I stood staring down at the girl on the med bed. My heart had stopped beating. And it was getting hard to breathe. It was the girl from my dream. It was like looking in the mirror. It was the better me. The prettier me, the better version of me...the me without scars. The one Minho turned to when he saw my scars and the ugliness inside. My eyes burned with hot tears.

They are going to make you suffer...

Ben's harsh words came slamming into my head. Was he predicting the future? Did he know the Designers plans? Make me suffer...as soon as I opened up and gave a boy my heart, soul trust and body a better version is gifted. A cleaner prettier version, probably nicer and sweeter too. I would sit and watch as Minho grew disgusted with me and turned to her.

"So do ya recognize her?" Newt asked.

With a sob caught in my throat, I spun on my heel and fled the room. Down the stairs and down the hall. I opened the door and slid into the room. Winston lifted his head, his shocked eyes went to concern.

"Jessie?"

I was leaning on the door trying not to hyperventilate. Tears were leaking out of my clamped eyelids and running down my face. He got up and came over grabbed my hands and pulled me over to his bed.

I sat down. And slumped. But winced my back hurt so much. Winston frowned again. He gingerly lifted my shirt and then cursed.

"This wasn't cleaned!"

I shook my head. "Shuckfaces aren't allowed to touch me." I whispered.

"What about Min-"

"No." I snapped.

Winston didn't say anything for a moment, "Jess, can I clean it? It's going to get infected."

I sniffed. "Fine."

"I'll be right back."

He got up and left the room. I pulled my knees to my chest, and pressed my forehead into them. It was quiet for a few minutes. Winston and Newt came back into the room.

I glanced up and then turned my head in the opposite direction, staring at the wall. Winston sat back down on his bed behind me.

"Okay. Jess, you know we're both very gay, and won't do it try anything. Shirt off so I can clean this and bandage it."

I didn't argue I was too tired, to hurt and felt too broken at this point to care.

"You two have pretty much seen everything anyways." I muttered.

I pulled the big t shirt I wore after my shower off and held it to my chest. The shower was painful. It stung and burnt and I almost passed out with the pain. And no way I could put a bra on, so I just said shuck it and went without. I sat huddled on the bed. Winston started to gently clean the cut. It was long, and would add another scar. Newt sat down in front of me.

"Okay Love. What else happened in the Maze? You and Minho were all sweet and then now you look like you're ready to rip each other apart."

I stayed quiet. I hissed in pain as Winston cleaned the cut with disinfectant. Newt moved closer.

"Jess...please tell us. We care about you and what's going on."

I kept my face turned away, "It wasn't just a Griever that stalked us..." 

Winston's hands stopped for a moment and he looked up, 'What?"

"Ben." I mumbled.

"He was still alive?" Newt marvelled.

I just nodded. The guys were still, waiting for me to go on. I closed my eyes trying to keep myself together. I was so frustrated with myself. I kept crying and I felt vaunerable and I kept opening up. And I hate it. I hate how I was starting to become emotional and attached, starting to care, a lot.

"Yeah. He lived through the night...but he was even worse. He was a monster." I whispered. "And he...he was stalking me. I think trying to keep me distracted so the Griever could get me. He attacked. I killed him."

"Well shuck."

"And then we were chased by the Griever. It was gaining, we were slowing down. Minho just about had a heart attack...no way he would be able to help."

I took a shaky breath and let my legs flop and we sat crossed legged. I pulled my shirt back on. And Winston shifted so he could see my face now.

"We weren't going to make it back, and he was too scared to turn and fight. The best chance to get back was me to turn around and fight. The Griever was only after me. So...if I could distract it I could..."

I had to stop, my voice choking, I squeezed my eyes closed. Using the heels of my hands to press into my eyes trying to stop the tears. The guys were quiet waiting patiently for me to go on. I sniffed hard, biting my bottom lip hard to keep it from trembling. It took me a minute to compose myself.

"If I thought if I could distract the stupid thing I could give Minho time to get back."

