin.

"You made me feel safe enough to be intimate with you and then you go and flirt with Padme right in front of me...mere hours after I was naked underneath you. And you knew I was on the job so I couldn't respond. You knew I just had to fucking take it. You broke my heart. I felt so used. So stupid." By this point I brought my hands up to push against his chest, breaking us apart.

"And then you just continued breaking my heart, stringing me along just to crush me by saying none of it was real. Making me love you just to rip that love away. Like every other person in my life I have loved...ripped away. And you knew that." The words poured out and I felt my hands clench into fists at my side.

"Then you waltz back into my life months later as if none of that ever happened. And I just...I just fucking let you...It was always on your terms." I let out a pitiful scoff, shaking my head. "You made me feel so weak." I whisper, unable to look Anakin in the eye.

The only sound between us was my frustrated exhales. However, as my words began to settle, I felt a sense of relief. It felt good to get this off my chest and I hadn't realized how so much of this had been weighing on me.

"I am so sorry, Kels." Anakin finally broke the silence. I found the courage to meet his gaze and the pain and regret in his eyes knocked the breath from my lungs. He ran a hand through his hair, pulling slightly at the roots in frustration. "You didn't deserve any of that," he said in a whisper.

However, I had only shared the painful half of the story. There was more to it. 

"I have already forgiven you, Anakin. You don't get to villainize yourself in our story." I said firmly, lifting my chin as I looked up at him with determination. "I own my decisions...I wasn't blind to the risks of falling in love with you. I made the decision to keep allowing you in. And despite all the hurt, I wouldn't change a single thing. Because you saved me. I felt so weak because you became my lifeline. A lifeline that kept me afloat during the darkest time of my life. During the time I've known you, you have been both my biggest supporter and my greatest test. Your love and even your moments of cruelty have pushed me to be my own lifeline. To some it may sound fucked up, but I am so grateful for our story."

As soon as the words left my mouth, a felt a lightness in my heart. Because every word was true. Anakin had showed me I could save myself. He had a hand in not only honing my body, but my mind and my confidence. And even when he was the one putting that growth to the test, he taught me to not give up.

He had told me my empathy was one of my greatest strengths, and my love for him had only made it stronger. While I had my doubts back then, I now know Anakin didn't take pleasure in being cruel. He was tormented by it. He has his own demons and traumas to reconcile with. Never once has he tried to convince me that he is anything other than imperfect. But seeing him open up, allowing himself to be softer with me, watching him love me...proves he is worth it.

Anakin watched me with an intense expression. He remained frozen as if he was still absorbing my words. I saw flickers of pain, awe, regret, reverence and hope pass through his expression. A cacophony of emotion.

"You..." he began softly, "were never the weak one. I was."

I began to shake my head in disagreement, but he cut me off.

"I thought it would be easier to push you away. To keep you at an arm's length, a separate compartment of my life. One I could selfishly visit on my dark days. But your light Kels...it couldn't be contained by the box I put you in, it seeped into every gods damned part of my life. And that scared me because I could no longer picture a future without you. A future that deviated so sharply from the plan that had always been set out before me."

"I tried forcing distance, but it didn't work. I physically couldn't function without you. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think properly. I mean shit...Obi-Wan came close to murdering me himself as a result of my recklessness. But I was chasing a distraction to stop myself from thinking about you. I need you, Kels. And I'm sorry I was an asshole. I'm sorry keeping you in the dark ended up hurting you. I'm sorry I didn't just fucking tell you that the council requested I use my history with Padme to rile up Rush Clovis. I'm sorry you had to see it and felt like I had robbed you the ability to escape or properly respond. I'm sorry I messed with your emotions and for every other time I made you feel less-than. Because you...you are fucking everything to me." He concluded with a sharp inhale after letting the apologies flow without a single breath.

At this point, my heart was beating so heavily I could practically feel it against my ribs. But every beat was for him. For the man standing in front of me baring his heart to me.

Anakin had never been so vulnerable, and each word served as a balm for the hurt he had caused in the past. And while this didn't magically erase the painful moments of our past, it was a step towards reconciliation...together. 

Words wouldn't suffice. So, without hesitation I stepped forward and threw my arms around his neck, standing on my tip toes to crash my lips onto his. Immediately his arms wrapped around my body and he pulled me upwards into his chest so that my feet left the ground. Our lips never separated, and he met my kiss with the same passion and fervor.

While kisses with Anakin always felt electric and passionate. This one felt like a declaration. A mutual promise to drop any remaining pretenses and allow ourselves to love the other fully. No more barriers or restrictions. 

When I eventually pulled away for a much-needed deep breath, I smiled against his mouth. He returned the gesture and gently placed me back on my feet.

"I love you, Anakin Skywalker." I said barely above a whisper. His eyes fluttered close, and he pressed his forehead into mine. I followed suit and allowed my eyelids to shutter my eyes. I was surrounded by the gentle sound of his breathing and the warm desert wind as I ran my fingers through the soft curls at the nape of his neck.

"I love you, Kels Remlik." He replied softly, pulling me in even closer so that my cheek was now pressed against his chest. Suddenly a chuckle rumbled through his body and I pulled away to give him a curious look.

"It's just ironic." He mused with a shrug. "These days, I doubt everything. This war, our missions, the council, fuck...especially myself. But it's as if the universe brought me back here to remind me what it feels like to finally be so confidently sure of something."

I bit down on the grin that began to spread across my face as Anakin brought his hands up to cup my cheeks. He gently ran his thumb across my cheekbone as he mirrored my smile.

"It's you, Kels. I am so fucking sure about you."