"I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say he didn't think the same way." Winston said quietly.

I shook my head. "No. But he's...he's not exactly helpful when fighting one. He stood frozen to the wall. As soon as it was dead he moved. It would have killed him or both of us."

Newt hummed in understanding now.

"Jess...Love ..you know-"

"Don't patronize me Newt! I know he's worried and covers it with anger blah blah blah. He was still an ass. You heard him ask if the new girl was hot?! And then makes a shucken joke about it!"

"Yes, it was in poor taste. I won't excuse that behavior, he was a bloody twat."

"That's not the only... thing Newt... he knows...I know who...who she is."

Both boys gasped.

"She's...she's the better me. The new improved me."

"What? Like a clone?"

"No you idiot. She was my replacement."

It was silent in the room. Newt frowned and pulled his eyebrows together.

"You're going to have to explain that one Love."

I sighed heavily, "you know what I was before."

They nodded.

"You know I was not compliant...I was sent here."

They both nodded again.

"Before my memory was taken...my last memory I got from the changing was of my Handler introducing my replacement. He called her the new me, the better me, easier to handle more modleable and compliment..." I paused trying to keep myself composed, closing my eyes again and using the heels of my hands on my temples.

"That nightmare I told you guys about... Where I woke fighting..? Well she was in it. Minho -"

I broke off as hot tears filled my eyes, a few slid over my lashes and down my cheeks.

"He said some...some things...the truth-"

"Which was?" Winston asked.

"He lied about everything he promised me. That...who would actually truly love someone with my background and scars, who would love someone so broken, mean and violent. And then I watched as he turned to her and... And..." My throat felt stuck. Swallowing hard and around the lump, I spat the rest out.

"And he knew! As soon as the stupid Greenie said she looked like me, I knew who she was and so did he!" My breathing was shallow, hurting my chest.

"If those stupid promises he made were true why the shuck would be ask if the new girl was hot? And he promised he wouldn't... He made me believe all those stupid promises. I gave up what he was really after and now my replacement is here...I was supposed to die in The Maze today... because my replacement was sent."

The damn broke and tears poured down my face. I crumpled, my hands over my face, and let the sob out. I felt Winston pull me into his arms, carful of the wound he just cleaned and wrapped. I layed my head down in his lap and cried. Shuck I miss Sonya. And the girls. There was no drama. No boys, no feelings, nothing hurt. Winston held me tight and let me cry. Newt didn't say anything either. He laid a hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

I eventually cried myself out. I just lay still, my glassy eyes staring straight ahead. Newt got up, kissed my temple. He had a silent conversation with Winston, nodded and left the room.

"Fry will be coming to bed soon, but you can still stay. He won't mind. Neither do I, if you would rather stay..."

"Thanks Winnie." I sniffed.

I slowly pushed myself up and crawled into the corner of his bed, faced the wall and curled up, trying hard not to cry again. I fell asleep pretty quickly. Winston stayed the whole time. As soon as I was asleep he got up and tiptoed out of the room and down the hall.

•×•

My bedroom door banged open. I picked my head up, hoping it was Jessie. I hadn't seen her since we went different ways after we finished our debrief with Alby. I was hoping she would come back here eventually so we could talk.

Instead I saw a very angry Newt standing in the door way.

"What the bloody hell is your problem?" He hissed.

I just hung my head in shame. He must have talked with Jessie. I knew she was angry. I knew I crossed a line.

He stepped into the room and slammed the door closed. Folding his arms he glared at me. He didn't say anything, just looked at me with such an angry disappointment it was worse than if he would have yelled. I felt the guilt and shame. It was silent and awkward in the room, the tension building.

"Well?" He finally said.

"I...I got nothing." I mumbled.

"Not bloody good enough."

"I know." I mumbled.

"Then try buggen' harder."

I shrunk. My elbows on my knees, I put my head in my hands. I could feel the wild swirl of emotions in my chest, it made my stomach queasy.

"I..I don't know Newt!" I whispered.

The door slammed open again. Both of us turned to look. This time a very angry Winston stood in the door. This time though I leaned back slightly. Winston had a twisted look of fury in his face that made me leery. He wasn't afraid to use knifes or shy away from violence... like Jessie.

"What the actual fuck is your problem?" He said it so calmly despite his gace twisted in anger, it was very unnerving.

I sighed again, shaking my head I leaned forward my head in my hands again.

"I...I just got so angry... and words just came out." I said lamly.

I heard two boys growl and scoff.

"You have any idea what I just came from?" Winston hissed, narrowing his eyes, he continued when I gaelve him a look of bewilderment.

"Our badass assassin, who can take on Grievers without batting an eye, who knows how to expertly use every weapon available, would willingly walk into anyfight, took on a dozen ugly shanks for the kid...she was sobbing over a stupid boy."

He paused glaring at me.

"Her hardly healed heart is broken. Over a boy who promised her the world...has now cried herself to sleep because she thinks you're gonna leave her for the new Greenie."

My mouth dropped. I felt a stab so sharp in my chest I had to actually rub it. I could feel the blood drain from my face.

"Use that bloody shuck brain you shank! Think, out it together." Newt scolded.

I couldn't though my mind had stopped working, I could think of nothing but Jessie, fierce savage Jessie, curled up sobbing until her body gave up into sleep.

"She didn't tell you she saw Ben, did she?"

My head snapped up to Newt, my eyes even bigger.

"What? No!"

"That's who was stalking you. Did you think a Griever could bloody stalk you in the maze? Come on man." Newt threw his hands up. "He was following Jessie. Apparently he was even worse, some crazy monster, and he attacked her. She ended up killing him. Like she offered in the first place. Then you were chased by a buggen' Griever that was ment to kill her."

"Because the new girl...was sent up. Which you apparently know of from her memory and nightmares." Winston finished.

"Shuck." I whispered. My head was spinning with this conversation. Ben lived through the night, attacked Jessie, Grievers and the Greenie -

"-the new girl ...her shucken replacement!" I finished the thought out loud. I ran a hand through my hair and grabbed a handful.

"I fucked up!"

My stomach dropped and I felt it twist. Her replacement...the girl who looked like her doubleganger, who was brainwashed and controlled by the same guy, who in her nightmares made me leave Jessie.

"Understatement." Winston scoffed.

"Why, Minho? Why would you bloody ask about the new girl?"

"I was...I was just teasing Thomas!"

"It did not come across that way. At all."

"Clearly." I huffed. I got up off the bed and placed back and forth. I ran my hand through my hair again. I knew I had messed up, and I don't know what to do. I stopped and turned to the guys, the two she trusted probably more then me right now. And that thought made my legs almost five out. I reached out and leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down, my knees at my chest.

"What do I do?" I asked, I could feel the emotions coming to the surface. I hate showing emotions, but this was too much, I felt the lump in my throat and the sting of tears.

"You're smart enough to realize she didn't tell you about turning back because you wouldn't have let her." Winston said crossing his arms. I nodded slowly.

"Why do you think she did it then?" Winston asked.

"Because she's stubborn as shuck!"

"No idiot, because she loves you!" Winston cried, he threw his hands into the air and spun around in frustration. He took a few steps and then turned back to me, narrowed his eyes and pointed at me. "She risked her life to save yours! She knew that Griever was meant to kill her and yet she turned to face it TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE!"

Newt came over and crouched down in front of me, "and you threw that in her face. You gotta learn to stop and think before you buggen' speak shank, you promised her a lot of things, you sure you can keep those promises, mate? You hurt her. A lot."

The tears finally broke free, and a few slid down my cheeks.

"What do I do?" I whispered, despritly looking at Newt and Winston.

"Fix it."

"How?"

"You're smart. Figure it out."

I opened my mouth to speak when the Homestead was shaken by a wild terrified scream.

"NO! MINHO! NO!"